Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

An Order To Show Claus

Expand Messages
  • Lawrence Rogak
    An Order To Show Claus copyright 1998, Lawrence N. Rogak Up at the North Pole Twenty-fourth of December Was shaping up well As a night to remember The elves
    Message 1 of 7 , Dec 24, 2004
    • 0 Attachment
      An Order To Show Claus
      copyright 1998, Lawrence N. Rogak

      Up at the North Pole
      Twenty-fourth of December
      Was shaping up well
      As a night to remember

      The elves were done packing
      And Santa was heading
      His way out the door
      For an awesome night's sledding

      But suddenly from the
      Front door came a knocking
      And Santa was puzzled:
      "Now who could be hocking....?"

      Pulling open the door
      Santa blinked with dismay-face
      At a guy in a suit
      With a brown attache case

      "You Santa?" he growled
      As he opened his bag
      And waved legal papers
      Like a patriot's flag

      "What's up?" queried Santa
      Said he: "My name's Bernie
      The reason I'm here,
      I'm a plaintiff's attorney

      "Attorney!" cried Nick
      With growing dismay
      "Whatever possessed you
      To come here today?"

      "Santa," he said
      "What would be your reaction
      To hear you've been targeted
      In a class action?"

      "Class action? What's that?"
      Santa cried with alarm
      "That's when lots of folks
      Claim you did them some harm."

      "What harm?" exclaimed Santa
      "I just give out toys
      To all the world's good
      Little girls and, um, boys!"

      "That's part of the problem,"
      Said Bernie, "You should
      Not be so judgmental
      About 'bad' and 'good.' "

      "Behavior's subjective,"
      Went Bernie's oration
      "What you do constitutes
      Discrimination."

      "Whom do you represent?"
      Inquired Santa, displeased.
      Bernie said, "All the world's
      Little bad S.O.B.'s."

      "Bad kids don't get presents!"
      Said Santa, distressin'
      "Without punishment
      How would they learn a lesson?"

      But Bernie guffawed
      And he shook his bald head
      "Get with the times, Santa!
      That thinking is dead!"

      "Screw you and your lawsuit!"
      Said Santa, "I'm going!
      The good kids are waiting!
      I'm off like a Boeing!"

      Bernie cried, "Hold it Santa!
      Don't head for the border!
      I got here a temp'rary
      Restraining order!"

      "This order is signed by
      A Federal judge,
      Until there's a hearing
      Those reindeer can't budge!"

      So Santa sat down
      Contemplating the shocking
      Idea that no presents
      Would grace each kid's stocking

      "And one more thing, Santa,"
      Said Bernie, amused
      "You discriminate against
      Hindus, Muslims and Jews."

      "And the kids in apartments
      Who don't have a chimney
      How do parents explain that?"
      Asked Bernie, more grimly.

      "Let's face it, Santa:
      Your ways are in error
      This lawsuit will bring down
      Your long reign of terror."

      Moaned Santa, now sadly,
      "But who stands to profit
      If you win your lawsuit
      And I have to stop it?"

      "Class actions are great!
      The lawyers make millions!"
      Gushed Bernie, "The settlements
      Run into zillions!"

      "But what of the kids?"
      Santa asked, putting soup on
      Bernie said, "They'll each get
      A fifty-cent coupon."

      Bernie lit a cigar
      In his smug self-assurance
      "Oh by the way, Nick --
      You got any insurance?"

      Santa glared at the summons
      Then called in the elves
      He sighed, "Unpack the sled
      Put the toys on the shelves."

      Bernie packed up his briefcase
      And thought of his fee
      And his name in the news
      All that publicity!

      "Gonna drink some champagne
      Back in my hot tub, man,"
      Gushed Bernie. "I'll get more
      Coverage than Lizzie Grubman!

      As he left Santa's cottage
      Bernie trudged through the snow
      Santa's reindeer were seething
      Their adrenaline flowed

      A cold wind was howling
      A thick snow was blowing
      And Bernie The Lawyer
      Didn't watch where he's going

      Then the reindeer just bolted
      On Dancer! On Vixen!
      There's a smart-ass attorney
      Whose hash needs a-fixin'!

      They bore down on Bernie
      So smug and insidious
      His daydreams had made him
      Completely oblivious

      Rudolph hit Bernie first
      Knocked him down with an "Ooof!"
      Then onto his head went
      Each reindeer's great hoof!

      "Say, did we hit something?"
      Donner asked with a grin
      "Back up the rig, Rudy
      And hit him again!"

      Now Bernie lay bleeding
      All broken and tattered
      His discs herniated
      And both ankles shattered

      As the reindeer went trotting
      Back to their warm stable
      Old Bernie lay sick, sore
      And lame and disabled

      Winked Comet to Cupid
      "I think that, all told
      Our friend there will meet
      The State's no-fault threshold!"

      Santa ran out to see
      'Bout the noise and the fuss
      Prancer said with a wink,
      "He ran right into us!"

      Bernie wailed, "Help me, Santa!
      Don't leave me to freeze!"
      Santa smiled, "Sure thing, Bernie!
      Just sign this release!"

      "You're quite a mess, Bernie!
      No physical fitness!
      But you're on my turf,
      And you ain't got a witness!"

      His power to bargain
      Was gone. Bernie sighed.
      He signed the release
      And an elf notarized.

