I said in an earlier post how much I like Sri Chinmoy's Run And Become, Become And Run books. I especially like to read them while traveling and I am traveling a lot.
I like them because I feel closer to Sri Chinmoy as he writes about places in Queens, New York, where I have been - where he lived for 43 years. I like to read them because I feel his heart's love flowing through his words speaking of people he met. These stories help me to remember him.
Today it was a seemingly simple statement of a runner that made me put the book down and reflect on my relationship with Guru.
At a six day race in 1984 a runner came over to Sri Chinmoy, shook hands with him and said: "You bring sunshine to me." For a moment I imagined I would do exactly that and saying this to Sri Chinmoy. My eyes filled with tears but I realized that I would not be able to say something like that - at least not outwardly. Every disciple of Sri Chinmoy has a unique relationship to him.
Outwardly I have not been as often in New York as others and sometimes I was wondering whether it was my lack of inspiration or aspiration. But I did have the opportunity to stay with Sri Chinmoy for a longer period of time and at that time I noticed that my inner cry would kind of stop. I was happy and content to see him and be with him, but when I was about to leave something inside me refused to go back home, a home that was far away from New York or elsewhere.
It is funny but Guru's physical absence caused me to miss him and inwardly cry for him. Still I would not be able to tell him that he would bring sunshine to me though he did more than that.
One reason might be that he brings so many things to my attention that at first glance they do not look like a shining sun but rather the opposite. He digs deep...
I am not sure whether I *can* ever bring sunshine to *him* but the incident with the runner reminds me of bringing gratitude to him and much more love.
If I ever made any inner progress in my spiritual life for the last 20 years it is because of his lovely care for me, everything *he* is gibing though he seems to say: "Picture only us."
I am on my way...