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A curious and mysterious happiness

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  • sharani_sharani
    Soon after Guru s Mahsamadhi on Oct. 11th, I felt a combination of shock, denial and grief that left me feeling as if my life had been torn asunder. Even
    Message 1 of 6 , Jan 27, 2008
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      Soon after Guru's Mahsamadhi on Oct. 11th, I felt a combination of
      shock, denial and grief that left me feeling as if my life had been
      torn asunder. Even though I could probably count on my toes and
      fingers the number of times that I ever even outwardly spoke to Guru
      during my years as his student, I came frequently to weekend
      meditations led by him in New York and on various trips around the
      world at Christmas time especially (my first Christmas trip being in
      1998).

      How could I be so grief-stricken if I rarely spoke to him? I simply
      lost count after a while of all the times that I felt him inwardly
      guiding me and knowing my thoughts when in his outer presence. Maybe
      that was why losing his outer presence so unnerved me despite my
      infrequent outward interactions. I felt a strong conviction that he
      had the extraordinary capacity to communicate with countless seekers
      all at once and each person could feel a sense of inner intimacy that
      was perfectly and singularly for them.

      For instance...
      we were recently singing and re-learning a New Year's Song written by
      Guru in China on New Year's Day in 2005. A theme of the song is
      bravery and courage. The lyrics say "Be brave, be brave." I was
      telling a friend that while I was in the audience during it being
      taught that I felt the song was a shot of encouragement specially for
      me because I felt so strongly during that Christmas Trip that Guru was
      trying to show me how fear was crippling me inwardly and that I really
      needed to conquer this weakness. She replied by saying that she felt
      the song was just for her because the meaning of her spiritual name
      includes that quality in it. An Indian lady once told her that her
      name would translate literally as "lady warrior". So here is the
      perfect example of how without ever speaking to either of us out loud,
      this song he taught spoke to us both in the way that resonated for us.

      But coming back to my musings about Guru's passing from earth I wish
      to say that now only 3 1/2 months later that no one is more surprised
      than me to witness the inner flowering of a curious and mysterious
      happiness and sense of inner rebirth in my inner hunger to get
      closer to God. I call it mysterious because I have not been dreaming
      about Guru or having some of these experiences that people mentioned
      on the Christmas trip where they see him in a vision sitting in his
      chair or walking on the Aspiration-Ground.

      Despite my lack of "juicy stories" of connection with Guru's inner
      presence, I am feeling such a sense of inner shifting and
      transformation that I know it is none other than Guru working miracles
      in my life from his home in Heaven. I have to definitely give some of
      the credit for these experiences and inner changes to being in New
      York for two weekends. If you have any hesitation or doubts about
      the value of attending Celebrations or coming to New York for the
      weekend, consider me the poster child for the example that the
      experience is as life-altering as when Guru was alive on earth. I
      would almost even go so far as to say that the shifts prompted by
      recent trips to New York rate equal to the experiences of a weekend in
      New York pre-Oct. 11th.

      In all honesty, I was and am one of those swimmers over in the slow
      lane of the pool. When I used to go swimming in the Olympic-sized pool
      at the university where I used to work, they always kept one lane
      reserved for the slower swimmers and the others for the faster. In
      this way, each person could do laps at their own speed. If I were to
      tell my story of how I came to the path, I'm not sure it would
      particularly inspire anyone because I was not all that spiritually
      inclined and did not have profound awakenings propelling me into a
      quick plunge into the deep end. I only mention this to emphasize that
      I am all the more gratified and mystified to find that in spite of my
      own not so great meditation skills and seeming relative ease in
      detouring into worldly diversions, Guru seems to be giving me an inner
      make-over that makes the word "mourning" seem nothing less than
      farcical and the promise of blossoming increased intimacy with the
      highest nothing less than my destiny.

      I truly hope that my experience resonates with others and that they
      find Guru's guidance in their lives stronger than ever and that they
      can find as much sustenance in coming to New York as I have found in
      the past few times I came there.

