20938Re: up and down - struggling with depression and grief
- Nov 2, 2007Dear Jody,
My thoughts and affectionate concern are hopping on a coast-to-coast
flight from East to West to stop in and let you know that I'm wishing
you the pathfinders and tools to firewalk through your grief without
depression befriending you too closely.
I do hope you keep sharing with us here. I liked your poem. I adore
your honesty and courage to speak the real deal of your emotions
without censoring them.
Do you find journaling and writing helpful? I was lucky without
realizing it that I was thrown into writing about my inner process
immediately when the centre site managers hoped I would write on my
blog about Guru's passing. With a lot of monologuing here on the IG
and two long blog posts done even before I came home from the Memorial
Week, I felt as if I was tangoing with my feelings and urging past the
"denial" stage that is so typical of the denial, anger, etc. stages of
grief that Kubler-Ross made famous.
If you already read a post in which I described some insights that
came to me at a function in NY last Saturday night
please forgive my repetition.
I just find myself thinking again of the video from exactly a year ago
we watched on Oct. 27th evening function of Guru talking about one of
his sisters who was in Heaven while Guru was still here on earth. He
described his easy access to her and the way that they would talk to
each other, etc. Then he said that Heaven and Earth are next door,
next door, next door when we live in the heart. If we live in the
mind, it is an unimaginable distance [unofficial/not direct quote].
This idea felt like perfect advice for us now that Guru is in Heaven
and we are still on Earth. And I find myself thinking of Purnakama's
quote from Guru's writings in her message 20913 where he states,
"When the Master is no longer on the physical plane, then the
disciple has to remain in contact with the Master through his most
sincere and intense meditation." [unofficial]
I heard that at the Joy Day in Europe that Kailash lectured and one of
his main points was that now is a time to really intensify and give
importance to our meditation/inner life.
Meditation as a tool to still feel closely connected to Guru without
his physical presence seems key. However, I will just pray that you,
me and everyone can find the tools and process that works best for
them to firewalk through their grief and come out the other side
without burns on the soles of their feet.
I feel like as long as we align ourselves with Guru's oft-spoken
philosophy to never give up that sooner or later the transition
through these hard times will get easier.
Well I need to get ready for work - good thing since I can ramble on
--- In Sri_Chinmoy_Inspiration@yahoogroups.com, jodybol <no_reply@...>
>fact separate. Recently I've
> I, too, believe that grief and depression - tho related - are in
> battled to keep my grief from falling into depression with which I'mall too familiar.
>the ground after the glow
> This morning at my shrine, I felt dry and useless like a leave on
> of green and the flame of autumn fire. Felt juiceless, depressed anddiscouraged.
>even thinking of death. I
> At least grief feels alive -it is an emotion - a reminder of life
> sought even the sap of grieving.an injustice that had
> Last night I had complained at some length to several people about
> "been done to me". I couldn't seem to let go of it. Finallyconfronted the individual and
> received an apology. Then it hit me:destructiveness
> 1. I wear a "complaint free world" bracelet to stay away from that
> 2. In preparation for a training session I'd written the aphorism"to deliberately criticize
> another individual may cause an indelible stain on the critic."Dutifully to the
> GUILT hit like a red blaze. Not a good night. Then morning snuck in.
> shrine.background and asked
> I listened to the AUM CD of Guru chanting with ocean waves in the
> for forgiveness and even to cry to wipe away my transgressions. Iimagined every image I
> could find of being in his lap as a child, of a muddy youngsterrunning to be cleaned up. I
> felt an ink stain blackening my vision and filling my ears. I askedfor tears to wash with.
> Nothing.tune, "I am a rock, I
> In the excess typical of depression I heard the Simon and Garfunkle
> am an island..." I could find no crack, no moisture, no solice andsat feeling parched and
> withered. More than an hour passed.her to school. Finally,
> My daughter broke the spell by reminding me that I needed to drive
> driving home alone, listening to the news, I heard of a couple whohad left Myanmar after
> having marched in the streets. I pictured the kind , generoussweetness of so many people
> there who gave me innumerable gifts and the continuous gift of theChritmas trips.
>soaked in the
> My proverbial dam broke and I cried the whole way home. Gratitude
> moisture and some humanity crept back into my body.depression had so captured
> I recalled the time when I'd called NY in desperation because
> me that I was close to immobile. I received the message about loveand blessing. Instantly,
> at that very moment, every single remnant of the blankness/blacknesswas gone. Literally
> as if a light had been switched on - no sign of even greyness. Notransition.
>Guru with the quote:
> Then my tears were gratitude - again.
> As I packed for my trip I found in my briefcase a prasad phote of
>charge of my life."
> "My Lord, my prayer to you is this: Do continue to remain fully in
> and that's where I am now
> opps gotta go pack
- << Previous post in topic Next post in topic >>