      Santa grabbed the release
      "Sorry 'bout your disaster.
      You'll be spending your holidays
      Wrapped up in plaster."

      "As for us," cried out Nick
      "We've a long night ahead.
      C'mon boys! Let's get crackin'
      And re-load that sled!"

      So away Santa flew
      And he said with a smirk
      "I've been at this too long
      To get stopped by some jerk!"


      A happy and safe holiday from
      Lawrence N. Rogak LLC
      "New York's Most Knowledgeable Insurance Law Firm"
      3355 Lawson Boulevard
      Oceanside, New York 11572
      516 763 2996
    • insurancelawyer
      An Order To Show Claus copyright 1998, 2008 by Lawrence N. Rogak Up at the North Pole Twenty-fourth of December Was shaping up well As a night to remember The
      Message 2 of 7 , Dec 19, 2008
      • 0 Attachment

        An Order To Show Claus
        copyright 1998, 2008 by Lawrence N. Rogak

        Up at the North Pole
        Twenty-fourth of December
        Was shaping up well
        As a night to remember

        The elves were done packing
        And Santa was heading
        His way out the door
        For an awesome night's sledding

        But suddenly from the
        Front door came a knocking
        And Santa, nonplussed, asked
        "Now who could be hocking....?"

        Pulling open the door
        Santa blinked with dismay-face
        At a guy in a suit
        With a brown attache case

        "You Santa?" he growled
        As he searched his valise
        And yanked out some papers
        Like they were diseased

        "What's up?" queried Santa
        Said he: "My name's Bernie
        The reason I'm here,
        I'm a plaintiffs' attorney"

        "Attorney!" cried Nick
        With a look of dismay
        "Whatever possessed you
        To come here today?"

        "Santa," he said
        "What would be your reaction
        To hear you've been targeted
        In a class action?"

        "Class action? What's that?"
        Santa cried with alarm
        "That's when lots of folks
        Claim you did them some harm."

        "What harm?" exclaimed Santa
        "I just give out toys
        To all the world's good
        Little girls and good boys!"

        "That's part of the problem,"
        Said Bernie, "You should
        Not be so judgmental
        About 'bad' and 'good.' "

        "Behavior's subjective,"
        Went Bernie's oration
        "What you do constitutes
        Discrimination."

        "Who are your clients?"
        Asked Santa, displeased.
        Bernie said, "All the world's
        Little bad S.O.B.'s."

        "Bad kids don't get presents!"
        Said Santa, distressin'
        "Without punishment
        How would they learn a lesson?"

        But Bernie guffawed
        And he shook his bald head
        "Get with the times, Santa!
        That thinking is dead!"

        "Screw you and your lawsuit!"
        Said Santa, "I'm going!
        The good kids are waiting!
        I'm off like a Boeing!"

        Bernie cried, "Hold it Santa!
        Don't head for the border!
        I got here a temp'rary
        Restraining order!"

        "This order is signed by
        A Federal judge.
        Until there's a hearing
        Those reindeer can't budge!"

        So Santa sat down
        Contemplating the shocking
        Idea that no presents
        Would grace each kid's stocking

        "And one more thing, Santa,"
        Said Bernie, amused
        "You discriminate 'gainst
        Hindus, Muslims and Jews."

        "And the kids in apartments
        Who don't have a chimney
        How do parents explain that?"
        Asked Bernie, more grimly.

        "Let's face it, Santa:
        Your ways are in error
        This lawsuit will bring down
        Your long reign of terror."

        Moaned Santa, now sadly,
        "But who stands to profit
        If you win your lawsuit
        And I have to stop it?"

        "Class actions are great!
        The lawyers make millions!"
        Gushed Bernie, "The settlements
        Run into zillions!"

        "But what of the kids?"
        Santa asked, putting soup on
        Bernie said, "They'll each get
        A fifty-cent coupon."

        Bernie lit a cigar
        In his smug self-assurance
        "Oh by the way, Nick --
        You got any insurance?"

        Santa glared at the summons
        Then called in the elves
        He sighed, "Unpack the sled
        Put the toys on the shelves."

        Bernie closed up his briefcase
        And thought of his fee
        And his name in the news
        All that publicity!

        "Gonna drink some champagne
        And toss back some beers!"
        Gushed Bernie. "I'll get more
        Coverage than Britney Spears!"

        As he left Santa's cottage
        Bernie trudged through the snow.
        Santa's reindeer were seething
        Their adrenaline flowed

        A cold wind was howling
        A thick snow was blowing
        And Bernie The Lawyer
        Didn't watch where he's going

        Then the reindeer just bolted
        On Dancer! On Vixen!
        There's a smart-ass attorney
        Whose hash needs a-fixin'!

        They bore down on Bernie
        So smug and insidious
        His daydreams had made him
        Completely oblivious

        Rudolph hit Bernie first
        Knocked him down with an "Ooof!"
        Then onto his head went
        Each reindeer's great hoof!

        "Say, did we hit something?"
        Donner asked with a grin
        "Back up the rig, Rudy
        And hit him again!"

        Now Bernie lay bleeding
        All broken and tattered
        His discs herniated
        And both ankles shattered

        As the reindeer went trotting
        Back to their warm stable
        Old Bernie lay sick, sore
        And lame and disabled

        Winked Comet to Cupid
        "I think that, all told
        Our friend there will meet
        The State's no-fault threshold!"

