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  • monk
    WORD LAB FOR PARAGRAPHS, CHAPTERS and SENTENCES Re; Hi Joey, it s great to see you re still engrossed in writing mystery stories. At our age it s quite
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 3, 2012
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      Re; Hi Joey, it's great to see you're still engrossed in writing mystery stories. At our age it's quite important to keep our mind active. As you're well aware I have endeavored acting the last three years. It's quite fulfilling. We, meaning the adult community that Jacki and I belong to, are in the process of rehearsing our 3rd play.The play takes place on June 1st and 2nd. We will be partaking in several broadway musicals. To name a few, Grease,Fiddler on the roof,Guys and Dolls,Saturday Night Fever. I, am doing John Travolta,s parts and Marlin Brando,s in Guys and Dolls. Lots of singing and dancing numbers,lots of fun. Here,s some news Mr D has been working out at LA fitness since July,3 to 4 days a week.I do cardio. and free weights but not to heavy. I,am down to 185 with a 33 inch waist. Not bad for an old fart.

      My Dearest Friend Frank,

      It is totally amazing how we both tapped into our creative minds as we have gotten older. Channeling our skills; in my mind's eye I see you as a contender, you could have become the next Brando, Travolta or Stallone with your charisma.
      If we only discovered our potential at a younger age, can you imagine just how much success we could have had or just how far we could have gone Frank?
      From my hard cover book on Comedy Writing Secrets! How to think funny, write funny, act funny and get paid for it!

      Welcome to the crowned clown comedy award show.
      Good Comedy is about outrageous situations, the odd couple two so different personalities living together or the Big Bang Theory Two nerds living together, one extremely obnoxious with the hot looking nabor/waitress would be actress, the emotional chemistry and friction between them.

      Here are the basics of humor writing. Imagination is funny what ifÂ…we take the first step. The first step in humor conception is imagination. It's called "what if?" Comedy writing secrets; as a demonstration let's consider a simple humor exercise. Two coke bottles are held up-what could they possibly be besides bottles? Scribble down as many exaggerations as possible, without being restrained by practicality, within five minutes, you should come up with a list like this one.

      *bowling pins left standing by the first ball.
      *pins used by a juggler.
      *a pair of binoculars for a u-boat commander.
      *portable urinals keeped in the car for emergency.
      *Polish cocktail glasses.
      *ear plugs for elephants
      *Simmese twins formerly joined at the lips.
      *medical device for re-shaping the tongue for ant eaters.
      *nonworking funnels.
      *fingernail polish protectors.
      *golf tees for a very fat man.
      *spin the bottle for schizophrenics.
      *corn holders for the jolly green giant.
      *a new fangled breast implant for Madonna.
      *artificial limbs for Iranian solders.

      This humor Rorschach test is more than an exercise. It's the key to comedy's engine, which won't turn over without unbridled imagination.
      Train your mind to constantly ask "what if?" and brain storm possibilities. Don't worry if your ideas seem absurd or silly the idea now is to get your imagination in gear.
      Humorists have one cardinal rule. "Don't be inhibited. It's better to take a nihilistic attitude towards all subjects than to pussyfoot around "taboos." When writing, write freely make uninhibited assumption.

      Editing and self censorship are the second and third steps. Never the first.

      Writing a way off Broadway show the Format
      A situation comedy. Purpose introduces the three major characters to the audience.
      Roles, Two men and awomen in bed together.
      The plot; two roommates both students one is studying pathology the other proctology. Both are sleeping with the young landlady sometimes at the same time!

      Format Form

      Show title scrambled eggs.
      Description: a comedy.
      Scene location-bedroom both men sharing a bed back to back with a space between them covered with a blanket.

      Both men talking to each other.
      As they argue with each other in bed.
      The proctology student yells at the pathology student about bringing his lessons home with him, near them on a gurney is a body under a blanket all the audience see's is a foot sticking out with a toe tag on it.

      Hi Frankie,
      In my quest, I have learned to write in many different genre's of writing. Here is a joke I have written just today 2/28/12.

      That I plan to send to A.A.R.P the magazine, from the wit and wisdom of Joseph F.Mazzaferro. The prophetic professor: What I discovered will blow your mind! As we get older we tend to make more deposits in the toilet bowl then in a bank!
      Think outside the box, when you're sitting in the poor man's library!
      Your buddy from Brooklyn the original Joe Monk the mediator or is it the agitator?

      Hi Frank;

      Do you know where the Hamburger got its name? Well I'll tell you!
      An archeology joke, two archeologists travel back in time, they found a Cave. Where on the wall was a drawing of a map with an X on it over a faded picture. One of the archeologists rushes off to make and take credit for the discovery!
      While the other took a piece of chalk out of his pocket to retrace the faded picture, after retracing the picture he makes a horror able discovery the X on the map was a warning! Of an area that was a tyrannosaurus feeding ground.
      The German archeologist who rushes off to make and take credit for the discovery was named Burger Ham Burger, the next time you go to your favorite burger joint this will give you something to think about. Think of the archeologist who got so famous that they named a fast food meal after him because he wasn't fast enough!
      Written by Joseph F.Mazzaferro
      162 Words

      The anatomy of humor-the threes formula.
      THREE'S not just a crowd, it's a humor formula.

