Re: Meeting a Phobia
- Thanks Tejvan, since I had a related experience, let's add a few.
Not too long ago, seemingly out of nowhere and out of a pretty healthy lifestyle (besides a sweet tooth and common office stress), some sharp chest pain revealed itself with a diagnosis of a tiny blood clot stuck at lungs periphery. Potentially lethal but too tiny to matter. A baby shark. Doctors scanned and scanned to find where it broke off from, found nothing. I joked that my clot had an immaculate inception... no father, not even a mother, just the baby. This was my first big encounter with several issues.
First, the prospect of physical death. How easy it may be to die... no fuss at all. A click, a finger snap, a whisper - and you're out. Emotionally, a double issue. From a human point of view - only good things, only happy moments of a lifetime kept a meaning; all the rest suddenly seemed just dust. From a spiritual perspective - how much is left undone, piles, tons, mountains of things un-achieved and unfinished, and but a tiny anthill of things done and digested.
Second, doctors with the modern medicine still have huge areas where they are not just helpless, but alas quite clueless. My tests revealed a genetic predisposition A that is known to have a statistical correlation with the thing B that is know to have a statistical correlation with C (too easy clotting). But that's all: gathered statistics, correlations. No real knowledge of anything, at least so far. They are not even sure that if you have A, and pill you to remove B, will it be good or bad for C to appear... is B helping or preventing C or what, etc. etc.
Third, good number of humans seem to be living in bodies that are predestined to live only up to about 30 to 40-something, then, some tiny but complex fault shuts the body down. Medicine really IS helping us a lot to prolong life with simple treatments of such faults. Like, how many people were dying in their 40ies just a half century ago? Famous poets, teachers, achievers... died young from some obscure this or that. And nowadays even being 70 is not too old.
Fourth, there's a spiritual benefit to all this. Every second in this body, on earth, is precious. Every second seems to be a million-dollar question correctly answered.
- Hi Tejvan, I hope we'll see you soon on your bike again!
You said something interesting about previous incarnations and our subconscious memory of them:
"But, whatever the past life incarnation, it is the kind of memory we should be
grateful for not having. If we have such a traumatic experience as war, is it
not a blessing to be able to wipe the slate clean? A minor blood phobia is not
much compared to having all those awful images in your mind."
I think this is so true. To know one's previous (perhaps) bad experience only opens the back door a little. But what for? There are enough problems to solve today. I strongly believe in Guru's words, "The past is dust" It is so wise to only look forward and not backwards.
When I was very young I suffered from a phobia, a result of neurotic fear. Two times I had to have group therapy over a long period of two months. I learned a lot about human interaction and am very grateful to the therapists, but at the end of each therapy I would ask if I could get a special training for visiting supermarkets, cinemas, big bookstores and the like. Ridiculous one may think, but true. It also didn't help much that one of the nurses once said that neurotics are a burden for society.
Were it not for the Supreme's Grace I would probably still suffer from the disease. But since I met the master these things rapidly changed for good. It took a few years though. Sometimes, when I was desperate I had dreams of Guru sitting in a cage crying.
He was more than able and willing to help me but still I had not been able to regain a natural confidence in life and in human beings.
It can happen from time to time when I am in open field that for a moment I feel paralysed (hence my reluctance to perform on Joydays or during celebrations). I can't move my legs, but immediately I begin to chant "Supreme" and force myself into reality - here and now. It works but only God knows how slowly transformation took place. Only after twenty-two years of being on this path I begin to open up for performances.
On our next 'big' Joyday in Austria I will be in a group of two other girls who will recite Guru's poetry soulfully on stage. I am confident. I want to show Someone my gratitude and love.