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Meditation Made Easy

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  • goldenboat27
    When I meditate, I drift into a sea of sublime thoughts: “Bliss… Peace… Joy… Armadillos… Peace… Serenity…” Hang on, wait a second…
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 29 5:37 PM
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      When I meditate, I drift into a sea of sublime thoughts: “Bliss…
      Peace… Joy… Armadillos… Peace… Serenity…”

      Hang on, wait a second…


      It’s an easy trap to fall into, of course. When you try to explain
      meditation as a state in which you need to shut down your mind, there
      is always bound to be one smart aleck who says “That sounds easy
      enough!” Proving that they have never tried it. Do you know how
      difficult it is to just, like, stop thinking? About anything? Even for
      three or four seconds?

      Actually, a stray thought about armoured South American rodents, in
      between feelings of bliss and serenity, is a fairly optimistic
      scenario. More typically, when I sit down to meditate, it usually goes
      something like:

      “Bliss… Peace… Doves… Pigeons… Pigeons on statues… That famous statue
      of the Dog on the Tucker Box just outside Gundagai that we visited on
      the way to Melbourne recently… Serenity… You know, I’ve never actually
      known why they would choose to put a statue of dog out there. What a
      strange thing. Then again, I guess there are more ridiculous things
      that can be turned into statues. Armadillos, for example. And of
      course there’s that big, oversized pineapple in Queensland, which the
      tourists love. Actually, when I think of Queensland I usually think of
      my pet frog that used to sit on my shoulder when I was a boy. Sadly,
      that frog was eventually run over by a truck, which was a terrible
      incident, because it was on my shoulder at the time. When I look back
      at those days, I can’t help thinking of that TV show I used to watch
      with my sister about the big gorilla who is hypnotised to think he’s a

      And on it goes. The mind, of course, moves considerably faster than
      the average 100-metre Olympic gold-medallist, so many more thoughts
      fill my head through this so-called “meditation”. After half an hour
      of (ahem) meditation, I’m thinking about last week’s cliffhanger on 24
      or the history of brick-veneer upholstery in China or something
      equally relevant.

      So the question is: how can I avoid this happening? The answer: I have
      no idea! No, really - that's the answer! No idea. No flash of
      inspiration. No nothing, for just half an hour at a time. The mind
      doesn’t like being shut off. It’s like an Energiser bunny that just
      keeps going and going, but rather than a single drum, it has an
      electric drum kit turned up to full volume, and your thoughts are like
      a lengthy Keith Moon drum solo that you just can’t escape because
      you're in the middle of a crowd at a Who concert, circa 1966…

      OK, so that metaphor might have lost its momentum a few lines ago.
      Sorry about that.

      Of course, one way is to listen to visualisation exercises. They don’t
      stop the mind, but they give it something to do. This one should be a
      good start:

      "Close your eyes and chant "Aum" three times.

      "When you have finished doing that, find someone's shiny new car and
      smash it to pieces with a pick-axe. Then wait around. When the person
      comes back to their car, say "It was me, but the King of the Goblins
      made me do it." If they are bigger than you, challenge them to a fight."

      If you can do this exercise, you will find that you have transcended
      your mind. Well done!

      (Canberra, Australia)

      (NOTE: For more such "wisdom", you can see Noivedya's blog entries on
      http://www.srichinmoycentre.org/blogs ... Don't say you weren't warned.)
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