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Re: Magickal Memory

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  • sagefemme_25
    You might not like me for saying this but why not just leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense? Not a matter of what I like or not
    Message 1 of 9 , Jan 1, 2009
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      "You might not like me for saying this but why not just
      leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense?"

      Not a matter of what I like or not like you saying
      m'dear...lol...just t'is.
      Since you've asked me this...I've put a little thought into it. I
      won't go to a psychologist: as a mental health nurse I do not enjoy
      being the subject of analyzation techniques I'm familiar with...they
      make me uncomfortable and I feel worse. When I would try to 'vent' at
      work, my associates, so very trained in their natures would always
      get 'that' face and ask the "and how does that make you feel?" "what
      do you think motivates this?" sort of questions...and I'd just want
      to scream. That sort of 'treatment' works for those who are
      comfortable with it and not used to working in it I suppose...not
      many of my colleagues have their own therapists, so I don't think I'm
      the only one like that. I tend to lean more to introspect and friends.

      I found this interesting though:

      Definition of Eisoptrophobia
      Eisoptrophobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of mirrors. Sufferers
      experience undue anxiety even though they realize their fear is
      irrational. Because their fear often is grounded in superstitions,
      they may worry that breaking a mirror will bring bad luck or that
      looking into a mirror will put them in contact with a supernatural
      world inside the glass.

      Mirrors and other reflective surfaces have long been associated with
      the strange or the bizarre. For example, in Greek mythology,
      Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in the water of a
      fountain. He thought he was seeing the image of a beautiful nymph.
      Unable to embrace or call forth the image, he pined away and was
      eventually transformed into a flower. In The Picture of Dorian Gray,
      a novel by Oscar Wilde, a portrait of a handsome young man begins to
      deteriorate, reflecting the corruption of the man's inner being. The
      portrait becomes a mirror reflecting the state of the young man's
      soul. The man eventually commits murder and suicide.

      "Eisoptrophobia" is derived from the Greek "eis" (into) and "optikos"
      (vision, image, sight). Other English words derived from "optikos"
      include "optic" (relating to vision) and "optician," a technician who
      designs eyeglasses according to a prescription."

      And that...might be a 'key'..."that looking into a mirror will put
      them in contact with a supernatural world inside the glass."...which
      I think you were alluding to. (?)

      And this, is interesting.
      "
      Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.

      Catoptrophobia (also known as Eisoptrophobia) is a special kind of
      fear in which people start fearing looking into mirrors. They fear
      from looking straight eye to eye in large mirrors specially the Body
      length or larger mirrors. The people suffering from Catoptrophobia
      avoid passing in front of mirrors. They also avoid seeing themselves
      in these mirrors. It is still under research that whether the fear is
      from the mirror or from the image of the person suffering from phobia
      reflected in the mirrow.

      Symptoms of Catoptrophobia
      Symptoms can range from just mild avoidance of mirrors to full blown
      panic attacks.

      Catoptrophobia is characterised by individuals suffering from
      shortness of breath, heavy breath, sweating, anxiety, etc. Staying
      away from mirror is something which cannot be avoided, hence it is
      important for the person to think about the possible treatment
      options available from the cure of Catoptrophobia.

      Sufferers of Catoptrophobia
      Sufferers may fear mirrors for a variety of reasons, usually because
      of some emotional trauma involving mirrors, but also superstitious
      fear of being watched through mirrors, of mirrors being a gateway
      into the supernatural or a window into another world are common.

      Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and avoidance
      of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into an
      aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."

      I know that I haven't conciously considered mirrors as 'gateways to a
      supernatural realm'...I just know I've been afraid to look at myself
      in one. I don't carry any concious belief in
      superstitions....although I know many and often repeat them, eg; my
      nose itches, companies coming; the broom fell, bad company's coming;
      my ears are burning someone's talking about me; avoid walking under
      ladders, etc.

      Most of these superstitions have practical basis and I enjoy
      spreading them around. I discovered long ago the wisdom in old wives
      tales and superstition...more 'coded' knowledge that is passed down
      by tradition....eg garlic keeps vampires away...and garlic is a
      potent antibacterial agent, and 'vampires' cause illness (now we call
      them 'germs' or 'kissing bugs').
      In regard to mirrors and superstition...I've considered them but
      haven't found nor looked for a basis: break a mirror, 7 years bad
      luck. This likely stems from some obscure common knowledge at one
      point.
      I've always had concern about the superstition of mirrors capturing
      souls....my grandmother and my mother told me when I was young that a
      mirror could steal your soul....and I thought that this was an
      implication of vanity. My grandma and mom consider it bad practice to
      have a baby look into a mirror before they choose to do it
      themselves...
      I...according to my mother...have always had an infatuation with
      mirrors...and would spend hours in one. This I know to be true, prior
      to a few years ago. It allowed me to 'watch' myself as I'd play out
      my little fantasies in a mirror...I'd even talk to myself in the
      mirror, lol. My step-son Thomas has the same affinity...spending
      hours watching himself do jumping jacks or pretending he is on-stage
      singing for all to hear, or just making faces.

      "Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and avoidance
      of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into an
      aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."

      This I've considered for myself...a sort a 'shame' for reacting as I
      did and then having to conquer an 'irrational' fear of the basement.
      Also dealing with emotionality in this relationship and under much
      stress...fighting depressive states.

      I understand the 'fear'...of 'letting go' and 'falling into'...I
      realized long ago that I had some major control issues and they were
      the cause of much of the 'suffering' in my life...and I learned
      to 'let go'. This is when I learned what religion means when they say
      to 'trust in god's plan and let him lead'. About the only 'control'
      issue I have left is driving...I don't make a very good passenger if
      the person drives carelessly and I'd rather drive. When I 'dove off'
      the edge long ago, and realized 'I don't know' and decided that life
      was going to be an experience not a waste...I found my 'inner peace'.

      In trying to learn to meditate...quiet the mind, I practiced just
      letting whatever come and go in my head...practiced letting go.
      Sometimes I'd get sick to my stomach and vomit, but mostly I'd just
      fall asleep, very peacefully. Now I can 'do' that...pictures and
      images come into my mind at random...but they don't 'stay' often.
      When they become repetitive and nagging...then I'm somewhat 'forced'
      into analyzing them...and this has led me down 'my way' thus far.

      Today...resting, I was considering the light patterns that I
      perceived with my eyes closed and shadowy images of a church and
      mountain scenery and a town and different changing images of people
      were 'streaming' through my mind...and I had the sensation that I was
      riding in a vehicle. If I would try to 'look' closer, to focus on any
      one thing...it stopped until I relaxed again. But...this I've done
      all my life. This is part of 'fantasy land' that is familiar to 'me'
      and my sense of 'self'.

      It may sound odd...but I guess I can do what they call 'remote
      sensing' or 'viewing'...where I can 'see' in my mind what is around
      me with my eyes closed and in a sort of 'trance' state...half asleep
      and half awake....when I'm relaxed and at peace but still 'alert'.

      I used to wonder if it was just my brain using the stimulus of the
      sounds and sensations to piece together any image in my mind...but at
      each 'experiment' I could open my eyes and see exactly the image in
      my head...even reading road signs while the boyfriend is driving and
      I'm trying to relax.
      I have found that I can perceive the world without
      actually 'actively' participating in it that moment...with my mind.
      My kids think I'm crazy...because I know what they're up to when I
      shouldn't. My son has taken to trying to steal my cigarettes at
      night...and I can be asleep, but I become aware as the scene plays
      out in my mind: I'm in the bedroom 'watching' him, and I choose to
      wake up and scare the hell out of him, just as he is sliding that one
      cigarette out of my pack that might be in my pocket or my purse...

      Don't get me wrong...I can't do this all the time 'at will'...it just
      happens when it happens...and it tends to be a useful skill.

      I think that this is part of the 'alert-ness' of zen...or it seems
      very familiar in the words that is used to describe 'alert' in
      referrence to zen. Conciousness...blending into the unconciousness,
      and the choice to use conciousness to know unconciousness...if that
      makes any sense to you...part of becoming a 'master' of one's own
      will.

      About the ability to 'see' with my mind...my ears ring constantly. I
      am very 'sensitive' to sound and have acute hearing. When I was
      younger my eyesight was poor and my ears compensated. My eyesight is
      still poor, but I wear glasses/contacts now. I think this enabled the
      sense of 'alertness' that I have. And I think that I perceive the
      majority of my world through the ringing in my ears...and how my
      brain interprets it...if that makes any sense.

      I'm more comfortable in the dark than many people, as I'm accustomed
      to poor vision and my hearing allows me to perceive what is in the
      dark around me. My eyes are over-sensitive to light and are a
      peculiar grey-blue-green color...which I've passed on to my children.
      This is part of the reason behind my 'screen name'...'sage' is
      similar to the color of my eyes. I'm more comfortable in natural, dim
      light than bright lights...I can actually see better that way than
      when its bright. And it sounds odd...but with these eyes come
      other 'peculiar gits'. My sons can vouch for that.










      --- In Southern_Ohio_Pagans@yahoogroups.com, chakra37 <kentagain@...>
      wrote:
      >
      >
      > Hi Sage,
      >  
      > Interesting story. Having just read a book on "trance" I would
      > suggest that maybe you were in a dissociative state due to coming
      > directly from sleep which may have had an influence on the mental
      > part of your experience.
      >  
      > "One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
      are,
      > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow."
      >
      >  
      > I think that is one thing that happens at death when mind and body
      are
      > separated. Traumatic experiences are known to trigger a sort of
      loss of self.
      > I read something (or was it a video) about a woman who had a
      mystical
      > experience while having a stroke. (Maybe I'll try to dig it up - it
      was
      > quite interesting). Anyway - the sages say that the "sense of self"
      is a
      > lie - but one we are so accustomed to that it sort of defines our
      comfort
      > zone. Our normal view of self is restrictive. People who have done
      too
      > much LSD have had such experiences of a more or less continuous
      > mental/psychic/psych-physical sensitivity. The artist Robert Beer
      lives
      > with a sensitivity as such.
      >  
      > Our old Golden Retriever "Bacchus" had seizures most of his life.
      He was
      > big so he would bash into furniture and flip around quite a bit -
      sometimes
      > pee - if we were home we would just sort of hold him in place to
      keep
      > him from hurting himself. He had them maybe 2 or 3 times a month for
      > several years. We also had a kitten that had them but seems it was
      temporary.
      > Seizures for dogs are actually not that uncommon. When he got old he
      > could not stand - I had to carry him outside and hold him up while
      he
      > did his business - then wipe and wash the gangrene from my arms - we
      > knew he didn't have long but it was summer and for the first time we
      > had air conditioning so he enjoyed long days sleeping in the cool
      > house. Then one day he was gone. This experience and others with
      > several sick cats convinced me that it is best to let them die on
      their
      > own. I am not getting on your case for putting him down - most
      people
      > do it -some for mercy as in your case - and others for mere
      convenience.
      > Natural death for animal pets is often gooey and stinky. I sometimes
      > read them instructions for the bardo when they are dying and always
      > light incense for them and prayers and mantras. I found one of our
      > ducklings murdered the other day - he was about 5 month old so
      bigger
      > but not full grown and very close to the house - in examining the
      wounds
      > all I could figure was perhaps a hawk swooped down as it was not
      > carried off and the part of the flesh was eaten. It has been over 3
      years
      > since we lost a duck or a chicken to a predator so I am a little
      concerned.
      > Anyway - sorry to digress.
      >  
      > I would suggest that you explore your trauma with a psychologist to
      get
      > a more professional opinion - the modern respectable form of sham -
      man.
      > I don't quite understand the significance of the mirror in your
      story except
      > perhaps as a trigger. The dog, the mirror, the bolt of electricity,
      the basement,
      > fear, irrationality, smoking. How do they relate? If you draw
      perhaps draw
      > a picture. As for electricity - my wife has been struck by
      lightning three
      > times and she had some health problems for a while after the one
      time -
      > so electrical shock can cause psycho-physical changes - some
      shamans
      > would consider a traumatic electric shock whether by lightning or
      not -
      > being chosen by the spirits as a shaman or traveler between the
      worlds.
      > Losing oneself in the astral by experiencing the dismantling or
      cutting up
      > of the body in a mental way is the traditional traumatic experience
      of
      > the shaman in several cultures. In some of these cultures women are
      > not permitted to be shamans. Perhaps as mothers women are more
      > hard-wired to be watchful, alert, and in a together state of
      consciousness.
      > Letting go into the world of no control is perhaps more difficult -
      I don't
      > really know. You might not like me for saying this but why not just
      > leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense?
      >  
      > Sometimes in meditation I get the sense that I am falling - not like
      > falling down - more like falling apart - perhaps falling together -
      > I don't know - but too often - I think about what I am experiencing
      > rationally and it immediately goes away. Then I am left to wonder
      why
      > when a door opens I am afraid (by the power of habit) to go through
      > it. - a similar thing occasionally happens in the hynogogic state
      just
      > before falling asleep.
      >  
      > BTW - give up smoking. It is bad for your health. I smoked every day
      > for 16 years and quite flat out. It can be done. You can do it.
      > You will be glad you did. Or like me so baffled that you were able
      to
      > that it became a symbolic gesture that anything is possible.
      >
      > --- On Tue, 12/30/08, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...> wrote:
      >
      > From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...>
      > Subject: [Southern_Ohio_Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
      > To: Southern_Ohio_Pagans@yahoogroups.com
      > Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 11:21 AM
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      > About 3 years ago or so, I had a 'traumatic' experience.. .to say
      the
      > least. I experienced what it means to be 'terrified'. ..I don't
      mean
      > the 'frozen in fear feeling of dread' meaning of 'terrified'. ..I
      mean
      > freakin' scared beyond scared meaning of 'terrified'. ..
      >
      > Firstly...I' m a rational person. I don't 'scare' easily. I am
      often
      > the calmest in a difficult situation, part of the group that keeps
      > their 'head' and calms and directs others in an emergency type or
      > difficult situation. I'm not afraid of the 'dark'...I like being in
      > it, because its comforting in its 'darkness'. I'm not afraid of the
      > idea of 'ghosts'...as I've had some 'odd' experiences throughout my
      > lifetime, since childhood.
      >
      > Four years ago, I moved into the house I'm living in now with the
      > boyfriend. Its a very old house, which I happen to enjoy. When I
      > moved in, the boyfriend and company had a border collie named Bingo
      > who was about 15 years old. We were friendly. I liked her and she
      > liked me. I found her to be very intelligent with a sense of dry
      > humor. The boys that she had been so faithful to for the 15 years
      of
      > her life were at a point where since she had always been around,
      they
      > sort of forgot she was there. Sort of 'neglected' her, as they
      wanted
      > to play x-box and various games, wouldn't bathe her or feed her
      > regularly or take her outside to play or go on walks...etc. I did
      all
      > those things with her and she appreciated it, and we got on quite
      > well. She was the 'dominant female' entity in the household among
      all
      > the other males, and she kept me company, being the 'other' female.
      >
      > I smoke...and I enjoy restoring old furniture. I sort of 'set up
      > shop' in the basement of this old house. I'd spend hours down
      there,
      > reading and drawing and planning, smoking; and refurbishing the
      dozen
      > or so dining room chairs that we had at the time. The electrical
      > wiring in this old house isn't so good. Its 200amp service and only
      > parts of it have been updated and much of it is still the old knob
      > and tube wiring. Many of our light switches are the original turn
      > switches or the push-buttons. Non-fluorescent light bulbs don't
      last
      > very long as we have power-surges often.
      >
      > As I'd spend time in the basement, the lights wouldn't always work.
      > There would be times when I'd need another light on, and it would
      > just 'come on'...which I found 'comforting' as it seemed as though
      > the 'spirit' of the house liked me.
      > When the boyfriend moved in, he had plans of remodeling.. .and I
      > wanted to 'restore'. We would compromise, and blend the old and the
      > new...maintaing the most prominent details in keeping with the
      > original Victorian style of the house. It so happened that each
      time
      > I would pick a paint color or new wallpaper, as we were tearing out
      > the old, I would find nearly exactly at the original layer what I
      > had chosen for the new. This, again, I found comforting.
      >
      > I had no reason to 'fear' these coincidences.
      >
      > Sometimes I can't sleep...because the boyfriend snores excessively
      > loud and wakes me up.
      > One such occurence three yearsago , I decided to go ahead and get
      out
      > of bed, about 3 or 4 am. I went downstairs to our kitchen, and
      tried
      > to plug in the coffee pot. Bingo was lying on the rug in front of
      our
      > sink in the kitchen, like she normally did. The outlet is a GFI so
      it
      > has that reset button on it, and it doesn't always work. Our coffee
      > pot often triggers the breaker. This happened that morning...and
      the
      > breaker box is in the basement. I opened the basement door, walked
      > down two steps, put my fingers on the turn switch, and as I was
      > turning the switch this 'it'...this sense of 'something' passed
      from
      > the tips of my toes and THROUGH my SENSE OF BEING...
      > I remember not being aware of anything but that feeling...when I
      > could think, all I wanted to do was 'run'..and that's exactly what
      I
      > did, run away from the direction it was 'coming' from. I made it
      > through the kitchen, through the dining room, through our deep
      foyer
      > and halfway up our stairs when my family came running out of their
      > bedrooms.... because I was screaming, shrieking apparently, and I
      > didn't even know I was.
      > The logical thing here...is I was getting 'shocked' electrically by
      > the old switch...which has not happened to anyone in this house yet
      > by using that switch, then and now. I've been shocked before, by
      some
      > pretty high voltage at times...and I know what that feels
      like...and
      > it wasn't what 'this it' had felt like at all. Getting
      > shocked 'hurts' and 'burns' and 'aches'. This wasn't like that at
      > all.
      > My family, of course, scared by my screaming, wanting to know what
      > was going on...forced me to 'sit' and stop shrieking, and 'breathe'
      > instead. Each of the six of them asking me at once 'what
      the...????'
      > Because 'mom' has never done this. Mom doesn't ever react to
      anything
      > like this. I hadn't ever...and I nothing like that since. All I
      could
      > do was mumble..'the basement'. And then I cried and cried and cried
      > sitting on the steps. Until I 'regained' my own 'sense of
      > being'...the sense of being 'me' and how I usually 'feel' as 'me'.
      >
      > One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
      are,
      > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow.
      >
      > My son...very much like his mother...calmly directing the
      situation,
      > asks me 'what do you need?'...'where are your cigarettes?' ...of
      > course, they are in 'the basement'. He grabs a flashlight, and him
      > and my boyfriend go to 'the basement'... my son tells me that as he
      > was going into the basement, Bingo was at the bottom of the stairs,
      > looking up at him. (He thinks it was Bingo that scared me.) When I
      > was in the kitchen, Bingo was lying on the rug near the coffee pot.
      > Apparently I left my house-slippers on the steps when I ran
      > away...because my son brought me those too.
      >
      > And it would be wonderful if this story 'ended' here. My family
      found
      > nothing in the basement. And nothing 'wrong' with the turn-switch.
      > For weeks I couldn't go near the basement, by myself. I could go if
      > someone was in my presence. For months I was unable to look into a
      > mirror...at all...without a sense of paralyzing fear.
      > My boyfriend bought me some books on being 'a sensitive'.. .trying
      > to 'help' me through it. More of those 'how to' Llewellyn guides...
      >
      > The worst part though...is Bingo. I tried to approach Bingo, and
      she
      > would growl at me and try to bite me. If she didn't try to bite me,
      > she would glare at me and walk away. This went on for a couple of
      > weeks, and then Bingo began to 'debilitate' . She was old for a dog
      > anyway...but what happened to Bingo is still 'unbelievable' and I'm
      > glad that I have witnesses. Bingo started having trouble
      > walking...her back legs would seem to go numb and she'd drag them
      > behind her. Then control of her bowels and bladder ceased...then
      > the 'seizures' set in. And in all of my life as a farmer's daughter
      > and lover of animals and as a nurse...have I ever seen anything
      like
      > the 'seizures' that Bingo had. Her body would stiffen, her neck
      would
      > arch to the point where it looked like her head was nearly turned
      > backward and she would 'flip' about 3 feet into the air somer-sault
      > like, over and over for about 5 minutes at a time...then she would
      > regain control of her self and sleep. Bingo was like this for
      > months...and the vet couldn't explain it other than 'old age and
      > seizures'. Finally, Bingo would let me near her, and I would carry
      > her outside or to the bath and clean her up, and let her enjoy the
      > weather or whatnot. She got to a point where she couldn't walk at
      > all, and she just 'whined' all the time.
      > After months of watching her agony, I couldn't take it anymore and
      > asked the boyfriend his thoughts about putting her down. He agreed.
      > After a few more weeks, we took Bingo to the Vet...we carried her
      in
      > and put her on the table and she just lay there. The vet got his
      > injection ready and put his hand on Bingo's neck. For the first
      time
      > in about four weeks, Bingo perched up on her legs, holding herself
      > up, kind of smiled and looked 'happy'...and then the vet injected
      her
      > and she 'flopped' onto the table, life-less.
      >
      > In the months after Bingo's death, I forced myself to find the
      > courage to 'conquer' my fear of the basement. I can go near it and
      > down into it, but I have to 'talk to it'...announce myself and 'its
      > me' sort of thing. I get what I need and get out of it. I don't
      have
      > my 'shop' down there anymore. Its pure storage now. Since then I've
      > been smoking inside the house, not just the basement.
      >
      > I forced myself to try to conquer my fear of a mirror...which I
      have,
      > as long as its daylight. I know this is very 'weird'...
      > If its 'dark', and I catch a glimpse of a reflection,
      > I'm 'scared'...I will talk myself through it and look away...but I
      > have a 'psychological' impulse to get as far from that reflected
      > image as I can...including reflections from window glare or
      moonlight
      > on a pool of water.
      > I don't have issue with midnight on the ocean...or driving and
      > mirrors...but if it involves 'seeing' or 'anyalyzing' my-self in a
      > mirror...there is a 'psychological fear-impulse' that I have to
      > rationalize and be 'brave' to overcome. Ironically, my house is
      full
      > of mirrors...nearly every room has an old fireplace mantel with a
      > mirror built into it. Ironically.. .that I've personally hand-
      sanded
      > and restored...lol.
      >
      > As for the entire incident...I don't have a 'reason' for it. I
      don't
      > have a 'rational explanation' for it either. 'It' just happened. I
      > experienced it...and I remember...I know. It is 'unforgettable' .
      Each
      > person I've ever shared the story with...they have a reason, or
      > plausible reason or rationality. ..but I don't.
      > The boyfriend likes to encourage me to share my story...like one of
      > those 'ghost tale' adventures around a campfire or going to a
      seance
      > or playing with a ouija board...but I can't. It's not that 'easy'.
      > I'd rather NOT talk about it...let alone share it with a stranger
      who
      > doesn't 'get it'.
      >
      > It's odd, but a phrase from an Emily Dickinson poem that I've
      always
      > liked brings me 'comfort'... .'I could not stop for death, so he
      > kindly stopped for me'.
      >
      > My 'life' has been 'different' since then.
      >
      > I share this because you mention a 'mirror' to 'regress'... and I
      > don't think I could do this. At least not now. Maybe sometime in
      the
      > future. I don't know if I'd even want to try.
      > My grandmother and my mother firmly believe in 'old souls'...and
      I've
      > been raised with this tradition. Some of us are born with 'old
      souls'
      > that have a path to walk again. My son is a demonstration of this.
      He
      > has an inherent 'wisdom' to his personality. He is nonetheless a
      > child...who does things age-appropriately. But he is 'stuck' with
      > this 'wisdom' that exudes from him....and adults around him forget
      > that he IS a child. Some adults 'fear' him, because he exudes a
      sort
      > of 'dominant' personal power...which he is coming to realize
      himself.
      > He is 14 turning 15...and actively having sex which has engaged his
      > natural hormones...he is having physical responses that are
      > interfering with the 'sense of self' that he is accustomed to...in
      a
      > way he's like a young 'wizard' who needs 'training' to 'harness and
      > control' his 'power'...before he hurts himself or someone else.
      >
      > When he was about 10 months old, he was speaking in complete
      > sentences. My favorite memory of him at that age was when he asked
      me
      > to 'bless his blankie'. For the life of me I couldn't figure out
      what
      > we wanted me to do! He just kept asking me to do it, to where I had
      > to ask him to show me what he meant. He patiently went to his
      > blanket, and spread it out on the floor, and lay on it. Telling
      > me 'bless my blankie'...as if to 'teach' me. I said 'oh, spread it
      > out'...as a sort of 'aha' understanding. ..and he says
      sternly...'no.
      > BLESS'.
      > This is from my American Heritage Dictionary:
      > bless: to make holy or sanctify; to make the sign of the cross over
      > to sanctify; to invoke divine favor upon; to honor as if to
      glorify;
      > to confer well-being see *bhel
      >
      > *bhel- to shine or blaze; glow red
      > *bhel 2. -to blow; swell referring to round objects
      > *bhel 3. - to thrive, blossom, bloom, spread out or unfold.
      >
      > This is from the proto-indo-european root word dictionary section
      of
      > my book. How in the hell did my son know this? Dunno. No one in my
      > family has ever used 'bless' to mean 'unfold'.
      >
      > 'Old souls' is what my matrileneal family calls it.
      >
      > --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, "chakra37"
      > <kentagain@ ..> wrote:
      > >
      > > Sage,
      > >
      > > As far as the methods for remembering the past.
      > >
      > > One is to simply meditate by watching your face in a mirror.
      > > I tried this as a meditative practice many years ago and
      > > got a strange impression and got strangely the name
      > > Spurius or Spirius came up - not uncommon (Latin name)
      > > in Roman times and beyond. Just recently after reading
      > > Raven Grimasse'e book on Italian Witchcraft I found
      > > out it was a suggested practice for remembering past
      > > lives.
      > >
      > > The other practice came from or through Crowley and
      > > involves thinking backwards or recalling events in reverse.
      > > Maybe google or yahoo `magical memory' and you
      > > could find more precise methods.
      > >
      > > While these things may or may not be useful - I think it is
      > > important not to dwell on the past too much.
      > >
      >
    • chakra37
      Hi Sage,   I think the mirror thing is a not too uncommon phobia. I think the usual method of treatment is to de-sensitize by engaging it.   I like to play
      Message 2 of 9 , Jan 1, 2009
      • 0 Attachment
        Hi Sage,
         