        Santa ran out to see
        'Bout the noise and the fuss
        Prancer said with a wink,
        "He ran right into us!"

        Bernie wailed, "Help me, Santa!
        Don't leave me to freeze!"
        Santa smiled, "Sure thing, Bernie!
        Just sign this release!"

        "You're quite a mess, Bernie!
        No physical fitness!
        But you're on my turf,
        And you ain't got a witness!"

        His power to bargain
        Was gone. Bernie sighed.
        He signed the release
        And an elf notarized.

        Santa grabbed the release
        "Sorry 'bout your disaster.
        You'll be spending your holidays
        Wrapped up in plaster."

        "As for us," cried out Nick
        "We've a long night ahead.
        C'mon boys! Let's get crackin'
        And re-load that sled!"

        So away Santa flew
        And he said with a smirk
        "I've got way too much game
        To get stopped by some jerk!"

        ********************************************
        A happy and safe holiday to all from
        Lawrence N.  Rogak LLC
        3355 Lawson Boulevard
        Oceanside, New York 11572
        516 763 2996

      • Lawrence
        An Order To Show Claus copyright 1998, 2009 by Lawrence N. Rogak Up at the North Pole Twenty-fourth of December Was shaping up well As a night to remember The
        Message 3 of 7 , Dec 15, 2009
        • 0 Attachment

          An Order To Show Claus
          copyright 1998, 2009 by Lawrence N. Rogak

          Up at the North Pole
          Twenty-fourth of December
          Was shaping up well
          As a night to remember

          The elves were done packing
          And Santa was heading
          His way out the door
          For an awesome night's sledding

          But suddenly from the
          Front door came a knocking
          And Santa, nonplussed, asked
          "Now who could be hocking....?"

          Pulling open the door
          Santa blinked with dismay-face
          At a guy in a suit
          With a brown attache case

          "You Santa?" he growled
          As he searched his valise
          And yanked out some papers
          Like they were diseased

          "What's up?" queried Santa
          Said he: "My name's Bernie
          The reason I'm here,
          I'm a plaintiffs' attorney"

          "Attorney!" cried Nick
          With a look of dismay
          "Whatever possessed you
          To come here today?"

          "Santa," he said, "What
          would be your reaction
          To hear you've been targeted
          In a class action?"

          "Class action? What's that?"
          Santa cried with alarm
          "That's when lots of folks
          Claim you did them some harm."

          "What harm?" exclaimed Santa
          "I just give out toys
          To all the world's good
          Little girls and good boys!"

          "That's part of the problem,"
          Said Bernie, "You should
          Not be so judgmental
          About 'bad' and 'good.' "

          "Behavior's subjective,"
          Went Bernie's oration
          "What you do constitutes
          Discrimination."

          "Who are your clients?"
          Asked Santa, displeased.
          Bernie said, "All the world's
          Little bad S.O.B.'s."

          "Bad kids don't get presents!"
          Said Santa, distressin',
          "Without punishment
          How would they learn a lesson?"

          But Bernie guffawed
          And he shook his bald head
          "Get with the times, Santa!
          That thinking is dead!"

          "Screw you and your lawsuit!"
          Said Santa, "I'm going!
          The good kids are waiting!
          I'm off like a Boeing!"

          Bernie cried, "Hold it Santa!
          Don't head for the border!
          I got here a temp'rary
          Restraining order!"

          "This order is signed by
          A Federal judge.
          Until there's a hearing
          Those reindeer can't budge!"

          (Old Santa was fooled
          By a sly bit of fiction;
          The North Pole is outside
          The Court's jurisdiction)

          So Santa sat down
          Contemplating the shocking
          Idea that no presents
          Would grace each kid's stocking

          "And one more thing, Santa,"
          Said Bernie, amused
          "You discriminate 'gainst
          Hindus, Muslims and Jews."

          "And the kids in apartments
          Who don't have a chimney --
          How do parents explain that?"
          Asked Bernie, more grimly.

          "Let's face it, Santa:
          Your ways are in error
          This lawsuit will bring down
          Your long reign of terror."

          Moaned Santa, now sadly,
          "But who stands to profit
          If you win your lawsuit
          And I have to stop it?"

          "Class actions are great!
          The lawyers make millions!"
          Gushed Bernie, "The settlements
          Run into zillions!"

          "But what of the kids?"
          Santa asked, putting soup on
          Bernie said, "They'll each get
          A fifty-cent coupon."

          Bernie lit a cigar
          In his smug self-assurance
          "Oh by the way, Nick --
          You got any insurance?"

          Santa glared at the summons
          Then called in the elves
          Sighed, "Unpack the sled,
          Put the toys on the shelves."

          Bernie closed up his briefcase
          And thought of his fee
          And his name in the news
          All that publicity!

          "Gonna drink some champagne
          And toss back some beers!"
          Gushed Bernie. "I'll get more
          Front pages than Britney Spears!"

          As he left Santa's cottage
          Bernie trudged through the snow.
          Santa's reindeer were seething
          Their adrenaline flowed

          A cold wind was howling
          A thick snow was blowing
          And Bernie The Lawyer
          Didn't watch where he's going

          Then the reindeer just bolted
          On Dancer! On Vixen!
          There's a smart-ass attorney
          Whose hash needs a-fixin'!

