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Re: [Tanka] fallen

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  • Kirsty Karkow
    ... ***Actually, I had been reading/hearing about the death toll in Iraq...and then gazed out into our woods. Not too clear is it? Would a first line with
    Message 1 of 9 , Feb 1, 2005
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      > death toll
      > light snow reveals
      > slim alders
      > fallen crosswise
      > in dark woods
      >
      >
      > kirsty...returning from a busy time
      >
      >
      > ** Hi Kirsty, checking in myself after some time away and I
      > saw this
      > one of yours and enjoyed it very much - I gather your talking
      > about
      > the terrible storms you are having over there and I wondered if
      > "fatal storm' might be another L1 ?
      >
      > keep warm - we are in a heat-wave with bushfires across
      > Tasmania,
      > rain expected tonight (hopefully)
      >
      > --ron

      ***Actually, I had been reading/hearing about the death toll in Iraq...and
      then gazed out into our woods. Not too clear is it? Would a first line with
      'war' in it clarify, do you think? I don't want the tankla to be a
      descriptive of L1. Kirsty

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    • Sheila Windsor
      ... Iraq...and ... line with ... i read the first line as referring to the tsunami death toll. i think it s obvious from your choice of phrase death toll
      Message 2 of 9 , Feb 1, 2005
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        --- In Tanka@yahoogroups.com, "Kirsty Karkow" <kirsty@m...> wrote:

        > > death toll
        > > light snow reveals
        > > slim alders
        > > fallen crosswise
        > > in dark woods
        > >
        > >
        > > kirsty...returning from a busy time
        > >
        > >
        > > ** Hi Kirsty, checking in myself after some time away and I
        > > saw this
        > > one of yours and enjoyed it very much - I gather your talking
        > > about
        > > the terrible storms you are having over there and I wondered if
        > > "fatal storm' might be another L1 ?
        > >
        > > keep warm - we are in a heat-wave with bushfires across
        > > Tasmania,
        > > rain expected tonight (hopefully)
        > >
        > > --ron
        >
        > ***Actually, I had been reading/hearing about the death toll in
        Iraq...and
        > then gazed out into our woods. Not too clear is it? Would a first
        line with
        > 'war' in it clarify, do you think? I don't want the tankla to be a
        > descriptive of L1. Kirsty


        ------- hi, sheila here, also playing 'catch up'.

        i read the first line as referring to the tsunami death toll. i
        think it's obvious from your choice of phrase 'death toll' that
        you're referring to human tragedy there and that the following lines
        are meant as allusion. whether you want the reference to come over
        as the iraqi death toll specifically would determine, i think,
        whether you need to include 'war' or similar. personally, i thought
        this a very powerful tanka, possibly the more so for its
        ambiguity/subtlety and if it were mine i'd keep it just as it is.

        sheila
      • sprite
        ... Iraq...and ... line with ... i read the first line as referring to the tsunami death toll. i think it s obvious from your choice of phrase death toll
        Message 3 of 9 , Feb 1, 2005
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          > > death toll
          > > light snow reveals
          > > slim alders
          > > fallen crosswise
          > > in dark woods
          > >
          > >
          > > kirsty...returning from a busy time
          > >
          > >
          > > ** Hi Kirsty, checking in myself after some time away and I
          > > saw this
          > > one of yours and enjoyed it very much - I gather your talking
          > > about
          > > the terrible storms you are having over there and I wondered if
          > > "fatal storm' might be another L1 ?
          > >
          > > keep warm - we are in a heat-wave with bushfires across
          > > Tasmania,
          > > rain expected tonight (hopefully)
          > >
          > > --ron
          >
          > ***Actually, I had been reading/hearing about the death toll in
          Iraq...and
          > then gazed out into our woods. Not too clear is it? Would a first
          line with
          > 'war' in it clarify, do you think? I don't want the tankla to be a
          > descriptive of L1. Kirsty


          ------- hi, sheila here, also playing 'catch up'.

          i read the first line as referring to the tsunami death toll. i
          think it's obvious from your choice of phrase 'death toll' that
          you're referring to human tragedy there and that the following lines
          are meant as allusion. whether you want the reference to come over
          as the iraqi death toll specifically would determine, i think,
          whether you need to include 'war' or similar. personally, i thought
          this a very powerful tanka, possibly the more so for its
          ambiguity/subtlety and if it were mine i'd keep it just as it is.

          sheila


          i feel the same, and also had read it at the Tsunami death toll...
          would italicizing and using ellipsis at the end of L1 help clarification??