        I think the mirror thing is a not too uncommon phobia.
        I think the usual method of treatment is to de-sensitize
        by engaging it.
         
        I like to play music yet I have a funny sort of stage
        freight - if people are watching me I get nervous and
        just want them to stop - if they are ignoring me I feel
        like I am interrupting their conversations so I would
        really rather record or play alone or in the woods. I
        think we all have phobias to some degree or another.
        Interesting how strange the mind works. I have noticed
        that fears change through time - things I used to be
        afraid of don’t bother me now and other things arouse
        fear now that did not bother me before. Strangely
        enough in the tantric Buddhist scenario the purified
        klesha of aversion (which includes fear) is called
        the Mirror-Like Wisdom.
         
        Right now I am on a cold mountaintop in Pennsylvania
        trying to steer a horizontal well through faulted and
        folded rock and my fear is that I will be wrong in my
        correlations.


        --- On Thu, 1/1/09, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...> wrote:
        From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...>
        Subject: [Southern_Ohio_Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
        To: Southern_Ohio_Pagans@yahoogroups.com
        Date: Thursday, January 1, 2009, 8:28 PM

        "You might not like me for saying this but why not just
        leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense?"

        Not a matter of what I like or not like you saying
        m'dear...lol. ..just t'is.
        Since you've asked me this...I've put a little thought into it. I
        won't go to a psychologist: as a mental health nurse I do not enjoy
        being the subject of analyzation techniques I'm familiar with...they
        make me uncomfortable and I feel worse. When I would try to 'vent' at
        work, my associates, so very trained in their natures would always
        get 'that' face and ask the "and how does that make you feel?" "what
        do you think motivates this?" sort of questions... and I'd just want
        to scream. That sort of 'treatment' works for those who are
        comfortable with it and not used to working in it I suppose...not
        many of my colleagues have their own therapists, so I don't think I'm
        the only one like that. I tend to lean more to introspect and friends.

        I found this interesting though:

        Definition of Eisoptrophobia
        Eisoptrophobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of mirrors. Sufferers
        experience undue anxiety even though they realize their fear is
        irrational. Because their fear often is grounded in superstitions,
        they may worry that breaking a mirror will bring bad luck or that
        looking into a mirror will put them in contact with a supernatural
        world inside the glass.

        Mirrors and other reflective surfaces have long been associated with
        the strange or the bizarre. For example, in Greek mythology,
        Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in the water of a
        fountain. He thought he was seeing the image of a beautiful nymph.
        Unable to embrace or call forth the image, he pined away and was
        eventually transformed into a flower. In The Picture of Dorian Gray,
        a novel by Oscar Wilde, a portrait of a handsome young man begins to
        deteriorate, reflecting the corruption of the man's inner being. The
        portrait becomes a mirror reflecting the state of the young man's
        soul. The man eventually commits murder and suicide.

        "Eisoptrophobia" is derived from the Greek "eis" (into) and "optikos"
        (vision, image, sight). Other English words derived from "optikos"
        include "optic" (relating to vision) and "optician," a technician who
        designs eyeglasses according to a prescription. "

        And that...might be a 'key'..."that looking into a mirror will put
        them in contact with a supernatural world inside the glass."...which
        I think you were alluding to. (?)

        And this, is interesting.
        "
        Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.

        Catoptrophobia (also known as Eisoptrophobia) is a special kind of
        fear in which people start fearing looking into mirrors. They fear
        from looking straight eye to eye in large mirrors specially the Body
        length or larger mirrors. The people suffering from Catoptrophobia
        avoid passing in front of mirrors. They also avoid seeing themselves
        in these mirrors. It is still under research that whether the fear is
        from the mirror or from the image of the person suffering from phobia
        reflected in the mirrow.

        Symptoms of Catoptrophobia
        Symptoms can range from just mild avoidance of mirrors to full blown
        panic attacks.

        Catoptrophobia is characterised by individuals suffering from
        shortness of breath, heavy breath, sweating, anxiety, etc. Staying
        away from mirror is something which cannot be avoided, hence it is
        important for the person to think about the possible treatment
        options available from the cure of Catoptrophobia.

        Sufferers of Catoptrophobia
        Sufferers may fear mirrors for a variety of reasons, usually because
        of some emotional trauma involving mirrors, but also superstitious
        fear of being watched through mirrors, of mirrors being a gateway
        into the supernatural or a window into another world are common.

        Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and avoidance
        of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into an
        aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."

        I know that I haven't conciously considered mirrors as 'gateways to a
        supernatural realm'...I just know I've been afraid to look at myself
        in one. I don't carry any concious belief in
        superstitions. ...although I know many and often repeat them, eg; my
        nose itches, companies coming; the broom fell, bad company's coming;
        my ears are burning someone's talking about me; avoid walking under
        ladders, etc.

        Most of these superstitions have practical basis and I enjoy
        spreading them around. I discovered long ago the wisdom in old wives
        tales and superstition. ..more 'coded' knowledge that is passed down
        by tradition... .eg garlic keeps vampires away...and garlic is a
        potent antibacterial agent, and 'vampires' cause illness (now we call
        them 'germs' or 'kissing bugs').
        In regard to mirrors and superstition. ..I've considered them but
        haven't found nor looked for a basis: break a mirror, 7 years bad
        luck. This likely stems from some obscure common knowledge at one
        point.
        I've always had concern about the superstition of mirrors capturing
        souls....my grandmother and my mother told me when I was young that a
        mirror could steal your soul....and I thought that this was an
        implication of vanity. My grandma and mom consider it bad practice to
        have a baby look into a mirror before they choose to do it
        themselves... .
        I...according to my mother...have always had an infatuation with
        mirrors...and would spend hours in one. This I know to be true, prior
        to a few years ago. It allowed me to 'watch' myself as I'd play out
        my little fantasies in a mirror...I'd even talk to myself in the
        mirror, lol. My step-son Thomas has the same affinity...spending
        hours watching himself do jumping jacks or pretending he is on-stage
        singing for all to hear, or just making faces.

        "Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and avoidance
        of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into an
        aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."

        This I've considered for myself...a sort a 'shame' for reacting as I
        did and then having to conquer an 'irrational' fear of the basement.
        Also dealing with emotionality in this relationship and under much
        stress...fighting depressive states.

        I understand the 'fear'...of 'letting go' and 'falling into'...I
        realized long ago that I had some major control issues and they were
        the cause of much of the 'suffering' in my life...and I learned
        to 'let go'. This is when I learned what religion means when they say
        to 'trust in god's plan and let him lead'. About the only 'control'
        issue I have left is driving...I don't make a very good passenger if
        the person drives carelessly and I'd rather drive. When I 'dove off'
        the edge long ago, and realized 'I don't know' and decided that life
        was going to be an experience not a waste...I found my 'inner peace'.

        In trying to learn to meditate...quiet the mind, I practiced just
        letting whatever come and go in my head...practiced letting go.
        Sometimes I'd get sick to my stomach and vomit, but mostly I'd just
        fall asleep, very peacefully. Now I can 'do' that...pictures and
        images come into my mind at random...but they don't 'stay' often.
        When they become repetitive and nagging...then I'm somewhat 'forced'
        into analyzing them...and this has led me down 'my way' thus far.

        Today...resting, I was considering the light patterns that I
        perceived with my eyes closed and shadowy images of a church and
        mountain scenery and a town and different changing images of people
        were 'streaming' through my mind...and I had the sensation that I was
        riding in a vehicle. If I would try to 'look' closer, to focus on any
        one thing...it stopped until I relaxed again. But...this I've done
        all my life. This is part of 'fantasy land' that is familiar to 'me'
        and my sense of 'self'.

        It may sound odd...but I guess I can do what they call 'remote
        sensing' or 'viewing'... where I can 'see' in my mind what is around
        me with my eyes closed and in a sort of 'trance' state...half asleep
        and half awake....when I'm relaxed and at peace but still 'alert'.

        I used to wonder if it was just my brain using the stimulus of the
        sounds and sensations to piece together any image in my mind...but at
        each 'experiment' I could open my eyes and see exactly the image in
        my head...even reading road signs while the boyfriend is driving and
        I'm trying to relax.
        I have found that I can perceive the world without
        actually 'actively' participating in it that moment...with my mind.
        My kids think I'm crazy...because I know what they're up to when I
        shouldn't. My son has taken to trying to steal my cigarettes at
        night...and I can be asleep, but I become aware as the scene plays
        out in my mind: I'm in the bedroom 'watching' him, and I choose to
        wake up and scare the hell out of him, just as he is sliding that one
        cigarette out of my pack that might be in my pocket or my purse...

        Don't get me wrong...I can't do this all the time 'at will'...it just
        happens when it happens...and it tends to be a useful skill.

        I think that this is part of the 'alert-ness' of zen...or it seems
        very familiar in the words that is used to describe 'alert' in
        referrence to zen. Conciousness. ..blending into the unconciousness,
        and the choice to use conciousness to know unconciousness. ..if that
        makes any sense to you...part of becoming a 'master' of one's own
        will.

        About the ability to 'see' with my mind...my ears ring constantly. I
        am very 'sensitive' to sound and have acute hearing. When I was
        younger my eyesight was poor and my ears compensated. My eyesight is
        still poor, but I wear glasses/contacts now. I think this enabled the
        sense of 'alertness' that I have. And I think that I perceive the
        majority of my world through the ringing in my ears...and how my
        brain interprets it...if that makes any sense.

        I'm more comfortable in the dark than many people, as I'm accustomed
        to poor vision and my hearing allows me to perceive what is in the
        dark around me. My eyes are over-sensitive to light and are a
        peculiar grey-blue-green color...which I've passed on to my children.
        This is part of the reason behind my 'screen name'....'sage' is
        similar to the color of my eyes. I'm more comfortable in natural, dim
        light than bright lights...I can actually see better that way than
        when its bright. And it sounds odd...but with these eyes come
        other 'peculiar gits'. My sons can vouch for that.

        --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, chakra37 <kentagain@. ..>
        wrote:
        >
        >
        > Hi Sage,
        >  
        > Interesting story. Having just read a book on "trance" I would
        > suggest that maybe you were in a dissociative state due to coming
        > directly from sleep which may have had an influence on the mental
        > part of your experience.
        >  
        > "One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
        are,
        > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow. "
        >
        >  
        > I think that is one thing that happens at death when mind and body
        are
        > separated. Traumatic experiences are known to trigger a sort of
        loss of self.
        > I read something (or was it a video) about a woman who had a
        mystical
        > experience while having a stroke. (Maybe I'll try to dig it up - it
        was
        > quite interesting) . Anyway - the sages say that the "sense of self"
        is a
        > lie - but one we are so accustomed to that it sort of defines our
        comfort
        > zone. Our normal view of self is restrictive. People who have done
        too
        > much LSD have had such experiences of a more or less continuous
        > mental/psychic/ psych-physical sensitivity. The artist Robert Beer
        lives
        > with a sensitivity as such.
        >  
        > Our old Golden Retriever "Bacchus" had seizures most of his life.
        He was
        > big so he would bash into furniture and flip around quite a bit -
        sometimes
        > pee - if we were home we would just sort of hold him in place to
        keep
        > him from hurting himself. He had them maybe 2 or 3 times a month for
        > several years. We also had a kitten that had them but seems it was
        temporary.
        > Seizures for dogs are actually not that uncommon. When he got old he
        > could not stand - I had to carry him outside and hold him up while
        he
        > did his business - then wipe and wash the gangrene from my arms - we
        > knew he didn't have long but it was summer and for the first time we
        > had air conditioning so he enjoyed long days sleeping in the cool
        > house. Then one day he was gone. This experience and others with
        > several sick cats convinced me that it is best to let them die on
        their
        > own. I am not getting on your case for putting him down - most
        people
        > do it -some for mercy as in your case - and others for mere
        convenience.
        > Natural death for animal pets is often gooey and stinky. I sometimes
        > read them instructions for the bardo when they are dying and always
        > light incense for them and prayers and mantras. I found one of our
        > ducklings murdered the other day - he was about 5 month old so
        bigger
        > but not full grown and very close to the house - in examining the
        wounds
        > all I could figure was perhaps a hawk swooped down as it was not
        > carried off and the part of the flesh was eaten. It has been over 3
        years
        > since we lost a duck or a chicken to a predator so I am a little
        concerned.
        > Anyway - sorry to digress.
        >  
        > I would suggest that you explore your trauma with a psychologist to
        get
        > a more professional opinion - the modern respectable form of sham -
        man.
        > I don't quite understand the significance of the mirror in your
        story except
        > perhaps as a trigger. The dog, the mirror, the bolt of electricity,
        the basement,
        > fear, irrationality, smoking. How do they relate? If you draw
        perhaps draw
        > a picture. As for electricity - my wife has been struck by
        lightning three
        > times and she had some health problems for a while after the one
        time -
        > so electrical shock can cause psycho-physical changes - some
        shamans
        > would consider a traumatic electric shock whether by lightning or
        not -
        > being chosen by the spirits as a shaman or traveler between the
        worlds.
        > Losing oneself in the astral by experiencing the dismantling or
        cutting up
        > of the body in a mental way is the traditional traumatic experience
        of
        > the shaman in several cultures. In some of these cultures women are
        > not permitted to be shamans. Perhaps as mothers women are more
        > hard-wired to be watchful, alert, and in a together state of
        consciousness.
        > Letting go into the world of no control is perhaps more difficult -
        I don't
        > really know. You might not like me for saying this but why not just
        > leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense?
        >  
        > Sometimes in meditation I get the sense that I am falling - not like
        > falling down - more like falling apart - perhaps falling together -
        > I don't know - but too often - I think about what I am experiencing
        > rationally and it immediately goes away. Then I am left to wonder
        why
        > when a door opens I am afraid (by the power of habit) to go through
        > it. - a similar thing occasionally happens in the hynogogic state
        just
        > before falling asleep.
        >  
        > BTW - give up smoking. It is bad for your health. I smoked every day
        > for 16 years and quite flat out. It can be done. You can do it.
        > You will be glad you did. Or like me so baffled that you were able
        to
        > that it became a symbolic gesture that anything is possible.
        >
        > --- On Tue, 12/30/08, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...> wrote:
        >
        > From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...>
        > Subject: [Southern_Ohio_ Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
        > To: Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com
        > Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 11:21 AM
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > About 3 years ago or so, I had a 'traumatic' experience.. .to say
        the
        > least. I experienced what it means to be 'terrified'. ..I don't
        mean
        > the 'frozen in fear feeling of dread' meaning of 'terrified'. ..I
        mean
        > freakin' scared beyond scared meaning of 'terrified'. ..
        >
        > Firstly...I' m a rational person. I don't 'scare' easily. I am
        often
        > the calmest in a difficult situation, part of the group that keeps
        > their 'head' and calms and directs others in an emergency type or
        > difficult situation. I'm not afraid of the 'dark'...I like being in
        > it, because its comforting in its 'darkness'. I'm not afraid of the
        > idea of 'ghosts'...as I've had some 'odd' experiences throughout my
        > lifetime, since childhood.
        >
        > Four years ago, I moved into the house I'm living in now with the
        > boyfriend. Its a very old house, which I happen to enjoy.. When I
        > moved in, the boyfriend and company had a border collie named Bingo
        > who was about 15 years old. We were friendly. I liked her and she
        > liked me. I found her to be very intelligent with a sense of dry
        > humor. The boys that she had been so faithful to for the 15 years
        of
        > her life were at a point where since she had always been around,
        they
        > sort of forgot she was there. Sort of 'neglected' her, as they
        wanted
        > to play x-box and various games, wouldn't bathe her or feed her
        > regularly or take her outside to play or go on walks...etc. I did
        all
        > those things with her and she appreciated it, and we got on quite
        > well. She was the 'dominant female' entity in the household among
        all
        > the other males, and she kept me company, being the 'other' female.
        >
        > I smoke...and I enjoy restoring old furniture. I sort of 'set up
        > shop' in the basement of this old house. I'd spend hours down
        there,
        > reading and drawing and planning, smoking; and refurbishing the
        dozen
        > or so dining room chairs that we had at the time. The electrical
        > wiring in this old house isn't so good. Its 200amp service and only
        > parts of it have been updated and much of it is still the old knob
        > and tube wiring. Many of our light switches are the original turn
        > switches or the push-buttons. Non-fluorescent light bulbs don't
        last
        > very long as we have power-surges often.
        >
        > As I'd spend time in the basement, the lights wouldn't always work.
        > There would be times when I'd need another light on, and it would
        > just 'come on'...which I found 'comforting' as it seemed as though
        > the 'spirit' of the house liked me.
        > When the boyfriend moved in, he had plans of remodeling.. .and I
        > wanted to 'restore'. We would compromise, and blend the old and the
        > new...maintaing the most prominent details in keeping with the
        > original Victorian style of the house. It so happened that each
        time
        > I would pick a paint color or new wallpaper, as we were tearing out
        > the old, I would find nearly exactly at the original layer what I
        > had chosen for the new. This, again, I found comforting.
        >
        > I had no reason to 'fear' these coincidences.
        >
        > Sometimes I can't sleep...because the boyfriend snores excessively
        > loud and wakes me up.
        > One such occurence three yearsago , I decided to go ahead and get
        out
        > of bed, about 3 or 4 am. I went downstairs to our kitchen, and
        tried
        > to plug in the coffee pot. Bingo was lying on the rug in front of
        our
        > sink in the kitchen, like she normally did. The outlet is a GFI so
        it
        > has that reset button on it, and it doesn't always work. Our coffee
        > pot often triggers the breaker. This happened that morning...and
        the
        > breaker box is in the basement. I opened the basement door, walked
        > down two steps, put my fingers on the turn switch, and as I was
        > turning the switch this 'it'...this sense of 'something' passed
        from
        > the tips of my toes and THROUGH my SENSE OF BEING...
        > I remember not being aware of anything but that feeling...when I
        > could think, all I wanted to do was 'run'..and that's exactly what
        I
        > did, run away from the direction it was 'coming' from. I made it
        > through the kitchen, through the dining room, through our deep
        foyer
        > and halfway up our stairs when my family came running out of their
        > bedrooms.... because I was screaming, shrieking apparently, and I
        > didn't even know I was.
        > The logical thing here...is I was getting 'shocked' electrically by
        > the old switch...which has not happened to anyone in this house yet
        > by using that switch, then and now. I've been shocked before, by
        some
        > pretty high voltage at times...and I know what that feels
        like...and
        > it wasn't what 'this it' had felt like at all. Getting
        > shocked 'hurts' and 'burns' and 'aches'. This wasn't like that at
        > all.
        > My family, of course, scared by my screaming, wanting to know what
        > was going on...forced me to 'sit' and stop shrieking, and 'breathe'
        > instead. Each of the six of them asking me at once 'what
        the...????'
        > Because 'mom' has never done this. Mom doesn't ever react to
        anything
        > like this. I hadn't ever...and I nothing like that since. All I
        could
        > do was mumble..'the basement'. And then I cried and cried and cried
        > sitting on the steps. Until I 'regained' my own 'sense of
        > being'...the sense of being 'me' and how I usually 'feel' as 'me'.
        >
        > One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
        are,
        > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow.
        >
        > My son...very much like his mother...calmly directing the
        situation,
        > asks me 'what do you need?'...'where are your cigarettes?' ...of
        > course, they are in 'the basement'. He grabs a flashlight, and him
        > and my boyfriend go to 'the basement'... my son tells me that as he
        > was going into the basement, Bingo was at the bottom of the stairs,
        > looking up at him. (He thinks it was Bingo that scared me.) When I
        > was in the kitchen, Bingo was lying on the rug near the coffee pot.
        > Apparently I left my house-slippers on the steps when I ran
        > away...because my son brought me those too.
        >
        > And it would be wonderful if this story 'ended' here. My family
        found
        > nothing in the basement. And nothing 'wrong' with the turn-switch.
        > For weeks I couldn't go near the basement, by myself. I could go if
        > someone was in my presence. For months I was unable to look into a
        > mirror...at all....without a sense of paralyzing fear.
        > My boyfriend bought me some books on being 'a sensitive'.. .trying
        > to 'help' me through it. More of those 'how to' Llewellyn guides...
        >
        > The worst part though...is Bingo. I tried to approach Bingo, and
        she
        > would growl at me and try to bite me. If she didn't try to bite me,
        > she would glare at me and walk away. This went on for a couple of
        > weeks, and then Bingo began to 'debilitate' . She was old for a dog
        > anyway....but what happened to Bingo is still 'unbelievable' and I'm
        > glad that I have witnesses. Bingo started having trouble
        > walking...her back legs would seem to go numb and she'd drag them
        > behind her. Then control of her bowels and bladder ceased...then
        > the 'seizures' set in. And in all of my life as a farmer's daughter
        > and lover of animals and as a nurse...have I ever seen anything
        like
        > the 'seizures' that Bingo had. Her body would stiffen, her neck
        would
        > arch to the point where it looked like her head was nearly turned
        > backward and she would 'flip' about 3 feet into the air somer-sault
        > like, over and over for about 5 minutes at a time...then she would
        > regain control of her self and sleep. Bingo was like this for
        > months...and the vet couldn't explain it other than 'old age and
        > seizures'. Finally, Bingo would let me near her, and I would carry
        > her outside or to the bath and clean her up, and let her enjoy the
        > weather or whatnot. She got to a point where she couldn't walk at
        > all, and she just 'whined' all the time.
        > After months of watching her agony, I couldn't take it anymore and
        > asked the boyfriend his thoughts about putting her down. He agreed.
        > After a few more weeks, we took Bingo to the Vet...we carried her
        in
        > and put her on the table and she just lay there. The vet got his
        > injection ready and put his hand on Bingo's neck. For the first
        time
        > in about four weeks, Bingo perched up on her legs, holding herself
        > up, kind of smiled and looked 'happy'...and then the vet injected
        her
        > and she 'flopped' onto the table, life-less.
        >
        > In the months after Bingo's death, I forced myself to find the
        > courage to 'conquer' my fear of the basement. I can go near it and
        > down into it, but I have to 'talk to it'...announce myself and 'its
        > me' sort of thing. I get what I need and get out of it. I don't
        have
        > my 'shop' down there anymore. Its pure storage now. Since then I've
        > been smoking inside the house, not just the basement.
        >
        > I forced myself to try to conquer my fear of a mirror...which I
        have,
        > as long as its daylight. I know this is very 'weird'...
        > If its 'dark', and I catch a glimpse of a reflection,
        > I'm 'scared'...I will talk myself through it and look away...but I
        > have a 'psychological' impulse to get as far from that reflected
        > image as I can...including reflections from window glare or
        moonlight
        > on a pool of water.
        > I don't have issue with midnight on the ocean...or driving and
        > mirrors...but if it involves 'seeing' or 'anyalyzing' my-self in a
        > mirror...there is a 'psychological fear-impulse' that I have to
        > rationalize and be 'brave' to overcome. Ironically, my house is
        full
        > of mirrors...nearly every room has an old fireplace mantel with a
        > mirror built into it. Ironically.. .that I've personally hand-
        sanded
        > and restored....lol.
        >
        > As for the entire incident...I don't have a 'reason' for it. I
        don't
        > have a 'rational explanation' for it either. 'It' just happened. I
        > experienced it...and I remember...I know. It is 'unforgettable' .
        Each
        > person I've ever shared the story with...they have a reason, or
        > plausible reason or rationality. ..but I don't.
        > The boyfriend likes to encourage me to share my story...like one of
        > those 'ghost tale' adventures around a campfire or going to a
        seance
        > or playing with a ouija board...but I can't. It's not that 'easy'.
        > I'd rather NOT talk about it...let alone share it with a stranger
        who
        > doesn't 'get it'.
        >
        > It's odd, but a phrase from an Emily Dickinson poem that I've
        always
        > liked brings me 'comfort'... .'I could not stop for death, so he
        > kindly stopped for me'.
        >
        > My 'life' has been 'different' since then.
        >
        > I share this because you mention a 'mirror' to 'regress'... and I
        > don't think I could do this. At least not now. Maybe sometime in
        the
        > future. I don't know if I'd even want to try.
        > My grandmother and my mother firmly believe in 'old souls'...and
        I've
        > been raised with this tradition. Some of us are born with 'old
        souls'
        > that have a path to walk again. My son is a demonstration of this.
        He
        > has an inherent 'wisdom' to his personality. He is nonetheless a
        > child...who does things age-appropriately. But he is 'stuck' with
        > this 'wisdom' that exudes from him....and adults around him forget
        > that he IS a child. Some adults 'fear' him, because he exudes a
        sort
        > of 'dominant' personal power...which he is coming to realize
        himself.
        > He is 14 turning 15...and actively having sex which has engaged his
        > natural hormones...he is having physical responses that are
        > interfering with the 'sense of self' that he is accustomed to...in
        a
        > way he's like a young 'wizard' who needs 'training' to 'harness and
        > control' his 'power'...before he hurts himself or someone else.
        >
        > When he was about 10 months old, he was speaking in complete
        > sentences. My favorite memory of him at that age was when he asked
        me
        > to 'bless his blankie'. For the life of me I couldn't figure out
        what
        > we wanted me to do! He just kept asking me to do it, to where I had
        > to ask him to show me what he meant. He patiently went to his
        > blanket, and spread it out on the floor, and lay on it. Telling
        > me 'bless my blankie'...as if to 'teach' me. I said 'oh, spread it
        > out'...as a sort of 'aha' understanding. ...and he says
        sternly...'no.
        > BLESS'.
        > This is from my American Heritage Dictionary:
        > bless: to make holy or sanctify; to make the sign of the cross over
        > to sanctify; to invoke divine favor upon; to honor as if to
        glorify;
        > to confer well-being see *bhel
        >
        > *bhel- to shine or blaze; glow red
        > *bhel 2. -to blow; swell referring to round objects
        > *bhel 3. - to thrive, blossom, bloom, spread out or unfold.
        >
        > This is from the proto-indo-european root word dictionary section
        of
        > my book. How in the hell did my son know this? Dunno. No one in my
        > family has ever used 'bless' to mean 'unfold'.
        >
        > 'Old souls' is what my matrileneal family calls it.
        >
        > --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, "chakra37"
        > <kentagain@ ..> wrote:
        > >
        > > Sage,
        > >
        > > As far as the methods for remembering the past.
        > >
        > > One is to simply meditate by watching your face in a mirror.
        > > I tried this as a meditative practice many years ago and
        > > got a strange impression and got strangely the name
        > > Spurius or Spirius came up - not uncommon (Latin name)
        > > in Roman times and beyond. Just recently after reading
        > > Raven Grimasse'e book on Italian Witchcraft I found
        > > out it was a suggested practice for remembering past
        > > lives.
        > >
        > > The other practice came from or through Crowley and
        > > involves thinking backwards or recalling events in reverse.
        > > Maybe google or yahoo `magical memory' and you
        > > could find more precise methods.
        > >
        > > While these things may or may not be useful - I think it is
        > > important not to dwell on the past too much.
        > >
        >