          They bore down on Bernie
          So smug and insidious
          His daydreams had made him
          Completely oblivious

          Rudolph hit Bernie first
          Knocked him down with an "Ooof!"
          Then onto his head went
          Each reindeer's great hoof!

          "Pedestian knockdown!"
          Donner cried with a grin
          "Back up the rig, Rudy
          And hit him again!"

          Now Bernie lay bleeding
          All broken and tattered
          His discs herniated
          And both ankles shattered

          As the reindeer went trotting
          Back to their warm stable
          Old Bernie lay sick, sore
          And lame and disabled

          Winked Comet to Cupid
          "I think that, all told
          Our friend there will meet
          The State's no-fault threshold!"

          Santa ran out to see
          'Bout the noise and the fuss
          Prancer said with a wink,
          "He ran right into us!"

          Bernie wailed, "Help me, Santa!
          Don't leave me to freeze!"
          Santa smiled, "Sure thing, Bernie!
          Just sign this release!"

          "You're quite a mess, Bernie!
          No physical fitness!
          But you're on my turf,
          And you ain't got a witness!"

          His power to bargain
          Was gone.  Bernie sighed.
          He signed the release
          And an elf notarized.

          Santa grabbed the release
          "Sorry 'bout your disaster.
          You'll be spending your holidays
          Wrapped up in plaster."

          "As for us," cried out Nick
          "We've a long night ahead.
          C'mon boys! Let's get crackin'
          And re-load that sled!"

          So away Santa flew
          And he said with a smirk
          "I've got way too much game
          To get stopped by some jerk!"

          ********************************************
          A happy and safe holiday to all from
          Lawrence N.  Rogak LLC
          3355 Lawson Boulevard
          Oceanside, New York 11572
          516 763 2996


           

        • Fran Kanterman
          One of the best yet! _____ From: TheRogakReport@yahoogroups.com [mailto:TheRogakReport@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Lawrence Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2009
          Message 4 of 7 , Dec 15, 2009
          • 0 Attachment
            One of the best yet! -- Fran Kanterman


            Fran knows her poetry! -- Larry

             


            From: TheRogakReport@yahoogroups.com [mailto: TheRogakReport@yahoogroups.com ] On Behalf Of Lawrence
            Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2009 5:45 PM
            To: TheRogakReport@yahoogroups.com
            Subject: The Rogak Report: The Most Useful Publication In The Insurance Claims Industry An Order To Show Claus

             

             

            An Order To Show Claus
            copyright 1998, 2009 by Lawrence N. Rogak

            Up at the North Pole
            Twenty-fourth of December
            Was shaping up well
            As a night to remember

            The elves were done packing
            And Santa was heading
            His way out the door
            For an awesome night's sledding

            But suddenly from the
            Front door came a knocking
            And Santa, nonplussed, asked
            "Now who could be hocking....? "

            Pulling open the door
            Santa blinked with dismay-face
            At a guy in a suit
            With a brown attache case

            "You Santa?" he growled
            As he searched his valise
            And yanked out some papers
            Like they were diseased

            "What's up?" queried Santa
            Said he: "My name's Bernie
            The reason I'm here,
            I'm a plaintiffs' attorney"

            "Attorney!" cried Nick
            With a look of dismay
            "Whatever possessed you
            To come here today?"

            "Santa," he said, "What
            would be your reaction
            To hear you've been targeted
            In a class action?"

            "Class action? What's that?"
            Santa cried with alarm
            "That's when lots of folks
            Claim you did them some harm."

            "What harm?" exclaimed Santa
            "I just give out toys
            To all the world's good
            Little girls and good boys!"

            "That's part of the problem,"
            Said Bernie, "You should
            Not be so judgmental
            About 'bad' and 'good.' "

            "Behavior's subjective,"
            Went Bernie's oration
            "What you do constitutes
            Discrimination. "

            "Who are your clients?"
            Asked Santa, displeased.
            Bernie said, "All the world's
            Little bad S.O.B.'s."

            "Bad kids don't get presents!"
            Said Santa, distressin',
            "Without punishment
            How would they learn a lesson?"

            But Bernie guffawed
            And he shook his bald head
            "Get with the times, Santa!
            That thinking is dead!"

            "Screw you and your lawsuit!"
            Said Santa, "I'm going!
            The good kids are waiting!
            I'm off like a Boeing!"

            Bernie cried, "Hold it Santa!
            Don't head for the border!
            I got here a temp'rary
            Restraining order!"

            "This order is signed by
            A Federal judge.
            Until there's a hearing
            Those reindeer can't budge!"

            (Old Santa was fooled
            By a sly bit of fiction;
            The North Pole is outside
            The Court's jurisdiction)

            So Santa sat down
            Contemplating the shocking
            Idea that no presents
            Would grace each kid's stocking

            "And one more thing, Santa,"
            Said Bernie, amused
            "You discriminate 'gainst
            Hindus, Muslims and Jews."

            "And the kids in apartments
            Who don't have a chimney --
            How do parents explain that?"
            Asked Bernie, more grimly.

            "Let's face it, Santa:
            Your ways are in error
            This lawsuit will bring down
            Your long reign of terror."