      What does Don Rickel, Red Fox and Lenny Bruce have in common they use TARGET, our instinctive perception is that humor is fun. It isn't humor its criticism, cloaked as entertainment, directed at a specific target.
      Cartoonist Bill Maulin once wrote, "Humor is really laughing off a hurt, grinning at misery!

      There is no shortage on political JOKES after all we keep electing them every fourth and six year!
      The Republican Party has promised to cut un-employment. They have found away to provide jobs for everyone! They call it slavery.
      In today's modern world senior's power plays a role, the politics of AARP. As we sit around in our adult diapers. While the Democrats act as if they own the country spending us into poverty!
      The Republicans send our jobs overseas to any country poor enough to be used by the Rich to make a buck using child labor! In America we have the best politicians that money can buy, and you can take that to the bankruptcy courts.

      Written by Joseph F. Mazzaferro
      124 Words

      The Next Big thing is where you can find any business including monkey business.
      I found a Dot Com address called HOT ROCKS DOT COM.
      I don't know if it was a female selling her services (hooker) or a jewel thief selling stolen merchandise.

      Written by Joseph F. Mazzaferro
      44 Words


      One of the manufacturers of birth control pills must have been a fan of Shakespearean sonnets, on the box was printed these words, "to be or not to be that is the question?"

      Written by Joseph F. Mazzaferro
      33 Words
      Some phrases can be funny, for example if I say Murphy's Law or Montezuma's revenge these are two funny words phrases!
      It may interest you to know I have had both in the same day! We all know Montezuma's revenge comes from drinking water south of the boarder and Murphy's Law is not a New T.V. Show!

      Mel Brooks who's Specialty Targets Historical Events.
      (My JOKE)
      Montezuma's revenge, Montezuma a Mexican travel agent, whose promotional tours to Mexico's hottest spots made him famous.
      His great grandfather was General Santa Anna whose forces defeated Davy Crockett and Jim Bowies men at the Alamo!
      Only to lose to the Texas volunteers Army who arrived too late to rescue those brave men.
      Montezuma got his revenge he promised his tourist all the water they can drink free of charge.
      So remember the next time you go south of the border and get sick with Montezuma's revenge remember the Alamo.

      Written by Joseph F. Mazzaferro
      164 Words.

      Good Comedy has a placebo effect!
      If I was dressed like a doctor I might say take two laughs and call me in the morning! Because no one has ever died of boredom!

      Written by Joseph F.Mazzaferro
      33 Words
      Come from many different sources, no subject is taboo just ask Mel Brooks one funny man his history of the World.
      The scene with Mel Brooks carrying down three tablets from the mountain then dropping one (where it goes from 15 to 10 Commandments).
      (My Version of a Bible Joke) Would be about all the begot-the early family tree.
      Now a more recent version we start in Hollywood Debbie Reynolds begot Eddie Fisher who begot Liz Taylor who begot Richard Burton.
      Even more current on the bigots list. Bruce Willis begot Demi Moore who begot Ashton Kutcher.
      Written by Joseph F. Mazzaferro
      98 Words


      Who so ever said you can't teach old dog new tricks never saw my dog!
      My dog has the nastiest of habits! He drinks water out of the toilet bowl.
      So I now closed the seat.
      Whoever said you can't teach old dog new tricks never saw him learn to lift
      the seat!
      Written by Joseph F. Mazzaferro
      48 Words
      Did you know that air traffic controllers have their own theme sing?
      The lyrics keep repeating themselves over and over again. "Another one bites
      the dust"!
      Written by Joseph F.Mazzaferro
      26 Words

      Oxymoron Jokes

      Speaking of Oxymoron's.
      The kids where late for school it was Balderdash's fault. The cars breaks gave out he forgot to get them inspected causing an accident. The house is in foreclosure Balderdash forgot to mail in the premiums for one full year. At work he approved the aircraft with hydraulic problems for takeoff it crashed. That's why he was promoted to the position of air traffic controller, so he could work with his peers.

      Written by Joseph F. Mazzaferro
      80 Words.
      Diplomats have their own theme song the lyrics, "I don't want to work I want to bang on the drums all day".
      Diplomatic humor if you don't like restrictions of any kind. I give you two words Diplomatic Immunity, while working as an ambassador at the United Nations.
      You learn two words Diplomatic Immunity you can do anything you want to anyone! Diplomatic immunity you can get away with murder, party anywhere you want.
      If you like partying and sex embassy work is for you! It's dirty work but somebody's has to do it!
      Written by Joseph F. Mazzaferro
      94 Words.

      Political Jokes.
      Politics is better known as legalized grand larceny.
      The benefits in politics your only business you run for office, so you don't have to run from the cops! If you don't like a law then change it! In politics you are promised to have a better more fulfilling life and politicians have one!

      Joseph F.Mazzaferro.
      53 Words.
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