      • chakra37
        Hi Sage,   Mirror-gazing is employed in the Indo-Tibetan tantric yoga of the ‘illusory body’ - one of the six yogas of Naropa. One of my old gurus told a
        Message 3 of 9 , Jan 1, 2009
        • 0 Attachment
          Hi Sage,
           
          Mirror-gazing is employed in the Indo-Tibetan tantric yoga of the
          ‘illusory body’ - one of the six yogas of Naropa. One of my old gurus
          told a story when he was in three-year retreat one of the retreatants
          would end up outsice the locked compound frequently when doing
          the practice. The practice has similarities with astral projection.
          Here is an excerpt from Wiki:
           
          Gyulu: an outer sadhana
           
          Through studying their reflection in the mirror
          [5], the practitioner
          visualizes images of their own nondual bodymind. This is a practice
          in resolving
          duality into the mystery of nonduality. Gyulu is essentially
          a type of
          thoughtform practice, where the aspirant works towards realising
          the inherently illusory, empty or void nature (
          shunyata) of samsara and the
          realm of
          duality.
          The practitioner projects their imaginal self onto the mirror-image and
          identify this with the
          sambhogakaya form of their Yidam, and thereby link
          their
          mindstream and consciousness with that of the tutelary deity or yidam.
          Though a mystery, this association yields the mutual attribution and iteration
          of the inherent primordial essence-qualities of both the practitioner and the
          yidam. For a practitioner engaged in this practice, their mundane samsaric
          duality resolves into the mystery of primordial nonduality or nirvana whilst
          in body. The fruit of the practice is when the
          sadhaka views the inherent
          buddhahood in all phenomena and beings.[6] When they embody the
          nirmanakaya or 'emanation body', the rainbow gankyil, mandala and bindu
          that is their inherent primordial essence-quality.
           
          My same old guru grew up in a nomadic family in Tibet and said he
          Remembered how fascinated he was when he first saw a glass mirror.
           
          I have experienced “remote viewing” slightly when I close my eyes in a
          dark room I can still see the ceiling and walls - or perhaps just an image
          of them remembered but very vivid. There is a story about a zen monk
          who was meditating as usual facing the wall and became able to see
          through the wall. He got excited and proclaimed his enlightenment - of
          course the zen master examined him and said no it is just a residual
          power- nothing to get excited about so go back to the technique.
           
          Mirrors are also used for divination in many cultures.


          --- On Thu, 1/1/09, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...> wrote:
          From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...>
          Subject: [Southern_Ohio_Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
          To: Southern_Ohio_Pagans@yahoogroups.com
          Date: Thursday, January 1, 2009, 8:28 PM

          "You might not like me for saying this but why not just
          leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense?"

          Not a matter of what I like or not like you saying
          m'dear...lol. ..just t'is.
          Since you've asked me this...I've put a little thought into it. I
          won't go to a psychologist: as a mental health nurse I do not enjoy
          being the subject of analyzation techniques I'm familiar with...they
          make me uncomfortable and I feel worse. When I would try to 'vent' at
          work, my associates, so very trained in their natures would always
          get 'that' face and ask the "and how does that make you feel?" "what
          do you think motivates this?" sort of questions... and I'd just want
          to scream. That sort of 'treatment' works for those who are
          comfortable with it and not used to working in it I suppose...not
          many of my colleagues have their own therapists, so I don't think I'm
          the only one like that. I tend to lean more to introspect and friends.

          I found this interesting though:

          Definition of Eisoptrophobia
          Eisoptrophobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of mirrors. Sufferers
          experience undue anxiety even though they realize their fear is
          irrational. Because their fear often is grounded in superstitions,
          they may worry that breaking a mirror will bring bad luck or that
          looking into a mirror will put them in contact with a supernatural
          world inside the glass.

          Mirrors and other reflective surfaces have long been associated with
          the strange or the bizarre. For example, in Greek mythology,
          Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in the water of a
          fountain. He thought he was seeing the image of a beautiful nymph.
          Unable to embrace or call forth the image, he pined away and was
          eventually transformed into a flower. In The Picture of Dorian Gray,
          a novel by Oscar Wilde, a portrait of a handsome young man begins to
          deteriorate, reflecting the corruption of the man's inner being. The
          portrait becomes a mirror reflecting the state of the young man's
          soul. The man eventually commits murder and suicide.

          "Eisoptrophobia" is derived from the Greek "eis" (into) and "optikos"
          (vision, image, sight). Other English words derived from "optikos"
          include "optic" (relating to vision) and "optician," a technician who
          designs eyeglasses according to a prescription. "

          And that...might be a 'key'..."that looking into a mirror will put
          them in contact with a supernatural world inside the glass."...which
          I think you were alluding to. (?)

          And this, is interesting.
          "
          Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.

          Catoptrophobia (also known as Eisoptrophobia) is a special kind of
          fear in which people start fearing looking into mirrors. They fear
          from looking straight eye to eye in large mirrors specially the Body
          length or larger mirrors. The people suffering from Catoptrophobia
          avoid passing in front of mirrors. They also avoid seeing themselves
          in these mirrors. It is still under research that whether the fear is
          from the mirror or from the image of the person suffering from phobia
          reflected in the mirrow.

          Symptoms of Catoptrophobia
          Symptoms can range from just mild avoidance of mirrors to full blown
          panic attacks.

          Catoptrophobia is characterised by individuals suffering from
          shortness of breath, heavy breath, sweating, anxiety, etc. Staying
          away from mirror is something which cannot be avoided, hence it is
          important for the person to think about the possible treatment
          options available from the cure of Catoptrophobia.

          Sufferers of Catoptrophobia
          Sufferers may fear mirrors for a variety of reasons, usually because
          of some emotional trauma involving mirrors, but also superstitious
          fear of being watched through mirrors, of mirrors being a gateway
          into the supernatural or a window into another world are common.

          Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and avoidance
          of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into an
          aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."

          I know that I haven't conciously considered mirrors as 'gateways to a
          supernatural realm'...I just know I've been afraid to look at myself
          in one. I don't carry any concious belief in
          superstitions. ...although I know many and often repeat them, eg; my
          nose itches, companies coming; the broom fell, bad company's coming;
          my ears are burning someone's talking about me; avoid walking under
          ladders, etc.

          Most of these superstitions have practical basis and I enjoy
          spreading them around. I discovered long ago the wisdom in old wives
          tales and superstition. ..more 'coded' knowledge that is passed down
          by tradition... .eg garlic keeps vampires away...and garlic is a
          potent antibacterial agent, and 'vampires' cause illness (now we call
          them 'germs' or 'kissing bugs').
          In regard to mirrors and superstition. ..I've considered them but
          haven't found nor looked for a basis: break a mirror, 7 years bad
          luck. This likely stems from some obscure common knowledge at one
          point.
          I've always had concern about the superstition of mirrors capturing
          souls....my grandmother and my mother told me when I was young that a
          mirror could steal your soul....and I thought that this was an
          implication of vanity. My grandma and mom consider it bad practice to
          have a baby look into a mirror before they choose to do it
          themselves... .
          I...according to my mother...have always had an infatuation with
          mirrors...and would spend hours in one. This I know to be true, prior
          to a few years ago. It allowed me to 'watch' myself as I'd play out
          my little fantasies in a mirror...I'd even talk to myself in the
          mirror, lol. My step-son Thomas has the same affinity...spending
          hours watching himself do jumping jacks or pretending he is on-stage
          singing for all to hear, or just making faces.

          "Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and avoidance
          of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into an
          aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."

          This I've considered for myself...a sort a 'shame' for reacting as I
          did and then having to conquer an 'irrational' fear of the basement.
          Also dealing with emotionality in this relationship and under much
          stress...fighting depressive states.

          I understand the 'fear'...of 'letting go' and 'falling into'...I
          realized long ago that I had some major control issues and they were
          the cause of much of the 'suffering' in my life...and I learned
          to 'let go'. This is when I learned what religion means when they say
          to 'trust in god's plan and let him lead'. About the only 'control'
          issue I have left is driving...I don't make a very good passenger if
          the person drives carelessly and I'd rather drive. When I 'dove off'
          the edge long ago, and realized 'I don't know' and decided that life
          was going to be an experience not a waste...I found my 'inner peace'.

          In trying to learn to meditate...quiet the mind, I practiced just
          letting whatever come and go in my head...practiced letting go.
          Sometimes I'd get sick to my stomach and vomit, but mostly I'd just
          fall asleep, very peacefully. Now I can 'do' that...pictures and
          images come into my mind at random...but they don't 'stay' often.
          When they become repetitive and nagging...then I'm somewhat 'forced'
          into analyzing them...and this has led me down 'my way' thus far.

          Today...resting, I was considering the light patterns that I
          perceived with my eyes closed and shadowy images of a church and
          mountain scenery and a town and different changing images of people
          were 'streaming' through my mind...and I had the sensation that I was
          riding in a vehicle. If I would try to 'look' closer, to focus on any
          one thing...it stopped until I relaxed again. But...this I've done
          all my life. This is part of 'fantasy land' that is familiar to 'me'
          and my sense of 'self'.

          It may sound odd...but I guess I can do what they call 'remote
          sensing' or 'viewing'... where I can 'see' in my mind what is around
          me with my eyes closed and in a sort of 'trance' state...half asleep
          and half awake....when I'm relaxed and at peace but still 'alert'.

          I used to wonder if it was just my brain using the stimulus of the
          sounds and sensations to piece together any image in my mind...but at
          each 'experiment' I could open my eyes and see exactly the image in
          my head...even reading road signs while the boyfriend is driving and
          I'm trying to relax.
          I have found that I can perceive the world without
          actually 'actively' participating in it that moment...with my mind.
          My kids think I'm crazy...because I know what they're up to when I
          shouldn't. My son has taken to trying to steal my cigarettes at
          night...and I can be asleep, but I become aware as the scene plays
          out in my mind: I'm in the bedroom 'watching' him, and I choose to
          wake up and scare the hell out of him, just as he is sliding that one
          cigarette out of my pack that might be in my pocket or my purse...

          Don't get me wrong...I can't do this all the time 'at will'...it just
          happens when it happens...and it tends to be a useful skill.

          I think that this is part of the 'alert-ness' of zen...or it seems
          very familiar in the words that is used to describe 'alert' in
          referrence to zen. Conciousness. ..blending into the unconciousness,
          and the choice to use conciousness to know unconciousness. ..if that
          makes any sense to you...part of becoming a 'master' of one's own
          will.

          About the ability to 'see' with my mind...my ears ring constantly. I
          am very 'sensitive' to sound and have acute hearing. When I was
          younger my eyesight was poor and my ears compensated. My eyesight is
          still poor, but I wear glasses/contacts now. I think this enabled the
          sense of 'alertness' that I have. And I think that I perceive the
          majority of my world through the ringing in my ears...and how my
          brain interprets it...if that makes any sense.

          I'm more comfortable in the dark than many people, as I'm accustomed
          to poor vision and my hearing allows me to perceive what is in the
          dark around me. My eyes are over-sensitive to light and are a
          peculiar grey-blue-green color...which I've passed on to my children.
          This is part of the reason behind my 'screen name'....'sage' is
          similar to the color of my eyes. I'm more comfortable in natural, dim
          light than bright lights...I can actually see better that way than
          when its bright. And it sounds odd...but with these eyes come
          other 'peculiar gits'. My sons can vouch for that.