            Moaned Santa, now sadly,
            "But who stands to profit
            If you win your lawsuit
            And I have to stop it?"

            "Class actions are great!
            The lawyers make millions!"
            Gushed Bernie, "The settlements
            Run into zillions!"

            "But what of the kids?"
            Santa asked, putting soup on
            Bernie said, "They'll each get
            A fifty-cent coupon."

            Bernie lit a cigar
            In his smug self-assurance
            "Oh by the way, Nick --
            You got any insurance?"

            Santa glared at the summons
            Then called in the elves
            Sighed, "Unpack the sled,
            Put the toys on the shelves."

            Bernie closed up his briefcase
            And thought of his fee
            And his name in the news
            All that publicity!

            "Gonna drink some champagne
            And toss back some beers!"
            Gushed Bernie. "I'll get more
            Front pages than Britney Spears!"

            As he left Santa's cottage
            Bernie trudged through the snow.
            Santa's reindeer were seething
            Their adrenaline flowed

            A cold wind was howling
            A thick snow was blowing
            And Bernie The Lawyer
            Didn't watch where he's going

            Then the reindeer just bolted
            On Dancer! On Vixen!
            There's a smart-ass attorney
            Whose hash needs a-fixin'!

            They bore down on Bernie
            So smug and insidious
            His daydreams had made him
            Completely oblivious

            Rudolph hit Bernie first
            Knocked him down with an "Ooof!"
            Then onto his head went
            Each reindeer's great hoof!

            "Pedestian knockdown!"
            Donner cried with a grin
            "Back up the rig, Rudy
            And hit him again!"

            Now Bernie lay bleeding
            All broken and tattered
            His discs herniated
            And both ankles shattered

            As the reindeer went trotting
            Back to their warm stable
            Old Bernie lay sick, sore
            And lame and disabled

            Winked Comet to Cupid
            "I think that, all told
            Our friend there will meet
            The State's no-fault threshold!"

            Santa ran out to see
            'Bout the noise and the fuss
            Prancer said with a wink,
            "He ran right into us!"

            Bernie wailed, "Help me, Santa!
            Don't leave me to freeze!"
            Santa smiled, "Sure thing, Bernie!
            Just sign this release!"

            "You're quite a mess, Bernie!
            No physical fitness!
            But you're on my turf,
            And you ain't got a witness!"

            His power to bargain
            Was gone.  Bernie sighed.
            He signed the release
            And an elf notarized.

            Santa grabbed the release
            "Sorry 'bout your disaster.
            You'll be spending your holidays
            Wrapped up in plaster."

            "As for us," cried out Nick
            "We've a long night ahead.
            C'mon boys! Let's get crackin'
            And re-load that sled!"

            So away Santa flew
            And he said with a smirk
            "I've got way too much game
            To get stopped by some jerk!"

            ************ ********* ********* ********* *****
            A happy and safe holiday to all from
            Lawrence N.  Rogak LLC
            3355 Lawson Boulevard
            Oceanside, New York 11572
            516 763 2996


             

          • Lawrence
            An Order To Show Claus copyright 1998, 2010 by Lawrence N. Rogak Up at the North Pole Twenty-fourth of December Was shaping up well As a night to remember The
            Message 5 of 7 , Dec 23, 2010
            • 0 Attachment

              An Order To Show Claus
              copyright 1998, 2010 by Lawrence N. Rogak

              Up at the North Pole
              Twenty-fourth of December
              Was shaping up well
              As a night to remember

              The elves were done packing
              And Santa was heading
              His way out the door
              For an awesome night's sledding

              But suddenly from the
              Front door came a knocking
              And Santa, nonplussed, asked
              "Now who could be hocking....? "

              Pulling open the door
              Santa blinked with dismay-face
              At a guy in a suit
              With a brown attache case

              "You Santa?" he growled
              As he searched his valise
              And yanked out some papers
              Like they were diseased

              "What's up?" queried Santa
              Said he: "My name's Bernie
              The reason I'm here,
              I'm a plaintiffs' attorney"

              "Attorney!" cried Nick
              With a look of dismay
              "Whatever possessed you
              To come here today?"

              "Santa," he said, "What
              would be your reaction
              To hear you've been targeted
              In a class action?"

              "Class action? What's that?"
              Santa cried with alarm
              "That's when lots of folks
              Claim you did them some harm."

              "What harm?" exclaimed Santa
              "I just give out toys
              To all the world's good
              Little girls and good boys!"

              "That's part of the problem,"
              Said Bernie, "You should
              Not be so judgmental
              About 'bad' and 'good.' "

              "Behavior's subjective,"
              Went Bernie's oration
              "What you do constitutes
              Discrimination. "

              "Who are your clients?"
              Asked Santa, displeased.
              Bernie said, "All the world's
              Little bad S.O.B.'s."

              "Bad kids don't get presents!"
              Said Santa, distressin',
              "Without punishment
              How would they learn a lesson?"

              But Bernie guffawed
              And he shook his bald head
              "Get with the times, Santa!
              That thinking is dead!"

              "Screw you and your lawsuit!"
              Said Santa, "I'm going!
              The good kids are waiting!
              I'm off like a Boeing!"

              Bernie cried, "Hold it Santa!
              Don't head for the border!
              I got here a temp'rary
              Restraining order!"

