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when i sleep

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  • louis osofsky
    ___ when i sleep, i dream & tonight, there s a woman on my mouth i d brush her off, but there s another on my fingertips ___ keep smilin ~ louis
    Message 1 of 3 , Jun 1, 2007
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      ___

      when i sleep, i dream
      & tonight, there's a woman
      on my mouth
      i'd brush her off, but there's
      another on my fingertips
      ___

      keep smilin'
      ~ louis



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    • robert wilson
      Louis, here s an edited version of your tanka. It is good to have mystery (yugen) and allow the reader to interpret, luring them into your poetry. robert
      Message 2 of 3 , Jun 1, 2007
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        Louis, here's an edited version of your tanka.
        It is good to have mystery (yugen) and allow
        the reader to interpret, luring them into your
        poetry.

        robert wilson

        tonight, there's
        a woman on
        my mouth
        i'd brush her off, but
        another's on my fingertips

        ~ louis

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      • louis osofsky
        robert ~ thanks for the help ~ louis ... From: robert wilson To: Tanka@yahoogroups.com Sent: Friday, June 1, 2007 12:53:44 PM Subject: Re:
        Message 3 of 3 , Jun 1, 2007
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          robert ~ thanks for the help ~ louis


          ----- Original Message ----
          From: robert wilson <foamfish@...>
          To: Tanka@yahoogroups.com
          Sent: Friday, June 1, 2007 12:53:44 PM
          Subject: Re: [Tanka] when i sleep

          Louis, here's an edited version of your tanka.
          It is good to have mystery (yugen) and allow
          the reader to interpret, luring them into your
          poetry.

          robert wilson

          tonight, there's
          a woman on
          my mouth
          i'd brush her off, but
          another's on my fingertips

          ~ louis

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