          --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, chakra37 <kentagain@. ..>
          wrote:
          >
          >
          > Hi Sage,
          >  
          > Interesting story. Having just read a book on "trance" I would
          > suggest that maybe you were in a dissociative state due to coming
          > directly from sleep which may have had an influence on the mental
          > part of your experience.
          >  
          > "One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
          are,
          > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow. "
          >
          >  
          > I think that is one thing that happens at death when mind and body
          are
          > separated. Traumatic experiences are known to trigger a sort of
          loss of self.
          > I read something (or was it a video) about a woman who had a
          mystical
          > experience while having a stroke. (Maybe I'll try to dig it up - it
          was
          > quite interesting) . Anyway - the sages say that the "sense of self"
          is a
          > lie - but one we are so accustomed to that it sort of defines our
          comfort
          > zone. Our normal view of self is restrictive. People who have done
          too
          > much LSD have had such experiences of a more or less continuous
          > mental/psychic/ psych-physical sensitivity. The artist Robert Beer
          lives
          > with a sensitivity as such.
          >  
          > Our old Golden Retriever "Bacchus" had seizures most of his life.
          He was
          > big so he would bash into furniture and flip around quite a bit -
          sometimes
          > pee - if we were home we would just sort of hold him in place to
          keep
          > him from hurting himself. He had them maybe 2 or 3 times a month for
          > several years. We also had a kitten that had them but seems it was
          temporary.
          > Seizures for dogs are actually not that uncommon. When he got old he
          > could not stand - I had to carry him outside and hold him up while
          he
          > did his business - then wipe and wash the gangrene from my arms - we
          > knew he didn't have long but it was summer and for the first time we
          > had air conditioning so he enjoyed long days sleeping in the cool
          > house. Then one day he was gone. This experience and others with
          > several sick cats convinced me that it is best to let them die on
          their
          > own. I am not getting on your case for putting him down - most
          people
          > do it -some for mercy as in your case - and others for mere
          convenience.
          > Natural death for animal pets is often gooey and stinky. I sometimes
          > read them instructions for the bardo when they are dying and always
          > light incense for them and prayers and mantras. I found one of our
          > ducklings murdered the other day - he was about 5 month old so
          bigger
          > but not full grown and very close to the house - in examining the
          wounds
          > all I could figure was perhaps a hawk swooped down as it was not
          > carried off and the part of the flesh was eaten. It has been over 3
          years
          > since we lost a duck or a chicken to a predator so I am a little
          concerned.
          > Anyway - sorry to digress.
          >  
          > I would suggest that you explore your trauma with a psychologist to
          get
          > a more professional opinion - the modern respectable form of sham -
          man.
          > I don't quite understand the significance of the mirror in your
          story except
          > perhaps as a trigger. The dog, the mirror, the bolt of electricity,
          the basement,
          > fear, irrationality, smoking. How do they relate? If you draw
          perhaps draw
          > a picture. As for electricity - my wife has been struck by
          lightning three
          > times and she had some health problems for a while after the one
          time -
          > so electrical shock can cause psycho-physical changes - some
          shamans
          > would consider a traumatic electric shock whether by lightning or
          not -
          > being chosen by the spirits as a shaman or traveler between the
          worlds.
          > Losing oneself in the astral by experiencing the dismantling or
          cutting up
          > of the body in a mental way is the traditional traumatic experience
          of
          > the shaman in several cultures. In some of these cultures women are
          > not permitted to be shamans. Perhaps as mothers women are more
          > hard-wired to be watchful, alert, and in a together state of
          consciousness.
          > Letting go into the world of no control is perhaps more difficult -
          I don't
          > really know. You might not like me for saying this but why not just
          > leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense?
          >  
          > Sometimes in meditation I get the sense that I am falling - not like
          > falling down - more like falling apart - perhaps falling together -
          > I don't know - but too often - I think about what I am experiencing
          > rationally and it immediately goes away. Then I am left to wonder
          why
          > when a door opens I am afraid (by the power of habit) to go through
          > it. - a similar thing occasionally happens in the hynogogic state
          just
          > before falling asleep.
          >  
          > BTW - give up smoking. It is bad for your health. I smoked every day
          > for 16 years and quite flat out. It can be done. You can do it.
          > You will be glad you did. Or like me so baffled that you were able
          to
          > that it became a symbolic gesture that anything is possible.
          >
          > --- On Tue, 12/30/08, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...> wrote:
          >
          > From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...>
          > Subject: [Southern_Ohio_ Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
          > To: Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com
          > Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 11:21 AM
          >
          >
          >
          >
          >
          >
          > About 3 years ago or so, I had a 'traumatic' experience.. .to say
          the
          > least. I experienced what it means to be 'terrified'. ..I don't
          mean
          > the 'frozen in fear feeling of dread' meaning of 'terrified'. ..I
          mean
          > freakin' scared beyond scared meaning of 'terrified'. ..
          >
          > Firstly...I' m a rational person. I don't 'scare' easily. I am
          often
          > the calmest in a difficult situation, part of the group that keeps
          > their 'head' and calms and directs others in an emergency type or
          > difficult situation. I'm not afraid of the 'dark'...I like being in
          > it, because its comforting in its 'darkness'. I'm not afraid of the
          > idea of 'ghosts'...as I've had some 'odd' experiences throughout my
          > lifetime, since childhood.
          >
          > Four years ago, I moved into the house I'm living in now with the
          > boyfriend. Its a very old house, which I happen to enjoy.. When I
          > moved in, the boyfriend and company had a border collie named Bingo
          > who was about 15 years old. We were friendly. I liked her and she
          > liked me. I found her to be very intelligent with a sense of dry
          > humor. The boys that she had been so faithful to for the 15 years
          of
          > her life were at a point where since she had always been around,
          they
          > sort of forgot she was there. Sort of 'neglected' her, as they
          wanted
          > to play x-box and various games, wouldn't bathe her or feed her
          > regularly or take her outside to play or go on walks...etc. I did
          all
          > those things with her and she appreciated it, and we got on quite
          > well. She was the 'dominant female' entity in the household among
          all
          > the other males, and she kept me company, being the 'other' female.
          >
          > I smoke...and I enjoy restoring old furniture. I sort of 'set up
          > shop' in the basement of this old house. I'd spend hours down
          there,
          > reading and drawing and planning, smoking; and refurbishing the
          dozen
          > or so dining room chairs that we had at the time. The electrical
          > wiring in this old house isn't so good. Its 200amp service and only
          > parts of it have been updated and much of it is still the old knob
          > and tube wiring. Many of our light switches are the original turn
          > switches or the push-buttons. Non-fluorescent light bulbs don't
          last
          > very long as we have power-surges often.
          >
          > As I'd spend time in the basement, the lights wouldn't always work.
          > There would be times when I'd need another light on, and it would
          > just 'come on'...which I found 'comforting' as it seemed as though
          > the 'spirit' of the house liked me.
          > When the boyfriend moved in, he had plans of remodeling.. .and I
          > wanted to 'restore'. We would compromise, and blend the old and the
          > new...maintaing the most prominent details in keeping with the
          > original Victorian style of the house. It so happened that each
          time
          > I would pick a paint color or new wallpaper, as we were tearing out
          > the old, I would find nearly exactly at the original layer what I
          > had chosen for the new. This, again, I found comforting.
          >
          > I had no reason to 'fear' these coincidences.
          >
          > Sometimes I can't sleep...because the boyfriend snores excessively
          > loud and wakes me up.
          > One such occurence three yearsago , I decided to go ahead and get
          out
          > of bed, about 3 or 4 am. I went downstairs to our kitchen, and
          tried
          > to plug in the coffee pot. Bingo was lying on the rug in front of
          our
          > sink in the kitchen, like she normally did. The outlet is a GFI so
          it
          > has that reset button on it, and it doesn't always work. Our coffee
          > pot often triggers the breaker. This happened that morning...and
          the
          > breaker box is in the basement. I opened the basement door, walked
          > down two steps, put my fingers on the turn switch, and as I was
          > turning the switch this 'it'...this sense of 'something' passed
          from
          > the tips of my toes and THROUGH my SENSE OF BEING...
          > I remember not being aware of anything but that feeling...when I
          > could think, all I wanted to do was 'run'..and that's exactly what
          I
          > did, run away from the direction it was 'coming' from. I made it
          > through the kitchen, through the dining room, through our deep
          foyer
          > and halfway up our stairs when my family came running out of their
          > bedrooms.... because I was screaming, shrieking apparently, and I
          > didn't even know I was.
          > The logical thing here...is I was getting 'shocked' electrically by
          > the old switch...which has not happened to anyone in this house yet
          > by using that switch, then and now. I've been shocked before, by
          some
          > pretty high voltage at times...and I know what that feels
          like...and
          > it wasn't what 'this it' had felt like at all. Getting
          > shocked 'hurts' and 'burns' and 'aches'. This wasn't like that at
          > all.
          > My family, of course, scared by my screaming, wanting to know what
          > was going on...forced me to 'sit' and stop shrieking, and 'breathe'
          > instead. Each of the six of them asking me at once 'what
          the...????'
          > Because 'mom' has never done this. Mom doesn't ever react to
          anything
          > like this. I hadn't ever...and I nothing like that since. All I
          could
          > do was mumble..'the basement'. And then I cried and cried and cried
          > sitting on the steps. Until I 'regained' my own 'sense of
          > being'...the sense of being 'me' and how I usually 'feel' as 'me'.
          >
          > One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
          are,
          > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow.
          >
          > My son...very much like his mother...calmly directing the
          situation,
          > asks me 'what do you need?'...'where are your cigarettes?' ...of
          > course, they are in 'the basement'. He grabs a flashlight, and him
          > and my boyfriend go to 'the basement'... my son tells me that as he
          > was going into the basement, Bingo was at the bottom of the stairs,
          > looking up at him. (He thinks it was Bingo that scared me.) When I
          > was in the kitchen, Bingo was lying on the rug near the coffee pot.
          > Apparently I left my house-slippers on the steps when I ran
          > away...because my son brought me those too.
          >
          > And it would be wonderful if this story 'ended' here. My family
          found
          > nothing in the basement. And nothing 'wrong' with the turn-switch.
          > For weeks I couldn't go near the basement, by myself. I could go if
          > someone was in my presence. For months I was unable to look into a
          > mirror...at all....without a sense of paralyzing fear.
          > My boyfriend bought me some books on being 'a sensitive'.. .trying
          > to 'help' me through it. More of those 'how to' Llewellyn guides...
          >
          > The worst part though...is Bingo. I tried to approach Bingo, and
          she
          > would growl at me and try to bite me. If she didn't try to bite me,
          > she would glare at me and walk away. This went on for a couple of
          > weeks, and then Bingo began to 'debilitate' . She was old for a dog
          > anyway....but what happened to Bingo is still 'unbelievable' and I'm
          > glad that I have witnesses. Bingo started having trouble
          > walking...her back legs would seem to go numb and she'd drag them
          > behind her. Then control of her bowels and bladder ceased...then
          > the 'seizures' set in. And in all of my life as a farmer's daughter
          > and lover of animals and as a nurse...have I ever seen anything
          like
          > the 'seizures' that Bingo had. Her body would stiffen, her neck
          would
          > arch to the point where it looked like her head was nearly turned
          > backward and she would 'flip' about 3 feet into the air somer-sault
          > like, over and over for about 5 minutes at a time...then she would
          > regain control of her self and sleep. Bingo was like this for
          > months...and the vet couldn't explain it other than 'old age and
          > seizures'. Finally, Bingo would let me near her, and I would carry
          > her outside or to the bath and clean her up, and let her enjoy the
          > weather or whatnot. She got to a point where she couldn't walk at
          > all, and she just 'whined' all the time.
          > After months of watching her agony, I couldn't take it anymore and
          > asked the boyfriend his thoughts about putting her down. He agreed.
          > After a few more weeks, we took Bingo to the Vet...we carried her
          in
          > and put her on the table and she just lay there. The vet got his
          > injection ready and put his hand on Bingo's neck. For the first
          time
          > in about four weeks, Bingo perched up on her legs, holding herself
          > up, kind of smiled and looked 'happy'...and then the vet injected
          her
          > and she 'flopped' onto the table, life-less.
          >
          > In the months after Bingo's death, I forced myself to find the
          > courage to 'conquer' my fear of the basement. I can go near it and
          > down into it, but I have to 'talk to it'...announce myself and 'its
          > me' sort of thing. I get what I need and get out of it. I don't
          have
          > my 'shop' down there anymore. Its pure storage now. Since then I've
          > been smoking inside the house, not just the basement.
          >
          > I forced myself to try to conquer my fear of a mirror...which I
          have,
          > as long as its daylight. I know this is very 'weird'...
          > If its 'dark', and I catch a glimpse of a reflection,
          > I'm 'scared'...I will talk myself through it and look away...but I
          > have a 'psychological' impulse to get as far from that reflected
          > image as I can...including reflections from window glare or
          moonlight
          > on a pool of water.
          > I don't have issue with midnight on the ocean...or driving and
          > mirrors...but if it involves 'seeing' or 'anyalyzing' my-self in a
          > mirror...there is a 'psychological fear-impulse' that I have to
          > rationalize and be 'brave' to overcome. Ironically, my house is
          full
          > of mirrors...nearly every room has an old fireplace mantel with a
          > mirror built into it. Ironically.. .that I've personally hand-
          sanded
          > and restored....lol.
          >
          > As for the entire incident...I don't have a 'reason' for it. I
          don't
          > have a 'rational explanation' for it either. 'It' just happened. I
          > experienced it...and I remember...I know. It is 'unforgettable' .
          Each
          > person I've ever shared the story with...they have a reason, or
          > plausible reason or rationality. ..but I don't.
          > The boyfriend likes to encourage me to share my story...like one of
          > those 'ghost tale' adventures around a campfire or going to a
          seance
          > or playing with a ouija board...but I can't. It's not that 'easy'.
          > I'd rather NOT talk about it...let alone share it with a stranger
          who
          > doesn't 'get it'.
          >
          > It's odd, but a phrase from an Emily Dickinson poem that I've
          always
          > liked brings me 'comfort'... .'I could not stop for death, so he
          > kindly stopped for me'.
          >
          > My 'life' has been 'different' since then.
          >
          > I share this because you mention a 'mirror' to 'regress'... and I
          > don't think I could do this. At least not now. Maybe sometime in
          the
          > future. I don't know if I'd even want to try.
          > My grandmother and my mother firmly believe in 'old souls'...and
          I've
          > been raised with this tradition. Some of us are born with 'old
          souls'
          > that have a path to walk again. My son is a demonstration of this.
          He
          > has an inherent 'wisdom' to his personality. He is nonetheless a
          > child...who does things age-appropriately. But he is 'stuck' with
          > this 'wisdom' that exudes from him....and adults around him forget
          > that he IS a child. Some adults 'fear' him, because he exudes a
          sort
          > of 'dominant' personal power...which he is coming to realize
          himself.
          > He is 14 turning 15...and actively having sex which has engaged his
          > natural hormones...he is having physical responses that are
          > interfering with the 'sense of self' that he is accustomed to...in
          a
          > way he's like a young 'wizard' who needs 'training' to 'harness and
          > control' his 'power'...before he hurts himself or someone else.
          >
          > When he was about 10 months old, he was speaking in complete
          > sentences. My favorite memory of him at that age was when he asked
          me
          > to 'bless his blankie'. For the life of me I couldn't figure out
          what
          > we wanted me to do! He just kept asking me to do it, to where I had
          > to ask him to show me what he meant. He patiently went to his
          > blanket, and spread it out on the floor, and lay on it. Telling
          > me 'bless my blankie'...as if to 'teach' me. I said 'oh, spread it
          > out'...as a sort of 'aha' understanding. ...and he says
          sternly...'no.
          > BLESS'.
          > This is from my American Heritage Dictionary:
          > bless: to make holy or sanctify; to make the sign of the cross over
          > to sanctify; to invoke divine favor upon; to honor as if to
          glorify;
          > to confer well-being see *bhel
          >
          > *bhel- to shine or blaze; glow red
          > *bhel 2. -to blow; swell referring to round objects
          > *bhel 3. - to thrive, blossom, bloom, spread out or unfold.
          >
          > This is from the proto-indo-european root word dictionary section
          of
          > my book. How in the hell did my son know this? Dunno. No one in my
          > family has ever used 'bless' to mean 'unfold'.
          >
          > 'Old souls' is what my matrileneal family calls it.
          >
          > --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, "chakra37"
          > <kentagain@ ..> wrote:
          > >
          > > Sage,
          > >
          > > As far as the methods for remembering the past.
          > >
          > > One is to simply meditate by watching your face in a mirror.
          > > I tried this as a meditative practice many years ago and
          > > got a strange impression and got strangely the name
          > > Spurius or Spirius came up - not uncommon (Latin name)
          > > in Roman times and beyond. Just recently after reading
          > > Raven Grimasse'e book on Italian Witchcraft I found
          > > out it was a suggested practice for remembering past
          > > lives.
          > >
          > > The other practice came from or through Crowley and
          > > involves thinking backwards or recalling events in reverse.
          > > Maybe google or yahoo `magical memory' and you
          > > could find more precise methods.
          > >
          > > While these things may or may not be useful - I think it is
          > > important not to dwell on the past too much.
          > >
          >


        • sagefemme_25
          There is a story about a zen monk who was meditating as usual facing the wall and became able to see through the wall. He got excited and proclaimed his
          Message 4 of 9 , Jan 2, 2009
          • 0 Attachment
            "There is a story about a zen monk
            who was meditating as usual facing the wall and became able to see
            through the wall. He got excited and proclaimed his enlightenment - of
            course the zen master examined him and said no it is just a residual
            power- nothing to get excited about so go back to the technique."

            lol...I find this funny and heartwarming.

            Online...is 'Osho Times'...which offers Zen tarot and transformation
            tarot...I go to this site when I need 'help' in my contemplation;
            when I'm really feeling lost I guess is a good way to say it. I don't
            go often. The cards and their interpretations are 'soothing'
            and 'thought-provoking'.
            Its not so much the belief in the 'tarot' and the 'divination'
            aspect, but the ability to glean insight from commentary. I normally
            get the same cards. Over time, I've gone through them all...because I
            wanted to read them, learn them. But each time I do a general spread,
            I get the same first cards...it's ironic. I wonder, because its a
            computer program and 'random'...but that is irrelevant. Its what the
            process does for my thought processes that is relevant.

            I enjoy them.

            Yesterday, I explored the 'transformation tarot' for the first time,
            as I often 'use' the Zen tarot. The tranformation tarot is laden with
            Zen master stories...which are comforting and uniquely able to invoke
            introspective thought for me. I tend to 'get more' from these stories
            than others available.
            I'm not certain the first card of yesterday...but I 'drew' three
            different cards; a story about 'being authentic'...true to oneself,
            in which a very pure, humble authentic disciple arrived at the
            master's. The other sages were jealous of him and trying to 'kill'
            him...of which he seemed unaware. He jumped of a cliff, unharmed...as
            the other sages said he could if he trusted in the master; he saved a
            woman and child from a burning building without being harmed, as the
            other sages said he could if trusted in the master; he walked on
            water, as the other sages said he could if he trusted in the master.
            At this point the master saw him for the first time, walking on
            water...and the master called out to him: the disciple said he was
            doing this in the 'master's power'...and the master thought that if
            this 'stupid simple man' could do that in his power/name, he would
            try it. The master drowned.

            Another card about 'imitation'...a zen master would hold up one
            finger when explaining zen to his disciples. A young boy took to
            imitating the master by holding up one finger. The master caught him
            one day doing this, and when the boy raised his finger, the master
            cut it off. The boy ran away crying in pain. The master said 'stop'
            and the boy stopped without tears. The master raised his finger, and
            when the boy went to raise his, he realized it wasn't there, and at
            that moment he became enlightened.
            In the commentary it was said that the master was very
            compassionate...for only with much compassion can you be so
            hard...and this I understand. This is something I 'know'...and its
            not often in most cultures that these 'acts' are understood
            as 'compassion'....often instead viewed as 'cruel'.

            The third card was the 'gates of hell'. In which a samurai came to a
            master to ask how to know the gate of hell and the gate of heaven, so
            he could choose the gate of heaven. The zen master provoked the ego
            of the samurai, and when the samurai was about to chop off the
            master's head, he said 'this is the gate of hell'. The samurai
            stopped and sheathed his sword in understanding, and the master
            said 'this is the gate of heaven'.
            This card is the card that I 'needed' yesterday...lol. As my son was
            being very harsh and mean to me, and I became hurt and angry...I
            opened the gate to hell yesterday, and then chose to close it after I
            read the card. Hopefully I will have better luck today...

            I think 'enlightment' happens more than once....more of a process
            toward a goal, than just a 'one time' final achievement.

            Your sharing of the story of the zen monk makes sense to me...I
            appreciate it. This is one of the reasons that I had trouble engaging
            in groups who like to do 'ritual magic' and such and pride themselves
            on 'skills'. One of the reasons I don't care for Lewellyn how-to
            guides either. I dropped the idea of 'wizardry' long ago...although
            its tempting to 'pick it back up'...but from a 'wiser' perspective,
            and tempting to share it...I think many would be 'disappointed'
            though...when they aren't Harry Potter.







