The Light Supreme
- It happens often that when I am sitting down to meditate Light emanates from the Master's Transcendental Picture. It's like a gift. Slowly the picture begins to shine, changing colors from violet to green or white. It radiates in circles the way we see when a stone is thrown into a calm lake, but more intense. I enjoy the rays of Light until my mind comes to the fore to analyse it. End of the dream.
At other times slowly his eyes subtly open and look at me so lovely only a child can do. Then I am very moved and I ask him who he was. I know it represents the Master's highest consciousness but the mind is often too strong and divides. I am telling the picture that I am missing my Master who left the body in 2007. But he only looks and looks at me in silent peace with the patience of Eternity. And I try to give him my brightest smile.
At still other times without any effort the picture begins to shine and suddenly I am scared. I feel I don't deserve the Light. Then it disappears as silently as it came. And I am sad. I beg the Light to stay but it is gone. God never insists.
This morning again I struggled and struggled to keep the mind out of my meditation. The Light came, the Light went. I felt tired, weak and without any general life energy. I know that only the Master's Light can make me feel better but who wants to be a beggar? Even if I would beg I would not be happy. God for God's Sake! I looked at him and said that I had no receptivity, no aspiration, only physical pain and mental tiredness. Nothing.
After an hour of doing other tiny things and coming back again and again to look at him I finally said, "You know and I know that I do not deserve Your Light but how can I live on earth, I need Your Light. How can I spread Your Light if You are not giving it to me? How can I smile at others whithout Your Light? I don't deserve it but I accept it...An inner voice seemed to finish my words saying, "...because it comes from You." I remembered that these were the words of former Indian Ambassador Alan Nazareth at Aspiration Ground on October 9, 2007. (This meeting can be viewed on the last videotaped function. One of my favorite videos).
In the twinkling of a second the picture began to shine. A golden Light radiated and filled my inner being with new energy like a dying plant that gets watered. It made me breathe deeper, I enhaled the Life-Light energy and smiled and smiled. Out of gratitude I sang a song for him as soulfully as I could. More Light! And now I am happy again. Pain is still there but who cares.
On our last Joyday two weeks ago Kailash gave a short talk on receptivity out of necessity. We were about five hundred people and all together we repeated the following mantra that Kailash proposed:
"The Master's transcendental consciousness is all pervading. It fulfils a true disciple's every need." - Sri Chinmoy (unofficial)
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- Dear Doris,
Your post has a ring of authenticity and paints a picture that is easily related to.
I recall once hearing Sri Chinmoy say to always come to him in the manner that a princess would go to the King, her father, knowing that he was ready to give her everything. He then said not to come to him as a beggar.
Your post made me remember this.
- Dear Natalia, I would feel unkind if I would not thank you for your kind response.
There are so many princesses on earth that I do not really know what a princess should be like. ;-)
Wishing you a happy day