              "This order is signed by
              A Federal judge.
              Until there's a hearing
              Those reindeer can't budge!"

              (Old Santa was fooled
              By a sly bit of fiction;
              The North Pole is outside
              The Court's jurisdiction)

              So Santa sat down
              Contemplating the shocking
              Idea that no presents
              Would grace each kid's stocking

              "And one more thing, Santa,"
              Said Bernie, amused
              "You discriminate 'gainst
              Hindus, Muslims and Jews."

              "And the kids in apartments
              Who don't have a chimney --
              How do parents explain that?"
              Asked Bernie, more grimly.

              "Let's face it, Santa:
              Your ways are in error
              This lawsuit will bring down
              Your long reign of terror."

              Moaned Santa, now sadly,
              "But who stands to profit
              If you win your lawsuit
              And I have to stop it?"

              "Class actions are great!
              The lawyers make millions!"
              Gushed Bernie, "The settlements
              Run into zillions!"

              "But what of the kids?"
              Santa asked, putting soup on
              Bernie said, "They'll each get
              A fifty-cent coupon."

              Bernie lit a cigar
              In his smug self-assurance
              "Oh by the way, Nick --
              You got any insurance?"

              Santa glared at the summons
              Then called in the elves
              Sighed, "Unpack the sled,
              Put the toys on the shelves."

              Bernie closed up his briefcase
              And thought of his fee
              And his name in the news
              All that publicity!

              "Gonna drink some champagne
              And toss back some beers!"
              Gushed Bernie. "I'll get more
              Front pages than Britney Spears!"

              As he left Santa's cottage
              Bernie trudged through the snow.
              Santa's reindeer were seething
              Their adrenaline flowed

              A cold wind was howling
              A thick snow was blowing
              And Bernie The Lawyer
              Didn't watch where he's going

              Then the reindeer just bolted
              On Dancer! On Vixen!
              There's a smart-ass attorney
              Whose hash needs a-fixin'!

              They bore down on Bernie
              So smug and insidious
              His daydreams had made him
              Completely oblivious

              Rudolph hit Bernie first
              Knocked him down with an "Ooof!"
              Then onto his head went
              Each reindeer's great hoof!

              "Pedestian knockdown!"
              Donner cried with a grin
              "Back up the rig, Rudy
              And hit him again!"

              Now Bernie lay bleeding
              All broken and tattered
              His discs herniated
              And both ankles shattered

              As the reindeer went trotting
              Back to their warm stable
              Old Bernie lay sick, sore
              And lame and disabled

              Winked Comet to Cupid
              "I think that, all told
              Our friend there will meet
              The State's no-fault threshold!"

              Santa ran out to see
              'Bout the noise and the fuss
              Prancer said with a wink,
              "He ran right into us!"

              Bernie wailed, "Help me, Santa!
              Don't leave me to freeze!"
              Santa smiled, "Sure thing, Bernie!
              Just sign this release!"

              "You're quite a mess, Bernie!
              No physical fitness!
              But you're on my turf,
              And you ain't got a witness!"

              His power to bargain
              Was gone.  Bernie sighed.
              He signed the release
              And an elf notarized.

              Santa grabbed the release
              "Sorry 'bout your disaster.
              You'll be spending your holidays
              Wrapped up in plaster."

              "As for us," cried out Nick
              "We've a long night ahead.
              C'mon boys! Let's get crackin'
              And re-load that sled!"

              So away Santa flew
              And he said with a smirk
              "I've got way too much game
              To get stopped by some jerk!"

              ************ ********* ********* ********* *****

              (If they can show "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's A Wonderful Life" every year, I can shlep out my poem, too.)

              A happy and safe holiday to all from
              Lawrence N.  Rogak LLC
              3355 Lawson Boulevard
              Oceanside, New York 11572
              516 763 2996

            • Lawrence
              An Order To Show Claus copyright 1998, 2011 Lawrence N. Rogak Up at the North Pole Twenty-fourth of December Was shaping up well As a night to remember The
              Message 6 of 7 , Dec 11, 2011
              • 0 Attachment
                An Order To Show Claus
                copyright 1998, 2011 Lawrence N. Rogak

                Up at the North Pole
                Twenty-fourth of December
                Was shaping up well
                As a night to remember

                The elves were done packing
                And Santa was heading
                His way out the door
                For an awesome night's sledding

                But suddenly from the
                Front door came a knocking
                And Santa, nonplussed, asked
                "Now who could be hocking....?"

                Pulling open the door
                Santa blinked with dismay-face
                At a guy in a suit
                With a brown attache case

                "You Santa?" he growled
                As he searched his valise
                And yanked out some papers
                Like they were diseased

                "What's up?" queried Santa
                Said he: "My name's Bernie
                The reason I'm here,
                I'm a plaintiff's attorney"

                "Attorney!" cried Nick
                With a look of dismay
                "Whatever possessed you
                To come here today?"

                "Santa," he said
                "What would be your reaction
                To hear you've been targeted
                In a class action?"

                "Class action? What's that?"
                Santa cried with alarm
                "That's when lots of folks
                Claim you did them some harm."

                "What harm?" exclaimed Santa
                "I just give out toys
                To all the world's good
                Little girls and li'l boys!"

