Transformation And Manifestation
This story is about an incident that I believe is worth to be retold. I beg my awkward English to be forgiven.
It happened in 2002. I had left former East Germany in 1995 to make my luck in the 'West' like many others. I tried a company chain in Vienna, Salzburg and Graz but it was all complicated, complicated, complicated.
Finally I was lucky and got a job in a company I had heard so many good things about. Needless to say I was happy. The only problem was that I had no idea how to work with computers. I did tell my future boss about it but perhaps not exactly how little I knew. I couldn't write any text either. I definitely knew how to turn a computer on and off. Some friends were sympathetic, some others were not. They only showed off how learned they were. Anyways
Whenever my boss entered the office I felt how I began perspiring. He would stand behind me watching how I tried to find the right letters on the keyboard with my left and right index finger and he began making comments that were discouraging. Nobody laughed about his jokes. Over the next four years I made tremendous progress, I learned the ten finger typing from a CD, learned more about the actual job but my boss was never satisfied. Since I didn't know much about office work I was always intimidated by discouraging comments. One day it happened. I got angry, very angry! I just had enough of the work ethics...I shouted at my boss like anything and that was it. I quit. I really had enough. I was sure I would find a "much better job" as I always had. I studied Agriculture and was determined to find a highly payed job. When the offer came to possibly work at the UN in Geneve I was overjoyed and saw myself already dressed like Lady Di with folders under my arms walking up and down the stairs like those - you know, those women in movies. Reality showed me a different face.
I didn't get the job at the UN, I did't get the job in my academic field. Actually I didn't get any job. It probably had to do with my nationality which was hard for me to believe. I finally ended up at the unemployment office. And here my story actually begins.
I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for my number to be announced. A lady approached me. She was perhaps fifty-five years old (later I learned she was short before retirement), well dressed and with a cold lipstick-smile telling me informative that I had missed my number... I apologized and followed her into her office. It was nice but sparsely furnished, big windows without curtains allowed you to look very far out as the office was on the third level of the building. I longed to be out in the forest that stretched along in the distance. I would have given something to just disappear into the cool summer forest, walking and enjoying the birds singing. The atmosphere in the room caused some unpleasant feeling. Basic things were discussed and I was happy to leave. On my way home I looked at her signature and grinned.
Next meeting. I was accused of not having sticked to some for me unknown rules and that money would the next month be deducted. I was also accused to be a member of a sect. I protested but there was no way of changing her opinion. A written complaint went to her boss with the request to change the consultant. No response. Somehow I felt that now was the time to practice what my Master had taught me. Surrender. I repeated to myself to be kind and nice to the lady at our next meeting. To make it easier for me inwardly I made fun of her family name. Time passed much too quickly:
I was asked to document my efforts of finding a job and I gave the lady some papers that showed the where and what... She sighed and typed something into her computer. Then she looked at me and commented that I would look like a farmer and that I would have to dress properly if I want to find a proper job. (Be sure I didn't look like a farmer, I was simply dressed). I asked her what she meant by that and that I was willing to improve if it would lead to success. She opened a drawer and brought some black/golden ear clips and a matching necklace to the fore. She said smilingly I could borrow them from her. I tried not to show any emotions. Seriously looking I told her that I was a gardener and that I would be able to give her some advice on her withering plant in the big window. She was happy about it and now we were standing at the window next to her plant and chatted casually about plants and the weather. Before I left I took my simple jacket that I had put next to her expensive looking leather coat on a clothes tree. She approached me and rigged up my scarf gently like a mother. I caught my breath, grabbed ear clips and necklace and left. I heard her saying, "You can keep them if you like them." I pretended I had not heard anything.
A week later I received a phone call from my instructor. She told me that she was in a kind of cultural club and she had ordered tickets for a concert but her friend fell sick and if I was interested... Though I caught my breath again I had to react quickly. I heard myself accepting her invitation. O God, how could I go with her to a concert? As elegantly as she was dressed at work how would she be dressed for a concert? I remembered how strange I felt at the youth initiation ceremony in former East Germany. They bought me a yellow wrap dress and white high heels. I was just 14! I was not entirely against all that, it was just not my style. And now I had to go with this lady...
We met before the concert in a hall. O God I felt so strange but I had not been out for for anything in years. I liked the murmuring sound of people standing around and chatting with their friends having a drink. What I had feared happened. Although I had looked several times into the mirror to make sure I looked accurate, she had to smilingly twitch at my handbag and fold it properly, with the comment that she would have the same kind at home. I didn't mind.
To be frank I don't remember what kind of concert it was. It was a nice evening, though I felt a little too young among those elegant retirees.
On my birthday we met around the corner of my place out of 'security reasons'. It was not allowed to be in private contact with your clients she told me. She had brought elegant second hand clothes and for my birthday a gemstone necklace from her mother. I accepted them and gave them to a charitable organization. The necklace I kept.
Our next official meeting was cancelled because she fell ill. She called me and offered me even two tickets for another concert asking me if I had a friend who would like to go with me. I found a friend and together we went to the Comedian Harmonists Revival Band. It was another nice evening but I felt a little guilty. I called her wishing her to get well soon and asked if I could visit her. She agreed. From our Master's writings I chose two little booklets titled "Sympathy" and "Friendship." I wasn't sure she would want one of those but why not try. She lived in a nice, rather expensive area of the city but I didn't care. I rang the bell and a weak looking and feeling person opened the door. On the big but sparsely furnished terrace she had set a table with tea and homemade cake. We sat down and I admired the silence and peace of the surroundings. The birds were also singing. She smiled. I asked about her illness and she told me she had never been so sick before. The way she said it and the expression in her eyes told me that she was kind of apologizing for her previous behaviour.
With some small doubts I brought out the books from my bag and asked her carefully if she would ever be interested in getting one of those booklets and that she may choose one of them. Frantically I added that she can have both of them, if she would ever like them
She grabbed them gently and was very, very happy and moved. With a modest gesture she asked for both of them to keep.
I was then so, so, so happy and relieved! I will never ever again make fun of her name.