          amicalement
          sprite
          ----------

          No virus found in this outgoing message.
          Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
          Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 265.8.4 - Release Date: 01/02/2005


          [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        • Kirsty Karkow
          ... ***No it was all the tragedies I was thinking of, not just Iraq. I hoped for ambiguity...and am so pleased you found it. Thank you. I think I ll keep it
          Message 4 of 9 , Feb 1, 2005
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            >> > death toll
            >> > light snow reveals
            >> > slim alders
            >> > fallen crosswise
            >> > in dark woods
            >> >
            >> >
            >> > kirsty...returning from a busy time
            >> >
            >> >
            >> > ** Hi Kirsty, checking in myself after some time away and I
            >> > saw this
            >> > one of yours and enjoyed it very much - I gather your talking
            >> > about
            >> > the terrible storms you are having over there and I wondered if
            >> > "fatal storm' might be another L1 ?
            >> >
            >> > keep warm - we are in a heat-wave with bushfires across
            >> > Tasmania,
            >> > rain expected tonight (hopefully)
            >> >
            >> > --ron
            >>
            >> ***Actually, I had been reading/hearing about the death toll in
            > Iraq...and
            >> then gazed out into our woods. Not too clear is it? Would a first
            > line with
            >> 'war' in it clarify, do you think? I don't want the tankla to be a
            >> descriptive of L1. Kirsty
            >
            >
            > ------- hi, sheila here, also playing 'catch up'.
            >
            > i read the first line as referring to the tsunami death toll. i
            > think it's obvious from your choice of phrase 'death toll' that
            > you're referring to human tragedy there and that the following lines
            > are meant as allusion. whether you want the reference to come over
            > as the iraqi death toll specifically would determine, i think,
            > whether you need to include 'war' or similar. personally, i thought
            > this a very powerful tanka, possibly the more so for its
            > ambiguity/subtlety and if it were mine i'd keep it just as it is.
            >
            > sheila

            ***No it was all the tragedies I was thinking of, not just Iraq. I hoped for
            ambiguity...and am so pleased you found it. Thank you. I think I'll keep it
            the way it is. Kirsty
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            > Yahoo! Groups Links
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            > --
            > No virus found in this incoming message.
            > Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
            > Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 265.8.2 - Release Date: 1/28/2005
            >
          • Kirsty Karkow
            ... ***Interesting thought...let me ponder..and thank you. It might just accentuate L1 too much...but, on the other hand, that might be a good thing. Kirsty
            Message 5 of 9 , Feb 1, 2005
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              >
              >> > death toll
              >> > light snow reveals
              >> > slim alders
              >> > fallen crosswise
              >> > in dark woods
              >> >
              >> >
              >> > kirsty...returning from a busy time
              >> >
              >> >
              >> > ** Hi Kirsty, checking in myself after some time away and I
              >> > saw this
              >> > one of yours and enjoyed it very much - I gather your talking
              >> > about
              >> > the terrible storms you are having over there and I wondered if
              >> > "fatal storm' might be another L1 ?
              >> >
              >> > keep warm - we are in a heat-wave with bushfires across
              >> > Tasmania,
              >> > rain expected tonight (hopefully)
              >> >
              >> > --ron
              >>
              >> ***Actually, I had been reading/hearing about the death toll in
              > Iraq...and
              >> then gazed out into our woods. Not too clear is it? Would a first
              > line with
              >> 'war' in it clarify, do you think? I don't want the tankla to be a
              >> descriptive of L1. Kirsty
              >
              >
              > ------- hi, sheila here, also playing 'catch up'.
              >
              > i read the first line as referring to the tsunami death toll. i
              > think it's obvious from your choice of phrase 'death toll' that
              > you're referring to human tragedy there and that the following lines
              > are meant as allusion. whether you want the reference to come over
              > as the iraqi death toll specifically would determine, i think,
              > whether you need to include 'war' or similar. personally, i thought
              > this a very powerful tanka, possibly the more so for its
              > ambiguity/subtlety and if it were mine i'd keep it just as it is.
              >
              > sheila
              >
              >
              > i feel the same, and also had read it at the Tsunami death toll...
              > would italicizing and using ellipsis at the end of L1 help clarification??
              >
              > amicalement
              > sprite
              > ----------

              ***Interesting thought...let me ponder..and thank you. It might just
              accentuate L1 too much...but, on the other hand, that might be a good thing.
              Kirsty
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