                "That's part of the problem,"
                Said Bernie, "You should
                Not be so judgmental
                About 'bad' and 'good.' "

                "Behavior's subjective,"
                Went Bernie's oration
                "You engage in a pattern of
                Discrimination."

                "Who are your clients?"
                Asked Santa, displeased.
                Bernie said, "All the world's
                Little bad S.O.B.'s."

                "Bad kids don't get presents!"
                Said Santa, distressin'
                "Without punishment
                How would they learn a lesson?"

                But Bernie guffawed
                And he shook his bald head
                "Get with the times, Santa!
                That thinking is dead!"

                "Screw you and your lawsuit!"
                Said Santa, "I'm going!
                The good kids are waiting!
                I'm off like a Boeing!"

                Bernie cried, "Hold it Santa!
                Don't head for the border!
                I got here a temp'rary
                Restraining order!"

                "This order is signed by
                A Federal judge,
                Until there's a hearing
                Those reindeer don't budge!"

                So Santa sat down
                Contemplating the shocking
                Idea that no presents
                Would grace each kid's stocking

                "And one more thing, Santa,"
                Said Bernie, bemused
                "You discriminate 'gainst
                Hindus, Muslims and Jews."

                "And the kids in apartments
                Who don't have a chimney
                How do parents explain that?"
                Asked Bernie, more grimly.

                "Let's face it, Santa:
                Your ways are in error
                This lawsuit will bring down
                Your long reign of terror."

                Moaned Santa, now sadly,
                "But who stands to profit
                If you win your lawsuit
                And I have to stop it?"

                "Class actions are great!
                The lawyers make millions!"
                Gushed Bernie, "The settlements
                Run into zillions!"

                "But what of the kids?"
                Santa asked, putting soup on
                Bernie said, "They'll each get
                A fifty-cent coupon."

                Bernie lit a cigar
                In his smug self-assurance
                "Oh by the way, Nick --
                You got any insurance?"

                Santa glared at the summons
                Then called in the elves
                And sighed, "Unpack the sled
                Put the toys on the shelves."

                Bernie closed up his briefcase
                And thought of his fee
                And his name in the news
                All that publicity!

                "Gonna drink some champagne
                And party of course!
                I'll be bigger news than
                Kardashian's divorce!"

                As he left Santa's cottage
                Bernie trudged through the snow
                Santa's reindeer were seething
                Their adrenaline flowed

                A cold wind was howling
                A thick snow was blowing
                And Bernie The Lawyer
                Didn't watch where he's going

                Then the reindeer just bolted
                On Dancer! On Vixen!
                There's a smart-ass attorney
                Whose hash needs a-fixin'!

                They bore down on Bernie
                So smug and insidious
                His greed-dreams had made him
                Completely oblivious

                Rudolph hit Bernie first
                Knocked him down with an "Ooof!"
                Then onto his head went
                Each reindeer's great hoof!

                "Say, did we hit something?"
                Donner asked with a grin
                "Back up the rig, Rudy
                And hit him again!"

                Now Bernie lay bleeding
                All broken and tattered
                His discs herniated
                And both ankles shattered

                As the reindeer went trotting
                Back to their warm stable
                Old Bernie lay sick, sore
                And lame and disabled

                Winked Comet to Cupid
                "I think that, all told
                Our friend there will meet
                The State's no-fault threshold!"

                Santa ran out to see
                'Bout the noise and the fuss
                Prancer said with a wink,
                "He ran right into us!"

                Bernie wailed, "Help me, Santa!
                Don't leave me to freeze!"
                Santa smiled, "Sure thing, Bernie!
                Just sign this release!"

                "You're quite a mess, Bernie!
                No physical fitness!
                But you're on my turf,
                And you ain't got a witness!"

                His power to bargain
                Was gone. Bernie sighed.
                He signed the release
                And an elf notarized.

                Santa grabbed the release
                "Sorry 'bout your disaster.
                You'll be spending your holidays
                Wrapped up in plaster."

                "As for us," cried out Nick
                "We've a long night ahead.
                C'mon boys! Let's get crackin'
                And re-load that sled!"

                So away Santa flew
                And he said with a smirk
                "I've got way too much game
                To get stopped by some jerk!"

                ********************************************
                A happy and safe holiday to all from
                Lawrence N.  Rogak LLC
                3355 Lawson Boulevard
                Oceanside, New York 11572
                516 763 2996
              • Lawrence
                An Order To Show Claus copyright 1998, 2012 Lawrence N. Rogak Up at the North Pole Twenty-fourth of December Was shaping up well As a night to remember The
                Message 7 of 7 , Dec 19, 2012
                • 0 Attachment
                  An Order To Show Claus
                  copyright 1998, 2012 Lawrence N. Rogak

                  Up at the North Pole
                  Twenty-fourth of December
                  Was shaping up well
                  As a night to remember

                  The elves were done packing
                  And Santa was heading
                  His way out the door
                  For an awesome night's sledding

                  But suddenly from the
                  Front door came a knocking
                  And Santa, nonplussed, asked
                  "Now who could be hocking....?"

                  Pulling open the door
                  Santa blinked with dismay-face
                  At a guy in a suit
                  With a brown attache case

                  "You Santa?" he growled
                  As he searched his valise
                  And yanked out some papers
                  Like they were diseased

                  "What's up?" queried Santa
                  Said he: "My name's Bernie
                  The reason I'm here,
                  I'm a plaintiff's attorney"

                  "Attorney! " cried Nick
                  With a look of dismay
                  "Whatever possessed you
                  To come here today?"

