Next Door, Next Door, Next Door
- I pray for the words to hint at the preciousness and gratitude I feel
for my experiences in New York this weekend. Some of my centre members
were awaiting my arrival home from work to travel down to NY for a
Saturday night function at Aspiration Ground and when I got stuck in a
traffic jam on the highway due to an accident, it started to seem
entirely possible that I would have to tell them to leave without me.
Luckily the delay was not as bad it as it first appeared and it gave
me pause to ponder that favorable circumtances enabling coming to NY
that night were not something to take for granted.
Now where does one find the words to give voice to the inner journeys
and blessings that can rain down on our hearts and heads as the sweet
"children" - disciples - of Sri Chinmoy.
When silence and mystical pathways unfold inside, words kind of get
left at the threshold. Because I write here so frequently and have
most recently talked of sadness, I feel once again :-) duty bound to
try to share with my dearest brothers and sisters the cherished
blessings and sacred atmosphere permeating every molecule during this
weekend in New York. If you are my partner in sadness, I yearn for
your heart to fly into the joy that Purnakama beckoned us towards.
When ordinarily I prepare to attend a function, the act of showering
and donning garments for prayerful activity help create the
foundation. Even though I prepared to attend a function without Sri
Chinmoy's outer physical presence visible to my human eyes, I
devotedly tried to clean up inside and out as I got ready to head over
to the court. Am I the only one who finds inordinate satisfaction in
simple things like wearing pristine, new white clothes to a special
function since they are completely free of any previous vibration? As
I donned my recently purchased white sari, new blouse, socks etc. I
felt a little inch closer to a spirit of prayerful preparation and
anticipation. And somehow I felt it was the same as if I was going to
a function with Sri Chinmoy present - as if I would still be seeing
him - just not in the traditional sense of things.
Now you might be tapping your foot in impatience and say "why is she
talking about new socks and such" - when is she going to get to the
sacred molecules part of the equation? Maybe I'm pussyfooting around
it because like I hinted, it's kind of hard to put it into words.
well here goes the good old college try. You know how the miracle of
being Guru's student offers you those moments where you feel like
lifetimes of progress sift through your fingertips just being in his
presence? If you tried to describe it, your non-disciple friend might
shake their head in puzzlement... so you're saying you were standing
on the sidewalk and Sri Chinmoy was in a car on that same road about
25 feet away and it changed your life?
It's kind of hard to explain the part where the next thing you knew
felt as if some essential part of your deepest being is being flooded
with light and love and you stand outside time and space and you feel
as if you are being taught ancient spiritual truths without a single
word being uttered.
When the reverie and spell is broken, you look around and discover
that you are surrounded by numerous other students standing behind
you, to the side, across the street, etc. but during those timeless
moments you are absolutely convinced that the two of you are
completely and utterly alone. All I can say is wow, double wow.
This weekend was one of those kinds of feelings. It suddenly occured
to me that so much of our focus when Guru was in the body was on the
highly concentrated divinity housed inside his form. Now that his
physical presence is in the "world beyond" I felt as if that divinity
in a more formless way permeated all that surrounded me. And the most
beautiful part was the integrity and intensity of the feeling that we
his students are tightly, tightly woven inside his heart. We are
completely interwoven and connnected and together so tight inside his
divine heart. My heart was singing in the beauty of it.
And the court quickened this process unmistakably. It feels so special
and like a temple that you hardly feel you should even speak or walk
in a normal way even if you are up in the bleachers (maybe some people
always had that feeling already when Sri Chinmoy was alive?).
Notes I jotted down after coming home were:
purity flickering candles
firework explosions of flowers
candle flame incense
beauty beauty beauty
singing sacred beautiful
jewels on the string of the voice
My own wishful goodwill is probably the dime store variety but I
promise all of you that I was wishing, wishing, wishing you could feel
the happiness and beauty in the tangible sense of oneness and the
sensation of all of us being inside our spiritual teacher's heart
eternally linked to his guidance and spirit just as much as if he was
still on Earth.
Wait there's more! I'm just warming up :-)
Notice the subject post header up above? This is part of Sri Chinmoy's
words in a video we watched on Saturday night in which he was speaking
at a special function held one year prior to Saturday night. He was
talking about his connection with one of his sisters who had passed to
the world beyond a number of years ago. He described how he still felt
extremely close to her.
Then the words that were perfect for our ears to hear now that he is
passed himself as well:
Heaven and Earth are right next door if you live in the heart. Next
door, next door, next door.
Unimaginable distance if you live in the mind.
The way he said next door three times was so simple and powerful. So
when my mind feels he is far away with his human life ended, I will
Next door, next door, next door.
Just assimilating these profound words sent me into another reverie. I
was remembering how one time a professional musician being honored by
Guru at the court had talked about his ideas about music and
emphasized the concept of the space between the notes being as
important as the notes themselves.
Apparently it is Claude Debussy who said, "Music is the space between
the notes." That made me think too of how important even a rest note
can be in a song and how life and death themselves were kind of like
notes and the space between the notes. Both have their respective
place side-by-side and it is our limited human understanding that
fears death and tries to wall it off as a foreign stranger and
intruder to life.
Meditation and inner communion with the highest inside ourselves is a
lot more about the spaces than the notes too. That place of emptiness
paves the way for the fulness of God to blaze forth. I hope this isn't
all sounding hopelessly cliche and overly obvious to my spiritual
compatriots but when these moments where what Guru used to call mere
dictionary words or mental hallucination becomes direct experience and
reality (albeit if sometimes fleeting) for me is rather profound.
Next time I feel he is far away in Heaven or I lament not being able
to hear him sing a song, tell a story or laugh at a joke, I will
remember that if I live in the heart he is next door, next door, next
Amazed and awed,
p.s. on Sunday we also had a very soulful ceremony to place flowers
and incense individually at the Mahasamadhi site on Aspiration Ground.
I was so touched and delighted when my private moment found a rush of
warmth flood my being, a flood of affectionate love pouring over me.
What an unspeakable blessing to still feel our master's presence so
sweetly even from the "world beyond."