            --- In Southern_Ohio_Pagans@yahoogroups.com, chakra37 <kentagain@...>
            wrote:
            >
            >
            > Hi Sage,
            >  
            > Mirror-gazing is employed in the Indo-Tibetan tantric yoga of the
            > `illusory body' - one of the six yogas of Naropa. One of my old
            gurus
            > told a story when he was in three-year retreat one of the
            retreatants
            > would end up outsice the locked compound frequently when doing
            > the practice. The practice has similarities with astral projection.
            > Here is an excerpt from Wiki:
            >  
            > Gyulu: an outer sadhana
            >  
            > Through studying their reflection in the mirror[5], the
            practitioner
            > visualizes images of their own nondual bodymind. This is a practice
            > in resolving duality into the mystery of nonduality. Gyulu is
            essentially
            > a type of thoughtform practice, where the aspirant works towards
            realising
            > the inherently illusory, empty or void nature (shunyata) of samsara
            and the
            > realm of duality.
            > The practitioner projects their imaginal self onto the mirror-image
            and
            > identify this with the sambhogakaya form of their Yidam, and
            thereby link
            > their mindstream and consciousness with that of the tutelary deity
            or yidam..
            > Though a mystery, this association yields the mutual attribution
            and iteration
            > of the inherent primordial essence-qualities of both the
            practitioner and the
            > yidam. For a practitioner engaged in this practice, their mundane
            samsaric
            > duality resolves into the mystery of primordial nonduality or
            nirvana whilst
            > in body. The fruit of the practice is when the sadhaka views the
            inherent
            > buddhahood in all phenomena and beings.[6] When they embody the
            > nirmanakaya or 'emanation body', the rainbow gankyil, mandala and
            bindu
            > that is their inherent primordial essence-quality.
            >  
            > My same old guru grew up in a nomadic family in Tibet and said he
            > Remembered how fascinated he was when he first saw a glass mirror.
            >  
            > I have experienced "remote viewing" slightly when I close my eyes
            in a
            > dark room I can still see the ceiling and walls - or perhaps just
            an image
            > of them remembered but very vivid. There is a story about a zen
            monk
            > who was meditating as usual facing the wall and became able to see
            > through the wall. He got excited and proclaimed his enlightenment -
            of
            > course the zen master examined him and said no it is just a residual
            > power- nothing to get excited about so go back to the technique.
            >  
            > Mirrors are also used for divination in many cultures.
            >
            > --- On Thu, 1/1/09, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...> wrote:
            >
            > From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...>
            > Subject: [Southern_Ohio_Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
            > To: Southern_Ohio_Pagans@yahoogroups.com
            > Date: Thursday, January 1, 2009, 8:28 PM
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            > "You might not like me for saying this but why not just
            > leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense?"
            >
            > Not a matter of what I like or not like you saying
            > m'dear...lol. ..just t'is.
            > Since you've asked me this...I've put a little thought into it. I
            > won't go to a psychologist: as a mental health nurse I do not enjoy
            > being the subject of analyzation techniques I'm familiar
            with...they
            > make me uncomfortable and I feel worse. When I would try to 'vent'
            at
            > work, my associates, so very trained in their natures would always
            > get 'that' face and ask the "and how does that make you
            feel?" "what
            > do you think motivates this?" sort of questions... and I'd just
            want
            > to scream. That sort of 'treatment' works for those who are
            > comfortable with it and not used to working in it I suppose...not
            > many of my colleagues have their own therapists, so I don't think
            I'm
            > the only one like that. I tend to lean more to introspect and
            friends.
            >
            > I found this interesting though:
            >
            > Definition of Eisoptrophobia
            > Eisoptrophobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of mirrors.
            Sufferers
            > experience undue anxiety even though they realize their fear is
            > irrational. Because their fear often is grounded in superstitions,
            > they may worry that breaking a mirror will bring bad luck or that
            > looking into a mirror will put them in contact with a supernatural
            > world inside the glass.
            >
            > Mirrors and other reflective surfaces have long been associated
            with
            > the strange or the bizarre. For example, in Greek mythology,
            > Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in the water of
            a
            > fountain. He thought he was seeing the image of a beautiful nymph.
            > Unable to embrace or call forth the image, he pined away and was
            > eventually transformed into a flower. In The Picture of Dorian
            Gray,
            > a novel by Oscar Wilde, a portrait of a handsome young man begins
            to
            > deteriorate, reflecting the corruption of the man's inner being.
            The
            > portrait becomes a mirror reflecting the state of the young man's
            > soul. The man eventually commits murder and suicide.
            >
            > "Eisoptrophobia" is derived from the Greek "eis" (into)
            and "optikos"
            > (vision, image, sight). Other English words derived from "optikos"
            > include "optic" (relating to vision) and "optician," a technician
            who
            > designs eyeglasses according to a prescription. "
            >
            > And that...might be a 'key'..."that looking into a mirror will put
            > them in contact with a supernatural world inside the
            glass."...which
            > I think you were alluding to. (?)
            >
            > And this, is interesting.
            > "
            > Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
            >
            > Catoptrophobia (also known as Eisoptrophobia) is a special kind of
            > fear in which people start fearing looking into mirrors. They fear
            > from looking straight eye to eye in large mirrors specially the
            Body
            > length or larger mirrors. The people suffering from Catoptrophobia
            > avoid passing in front of mirrors. They also avoid seeing
            themselves
            > in these mirrors. It is still under research that whether the fear
            is
            > from the mirror or from the image of the person suffering from
            phobia
            > reflected in the mirrow.
            >
            > Symptoms of Catoptrophobia
            > Symptoms can range from just mild avoidance of mirrors to full
            blown
            > panic attacks.
            >
            > Catoptrophobia is characterised by individuals suffering from
            > shortness of breath, heavy breath, sweating, anxiety, etc. Staying
            > away from mirror is something which cannot be avoided, hence it is
            > important for the person to think about the possible treatment
            > options available from the cure of Catoptrophobia.
            >
            > Sufferers of Catoptrophobia
            > Sufferers may fear mirrors for a variety of reasons, usually
            because
            > of some emotional trauma involving mirrors, but also superstitious
            > fear of being watched through mirrors, of mirrors being a gateway
            > into the supernatural or a window into another world are common.
            >
            > Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and
            avoidance
            > of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into
            an
            > aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."
            >
            > I know that I haven't conciously considered mirrors as 'gateways to
            a
            > supernatural realm'...I just know I've been afraid to look at
            myself
            > in one. I don't carry any concious belief in
            > superstitions. ...although I know many and often repeat them, eg;
            my
            > nose itches, companies coming; the broom fell, bad company's
            coming;
            > my ears are burning someone's talking about me; avoid walking under
            > ladders, etc.
            >
            > Most of these superstitions have practical basis and I enjoy
            > spreading them around. I discovered long ago the wisdom in old
            wives
            > tales and superstition. ..more 'coded' knowledge that is passed
            down
            > by tradition... .eg garlic keeps vampires away...and garlic is a
            > potent antibacterial agent, and 'vampires' cause illness (now we
            call
            > them 'germs' or 'kissing bugs').
            > In regard to mirrors and superstition. ..I've considered them but
            > haven't found nor looked for a basis: break a mirror, 7 years bad
            > luck. This likely stems from some obscure common knowledge at one
            > point.
            > I've always had concern about the superstition of mirrors capturing
            > souls....my grandmother and my mother told me when I was young that
            a
            > mirror could steal your soul....and I thought that this was an
            > implication of vanity. My grandma and mom consider it bad practice
            to
            > have a baby look into a mirror before they choose to do it
            > themselves.. .
            > I...according to my mother...have always had an infatuation with
            > mirrors...and would spend hours in one. This I know to be true,
            prior
            > to a few years ago. It allowed me to 'watch' myself as I'd play out
            > my little fantasies in a mirror...I'd even talk to myself in the
            > mirror, lol. My step-son Thomas has the same affinity...spending
            > hours watching himself do jumping jacks or pretending he is on-
            stage
            > singing for all to hear, or just making faces.
            >
            > "Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and
            avoidance
            > of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into
            an
            > aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."
            >
            > This I've considered for myself...a sort a 'shame' for reacting as
            I
            > did and then having to conquer an 'irrational' fear of the
            basement.
            > Also dealing with emotionality in this relationship and under much
            > stress...fighting depressive states.
            >
            > I understand the 'fear'...of 'letting go' and 'falling into'...I
            > realized long ago that I had some major control issues and they
            were
            > the cause of much of the 'suffering' in my life...and I learned
            > to 'let go'. This is when I learned what religion means when they
            say
            > to 'trust in god's plan and let him lead'. About the only 'control'
            > issue I have left is driving...I don't make a very good passenger
            if
            > the person drives carelessly and I'd rather drive. When I 'dove
            off'
            > the edge long ago, and realized 'I don't know' and decided that
            life
            > was going to be an experience not a waste...I found my 'inner
            peace'.
            >
            > In trying to learn to meditate...quiet the mind, I practiced just
            > letting whatever come and go in my head...practiced letting go.
            > Sometimes I'd get sick to my stomach and vomit, but mostly I'd just
            > fall asleep, very peacefully. Now I can 'do' that...pictures and
            > images come into my mind at random...but they don't 'stay' often.
            > When they become repetitive and nagging...then I'm
            somewhat 'forced'
            > into analyzing them...and this has led me down 'my way' thus far.
            >
            > Today...resting, I was considering the light patterns that I
            > perceived with my eyes closed and shadowy images of a church and
            > mountain scenery and a town and different changing images of people
            > were 'streaming' through my mind...and I had the sensation that I
            was
            > riding in a vehicle. If I would try to 'look' closer, to focus on
            any
            > one thing...it stopped until I relaxed again. But...this I've done
            > all my life. This is part of 'fantasy land' that is familiar
            to 'me'
            > and my sense of 'self'.
            >
            > It may sound odd...but I guess I can do what they call 'remote
            > sensing' or 'viewing'... where I can 'see' in my mind what is
            around
            > me with my eyes closed and in a sort of 'trance' state...half
            asleep
            > and half awake....when I'm relaxed and at peace but still 'alert'.
            >
            > I used to wonder if it was just my brain using the stimulus of the
            > sounds and sensations to piece together any image in my mind...but
            at
            > each 'experiment' I could open my eyes and see exactly the image in
            > my head...even reading road signs while the boyfriend is driving
            and
            > I'm trying to relax.
            > I have found that I can perceive the world without
            > actually 'actively' participating in it that moment...with my mind.
            > My kids think I'm crazy...because I know what they're up to when I
            > shouldn't. My son has taken to trying to steal my cigarettes at
            > night...and I can be asleep, but I become aware as the scene plays
            > out in my mind: I'm in the bedroom 'watching' him, and I choose to
            > wake up and scare the hell out of him, just as he is sliding that
            one
            > cigarette out of my pack that might be in my pocket or my purse...
            >
            > Don't get me wrong...I can't do this all the time 'at will'...it
            just
            > happens when it happens...and it tends to be a useful skill.
            >
            > I think that this is part of the 'alert-ness' of zen...or it seems
            > very familiar in the words that is used to describe 'alert' in
            > referrence to zen. Conciousness. ..blending into the
            unconciousness,
            > and the choice to use conciousness to know unconciousness. ..if
            that
            > makes any sense to you...part of becoming a 'master' of one's own
            > will.
            >
            > About the ability to 'see' with my mind...my ears ring constantly.
            I
            > am very 'sensitive' to sound and have acute hearing. When I was
            > younger my eyesight was poor and my ears compensated. My eyesight
            is
            > still poor, but I wear glasses/contacts now. I think this enabled
            the
            > sense of 'alertness' that I have. And I think that I perceive the
            > majority of my world through the ringing in my ears...and how my
            > brain interprets it...if that makes any sense.
            >
            > I'm more comfortable in the dark than many people, as I'm
            accustomed
            > to poor vision and my hearing allows me to perceive what is in the
            > dark around me. My eyes are over-sensitive to light and are a
            > peculiar grey-blue-green color...which I've passed on to my
            children.
            > This is part of the reason behind my 'screen name'...'sage' is
            > similar to the color of my eyes. I'm more comfortable in natural,
            dim
            > light than bright lights...I can actually see better that way than
            > when its bright. And it sounds odd...but with these eyes come
            > other 'peculiar gits'. My sons can vouch for that.
            >
            > --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, chakra37
            <kentagain@ ..>
            > wrote:
            > >
            > >
            > > Hi Sage,
            > >  
            > > Interesting story. Having just read a book on "trance" I would
            > > suggest that maybe you were in a dissociative state due to coming
            > > directly from sleep which may have had an influence on the mental
            > > part of your experience.
            > >  
            > > "One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
            > are,
            > > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow. "
            > >
            > >  
            > > I think that is one thing that happens at death when mind and
            body
            > are
            > > separated. Traumatic experiences are known to trigger a sort of
            > loss of self.
            > > I read something (or was it a video) about a woman who had a
            > mystical
            > > experience while having a stroke. (Maybe I'll try to dig it up -
            it
            > was
            > > quite interesting) . Anyway - the sages say that the "sense of
            self"
            > is a
            > > lie - but one we are so accustomed to that it sort of defines our
            > comfort
            > > zone. Our normal view of self is restrictive. People who have
            done
            > too
            > > much LSD have had such experiences of a more or less continuous
            > > mental/psychic/ psych-physical sensitivity. The artist Robert
            Beer
            > lives
            > > with a sensitivity as such.
            > >  
            > > Our old Golden Retriever "Bacchus" had seizures most of his life.
            > He was
            > > big so he would bash into furniture and flip around quite a bit -
            > sometimes
            > > pee - if we were home we would just sort of hold him in place to
            > keep
            > > him from hurting himself. He had them maybe 2 or 3 times a month
            for
            > > several years. We also had a kitten that had them but seems it
            was
            > temporary.
            > > Seizures for dogs are actually not that uncommon. When he got old
            he
            > > could not stand - I had to carry him outside and hold him up
            while
            > he
            > > did his business - then wipe and wash the gangrene from my arms -
            we
            > > knew he didn't have long but it was summer and for the first time
            we
            > > had air conditioning so he enjoyed long days sleeping in the cool
            > > house. Then one day he was gone. This experience and others with
            > > several sick cats convinced me that it is best to let them die on
            > their
            > > own. I am not getting on your case for putting him down - most
            > people
            > > do it -some for mercy as in your case - and others for mere
            > convenience.
            > > Natural death for animal pets is often gooey and stinky. I
            sometimes
            > > read them instructions for the bardo when they are dying and
            always
            > > light incense for them and prayers and mantras. I found one of
            our
            > > ducklings murdered the other day - he was about 5 month old so
            > bigger
            > > but not full grown and very close to the house - in examining the
            > wounds
            > > all I could figure was perhaps a hawk swooped down as it was not
            > > carried off and the part of the flesh was eaten. It has been over
            3
            > years
            > > since we lost a duck or a chicken to a predator so I am a little
            > concerned.
            > > Anyway - sorry to digress.
            > >  
            > > I would suggest that you explore your trauma with a psychologist
            to
            > get
            > > a more professional opinion - the modern respectable form of
            sham -
            > man.
            > > I don't quite understand the significance of the mirror in your
            > story except
            > > perhaps as a trigger. The dog, the mirror, the bolt of
            electricity,
            > the basement,
            > > fear, irrationality, smoking. How do they relate? If you draw
            > perhaps draw
            > > a picture. As for electricity - my wife has been struck by
            > lightning three
            > > times and she had some health problems for a while after the one
            > time -
            > > so electrical shock can cause psycho-physical changes - some
            > shamans
            > > would consider a traumatic electric shock whether by lightning or
            > not -
            > > being chosen by the spirits as a shaman or traveler between the
            > worlds.
            > > Losing oneself in the astral by experiencing the dismantling or
            > cutting up
            > > of the body in a mental way is the traditional traumatic
            experience
            > of
            > > the shaman in several cultures. In some of these cultures women
            are
            > > not permitted to be shamans. Perhaps as mothers women are more
            > > hard-wired to be watchful, alert, and in a together state of
            > consciousness.
            > > Letting go into the world of no control is perhaps more
            difficult -
            > I don't
            > > really know. You might not like me for saying this but why not
            just
            > > leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to
            sense?
            > >  
            > > Sometimes in meditation I get the sense that I am falling - not
            like
            > > falling down - more like falling apart - perhaps falling
            together -
            > > I don't know - but too often - I think about what I am
            experiencing
            > > rationally and it immediately goes away. Then I am left to wonder
            > why
            > > when a door opens I am afraid (by the power of habit) to go
            through
            > > it. - a similar thing occasionally happens in the hynogogic state
            > just
            > > before falling asleep.
            > >  
            > > BTW - give up smoking. It is bad for your health. I smoked every
            day
            > > for 16 years and quite flat out. It can be done. You can do it.
            > > You will be glad you did. Or like me so baffled that you were
            able
            > to
            > > that it became a symbolic gesture that anything is possible.
            > >
            > > --- On Tue, 12/30/08, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...> wrote:
            > >
            > > From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...>
            > > Subject: [Southern_Ohio_ Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
            > > To: Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com
            > > Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 11:21 AM
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > > About 3 years ago or so, I had a 'traumatic' experience.. .to say
            > the
            > > least. I experienced what it means to be 'terrified'. ..I don't
            > mean
            > > the 'frozen in fear feeling of dread' meaning of 'terrified'. ..I
            > mean
            > > freakin' scared beyond scared meaning of 'terrified'. ..
            > >
            > > Firstly...I' m a rational person. I don't 'scare' easily. I am
            > often
            > > the calmest in a difficult situation, part of the group that
            keeps
            > > their 'head' and calms and directs others in an emergency type or
            > > difficult situation. I'm not afraid of the 'dark'...I like being
            in
            > > it, because its comforting in its 'darkness'. I'm not afraid of
            the
            > > idea of 'ghosts'...as I've had some 'odd' experiences throughout
            my
            > > lifetime, since childhood.
            > >
            > > Four years ago, I moved into the house I'm living in now with the
            > > boyfriend. Its a very old house, which I happen to enjoy. When I
            > > moved in, the boyfriend and company had a border collie named
            Bingo
            > > who was about 15 years old. We were friendly. I liked her and she
            > > liked me. I found her to be very intelligent with a sense of dry
            > > humor. The boys that she had been so faithful to for the 15 years
            > of
            > > her life were at a point where since she had always been around,
            > they
            > > sort of forgot she was there. Sort of 'neglected' her, as they
            > wanted
            > > to play x-box and various games, wouldn't bathe her or feed her
            > > regularly or take her outside to play or go on walks...etc. I did
            > all
            > > those things with her and she appreciated it, and we got on quite
            > > well. She was the 'dominant female' entity in the household among
            > all
            > > the other males, and she kept me company, being the 'other'
            female.
            > >
            > > I smoke...and I enjoy restoring old furniture. I sort of 'set up
            > > shop' in the basement of this old house. I'd spend hours down
            > there,
            > > reading and drawing and planning, smoking; and refurbishing the
            > dozen
            > > or so dining room chairs that we had at the time. The electrical
            > > wiring in this old house isn't so good. Its 200amp service and
            only
            > > parts of it have been updated and much of it is still the old
            knob
            > > and tube wiring. Many of our light switches are the original turn
            > > switches or the push-buttons. Non-fluorescent light bulbs don't
            > last
            > > very long as we have power-surges often.
            > >
            > > As I'd spend time in the basement, the lights wouldn't always
            work.
            > > There would be times when I'd need another light on, and it would
            > > just 'come on'...which I found 'comforting' as it seemed as
            though
            > > the 'spirit' of the house liked me.
            > > When the boyfriend moved in, he had plans of remodeling.. .and I
            > > wanted to 'restore'. We would compromise, and blend the old and
            the
            > > new...maintaing the most prominent details in keeping with the
            > > original Victorian style of the house. It so happened that each
            > time
            > > I would pick a paint color or new wallpaper, as we were tearing
            out
            > > the old, I would find nearly exactly at the original layer what I
            > > had chosen for the new. This, again, I found comforting.
            > >
            > > I had no reason to 'fear' these coincidences.
            > >
            > > Sometimes I can't sleep...because the boyfriend snores
            excessively
            > > loud and wakes me up.
            > > One such occurence three yearsago , I decided to go ahead and get
            > out
            > > of bed, about 3 or 4 am. I went downstairs to our kitchen, and
            > tried
            > > to plug in the coffee pot. Bingo was lying on the rug in front of
            > our
            > > sink in the kitchen, like she normally did. The outlet is a GFI
            so
            > it
            > > has that reset button on it, and it doesn't always work. Our
            coffee
            > > pot often triggers the breaker. This happened that morning...and
            > the
            > > breaker box is in the basement. I opened the basement door,
            walked
            > > down two steps, put my fingers on the turn switch, and as I was
            > > turning the switch this 'it'...this sense of 'something' passed
            > from
            > > the tips of my toes and THROUGH my SENSE OF BEING...
            > > I remember not being aware of anything but that feeling...when I
            > > could think, all I wanted to do was 'run'..and that's exactly
            what
            > I
            > > did, run away from the direction it was 'coming' from. I made it
            > > through the kitchen, through the dining room, through our deep
            > foyer
            > > and halfway up our stairs when my family came running out of
            their
            > > bedrooms.... because I was screaming, shrieking apparently, and I
            > > didn't even know I was.
            > > The logical thing here...is I was getting 'shocked' electrically
            by
            > > the old switch...which has not happened to anyone in this house
            yet
            > > by using that switch, then and now. I've been shocked before, by
            > some
            > > pretty high voltage at times...and I know what that feels
            > like...and
            > > it wasn't what 'this it' had felt like at all. Getting
            > > shocked 'hurts' and 'burns' and 'aches'. This wasn't like that at
            > > all.
            > > My family, of course, scared by my screaming, wanting to know
            what
            > > was going on...forced me to 'sit' and stop shrieking,
            and 'breathe'
            > > instead. Each of the six of them asking me at once 'what
            > the...????'
            > > Because 'mom' has never done this. Mom doesn't ever react to
            > anything
            > > like this. I hadn't ever...and I nothing like that since. All I
            > could
            > > do was mumble..'the basement'. And then I cried and cried and
            cried
            > > sitting on the steps. Until I 'regained' my own 'sense of
            > > being'...the sense of being 'me' and how I usually 'feel'
            as 'me'.
            > >
            > > One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
            > are,
            > > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow.
            > >
            > > My son...very much like his mother...calmly directing the
            > situation,
            > > asks me 'what do you need?'...'where are your cigarettes?' ...of
            > > course, they are in 'the basement'. He grabs a flashlight, and
            him
            > > and my boyfriend go to 'the basement'... my son tells me that as
            he
            > > was going into the basement, Bingo was at the bottom of the
            stairs,
            > > looking up at him. (He thinks it was Bingo that scared me.) When
            I
            > > was in the kitchen, Bingo was lying on the rug near the coffee
            pot.
            > > Apparently I left my house-slippers on the steps when I ran
            > > away...because my son brought me those too.
            > >
            > > And it would be wonderful if this story 'ended' here. My family
            > found
            > > nothing in the basement. And nothing 'wrong' with the turn-
            switch.
            > > For weeks I couldn't go near the basement, by myself. I could go
            if
            > > someone was in my presence. For months I was unable to look into
            a
            > > mirror...at all...without a sense of paralyzing fear.
            > > My boyfriend bought me some books on being 'a
            sensitive'.. .trying
            > > to 'help' me through it. More of those 'how to' Llewellyn
            guides...
            > >
            > > The worst part though...is Bingo. I tried to approach Bingo, and
            > she
            > > would growl at me and try to bite me. If she didn't try to bite
            me,
            > > she would glare at me and walk away. This went on for a couple of
            > > weeks, and then Bingo began to 'debilitate' . She was old for a
            dog
            > > anyway...but what happened to Bingo is still 'unbelievable' and
            I'm
            > > glad that I have witnesses. Bingo started having trouble
            > > walking...her back legs would seem to go numb and she'd drag them
            > > behind her. Then control of her bowels and bladder ceased...then
            > > the 'seizures' set in. And in all of my life as a farmer's
            daughter
            > > and lover of animals and as a nurse...have I ever seen anything
            > like
            > > the 'seizures' that Bingo had. Her body would stiffen, her neck
            > would
            > > arch to the point where it looked like her head was nearly turned
            > > backward and she would 'flip' about 3 feet into the air somer-
            sault
            > > like, over and over for about 5 minutes at a time...then she
            would
            > > regain control of her self and sleep. Bingo was like this for
            > > months...and the vet couldn't explain it other than 'old age and
            > > seizures'. Finally, Bingo would let me near her, and I would
            carry
            > > her outside or to the bath and clean her up, and let her enjoy
            the
            > > weather or whatnot. She got to a point where she couldn't walk at
            > > all, and she just 'whined' all the time.
            > > After months of watching her agony, I couldn't take it anymore
            and
            > > asked the boyfriend his thoughts about putting her down. He
            agreed.
            > > After a few more weeks, we took Bingo to the Vet...we carried her
            > in
            > > and put her on the table and she just lay there. The vet got his
            > > injection ready and put his hand on Bingo's neck. For the first
            > time
            > > in about four weeks, Bingo perched up on her legs, holding
            herself
            > > up, kind of smiled and looked 'happy'...and then the vet injected
            > her
            > > and she 'flopped' onto the table, life-less.
            > >
            > > In the months after Bingo's death, I forced myself to find the
            > > courage to 'conquer' my fear of the basement. I can go near it
            and
            > > down into it, but I have to 'talk to it'...announce myself
            and 'its
            > > me' sort of thing. I get what I need and get out of it. I don't
            > have
            > > my 'shop' down there anymore. Its pure storage now. Since then
            I've
            > > been smoking inside the house, not just the basement.
            > >
            > > I forced myself to try to conquer my fear of a mirror...which I
            > have,
            > > as long as its daylight. I know this is very 'weird'...
            > > If its 'dark', and I catch a glimpse of a reflection,
            > > I'm 'scared'...I will talk myself through it and look away...but
            I
            > > have a 'psychological' impulse to get as far from that reflected
            > > image as I can...including reflections from window glare or
            > moonlight
            > > on a pool of water.
            > > I don't have issue with midnight on the ocean...or driving and
            > > mirrors...but if it involves 'seeing' or 'anyalyzing' my-self in
            a
            > > mirror...there is a 'psychological fear-impulse' that I have to
            > > rationalize and be 'brave' to overcome. Ironically, my house is
            > full
            > > of mirrors...nearly every room has an old fireplace mantel with a
            > > mirror built into it. Ironically.. .that I've personally hand-
            > sanded
            > > and restored...lol.
            > >
            > > As for the entire incident...I don't have a 'reason' for it. I
            > don't
            > > have a 'rational explanation' for it either. 'It' just happened.
            I
            > > experienced it...and I remember...I know. It is 'unforgettable' .
            > Each
            > > person I've ever shared the story with...they have a reason, or
            > > plausible reason or rationality. ..but I don't.
            > > The boyfriend likes to encourage me to share my story...like one
            of
            > > those 'ghost tale' adventures around a campfire or going to a
            > seance
            > > or playing with a ouija board...but I can't. It's not
            that 'easy'.
            > > I'd rather NOT talk about it...let alone share it with a stranger
            > who
            > > doesn't 'get it'.
            > >
            > > It's odd, but a phrase from an Emily Dickinson poem that I've
            > always
            > > liked brings me 'comfort'... .'I could not stop for death, so he
            > > kindly stopped for me'.
            > >
            > > My 'life' has been 'different' since then.
            > >
            > > I share this because you mention a 'mirror' to 'regress'... and I
            > > don't think I could do this. At least not now. Maybe sometime in
            > the
            > > future. I don't know if I'd even want to try.
            > > My grandmother and my mother firmly believe in 'old souls'...and
            > I've
            > > been raised with this tradition. Some of us are born with 'old
            > souls'
            > > that have a path to walk again. My son is a demonstration of
            this.
            > He
            > > has an inherent 'wisdom' to his personality. He is nonetheless a
            > > child...who does things age-appropriately. But he is 'stuck' with
            > > this 'wisdom' that exudes from him....and adults around him
            forget
            > > that he IS a child. Some adults 'fear' him, because he exudes a
            > sort
            > > of 'dominant' personal power...which he is coming to realize
            > himself.
            > > He is 14 turning 15...and actively having sex which has engaged
            his
            > > natural hormones...he is having physical responses that are
            > > interfering with the 'sense of self' that he is accustomed
            to...in
            > a
            > > way he's like a young 'wizard' who needs 'training' to 'harness
            and
            > > control' his 'power'...before he hurts himself or someone else.
            > >
            > > When he was about 10 months old, he was speaking in complete
            > > sentences. My favorite memory of him at that age was when he
            asked
            > me
            > > to 'bless his blankie'. For the life of me I couldn't figure out
            > what
            > > we wanted me to do! He just kept asking me to do it, to where I
            had
            > > to ask him to show me what he meant. He patiently went to his
            > > blanket, and spread it out on the floor, and lay on it. Telling
            > > me 'bless my blankie'...as if to 'teach' me. I said 'oh, spread
            it
            > > out'...as a sort of 'aha' understanding. ..and he says
            > sternly...'no.
            > > BLESS'.
            > > This is from my American Heritage Dictionary:
            > > bless: to make holy or sanctify; to make the sign of the cross
            over
            > > to sanctify; to invoke divine favor upon; to honor as if to
            > glorify;
            > > to confer well-being see *bhel
            > >
            > > *bhel- to shine or blaze; glow red
            > > *bhel 2. -to blow; swell referring to round objects
            > > *bhel 3. - to thrive, blossom, bloom, spread out or unfold.
            > >
            > > This is from the proto-indo-european root word dictionary section
            > of
            > > my book. How in the hell did my son know this? Dunno. No one in
            my
            > > family has ever used 'bless' to mean 'unfold'.
            > >
            > > 'Old souls' is what my matrileneal family calls it.
            > >
            > > --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, "chakra37"
            > > <kentagain@ ..> wrote:
            > > >
            > > > Sage,
            > > >
            > > > As far as the methods for remembering the past.
            > > >
            > > > One is to simply meditate by watching your face in a mirror.
            > > > I tried this as a meditative practice many years ago and
            > > > got a strange impression and got strangely the name
            > > > Spurius or Spirius came up - not uncommon (Latin name)
            > > > in Roman times and beyond. Just recently after reading
            > > > Raven Grimasse'e book on Italian Witchcraft I found
            > > > out it was a suggested practice for remembering past
            > > > lives.
            > > >
            > > > The other practice came from or through Crowley and
            > > > involves thinking backwards or recalling events in reverse.
            > > > Maybe google or yahoo `magical memory' and you
            > > > could find more precise methods.
            > > >
            > > > While these things may or may not be useful - I think it is
            > > > important not to dwell on the past too much.
            > > >
            > >
            >
          • sagefemme_25
            Through studying their reflection in the mirror [5], the practitioner visualizes images of their own nondual bodymind. This is a practice in resolving duality
            Message 5 of 9 , Jan 2, 2009
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              "Through studying their reflection in the mirror
              [5], the practitioner
              visualizes images of their own nondual bodymind. This is a practice
              in resolving
              duality into the mystery of nonduality. Gyulu is essentially
              a type of
              thoughtform practice, where the aspirant works towards realising
              the inherently illusory, empty or void nature (
              shunyata) of samsara and the
              realm of
              duality."