                  "Santa," he said
                  "What would be your reaction
                  To hear you've been targeted
                  In a class action?"

                  "Class action? What's that?"
                  Santa cried with alarm
                  Said Bernie "When lots of folks
                  Claim you did them some harm."

                  "What harm?" exclaimed Santa
                  "I just give out toys
                  To all the world's good
                  Little girls and li'l boys!"

                  "That's part of the problem,"
                  Said Bernie, "You should
                  Not be so judgmental
                  About 'bad' and 'good.' "

                  "Behavior's subjective,"
                  Went Bernie's oration
                  "You engage in a pattern of
                  Discrimination."

                  "Who are your clients?"
                  Asked Santa, displeased.
                  Bernie said, "All the world's
                  Little bad S.O.B.'s."

                  "Bad kids don't get presents!"
                  Said Santa, distressin'
                  "Without punishment
                  How would they learn a lesson?"

                  But Bernie guffawed
                  And he shook his bald head
                  "Get with the times, Santa!
                  That thinking is dead!"

                  "Screw you and your lawsuit!"
                  Said Santa, "I'm going!
                  The good kids are waiting!
                  I'm off like a Boeing!"

                  Bernie cried, "Hold it Santa!
                  Don't head for the border!
                  I got here a temp'rary
                  Restraining order!"

                  "This order is signed by
                  A Federal judge,
                  Until there's a hearing
                  Those reindeer don't budge!"

                  So Santa sat down
                  Contemplating the shocking
                  Idea that no presents
                  Would grace each kid's stocking

                  "And one more thing, Santa,"
                  Said Bernie, bemused
                  "You discriminate 'gainst
                  Hindus, Muslims and Jews."

                  "And the kids in apartments
                  Who don't have a chimney
                  How do you explain that?"
                  Asked Bernie, more grimly.

                  "Let's face it, Santa:
                  Your ways are in error
                  This lawsuit will bring down
                  Your long reign of terror."

                  Moaned Santa, now sadly,
                  "But who stands to profit
                  If you win your lawsuit
                  And I have to stop it?"

                  "Class actions are great!
                  The lawyers make millions!"
                  Gushed Bernie, "The settlements
                  Run into zillions!"

                  "But what of the kids?"
                  Santa asked, putting soup on
                  Bernie said, "They'll each get
                  A fifty-cent coupon."

                  Bernie lit a cigar
                  In his smug self-assurance
                  "Oh by the way, Nick --
                  You got any insurance?"

                  Santa glared at the summons
                  Then called in the elves
                  And sighed, "Unpack the sled
                  Put the toys on the shelves."

                  Bernie closed up his briefcase
                  And thought of his fee
                  And his name in the news
                  All that publicity!

                  "Gonna drink some champagne
                  And party of course!
                  I'll be bigger news than
                  Kim and Kris's divorce!"

                  As he left Santa's cottage
                  Bernie trudged through the snow
                  Santa's reindeer were seething
                  Adrenaline flowed

                  A cold wind was howling
                  A thick snow was blowing
                  And Bernie The Lawyer
                  Didn't watch where he's going

                  Then the reindeer just bolted
                  On Dancer! On Vixen!
                  There's a smart-ass attorney
                  Whose hash needs a-fixin'!

                  They bore down on Bernie
                  So smug and insidious
                  His daydreams had made him
                  Completely oblivious

                  Rudolph hit Bernie first
                  Knocked him down with an "Ooof!"
                  Then onto his head went
                  Each reindeer's great hoof!

                  "Say, did we hit something?"
                  Donner asked with a grin
                  "Back up the rig, Rudy
                  And hit him again!"

                  Now Bernie lay bleeding
                  All broken and tattered
                  His discs herniated
                  And both ankles shattered

                  As the reindeer went trotting
                  Back to their warm stable
                  Old Bernie lay sick, sore
                  And lame and disabled

                  Winked Comet to Cupid
                  "I think that, all told
                  Our friend there will meet
                  The State's no-fault threshold!"

                  Santa ran out to see
                  'Bout the noise and the fuss
                  Prancer said with a wink,
                  "He ran right into us!"

                  Bernie wailed, "Help me, Santa!
                  Don't leave me to freeze!"
                  Santa smiled, "Sure thing, Bernie!
                  Just sign this release!"

                  "You're quite a mess, Bernie!
                  No physical fitness!
                  But you're on my turf,
                  And you ain't got a witness!"

                  His power to bargain
                  Was gone. Bernie sighed.
                  He signed the release
                  And an elf notarized.

                  Santa grabbed the release
                  "Sorry 'bout your disaster.
                  You'll be spending your holidays
                  Wrapped up in plaster."

                  "As for us," cried out Nick
                  "We've a long night ahead.
                  C'mon boys! Let's get crackin'
                  And re-load that sled!"

                  So away Santa flew
                  And he said with a smirk
                  "I've got way too much game
                  To get stopped by some jerk!"

                  ********************************************
                  A happy and safe holiday to all from
                  Lawrence N.  Rogak LLC
                  3355 Lawson Boulevard
                  Oceanside, New York 11572
                  516 763 2996
                   
                Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.