20943Up and down - new direction
- Nov 2, 2007I remember Kailash saying something like "starting a new life"
and "using the next month to reorientate ourselves" and taking some
time of from manifestation using more time for meditation and reading
and exploring Sri Chinmoy`s heritage (his thousands of songs, birds,
paintings, books, tapes...) when he talked to us on the Joy Day.
I would have just liked to go on as usual, making myself forget that
something important has changed. - Just not to experience the loss.
On the other hand I feel that the inner reality has NOT changed. But
anyway it is useful to devote some time to figure out what is
happening. Loosing Sri Chinmoy on the outer plane is painful - but
knowing we are not loosing him on the inner plane is very comforting.
Sitting in front of my shrine I tried to "redirect" myself...
Striving more for the goal - God realisation? Kailash had mentioned
that seeing a student realise God is the greatest gift for a
spiritual master and he mentioned that Vivekananda had realised God
appr. 20 years after Sri Ramakrishna`s passing. Well I do not know if
20 years would do for me ;-) Kailash also shared that only after
being on the path for about 20 years he started to "seriously"
practise meditation. - Well perhaps I should start after my 17 years
on the path... To be frank I am feeling like wanting to attend the
next beginners class for meditation and perhaps I will. I just have
to get more serious about concentration, silencing the mind and
really go for "diving deep within".
And - sitting in front of my shrine - "redirecting" I was trying to
put some new goals in front of me. I mean, God realization seems so
far that I cannot even say what it is, so perhaps some smaller goals
would help me keep going. I remember some of the stories about other
masters that I always enjoyed reading, some came from Sri Chinmoy`s
books, some dated back to the time when I was a little child and my
father would read from a children's bible to me. That was my delight.
Some masters would visit their faithful disciples in a subtle form or
even appear in some gross physical form (I think Babaji did that for
Lahiri) to them when they needed them or invoked them. - Nothing is
impossible! So to keep me going I have set the goal to become so
advanced in my meditation that I will be able to invoke my beloved
master. I am dreaming of becoming so advanced that I will be able to
see his eyes the way I saw them when he offered me prasad from his
hands. I am dreaming that I will one day be able to meet my Lord
again in "real" and place myself at his feet or become one with him.
It may take me hundreds, thousands of years but I will
keep going. (Well I hope it could happen earlier - but I am prepared
to wait.) And I know, it will not remain a dream not for me and not
for you who are reading this - if you try! We will see Guru again, we
will meet with Guru again but now it requires self-mastery, it
requires "real" meditation...
But - to come back to earth and reality I also feel that my
meditation can only maturate when I go step by step: doing regular
meditation practise and prayers - inspiring myself reading spiritual
books (and the inspiration group posts :-), doing sports to keep the
body receptive, work and meet with my spiritual sisters and brothers.
It all goes step by step - but my inner longing to meet Guru again
will keep me going. I hope the Supreme will grant me this experience
In Guru`s immortal presence
- << Previous post in topic Next post in topic >>