      Sharani
    • pranam13
      ... Dear Sharani I find your post so very much in tune with my own experiences and I would like to thank You for writing it in this very humble and inspiring
      Message 2 of 6 , Jan 31, 2008
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        --- In Sri_Chinmoy_Inspiration@yahoogroups.com, sharani_sharani
        <no_reply@...> wrote:
        >
        Dear Sharani

        I find your post so very much in tune with my own experiences and
        I would like to thank You for writing it in this very humble and
        inspiring manner. It really is true that our Master is more tangible
        and alive then before and that this will not only be forever but feels
        to grow in intensity and intimacy. I read in one book of His about
        purity that to feel the living presence of ones Master at all times in
        ones heart is the highest form of purity. So may we all in our
        oneness-family strive for and achieve this conscious living presence
        in our hearts at all times and forever.

        Wishing You all well

        Pranam

        > Soon after Guru's Mahsamadhi on Oct. 11th, I felt a combination of
        > shock, denial and grief that left me feeling as if my life had been
        > torn asunder. Even though I could probably count on my toes and
        > fingers the number of times that I ever even outwardly spoke to Guru
        > during my years as his student, I came frequently to weekend
        > meditations led by him in New York and on various trips around the
        > world at Christmas time especially (my first Christmas trip being in
        > 1998).
        >
        > How could I be so grief-stricken if I rarely spoke to him? I simply
        > lost count after a while of all the times that I felt him inwardly
        > guiding me and knowing my thoughts when in his outer presence. Maybe
        > that was why losing his outer presence so unnerved me despite my
        > infrequent outward interactions. I felt a strong conviction that he
        > had the extraordinary capacity to communicate with countless seekers
        > all at once and each person could feel a sense of inner intimacy that
        > was perfectly and singularly for them.
        >
        > For instance...
        > we were recently singing and re-learning a New Year's Song written by
        > Guru in China on New Year's Day in 2005. A theme of the song is
        > bravery and courage. The lyrics say "Be brave, be brave." I was
        > telling a friend that while I was in the audience during it being
        > taught that I felt the song was a shot of encouragement specially for
        > me because I felt so strongly during that Christmas Trip that Guru was
        > trying to show me how fear was crippling me inwardly and that I really
        > needed to conquer this weakness. She replied by saying that she felt
        > the song was just for her because the meaning of her spiritual name
        > includes that quality in it. An Indian lady once told her that her
        > name would translate literally as "lady warrior". So here is the
        > perfect example of how without ever speaking to either of us out loud,
        > this song he taught spoke to us both in the way that resonated for us.
        >
        > But coming back to my musings about Guru's passing from earth I wish
        > to say that now only 3 1/2 months later that no one is more surprised
        > than me to witness the inner flowering of a curious and mysterious
        > happiness and sense of inner rebirth in my inner hunger to get
        > closer to God. I call it mysterious because I have not been dreaming
        > about Guru or having some of these experiences that people mentioned
        > on the Christmas trip where they see him in a vision sitting in his
        > chair or walking on the Aspiration-Ground.
        >
        > Despite my lack of "juicy stories" of connection with Guru's inner
        > presence, I am feeling such a sense of inner shifting and
        > transformation that I know it is none other than Guru working miracles
        > in my life from his home in Heaven. I have to definitely give some of
        > the credit for these experiences and inner changes to being in New
        > York for two weekends. If you have any hesitation or doubts about
        > the value of attending Celebrations or coming to New York for the
        > weekend, consider me the poster child for the example that the
        > experience is as life-altering as when Guru was alive on earth. I
        > would almost even go so far as to say that the shifts prompted by
        > recent trips to New York rate equal to the experiences of a weekend in
        > New York pre-Oct. 11th.
        >
        > In all honesty, I was and am one of those swimmers over in the slow
        > lane of the pool. When I used to go swimming in the Olympic-sized pool
        > at the university where I used to work, they always kept one lane
        > reserved for the slower swimmers and the others for the faster. In
        > this way, each person could do laps at their own speed. If I were to
        > tell my story of how I came to the path, I'm not sure it would
        > particularly inspire anyone because I was not all that spiritually
        > inclined and did not have profound awakenings propelling me into a
        > quick plunge into the deep end. I only mention this to emphasize that
        > I am all the more gratified and mystified to find that in spite of my
        > own not so great meditation skills and seeming relative ease in
        > detouring into worldly diversions, Guru seems to be giving me an inner
        > make-over that makes the word "mourning" seem nothing less than
        > farcical and the promise of blossoming increased intimacy with the
        > highest nothing less than my destiny.
        >
        > I truly hope that my experience resonates with others and that they
        > find Guru's guidance in their lives stronger than ever and that they
        > can find as much sustenance in coming to New York as I have found in
        > the past few times I came there.
        >
        > Sharani
        >
      • sharani_sharani
        Hi Pranam, I m so glad to hear that this post resonated with your own experience. Recently I read some interesting excerpts from Guru s writings included in A
        Message 3 of 6 , Jan 31, 2008
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          Hi Pranam,
          I'm so glad to hear that this post resonated with your own experience.
          Recently I read some interesting excerpts from Guru's writings
          included in "A Disciple's Companion 3". It is an early version of this
          series in a red folder with photocopied sheets for content. There is a
          section called "With Guru in Past, Present and Future Lifetimes" with
          some very timely quotes about Guru's ease in remaining connected with
          his students regardless of whether they are both on earth or not. None
          of the selections are in the Sri Chinmoy online library (I checked)
          and seem too "in-house" to reproduce here. Let me just say that if you
          own this title it is worth it to look up that section to read Guru
          talking about his inner connection with his students. Wishing you much
          continued happiness and powerful sense of Guru's presence in your heart.