              I wonder...if one were to start by looking into the mirror, and
              seeing the 'outer image' of self, and think, conciously about the
              fact that they are witnessing the outer image through their inner
              self, then close their eyes and 'integrate' the image of the outer
              with the inner....
              what would your mind see?...







              --- In Southern_Ohio_Pagans@yahoogroups.com, chakra37 <kentagain@...>
              wrote:
              >
              >
              > Hi Sage,
              >  
              > Mirror-gazing is employed in the Indo-Tibetan tantric yoga of the
              > `illusory body' - one of the six yogas of Naropa. One of my old
              gurus
              > told a story when he was in three-year retreat one of the
              retreatants
              > would end up outsice the locked compound frequently when doing
              > the practice. The practice has similarities with astral projection.
              > Here is an excerpt from Wiki:
              >  
              > Gyulu: an outer sadhana
              >  
              > Through studying their reflection in the mirror[5], the
              practitioner
              > visualizes images of their own nondual bodymind. This is a practice
              > in resolving duality into the mystery of nonduality. Gyulu is
              essentially
              > a type of thoughtform practice, where the aspirant works towards
              realising
              > the inherently illusory, empty or void nature (shunyata) of samsara
              and the
              > realm of duality.
              > The practitioner projects their imaginal self onto the mirror-image
              and
              > identify this with the sambhogakaya form of their Yidam, and
              thereby link
              > their mindstream and consciousness with that of the tutelary deity
              or yidam..
              > Though a mystery, this association yields the mutual attribution
              and iteration
              > of the inherent primordial essence-qualities of both the
              practitioner and the
              > yidam. For a practitioner engaged in this practice, their mundane
              samsaric
              > duality resolves into the mystery of primordial nonduality or
              nirvana whilst
              > in body. The fruit of the practice is when the sadhaka views the
              inherent
              > buddhahood in all phenomena and beings.[6] When they embody the
              > nirmanakaya or 'emanation body', the rainbow gankyil, mandala and
              bindu
              > that is their inherent primordial essence-quality.
              >  
              > My same old guru grew up in a nomadic family in Tibet and said he
              > Remembered how fascinated he was when he first saw a glass mirror.
              >  
              > I have experienced "remote viewing" slightly when I close my eyes
              in a
              > dark room I can still see the ceiling and walls - or perhaps just
              an image
              > of them remembered but very vivid. There is a story about a zen
              monk
              > who was meditating as usual facing the wall and became able to see
              > through the wall. He got excited and proclaimed his enlightenment -
              of
              > course the zen master examined him and said no it is just a residual
              > power- nothing to get excited about so go back to the technique.
              >  
              > Mirrors are also used for divination in many cultures.
              >
              > --- On Thu, 1/1/09, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...> wrote:
              >
              > From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...>
              > Subject: [Southern_Ohio_Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
              > To: Southern_Ohio_Pagans@yahoogroups.com
              > Date: Thursday, January 1, 2009, 8:28 PM
              >
              >
              >
              >
              >
              >
              > "You might not like me for saying this but why not just
              > leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense?"
              >
              > Not a matter of what I like or not like you saying
              > m'dear...lol. ..just t'is.
              > Since you've asked me this...I've put a little thought into it. I
              > won't go to a psychologist: as a mental health nurse I do not enjoy
              > being the subject of analyzation techniques I'm familiar
              with...they
              > make me uncomfortable and I feel worse. When I would try to 'vent'
              at
              > work, my associates, so very trained in their natures would always
              > get 'that' face and ask the "and how does that make you
              feel?" "what
              > do you think motivates this?" sort of questions... and I'd just
              want
              > to scream. That sort of 'treatment' works for those who are
              > comfortable with it and not used to working in it I suppose...not
              > many of my colleagues have their own therapists, so I don't think
              I'm
              > the only one like that. I tend to lean more to introspect and
              friends.
              >
              > I found this interesting though:
              >
              > Definition of Eisoptrophobia
              > Eisoptrophobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of mirrors.
              Sufferers
              > experience undue anxiety even though they realize their fear is
              > irrational. Because their fear often is grounded in superstitions,
              > they may worry that breaking a mirror will bring bad luck or that
              > looking into a mirror will put them in contact with a supernatural
              > world inside the glass.
              >
              > Mirrors and other reflective surfaces have long been associated
              with
              > the strange or the bizarre. For example, in Greek mythology,
              > Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in the water of
              a
              > fountain. He thought he was seeing the image of a beautiful nymph.
              > Unable to embrace or call forth the image, he pined away and was
              > eventually transformed into a flower. In The Picture of Dorian
              Gray,
              > a novel by Oscar Wilde, a portrait of a handsome young man begins
              to
              > deteriorate, reflecting the corruption of the man's inner being.
              The
              > portrait becomes a mirror reflecting the state of the young man's
              > soul. The man eventually commits murder and suicide.
              >
              > "Eisoptrophobia" is derived from the Greek "eis" (into)
              and "optikos"
              > (vision, image, sight). Other English words derived from "optikos"
              > include "optic" (relating to vision) and "optician," a technician
              who
              > designs eyeglasses according to a prescription. "
              >
              > And that...might be a 'key'..."that looking into a mirror will put
              > them in contact with a supernatural world inside the
              glass."...which
              > I think you were alluding to. (?)
              >
              > And this, is interesting.
              > "
              > Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
              >
              > Catoptrophobia (also known as Eisoptrophobia) is a special kind of
              > fear in which people start fearing looking into mirrors. They fear
              > from looking straight eye to eye in large mirrors specially the
              Body
              > length or larger mirrors. The people suffering from Catoptrophobia
              > avoid passing in front of mirrors. They also avoid seeing
              themselves
              > in these mirrors. It is still under research that whether the fear
              is
              > from the mirror or from the image of the person suffering from
              phobia
              > reflected in the mirrow.
              >
              > Symptoms of Catoptrophobia
              > Symptoms can range from just mild avoidance of mirrors to full
              blown
              > panic attacks.
              >
              > Catoptrophobia is characterised by individuals suffering from
              > shortness of breath, heavy breath, sweating, anxiety, etc. Staying
              > away from mirror is something which cannot be avoided, hence it is
              > important for the person to think about the possible treatment
              > options available from the cure of Catoptrophobia.
              >
              > Sufferers of Catoptrophobia
              > Sufferers may fear mirrors for a variety of reasons, usually
              because
              > of some emotional trauma involving mirrors, but also superstitious
              > fear of being watched through mirrors, of mirrors being a gateway
              > into the supernatural or a window into another world are common.
              >
              > Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and
              avoidance
              > of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into
              an
              > aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."
              >
              > I know that I haven't conciously considered mirrors as 'gateways to
              a
              > supernatural realm'...I just know I've been afraid to look at
              myself
              > in one. I don't carry any concious belief in
              > superstitions. ...although I know many and often repeat them, eg;
              my
              > nose itches, companies coming; the broom fell, bad company's
              coming;
              > my ears are burning someone's talking about me; avoid walking under
              > ladders, etc.
              >
              > Most of these superstitions have practical basis and I enjoy
              > spreading them around. I discovered long ago the wisdom in old
              wives
              > tales and superstition. ..more 'coded' knowledge that is passed
              down
              > by tradition... .eg garlic keeps vampires away...and garlic is a
              > potent antibacterial agent, and 'vampires' cause illness (now we
              call
              > them 'germs' or 'kissing bugs').
              > In regard to mirrors and superstition. ..I've considered them but
              > haven't found nor looked for a basis: break a mirror, 7 years bad
              > luck. This likely stems from some obscure common knowledge at one
              > point.
              > I've always had concern about the superstition of mirrors capturing
              > souls....my grandmother and my mother told me when I was young that
              a
              > mirror could steal your soul....and I thought that this was an
              > implication of vanity. My grandma and mom consider it bad practice
              to
              > have a baby look into a mirror before they choose to do it
              > themselves.. .
              > I...according to my mother...have always had an infatuation with
              > mirrors...and would spend hours in one. This I know to be true,
              prior
              > to a few years ago. It allowed me to 'watch' myself as I'd play out
              > my little fantasies in a mirror...I'd even talk to myself in the
              > mirror, lol. My step-son Thomas has the same affinity...spending
              > hours watching himself do jumping jacks or pretending he is on-
              stage
              > singing for all to hear, or just making faces.
              >
              > "Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and
              avoidance
              > of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into
              an
              > aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."
              >
              > This I've considered for myself...a sort a 'shame' for reacting as
              I
              > did and then having to conquer an 'irrational' fear of the
              basement.
              > Also dealing with emotionality in this relationship and under much
              > stress...fighting depressive states.
              >
              > I understand the 'fear'...of 'letting go' and 'falling into'...I
              > realized long ago that I had some major control issues and they
              were
              > the cause of much of the 'suffering' in my life...and I learned
              > to 'let go'. This is when I learned what religion means when they
              say
              > to 'trust in god's plan and let him lead'. About the only 'control'
              > issue I have left is driving...I don't make a very good passenger
              if
              > the person drives carelessly and I'd rather drive. When I 'dove
              off'
              > the edge long ago, and realized 'I don't know' and decided that
              life
              > was going to be an experience not a waste...I found my 'inner
              peace'.
              >
              > In trying to learn to meditate...quiet the mind, I practiced just
              > letting whatever come and go in my head...practiced letting go.
              > Sometimes I'd get sick to my stomach and vomit, but mostly I'd just
              > fall asleep, very peacefully. Now I can 'do' that...pictures and
              > images come into my mind at random...but they don't 'stay' often.
              > When they become repetitive and nagging...then I'm
              somewhat 'forced'
              > into analyzing them...and this has led me down 'my way' thus far.
              >
              > Today...resting, I was considering the light patterns that I
              > perceived with my eyes closed and shadowy images of a church and
              > mountain scenery and a town and different changing images of people
              > were 'streaming' through my mind...and I had the sensation that I
              was
              > riding in a vehicle. If I would try to 'look' closer, to focus on
              any
              > one thing...it stopped until I relaxed again. But...this I've done
              > all my life. This is part of 'fantasy land' that is familiar
              to 'me'
              > and my sense of 'self'.
              >
              > It may sound odd...but I guess I can do what they call 'remote
              > sensing' or 'viewing'... where I can 'see' in my mind what is
              around
              > me with my eyes closed and in a sort of 'trance' state...half
              asleep
              > and half awake....when I'm relaxed and at peace but still 'alert'.
              >
              > I used to wonder if it was just my brain using the stimulus of the
              > sounds and sensations to piece together any image in my mind...but
              at
              > each 'experiment' I could open my eyes and see exactly the image in
              > my head...even reading road signs while the boyfriend is driving
              and
              > I'm trying to relax.
              > I have found that I can perceive the world without
              > actually 'actively' participating in it that moment...with my mind.
              > My kids think I'm crazy...because I know what they're up to when I
              > shouldn't. My son has taken to trying to steal my cigarettes at
              > night...and I can be asleep, but I become aware as the scene plays
              > out in my mind: I'm in the bedroom 'watching' him, and I choose to
              > wake up and scare the hell out of him, just as he is sliding that
              one
              > cigarette out of my pack that might be in my pocket or my purse...
              >
              > Don't get me wrong...I can't do this all the time 'at will'...it
              just
              > happens when it happens...and it tends to be a useful skill.
              >
              > I think that this is part of the 'alert-ness' of zen...or it seems
              > very familiar in the words that is used to describe 'alert' in
              > referrence to zen. Conciousness. ..blending into the
              unconciousness,
              > and the choice to use conciousness to know unconciousness. ..if
              that
              > makes any sense to you...part of becoming a 'master' of one's own
              > will.
              >
              > About the ability to 'see' with my mind...my ears ring constantly.
              I
              > am very 'sensitive' to sound and have acute hearing. When I was
              > younger my eyesight was poor and my ears compensated. My eyesight
              is
              > still poor, but I wear glasses/contacts now. I think this enabled
              the
              > sense of 'alertness' that I have. And I think that I perceive the
              > majority of my world through the ringing in my ears...and how my
              > brain interprets it...if that makes any sense.
              >
              > I'm more comfortable in the dark than many people, as I'm
              accustomed
              > to poor vision and my hearing allows me to perceive what is in the
              > dark around me. My eyes are over-sensitive to light and are a
              > peculiar grey-blue-green color...which I've passed on to my
              children.
              > This is part of the reason behind my 'screen name'...'sage' is
              > similar to the color of my eyes. I'm more comfortable in natural,
              dim
              > light than bright lights...I can actually see better that way than
              > when its bright. And it sounds odd...but with these eyes come
              > other 'peculiar gits'. My sons can vouch for that.
              >
              > --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, chakra37
              <kentagain@ ..>
              > wrote:
              > >
              > >
              > > Hi Sage,
              > >  
              > > Interesting story. Having just read a book on "trance" I would
              > > suggest that maybe you were in a dissociative state due to coming
              > > directly from sleep which may have had an influence on the mental
              > > part of your experience.
              > >  
              > > "One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
              > are,
              > > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow. "
              > >
              > >  
              > > I think that is one thing that happens at death when mind and
              body
              > are
              > > separated. Traumatic experiences are known to trigger a sort of
              > loss of self.
              > > I read something (or was it a video) about a woman who had a
              > mystical
              > > experience while having a stroke. (Maybe I'll try to dig it up -
              it
              > was
              > > quite interesting) . Anyway - the sages say that the "sense of
              self"
              > is a
              > > lie - but one we are so accustomed to that it sort of defines our
              > comfort
              > > zone. Our normal view of self is restrictive. People who have
              done
              > too
              > > much LSD have had such experiences of a more or less continuous
              > > mental/psychic/ psych-physical sensitivity. The artist Robert
              Beer
              > lives
              > > with a sensitivity as such.
              > >  
              > > Our old Golden Retriever "Bacchus" had seizures most of his life.
              > He was
              > > big so he would bash into furniture and flip around quite a bit -
              > sometimes
              > > pee - if we were home we would just sort of hold him in place to
              > keep
              > > him from hurting himself. He had them maybe 2 or 3 times a month
              for
              > > several years. We also had a kitten that had them but seems it
              was
              > temporary.
              > > Seizures for dogs are actually not that uncommon. When he got old
              he
              > > could not stand - I had to carry him outside and hold him up
              while
              > he
              > > did his business - then wipe and wash the gangrene from my arms -
              we
              > > knew he didn't have long but it was summer and for the first time
              we
              > > had air conditioning so he enjoyed long days sleeping in the cool
              > > house. Then one day he was gone. This experience and others with
              > > several sick cats convinced me that it is best to let them die on
              > their
              > > own. I am not getting on your case for putting him down - most
              > people
              > > do it -some for mercy as in your case - and others for mere
              > convenience.
              > > Natural death for animal pets is often gooey and stinky. I
              sometimes
              > > read them instructions for the bardo when they are dying and
              always
              > > light incense for them and prayers and mantras. I found one of
              our
              > > ducklings murdered the other day - he was about 5 month old so
              > bigger
              > > but not full grown and very close to the house - in examining the
              > wounds
              > > all I could figure was perhaps a hawk swooped down as it was not
              > > carried off and the part of the flesh was eaten. It has been over
              3
              > years
              > > since we lost a duck or a chicken to a predator so I am a little
              > concerned.
              > > Anyway - sorry to digress.
              > >  
              > > I would suggest that you explore your trauma with a psychologist
              to
              > get
              > > a more professional opinion - the modern respectable form of
              sham -
              > man.
              > > I don't quite understand the significance of the mirror in your
              > story except
              > > perhaps as a trigger. The dog, the mirror, the bolt of
              electricity,
              > the basement,
              > > fear, irrationality, smoking. How do they relate? If you draw
              > perhaps draw
              > > a picture. As for electricity - my wife has been struck by
              > lightning three
              > > times and she had some health problems for a while after the one
              > time -
              > > so electrical shock can cause psycho-physical changes - some
              > shamans
              > > would consider a traumatic electric shock whether by lightning or
              > not -
              > > being chosen by the spirits as a shaman or traveler between the
              > worlds.
              > > Losing oneself in the astral by experiencing the dismantling or
              > cutting up
              > > of the body in a mental way is the traditional traumatic
              experience
              > of
              > > the shaman in several cultures. In some of these cultures women
              are
              > > not permitted to be shamans. Perhaps as mothers women are more
              > > hard-wired to be watchful, alert, and in a together state of
              > consciousness.
              > > Letting go into the world of no control is perhaps more
              difficult -
              > I don't
              > > really know. You might not like me for saying this but why not
              just
              > > leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to
              sense?
              > >  
              > > Sometimes in meditation I get the sense that I am falling - not
              like
              > > falling down - more like falling apart - perhaps falling
              together -
              > > I don't know - but too often - I think about what I am
              experiencing
              > > rationally and it immediately goes away. Then I am left to wonder
              > why
              > > when a door opens I am afraid (by the power of habit) to go
              through
              > > it. - a similar thing occasionally happens in the hynogogic state
              > just
              > > before falling asleep.
              > >  
              > > BTW - give up smoking. It is bad for your health. I smoked every
              day
              > > for 16 years and quite flat out. It can be done. You can do it.
              > > You will be glad you did. Or like me so baffled that you were
              able
              > to
              > > that it became a symbolic gesture that anything is possible.
              > >
              > > --- On Tue, 12/30/08, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...> wrote:
              > >
              > > From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...>
              > > Subject: [Southern_Ohio_ Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
              > > To: Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com
              > > Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 11:21 AM
              > >
              > >
              > >
              > >
              > >
              > >
              > > About 3 years ago or so, I had a 'traumatic' experience.. .to say
              > the
              > > least. I experienced what it means to be 'terrified'. ..I don't
              > mean
              > > the 'frozen in fear feeling of dread' meaning of 'terrified'. ..I
              > mean
              > > freakin' scared beyond scared meaning of 'terrified'. ..
              > >
              > > Firstly...I' m a rational person. I don't 'scare' easily. I am
              > often
              > > the calmest in a difficult situation, part of the group that
              keeps
              > > their 'head' and calms and directs others in an emergency type or
              > > difficult situation. I'm not afraid of the 'dark'...I like being
              in
              > > it, because its comforting in its 'darkness'. I'm not afraid of
              the
              > > idea of 'ghosts'...as I've had some 'odd' experiences throughout
              my
              > > lifetime, since childhood.
              > >
              > > Four years ago, I moved into the house I'm living in now with the
              > > boyfriend. Its a very old house, which I happen to enjoy. When I
              > > moved in, the boyfriend and company had a border collie named
              Bingo
              > > who was about 15 years old. We were friendly. I liked her and she
              > > liked me. I found her to be very intelligent with a sense of dry
              > > humor. The boys that she had been so faithful to for the 15 years
              > of
              > > her life were at a point where since she had always been around,
              > they
              > > sort of forgot she was there. Sort of 'neglected' her, as they
              > wanted
              > > to play x-box and various games, wouldn't bathe her or feed her
              > > regularly or take her outside to play or go on walks...etc. I did
              > all
              > > those things with her and she appreciated it, and we got on quite
              > > well. She was the 'dominant female' entity in the household among
              > all
              > > the other males, and she kept me company, being the 'other'
              female.
              > >
              > > I smoke...and I enjoy restoring old furniture. I sort of 'set up
              > > shop' in the basement of this old house. I'd spend hours down
              > there,
              > > reading and drawing and planning, smoking; and refurbishing the
              > dozen
              > > or so dining room chairs that we had at the time. The electrical
              > > wiring in this old house isn't so good. Its 200amp service and
              only
              > > parts of it have been updated and much of it is still the old
              knob
              > > and tube wiring. Many of our light switches are the original turn
              > > switches or the push-buttons. Non-fluorescent light bulbs don't
              > last
              > > very long as we have power-surges often.
              > >
              > > As I'd spend time in the basement, the lights wouldn't always
              work.
              > > There would be times when I'd need another light on, and it would
              > > just 'come on'...which I found 'comforting' as it seemed as
              though
              > > the 'spirit' of the house liked me.
              > > When the boyfriend moved in, he had plans of remodeling.. .and I
              > > wanted to 'restore'. We would compromise, and blend the old and
              the
              > > new...maintaing the most prominent details in keeping with the
              > > original Victorian style of the house. It so happened that each
              > time
              > > I would pick a paint color or new wallpaper, as we were tearing
              out
              > > the old, I would find nearly exactly at the original layer what I
              > > had chosen for the new. This, again, I found comforting.
              > >
              > > I had no reason to 'fear' these coincidences.
              > >
              > > Sometimes I can't sleep...because the boyfriend snores
              excessively
              > > loud and wakes me up.
              > > One such occurence three yearsago , I decided to go ahead and get
              > out
              > > of bed, about 3 or 4 am. I went downstairs to our kitchen, and
              > tried
              > > to plug in the coffee pot. Bingo was lying on the rug in front of
              > our
              > > sink in the kitchen, like she normally did. The outlet is a GFI
              so
              > it
              > > has that reset button on it, and it doesn't always work. Our
              coffee
              > > pot often triggers the breaker. This happened that morning...and
              > the
              > > breaker box is in the basement. I opened the basement door,
              walked
              > > down two steps, put my fingers on the turn switch, and as I was
              > > turning the switch this 'it'...this sense of 'something' passed
              > from
              > > the tips of my toes and THROUGH my SENSE OF BEING...
              > > I remember not being aware of anything but that feeling...when I
              > > could think, all I wanted to do was 'run'..and that's exactly
              what
              > I
              > > did, run away from the direction it was 'coming' from. I made it
              > > through the kitchen, through the dining room, through our deep
              > foyer
              > > and halfway up our stairs when my family came running out of
              their
              > > bedrooms.... because I was screaming, shrieking apparently, and I
              > > didn't even know I was.
              > > The logical thing here...is I was getting 'shocked' electrically
              by
              > > the old switch...which has not happened to anyone in this house
              yet
              > > by using that switch, then and now. I've been shocked before, by
              > some
              > > pretty high voltage at times...and I know what that feels
              > like...and
              > > it wasn't what 'this it' had felt like at all. Getting
              > > shocked 'hurts' and 'burns' and 'aches'. This wasn't like that at
              > > all.
              > > My family, of course, scared by my screaming, wanting to know
              what
              > > was going on...forced me to 'sit' and stop shrieking,
              and 'breathe'
              > > instead. Each of the six of them asking me at once 'what
              > the...????'
              > > Because 'mom' has never done this. Mom doesn't ever react to
              > anything
              > > like this. I hadn't ever...and I nothing like that since. All I
              > could
              > > do was mumble..'the basement'. And then I cried and cried and
              cried
              > > sitting on the steps. Until I 'regained' my own 'sense of
              > > being'...the sense of being 'me' and how I usually 'feel'
              as 'me'.
              > >
              > > One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
              > are,
              > > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow.
              > >
              > > My son...very much like his mother...calmly directing the
              > situation,
              > > asks me 'what do you need?'...'where are your cigarettes?' ...of
              > > course, they are in 'the basement'. He grabs a flashlight, and
              him
              > > and my boyfriend go to 'the basement'... my son tells me that as
              he
              > > was going into the basement, Bingo was at the bottom of the
              stairs,
              > > looking up at him. (He thinks it was Bingo that scared me.) When
              I
              > > was in the kitchen, Bingo was lying on the rug near the coffee
              pot.
              > > Apparently I left my house-slippers on the steps when I ran
              > > away...because my son brought me those too.
              > >
              > > And it would be wonderful if this story 'ended' here. My family
              > found
              > > nothing in the basement. And nothing 'wrong' with the turn-
              switch.
              > > For weeks I couldn't go near the basement, by myself. I could go
              if
              > > someone was in my presence. For months I was unable to look into
              a
              > > mirror...at all...without a sense of paralyzing fear.
              > > My boyfriend bought me some books on being 'a
              sensitive'.. .trying
              > > to 'help' me through it. More of those 'how to' Llewellyn
              guides...
              > >
              > > The worst part though...is Bingo. I tried to approach Bingo, and
              > she
              > > would growl at me and try to bite me. If she didn't try to bite
              me,
              > > she would glare at me and walk away. This went on for a couple of
              > > weeks, and then Bingo began to 'debilitate' . She was old for a
              dog
              > > anyway...but what happened to Bingo is still 'unbelievable' and
              I'm
              > > glad that I have witnesses. Bingo started having trouble
              > > walking...her back legs would seem to go numb and she'd drag them
              > > behind her. Then control of her bowels and bladder ceased...then
              > > the 'seizures' set in. And in all of my life as a farmer's
              daughter
              > > and lover of animals and as a nurse...have I ever seen anything
              > like
              > > the 'seizures' that Bingo had. Her body would stiffen, her neck
              > would
              > > arch to the point where it looked like her head was nearly turned
              > > backward and she would 'flip' about 3 feet into the air somer-
              sault
              > > like, over and over for about 5 minutes at a time...then she
              would
              > > regain control of her self and sleep. Bingo was like this for
              > > months...and the vet couldn't explain it other than 'old age and
              > > seizures'. Finally, Bingo would let me near her, and I would
              carry
              > > her outside or to the bath and clean her up, and let her enjoy
              the
              > > weather or whatnot. She got to a point where she couldn't walk at
              > > all, and she just 'whined' all the time.
              > > After months of watching her agony, I couldn't take it anymore
              and
              > > asked the boyfriend his thoughts about putting her down. He
              agreed.
              > > After a few more weeks, we took Bingo to the Vet...we carried her
              > in
              > > and put her on the table and she just lay there. The vet got his
              > > injection ready and put his hand on Bingo's neck. For the first
              > time
              > > in about four weeks, Bingo perched up on her legs, holding
              herself
              > > up, kind of smiled and looked 'happy'...and then the vet injected
              > her
              > > and she 'flopped' onto the table, life-less.
              > >
              > > In the months after Bingo's death, I forced myself to find the
              > > courage to 'conquer' my fear of the basement. I can go near it
              and
              > > down into it, but I have to 'talk to it'...announce myself
              and 'its
              > > me' sort of thing. I get what I need and get out of it. I don't
              > have
              > > my 'shop' down there anymore. Its pure storage now. Since then
              I've
              > > been smoking inside the house, not just the basement.
              > >
              > > I forced myself to try to conquer my fear of a mirror...which I
              > have,
              > > as long as its daylight. I know this is very 'weird'...
              > > If its 'dark', and I catch a glimpse of a reflection,
              > > I'm 'scared'...I will talk myself through it and look away...but
              I
              > > have a 'psychological' impulse to get as far from that reflected
              > > image as I can...including reflections from window glare or
              > moonlight
              > > on a pool of water.
              > > I don't have issue with midnight on the ocean...or driving and
              > > mirrors...but if it involves 'seeing' or 'anyalyzing' my-self in
              a
              > > mirror...there is a 'psychological fear-impulse' that I have to
              > > rationalize and be 'brave' to overcome. Ironically, my house is
              > full
              > > of mirrors...nearly every room has an old fireplace mantel with a
              > > mirror built into it. Ironically.. .that I've personally hand-
              > sanded
              > > and restored...lol.
              > >
              > > As for the entire incident...I don't have a 'reason' for it. I
              > don't
              > > have a 'rational explanation' for it either. 'It' just happened.
              I
              > > experienced it...and I remember...I know. It is 'unforgettable' .
              > Each
              > > person I've ever shared the story with...they have a reason, or
              > > plausible reason or rationality. ..but I don't.
              > > The boyfriend likes to encourage me to share my story...like one
              of
              > > those 'ghost tale' adventures around a campfire or going to a
              > seance
              > > or playing with a ouija board...but I can't. It's not
              that 'easy'.
              > > I'd rather NOT talk about it...let alone share it with a stranger
              > who
              > > doesn't 'get it'.
              > >
              > > It's odd, but a phrase from an Emily Dickinson poem that I've
              > always
              > > liked brings me 'comfort'... .'I could not stop for death, so he
              > > kindly stopped for me'.
              > >
              > > My 'life' has been 'different' since then.
              > >
              > > I share this because you mention a 'mirror' to 'regress'... and I
              > > don't think I could do this. At least not now. Maybe sometime in
              > the
              > > future. I don't know if I'd even want to try.
              > > My grandmother and my mother firmly believe in 'old souls'...and
              > I've
              > > been raised with this tradition. Some of us are born with 'old
              > souls'
              > > that have a path to walk again. My son is a demonstration of
              this.
              > He
              > > has an inherent 'wisdom' to his personality. He is nonetheless a
              > > child...who does things age-appropriately. But he is 'stuck' with
              > > this 'wisdom' that exudes from him....and adults around him
              forget
              > > that he IS a child. Some adults 'fear' him, because he exudes a
              > sort
              > > of 'dominant' personal power...which he is coming to realize
              > himself.
              > > He is 14 turning 15...and actively having sex which has engaged
              his
              > > natural hormones...he is having physical responses that are
              > > interfering with the 'sense of self' that he is accustomed
              to...in
              > a
              > > way he's like a young 'wizard' who needs 'training' to 'harness
              and
              > > control' his 'power'...before he hurts himself or someone else.
              > >
              > > When he was about 10 months old, he was speaking in complete
              > > sentences. My favorite memory of him at that age was when he
              asked
              > me
              > > to 'bless his blankie'. For the life of me I couldn't figure out
              > what
              > > we wanted me to do! He just kept asking me to do it, to where I
              had
              > > to ask him to show me what he meant. He patiently went to his
              > > blanket, and spread it out on the floor, and lay on it. Telling
              > > me 'bless my blankie'...as if to 'teach' me. I said 'oh, spread
              it
              > > out'...as a sort of 'aha' understanding. ..and he says
              > sternly...'no.
              > > BLESS'.
              > > This is from my American Heritage Dictionary:
              > > bless: to make holy or sanctify; to make the sign of the cross
              over
              > > to sanctify; to invoke divine favor upon; to honor as if to
              > glorify;
              > > to confer well-being see *bhel
              > >
              > > *bhel- to shine or blaze; glow red
              > > *bhel 2. -to blow; swell referring to round objects
              > > *bhel 3. - to thrive, blossom, bloom, spread out or unfold.
              > >
              > > This is from the proto-indo-european root word dictionary section
              > of
              > > my book. How in the hell did my son know this? Dunno. No one in
              my
              > > family has ever used 'bless' to mean 'unfold'.
              > >
              > > 'Old souls' is what my matrileneal family calls it.
              > >
              > > --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, "chakra37"
              > > <kentagain@ ..> wrote:
              > > >
              > > > Sage,
              > > >
              > > > As far as the methods for remembering the past.
              > > >
              > > > One is to simply meditate by watching your face in a mirror.
              > > > I tried this as a meditative practice many years ago and
              > > > got a strange impression and got strangely the name
              > > > Spurius or Spirius came up - not uncommon (Latin name)
              > > > in Roman times and beyond. Just recently after reading
              > > > Raven Grimasse'e book on Italian Witchcraft I found
              > > > out it was a suggested practice for remembering past
              > > > lives.
              > > >
              > > > The other practice came from or through Crowley and
              > > > involves thinking backwards or recalling events in reverse.
              > > > Maybe google or yahoo `magical memory' and you
              > > > could find more precise methods.
              > > >
              > > > While these things may or may not be useful - I think it is
              > > > important not to dwell on the past too much.
              > > >
              > >
              >
            • chakra37
              Interesting yes. Bodily/form imagery is used extensively in tantric practice. In most deity yoga sadhanas there is what is called the generation stage or
              Message 6 of 9 , Jan 2, 2009
              • 0 Attachment
                Interesting yes. Bodily/form imagery is used
                extensively in tantric practice. In most deity yoga
                sadhanas there is what is called the generation stage or
                developing stage where one visualizes oneself as the
                deity in detail as much as is possible to clarify the
                image - then in the completion or perfecting stage
                the image is ‘dissolved into emptiness’ or the
                nature of the form is recognized as inseparable
                from the void. Since at death our body/form
                passes into the ‘emptiness’ of decay/decomposition/
                ash/body without mind- there is a parallel. It is said
                that the dissolution practice aids one in the practice of
                dying/reincarnating -the details of which I can’t recall.
                 
