20931Re: up and down - struggling with depression and grief
- Nov 1, 2007Dear Jody,
You have a most remarkable, intuitive and direct writing skill which
is very captivating. Your style is so authentically personal it
becomes universal. Have you ever thought about writing a book? Or even
a short story? I think you have an amazing talent.
And thanks for being so honest about everything.
Isn't that a great prayer you closed with? I say it every morning
after my meditation. And feel greatly reassured.
--- In Sri_Chinmoy_Inspiration@yahoogroups.com, jodybol <no_reply@...>
>fact separate. Recently I've
> I, too, believe that grief and depression - tho related - are in
> battled to keep my grief from falling into depression with which I'mall too familiar.
>the ground after the glow
> This morning at my shrine, I felt dry and useless like a leave on
> of green and the flame of autumn fire. Felt juiceless, depressed anddiscouraged.
>even thinking of death. I
> At least grief feels alive -it is an emotion - a reminder of life
> sought even the sap of grieving.an injustice that had
> Last night I had complained at some length to several people about
> "been done to me". I couldn't seem to let go of it. Finallyconfronted the individual and
> received an apology. Then it hit me:destructiveness
> 1. I wear a "complaint free world" bracelet to stay away from that
> 2. In preparation for a training session I'd written the aphorism"to deliberately criticize
> another individual may cause an indelible stain on the critic."Dutifully to the
> GUILT hit like a red blaze. Not a good night. Then morning snuck in.
> shrine.background and asked
> I listened to the AUM CD of Guru chanting with ocean waves in the
> for forgiveness and even to cry to wipe away my transgressions. Iimagined every image I
> could find of being in his lap as a child, of a muddy youngsterrunning to be cleaned up. I
> felt an ink stain blackening my vision and filling my ears. I askedfor tears to wash with.
> Nothing.tune, "I am a rock, I
> In the excess typical of depression I heard the Simon and Garfunkle
> am an island..." I could find no crack, no moisture, no solice andsat feeling parched and
> withered. More than an hour passed.her to school. Finally,
> My daughter broke the spell by reminding me that I needed to drive
> driving home alone, listening to the news, I heard of a couple whohad left Myanmar after
> having marched in the streets. I pictured the kind , generoussweetness of so many people
> there who gave me innumerable gifts and the continuous gift of theChritmas trips.
>soaked in the
> My proverbial dam broke and I cried the whole way home. Gratitude
> moisture and some humanity crept back into my body.depression had so captured
> I recalled the time when I'd called NY in desperation because
> me that I was close to immobile. I received the message about loveand blessing. Instantly,
> at that very moment, every single remnant of the blankness/blacknesswas gone. Literally
> as if a light had been switched on - no sign of even greyness. Notransition.
>Guru with the quote:
> Then my tears were gratitude - again.
> As I packed for my trip I found in my briefcase a prasad phote of
>charge of my life."
> "My Lord, my prayer to you is this: Do continue to remain fully in
> and that's where I am now
> opps gotta go pack
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