Hi Tejvan, I hope we'll see you soon on your bike again!
You said something interesting about previous incarnations and our subconscious memory of them:
"But, whatever the past life incarnation, it is the kind of memory we should be
grateful for not having. If we have such a traumatic experience as war, is it
not a blessing to be able to wipe the slate clean? A minor blood phobia is not
much compared to having all those awful images in your mind."
I think this is so true. To know one's previous (perhaps) bad experience only opens the back door a little. But what for? There are enough problems to solve today. I strongly believe in Guru's words, "The past is dust" It is so wise to only look forward and not backwards.
When I was very young I suffered from a phobia, a result of neurotic fear. Two times I had to have group therapy over a long period of two months. I learned a lot about human interaction and am very grateful to the therapists, but at the end of each therapy I would ask if I could get a special training for visiting supermarkets, cinemas, big bookstores and the like. Ridiculous one may think, but true. It also didn't help much that one of the nurses once said that neurotics are a burden for society.
Were it not for the Supreme's Grace I would probably still suffer from the disease. But since I met the master these things rapidly changed for good. It took a few years though. Sometimes, when I was desperate I had dreams of Guru sitting in a cage crying.
He was more than able and willing to help me but still I had not been able to regain a natural confidence in life and in human beings.
It can happen from time to time when I am in open field that for a moment I feel paralysed (hence my reluctance to perform on Joydays or during celebrations). I can't move my legs, but immediately I begin to chant "Supreme" and force myself into reality - here and now. It works but only God knows how slowly transformation took place. Only after twenty-two years of being on this path I begin to open up for performances.
On our next 'big' Joyday in Austria I will be in a group of two other girls who will recite Guru's poetry soulfully on stage. I am confident. I want to show Someone my gratitude and love.