                I know that the illusory body practice is typically done
                in strict retreat and is considered a completion stage
                type of practice - it might be practiced intensely -say
                12-16 hours a day or more so at that intensity it can
                be powerful magick. The same can be said for some
                shamans and magickians who practice their techniques
                in strict isolation and continuity.


                --- On Fri, 1/2/09, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...> wrote:
                From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@...>
                Subject: [Southern_Ohio_Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
                To: Southern_Ohio_Pagans@yahoogroups.com
                Date: Friday, January 2, 2009, 11:42 AM

                "Through studying their reflection in the mirror
                [5], the practitioner
                visualizes images of their own nondual bodymind. This is a practice
                in resolving
                duality into the mystery of nonduality. Gyulu is essentially
                a type of
                thoughtform practice, where the aspirant works towards realising
                the inherently illusory, empty or void nature (
                shunyata) of samsara and the
                realm of
                duality."

                I wonder...if one were to start by looking into the mirror, and
                seeing the 'outer image' of self, and think, conciously about the
                fact that they are witnessing the outer image through their inner
                self, then close their eyes and 'integrate' the image of the outer
                with the inner....
                what would your mind see?...

                --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, chakra37 <kentagain@. ..>
                wrote:
                >
                >
                > Hi Sage,
                >  
                > Mirror-gazing is employed in the Indo-Tibetan tantric yoga of the
                > `illusory body' - one of the six yogas of Naropa. One of my old
                gurus
                > told a story when he was in three-year retreat one of the
                retreatants
                > would end up outsice the locked compound frequently when doing
                > the practice. The practice has similarities with astral projection.
                > Here is an excerpt from Wiki:
                >  
                > Gyulu: an outer sadhana
                >  
                > Through studying their reflection in the mirror[5], the
                practitioner
                > visualizes images of their own nondual bodymind. This is a practice
                > in resolving duality into the mystery of nonduality. Gyulu is
                essentially
                > a type of thoughtform practice, where the aspirant works towards
                realising
                > the inherently illusory, empty or void nature (shunyata) of samsara
                and the
                > realm of duality.
                > The practitioner projects their imaginal self onto the mirror-image
                and
                > identify this with the sambhogakaya form of their Yidam, and
                thereby link
                > their mindstream and consciousness with that of the tutelary deity
                or yidam..
                > Though a mystery, this association yields the mutual attribution
                and iteration
                > of the inherent primordial essence-qualities of both the
                practitioner and the
                > yidam. For a practitioner engaged in this practice, their mundane
                samsaric
                > duality resolves into the mystery of primordial nonduality or
                nirvana whilst
                > in body. The fruit of the practice is when the sadhaka views the
                inherent
                > buddhahood in all phenomena and beings.[6] When they embody the
                > nirmanakaya or 'emanation body', the rainbow gankyil, mandala and
                bindu
                > that is their inherent primordial essence-quality.
                >  
                > My same old guru grew up in a nomadic family in Tibet and said he
                > Remembered how fascinated he was when he first saw a glass mirror.
                >  
                > I have experienced "remote viewing" slightly when I close my eyes
                in a
                > dark room I can still see the ceiling and walls - or perhaps just
                an image
                > of them remembered but very vivid. There is a story about a zen
                monk
                > who was meditating as usual facing the wall and became able to see
                > through the wall. He got excited and proclaimed his enlightenment -
                of
                > course the zen master examined him and said no it is just a residual
                > power- nothing to get excited about so go back to the technique.
                >  
                > Mirrors are also used for divination in many cultures.
                >
                > --- On Thu, 1/1/09, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...> wrote:
                >
                > From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...>
                > Subject: [Southern_Ohio_ Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
                > To: Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com
                > Date: Thursday, January 1, 2009, 8:28 PM
                >
                >
                >
                >
                >
                >
                > "You might not like me for saying this but why not just
                > leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to sense?"
                >
                > Not a matter of what I like or not like you saying
                > m'dear...lol. ..just t'is.
                > Since you've asked me this...I've put a little thought into it. I
                > won't go to a psychologist: as a mental health nurse I do not enjoy
                > being the subject of analyzation techniques I'm familiar
                with...they
                > make me uncomfortable and I feel worse. When I would try to 'vent'
                at
                > work, my associates, so very trained in their natures would always
                > get 'that' face and ask the "and how does that make you
                feel?" "what
                > do you think motivates this?" sort of questions... and I'd just
                want
                > to scream. That sort of 'treatment' works for those who are
                > comfortable with it and not used to working in it I suppose...not
                > many of my colleagues have their own therapists, so I don't think
                I'm
                > the only one like that. I tend to lean more to introspect and
                friends.
                >
                > I found this interesting though:
                >
                > Definition of Eisoptrophobia
                > Eisoptrophobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of mirrors.
                Sufferers
                > experience undue anxiety even though they realize their fear is
                > irrational. Because their fear often is grounded in superstitions,
                > they may worry that breaking a mirror will bring bad luck or that
                > looking into a mirror will put them in contact with a supernatural
                > world inside the glass.
                >
                > Mirrors and other reflective surfaces have long been associated
                with
                > the strange or the bizarre. For example, in Greek mythology,
                > Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in the water of
                a
                > fountain. He thought he was seeing the image of a beautiful nymph.
                > Unable to embrace or call forth the image, he pined away and was
                > eventually transformed into a flower. In The Picture of Dorian
                Gray,
                > a novel by Oscar Wilde, a portrait of a handsome young man begins
                to
                > deteriorate, reflecting the corruption of the man's inner being.
                The
                > portrait becomes a mirror reflecting the state of the young man's
                > soul. The man eventually commits murder and suicide.
                >
                > "Eisoptrophobia" is derived from the Greek "eis" (into)
                and "optikos"
                > (vision, image, sight). Other English words derived from "optikos"
                > include "optic" (relating to vision) and "optician," a technician
                who
                > designs eyeglasses according to a prescription. "
                >
                > And that...might be a 'key'..."that looking into a mirror will put
                > them in contact with a supernatural world inside the
                glass."...which
                > I think you were alluding to. (?)
                >
                > And this, is interesting.
                > "
                > Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
                >
                > Catoptrophobia (also known as Eisoptrophobia) is a special kind of
                > fear in which people start fearing looking into mirrors. They fear
                > from looking straight eye to eye in large mirrors specially the
                Body
                > length or larger mirrors. The people suffering from Catoptrophobia
                > avoid passing in front of mirrors. They also avoid seeing
                themselves
                > in these mirrors. It is still under research that whether the fear
                is
                > from the mirror or from the image of the person suffering from
                phobia
                > reflected in the mirrow.
                >
                > Symptoms of Catoptrophobia
                > Symptoms can range from just mild avoidance of mirrors to full
                blown
                > panic attacks.
                >
                > Catoptrophobia is characterised by individuals suffering from
                > shortness of breath, heavy breath, sweating, anxiety, etc. Staying
                > away from mirror is something which cannot be avoided, hence it is
                > important for the person to think about the possible treatment
                > options available from the cure of Catoptrophobia.
                >
                > Sufferers of Catoptrophobia
                > Sufferers may fear mirrors for a variety of reasons, usually
                because
                > of some emotional trauma involving mirrors, but also superstitious
                > fear of being watched through mirrors, of mirrors being a gateway
                > into the supernatural or a window into another world are common.
                >
                > Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and
                avoidance
                > of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into
                an
                > aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."
                >
                > I know that I haven't conciously considered mirrors as 'gateways to
                a
                > supernatural realm'...I just know I've been afraid to look at
                myself
                > in one. I don't carry any concious belief in
                > superstitions. ...although I know many and often repeat them, eg;
                my
                > nose itches, companies coming; the broom fell, bad company's
                coming;
                > my ears are burning someone's talking about me; avoid walking under
                > ladders, etc.
                >
                > Most of these superstitions have practical basis and I enjoy
                > spreading them around. I discovered long ago the wisdom in old
                wives
                > tales and superstition. ..more 'coded' knowledge that is passed
                down
                > by tradition... .eg garlic keeps vampires away...and garlic is a
                > potent antibacterial agent, and 'vampires' cause illness (now we
                call
                > them 'germs' or 'kissing bugs').
                > In regard to mirrors and superstition. ..I've considered them but
                > haven't found nor looked for a basis: break a mirror, 7 years bad
                > luck. This likely stems from some obscure common knowledge at one
                > point.
                > I've always had concern about the superstition of mirrors capturing
                > souls....my grandmother and my mother told me when I was young that
                a
                > mirror could steal your soul....and I thought that this was an
                > implication of vanity. My grandma and mom consider it bad practice
                to
                > have a baby look into a mirror before they choose to do it
                > themselves.. .
                > I...according to my mother...have always had an infatuation with
                > mirrors...and would spend hours in one. This I know to be true,
                prior
                > to a few years ago. It allowed me to 'watch' myself as I'd play out
                > my little fantasies in a mirror...I'd even talk to myself in the
                > mirror, lol. My step-son Thomas has the same affinity...spending
                > hours watching himself do jumping jacks or pretending he is on-
                stage
                > singing for all to hear, or just making faces.
                >
                > "Some sufferers may fear mirrors out of low self esteem and
                avoidance
                > of wanting to see and judge themselves that gradually builds into
                an
                > aversion to mirrors even when the low self esteem is gone."
                >
                > This I've considered for myself...a sort a 'shame' for reacting as
                I
                > did and then having to conquer an 'irrational' fear of the
                basement.
                > Also dealing with emotionality in this relationship and under much
                > stress...fighting depressive states.
                >
                > I understand the 'fear'...of 'letting go' and 'falling into'...I
                > realized long ago that I had some major control issues and they
                were
                > the cause of much of the 'suffering' in my life...and I learned
                > to 'let go'. This is when I learned what religion means when they
                say
                > to 'trust in god's plan and let him lead'. About the only 'control'
                > issue I have left is driving...I don't make a very good passenger
                if
                > the person drives carelessly and I'd rather drive. When I 'dove
                off'
                > the edge long ago, and realized 'I don't know' and decided that
                life
                > was going to be an experience not a waste...I found my 'inner
                peace'.
                >
                > In trying to learn to meditate...quiet the mind, I practiced just
                > letting whatever come and go in my head...practiced letting go.
                > Sometimes I'd get sick to my stomach and vomit, but mostly I'd just
                > fall asleep, very peacefully. Now I can 'do' that...pictures and
                > images come into my mind at random...but they don't 'stay' often.
                > When they become repetitive and nagging...then I'm
                somewhat 'forced'
                > into analyzing them...and this has led me down 'my way' thus far.
                >
                > Today...resting, I was considering the light patterns that I
                > perceived with my eyes closed and shadowy images of a church and
                > mountain scenery and a town and different changing images of people
                > were 'streaming' through my mind...and I had the sensation that I
                was
                > riding in a vehicle. If I would try to 'look' closer, to focus on
                any
                > one thing...it stopped until I relaxed again. But...this I've done
                > all my life. This is part of 'fantasy land' that is familiar
                to 'me'
                > and my sense of 'self'.
                >
                > It may sound odd...but I guess I can do what they call 'remote
                > sensing' or 'viewing'... where I can 'see' in my mind what is
                around
                > me with my eyes closed and in a sort of 'trance' state...half
                asleep
                > and half awake....when I'm relaxed and at peace but still 'alert'.
                >
                > I used to wonder if it was just my brain using the stimulus of the
                > sounds and sensations to piece together any image in my mind...but
                at
                > each 'experiment' I could open my eyes and see exactly the image in
                > my head...even reading road signs while the boyfriend is driving
                and
                > I'm trying to relax.
                > I have found that I can perceive the world without
                > actually 'actively' participating in it that moment...with my mind.
                > My kids think I'm crazy...because I know what they're up to when I
                > shouldn't. My son has taken to trying to steal my cigarettes at
                > night...and I can be asleep, but I become aware as the scene plays
                > out in my mind: I'm in the bedroom 'watching' him, and I choose to
                > wake up and scare the hell out of him, just as he is sliding that
                one
                > cigarette out of my pack that might be in my pocket or my purse...
                >
                > Don't get me wrong...I can't do this all the time 'at will'...it
                just
                > happens when it happens...and it tends to be a useful skill.
                >
                > I think that this is part of the 'alert-ness' of zen...or it seems
                > very familiar in the words that is used to describe 'alert' in
                > referrence to zen. Conciousness. ..blending into the
                unconciousness,
                > and the choice to use conciousness to know unconciousness. ..if
                that
                > makes any sense to you...part of becoming a 'master' of one's own
                > will.
                >
                > About the ability to 'see' with my mind...my ears ring constantly.
                I
                > am very 'sensitive' to sound and have acute hearing. When I was
                > younger my eyesight was poor and my ears compensated. My eyesight
                is
                > still poor, but I wear glasses/contacts now. I think this enabled
                the
                > sense of 'alertness' that I have. And I think that I perceive the
                > majority of my world through the ringing in my ears...and how my
                > brain interprets it...if that makes any sense.
                >
                > I'm more comfortable in the dark than many people, as I'm
                accustomed
                > to poor vision and my hearing allows me to perceive what is in the
                > dark around me. My eyes are over-sensitive to light and are a
                > peculiar grey-blue-green color...which I've passed on to my
                children.
                > This is part of the reason behind my 'screen name'...'sage' is
                > similar to the color of my eyes. I'm more comfortable in natural,
                dim
                > light than bright lights...I can actually see better that way than
                > when its bright. And it sounds odd...but with these eyes come
                > other 'peculiar gits'. My sons can vouch for that.
                >
                > --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, chakra37
                <kentagain@ ..>
                > wrote:
                > >
                > >
                > > Hi Sage,
                > >  
                > > Interesting story. Having just read a book on "trance" I would
                > > suggest that maybe you were in a dissociative state due to coming
                > > directly from sleep which may have had an influence on the mental
                > > part of your experience.
                > >  
                > > "One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
                > are,
                > > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow. "
                > >
                > >  
                > > I think that is one thing that happens at death when mind and
                body
                > are
                > > separated. Traumatic experiences are known to trigger a sort of
                > loss of self.
                > > I read something (or was it a video) about a woman who had a
                > mystical
                > > experience while having a stroke. (Maybe I'll try to dig it up -
                it
                > was
                > > quite interesting) . Anyway - the sages say that the "sense of
                self"
                > is a
                > > lie - but one we are so accustomed to that it sort of defines our
                > comfort
                > > zone. Our normal view of self is restrictive. People who have
                done
                > too
                > > much LSD have had such experiences of a more or less continuous
                > > mental/psychic/ psych-physical sensitivity. The artist Robert
                Beer
                > lives
                > > with a sensitivity as such.
                > >  
                > > Our old Golden Retriever "Bacchus" had seizures most of his life.
                > He was
                > > big so he would bash into furniture and flip around quite a bit -
                > sometimes
                > > pee - if we were home we would just sort of hold him in place to
                > keep
                > > him from hurting himself. He had them maybe 2 or 3 times a month
                for
                > > several years. We also had a kitten that had them but seems it
                was
                > temporary..
                > > Seizures for dogs are actually not that uncommon. When he got old
                he
                > > could not stand - I had to carry him outside and hold him up
                while
                > he
                > > did his business - then wipe and wash the gangrene from my arms -
                we
                > > knew he didn't have long but it was summer and for the first time
                we
                > > had air conditioning so he enjoyed long days sleeping in the cool
                > > house. Then one day he was gone. This experience and others with
                > > several sick cats convinced me that it is best to let them die on
                > their
                > > own. I am not getting on your case for putting him down - most
                > people
                > > do it -some for mercy as in your case - and others for mere
                > convenience.
                > > Natural death for animal pets is often gooey and stinky. I
                sometimes
                > > read them instructions for the bardo when they are dying and
                always
                > > light incense for them and prayers and mantras. I found one of