          Sharani
        • nirmalapoems
          ...really true, I found here something I would like to share If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?..... (Rumi) Nirmala
          Message 4 of 6 , Feb 2, 2008
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            ...really true, I found here something I would like to share


            "If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?....."(Rumi)


            Nirmala
          • purnakama2000
            Hi Sharani and Pranam, I was thinking of writing a similar post to express this new inner closeness, but Sharani, you did it perfectly. Thanks! Purnakama
            Message 5 of 6 , Feb 2, 2008
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              Hi Sharani and Pranam,

              I was thinking of writing a similar post to express this new inner
              closeness, but Sharani, you did it perfectly.

              Thanks!

              Purnakama
            • jadrankagrbic
              Thank you Sharani for posting your feelings. It is incredible that we all felt the same. It is our inner connection with Guru and each other. For me it was one
              Message 6 of 6 , Feb 5, 2008
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                Thank you Sharani for posting your feelings.

                It is incredible that we all felt the same. It is our inner
                connection with Guru and each other. For me it was one of the most
                powerful experiencies of silence that I have ever had.

                It was like I was with Guru in the Eternity during all these days
                that I spent in New York. I came later and I was not able to see his
                Mahasamadhi, but his presence was so powerful.

                I came back home unwiling to accept ordinary life and seeing some
                far distance in my light-empty eyes. My face started shrinking and I
                was unnaturally pale. For a few days I did have the feeling that I was
                leaving this earthly existence and that I was not able to resist.
                Something was pulling me away and I could hear that Silence bekoning
                me.
                A friend of mine brought me back and the light in my eyes became
                visible again, when she told me "Please, do not go, please, do not
                go!" In her voice I heard Guru's voice telling me that it is not
                time yet to come to him, because I haven't done my job here on
                earth.
                Still, deep in my heart, I can feel this powerful Silence and I know
                it is waiting for all of us when time comes for us to leave.

                Gratitude,

                Jadranka
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