                our
                > > ducklings murdered the other day - he was about 5 month old so
                > bigger
                > > but not full grown and very close to the house - in examining the
                > wounds
                > > all I could figure was perhaps a hawk swooped down as it was not
                > > carried off and the part of the flesh was eaten. It has been over
                3
                > years
                > > since we lost a duck or a chicken to a predator so I am a little
                > concerned.
                > > Anyway - sorry to digress.
                > >  
                > > I would suggest that you explore your trauma with a psychologist
                to
                > get
                > > a more professional opinion - the modern respectable form of
                sham -
                > man.
                > > I don't quite understand the significance of the mirror in your
                > story except
                > > perhaps as a trigger. The dog, the mirror, the bolt of
                electricity,
                > the basement,
                > > fear, irrationality, smoking. How do they relate? If you draw
                > perhaps draw
                > > a picture. As for electricity - my wife has been struck by
                > lightning three
                > > times and she had some health problems for a while after the one
                > time -
                > > so electrical shock can cause psycho-physical changes - some
                > shamans
                > > would consider a traumatic electric shock whether by lightning or
                > not -
                > > being chosen by the spirits as a shaman or traveler between the
                > worlds.
                > > Losing oneself in the astral by experiencing the dismantling or
                > cutting up
                > > of the body in a mental way is the traditional traumatic
                experience
                > of
                > > the shaman in several cultures. In some of these cultures women
                are
                > > not permitted to be shamans. Perhaps as mothers women are more
                > > hard-wired to be watchful, alert, and in a together state of
                > consciousness.
                > > Letting go into the world of no control is perhaps more
                difficult -
                > I don't
                > > really know. You might not like me for saying this but why not
                just
                > > leap into the mirror and explore the realm that you seem to
                sense?
                > >  
                > > Sometimes in meditation I get the sense that I am falling - not
                like
                > > falling down - more like falling apart - perhaps falling
                together -
                > > I don't know - but too often - I think about what I am
                experiencing
                > > rationally and it immediately goes away. Then I am left to wonder
                > why
                > > when a door opens I am afraid (by the power of habit) to go
                through
                > > it. - a similar thing occasionally happens in the hynogogic state
                > just
                > > before falling asleep.
                > >  
                > > BTW - give up smoking. It is bad for your health.. I smoked every
                day
                > > for 16 years and quite flat out. It can be done. You can do it.
                > > You will be glad you did. Or like me so baffled that you were
                able
                > to
                > > that it became a symbolic gesture that anything is possible.
                > >
                > > --- On Tue, 12/30/08, sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...> wrote:
                > >
                > > From: sagefemme_25 <sagefemme_25@ ...>
                > > Subject: [Southern_Ohio_ Pagans] Re: Magickal Memory
                > > To: Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com
                > > Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 11:21 AM
                > >
                > >
                > >
                > >
                > >
                > >
                > > About 3 years ago or so, I had a 'traumatic' experience.. .to say
                > the
                > > least. I experienced what it means to be 'terrified'. ..I don't
                > mean
                > > the 'frozen in fear feeling of dread' meaning of 'terrified'. ..I
                > mean
                > > freakin' scared beyond scared meaning of 'terrified'. ..
                > >
                > > Firstly...I' m a rational person. I don't 'scare' easily. I am
                > often
                > > the calmest in a difficult situation, part of the group that
                keeps
                > > their 'head' and calms and directs others in an emergency type or
                > > difficult situation. I'm not afraid of the 'dark'...I like being
                in
                > > it, because its comforting in its 'darkness'. I'm not afraid of
                the
                > > idea of 'ghosts'...as I've had some 'odd' experiences throughout
                my
                > > lifetime, since childhood.
                > >
                > > Four years ago, I moved into the house I'm living in now with the
                > > boyfriend. Its a very old house, which I happen to enjoy.. When I
                > > moved in, the boyfriend and company had a border collie named
                Bingo
                > > who was about 15 years old. We were friendly. I liked her and she
                > > liked me. I found her to be very intelligent with a sense of dry
                > > humor. The boys that she had been so faithful to for the 15 years
                > of
                > > her life were at a point where since she had always been around,
                > they
                > > sort of forgot she was there. Sort of 'neglected' her, as they
                > wanted
                > > to play x-box and various games, wouldn't bathe her or feed her
                > > regularly or take her outside to play or go on walks...etc. I did
                > all
                > > those things with her and she appreciated it, and we got on quite
                > > well. She was the 'dominant female' entity in the household among
                > all
                > > the other males, and she kept me company, being the 'other'
                female.
                > >
                > > I smoke...and I enjoy restoring old furniture. I sort of 'set up
                > > shop' in the basement of this old house. I'd spend hours down
                > there,
                > > reading and drawing and planning, smoking; and refurbishing the
                > dozen
                > > or so dining room chairs that we had at the time. The electrical
                > > wiring in this old house isn't so good. Its 200amp service and
                only
                > > parts of it have been updated and much of it is still the old
                knob
                > > and tube wiring. Many of our light switches are the original turn
                > > switches or the push-buttons. Non-fluorescent light bulbs don't
                > last
                > > very long as we have power-surges often.
                > >
                > > As I'd spend time in the basement, the lights wouldn't always
                work.
                > > There would be times when I'd need another light on, and it would
                > > just 'come on'...which I found 'comforting' as it seemed as
                though
                > > the 'spirit' of the house liked me.
                > > When the boyfriend moved in, he had plans of remodeling.. .and I
                > > wanted to 'restore'. We would compromise, and blend the old and
                the
                > > new...maintaing the most prominent details in keeping with the
                > > original Victorian style of the house. It so happened that each
                > time
                > > I would pick a paint color or new wallpaper, as we were tearing
                out
                > > the old, I would find nearly exactly at the original layer what I
                > > had chosen for the new. This, again, I found comforting.
                > >
                > > I had no reason to 'fear' these coincidences.
                > >
                > > Sometimes I can't sleep...because the boyfriend snores
                excessively
                > > loud and wakes me up.
                > > One such occurence three yearsago , I decided to go ahead and get
                > out
                > > of bed, about 3 or 4 am. I went downstairs to our kitchen, and
                > tried
                > > to plug in the coffee pot. Bingo was lying on the rug in front of
                > our
                > > sink in the kitchen, like she normally did. The outlet is a GFI
                so
                > it
                > > has that reset button on it, and it doesn't always work. Our
                coffee
                > > pot often triggers the breaker. This happened that morning...and
                > the
                > > breaker box is in the basement. I opened the basement door,
                walked
                > > down two steps, put my fingers on the turn switch, and as I was
                > > turning the switch this 'it'...this sense of 'something' passed
                > from
                > > the tips of my toes and THROUGH my SENSE OF BEING...
                > > I remember not being aware of anything but that feeling...when I
                > > could think, all I wanted to do was 'run'..and that's exactly
                what
                > I
                > > did, run away from the direction it was 'coming' from. I made it
                > > through the kitchen, through the dining room, through our deep
                > foyer
                > > and halfway up our stairs when my family came running out of
                their
                > > bedrooms.... because I was screaming, shrieking apparently, and I
                > > didn't even know I was.
                > > The logical thing here...is I was getting 'shocked' electrically
                by
                > > the old switch...which has not happened to anyone in this house
                yet
                > > by using that switch, then and now. I've been shocked before, by
                > some
                > > pretty high voltage at times...and I know what that feels
                > like...and
                > > it wasn't what 'this it' had felt like at all. Getting
                > > shocked 'hurts' and 'burns' and 'aches'. This wasn't like that at
                > > all.
                > > My family, of course, scared by my screaming, wanting to know
                what
                > > was going on...forced me to 'sit' and stop shrieking,
                and 'breathe'
                > > instead. Each of the six of them asking me at once 'what
                > the...????'
                > > Because 'mom' has never done this. Mom doesn't ever react to
                > anything
                > > like this. I hadn't ever...and I nothing like that since. All I
                > could
                > > do was mumble..'the basement'. And then I cried and cried and
                cried
                > > sitting on the steps. Until I 'regained' my own 'sense of
                > > being'...the sense of being 'me' and how I usually 'feel'
                as 'me'.
                > >
                > > One experiences the 'world' through their own sense of who they
                > are,
                > > uniquely them. Losing that, for even a moment....wow.
                > >
                > > My son....very much like his mother...calmly directing the
                > situation,
                > > asks me 'what do you need?'...'where are your cigarettes?' ...of
                > > course, they are in 'the basement'. He grabs a flashlight, and
                him
                > > and my boyfriend go to 'the basement'... my son tells me that as
                he
                > > was going into the basement, Bingo was at the bottom of the
                stairs,
                > > looking up at him. (He thinks it was Bingo that scared me.) When
                I
                > > was in the kitchen, Bingo was lying on the rug near the coffee
                pot.
                > > Apparently I left my house-slippers on the steps when I ran
                > > away...because my son brought me those too.
                > >
                > > And it would be wonderful if this story 'ended' here. My family
                > found
                > > nothing in the basement. And nothing 'wrong' with the turn-
                switch.
                > > For weeks I couldn't go near the basement, by myself. I could go
                if
                > > someone was in my presence. For months I was unable to look into
                a
                > > mirror....at all...without a sense of paralyzing fear.
                > > My boyfriend bought me some books on being 'a
                sensitive'.. .trying
                > > to 'help' me through it. More of those 'how to' Llewellyn
                guides...
                > >
                > > The worst part though...is Bingo. I tried to approach Bingo, and
                > she
                > > would growl at me and try to bite me. If she didn't try to bite
                me,
                > > she would glare at me and walk away. This went on for a couple of
                > > weeks, and then Bingo began to 'debilitate' . She was old for a
                dog
                > > anyway...but what happened to Bingo is still 'unbelievable' and
                I'm
                > > glad that I have witnesses. Bingo started having trouble
                > > walking...her back legs would seem to go numb and she'd drag them
                > > behind her. Then control of her bowels and bladder ceased...then
                > > the 'seizures' set in. And in all of my life as a farmer's
                daughter
                > > and lover of animals and as a nurse...have I ever seen anything
                > like
                > > the 'seizures' that Bingo had. Her body would stiffen, her neck
                > would
                > > arch to the point where it looked like her head was nearly turned
                > > backward and she would 'flip' about 3 feet into the air somer-
                sault
                > > like, over and over for about 5 minutes at a time...then she
                would
                > > regain control of her self and sleep. Bingo was like this for
                > > months...and the vet couldn't explain it other than 'old age and
                > > seizures'. Finally, Bingo would let me near her, and I would
                carry
                > > her outside or to the bath and clean her up, and let her enjoy
                the
                > > weather or whatnot. She got to a point where she couldn't walk at
                > > all, and she just 'whined' all the time.
                > > After months of watching her agony, I couldn't take it anymore
                and
                > > asked the boyfriend his thoughts about putting her down. He
                agreed.
                > > After a few more weeks, we took Bingo to the Vet...we carried her
                > in
                > > and put her on the table and she just lay there. The vet got his
                > > injection ready and put his hand on Bingo's neck. For the first
                > time
                > > in about four weeks, Bingo perched up on her legs, holding
                herself
                > > up, kind of smiled and looked 'happy'...and then the vet injected
                > her
                > > and she 'flopped' onto the table, life-less.
                > >
                > > In the months after Bingo's death, I forced myself to find the
                > > courage to 'conquer' my fear of the basement. I can go near it
                and
                > > down into it, but I have to 'talk to it'...announce myself
                and 'its
                > > me' sort of thing. I get what I need and get out of it. I don't
                > have
                > > my 'shop' down there anymore. Its pure storage now. Since then
                I've
                > > been smoking inside the house, not just the basement.
                > >
                > > I forced myself to try to conquer my fear of a mirror...which I
                > have,
                > > as long as its daylight. I know this is very 'weird'...
                > > If its 'dark', and I catch a glimpse of a reflection,
                > > I'm 'scared'...I will talk myself through it and look away...but
                I
                > > have a 'psychological' impulse to get as far from that reflected
                > > image as I can...including reflections from window glare or
                > moonlight
                > > on a pool of water.
                > > I don't have issue with midnight on the ocean...or driving and
                > > mirrors...but if it involves 'seeing' or 'anyalyzing' my-self in
                a
                > > mirror...there is a 'psychological fear-impulse' that I have to
                > > rationalize and be 'brave' to overcome. Ironically, my house is
                > full
                > > of mirrors...nearly every room has an old fireplace mantel with a
                > > mirror built into it. Ironically.. .that I've personally hand-
                > sanded
                > > and restored...lol.
                > >
                > > As for the entire incident...I don't have a 'reason' for it. I
                > don't
                > > have a 'rational explanation' for it either. 'It' just happened..
                I
                > > experienced it...and I remember...I know. It is 'unforgettable' .
                > Each
                > > person I've ever shared the story with...they have a reason, or
                > > plausible reason or rationality.. ..but I don't.
                > > The boyfriend likes to encourage me to share my story...like one
                of
                > > those 'ghost tale' adventures around a campfire or going to a
                > seance
                > > or playing with a ouija board...but I can't. It's not
                that 'easy'.
                > > I'd rather NOT talk about it...let alone share it with a stranger
                > who
                > > doesn't 'get it'.
                > >
                > > It's odd, but a phrase from an Emily Dickinson poem that I've
                > always
                > > liked brings me 'comfort'... .'I could not stop for death, so he
                > > kindly stopped for me'.
                > >
                > > My 'life' has been 'different' since then.
                > >
                > > I share this because you mention a 'mirror' to 'regress'... and I
                > > don't think I could do this. At least not now. Maybe sometime in
                > the
                > > future. I don't know if I'd even want to try.
                > > My grandmother and my mother firmly believe in 'old souls'...and
                > I've
                > > been raised with this tradition. Some of us are born with 'old
                > souls'
                > > that have a path to walk again. My son is a demonstration of
                this.
                > He
                > > has an inherent 'wisdom' to his personality. He is nonetheless a
                > > child...who does things age-appropriately. But he is 'stuck' with
                > > this 'wisdom' that exudes from him....and adults around him
                forget
                > > that he IS a child. Some adults 'fear' him, because he exudes a
                > sort
                > > of 'dominant' personal power...which he is coming to realize
                > himself.
                > > He is 14 turning 15...and actively having sex which has engaged
                his
                > > natural hormones...he is having physical responses that are
                > > interfering with the 'sense of self' that he is accustomed
                to...in
                > a
                > > way he's like a young 'wizard' who needs 'training' to 'harness
                and
                > > control' his 'power'...before he hurts himself or someone else.
                > >
                > > When he was about 10 months old, he was speaking in complete
                > > sentences. My favorite memory of him at that age was when he
                asked
                > me
                > > to 'bless his blankie'. For the life of me I couldn't figure out
                > what
                > > we wanted me to do! He just kept asking me to do it, to where I
                had
                > > to ask him to show me what he meant. He patiently went to his
                > > blanket, and spread it out on the floor, and lay on it. Telling
                > > me 'bless my blankie'...as if to 'teach' me. I said 'oh, spread
                it
                > > out'...as a sort of 'aha' understanding. ..and he says
                > sternly...'no.
                > > BLESS'.
                > > This is from my American Heritage Dictionary:
                > > bless: to make holy or sanctify; to make the sign of the cross
                over
                > > to sanctify; to invoke divine favor upon; to honor as if to
                > glorify;
                > > to confer well-being see *bhel
                > >
                > > *bhel- to shine or blaze; glow red
                > > *bhel 2. -to blow; swell referring to round objects
                > > *bhel 3. - to thrive, blossom, bloom, spread out or unfold.
                > >
                > > This is from the proto-indo-european root word dictionary section
                > of
                > > my book. How in the hell did my son know this? Dunno. No one in
                my
                > > family has ever used 'bless' to mean 'unfold'.
                > >
                > > 'Old souls' is what my matrileneal family calls it.
                > >
                > > --- In Southern_Ohio_ Pagans@yahoogrou ps.com, "chakra37"
                > > <kentagain@ ..> wrote:
                > > >
                > > > Sage,
                > > >
                > > > As far as the methods for remembering the past.
                > > >
                > > > One is to simply meditate by watching your face in a mirror.
                > > > I tried this as a meditative practice many years ago and
                > > > got a strange impression and got strangely the name
                > > > Spurius or Spirius came up - not uncommon (Latin name)
                > > > in Roman times and beyond. Just recently after reading
                > > > Raven Grimasse'e book on Italian Witchcraft I found
                > > > out it was a suggested practice for remembering past
                > > > lives.
                > > >
                > > > The other practice came from or through Crowley and
                > > > involves thinking backwards or recalling events in reverse.
                > > > Maybe google or yahoo `magical memory' and you
                > > > could find more precise methods.
                > > >
                > > > While these things may or may not be useful - I think it is
                > > > important not to dwell on the past too much.
                > > >
                > >
                >


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