- A man is sitting in a plane ready to take off when
another man with a Labrador Retriever
occupies the empty seats alongside him,
right at the last minute.
The Lab is situated in the middle seat,
being strapped in by his handler while
the first man looks quizzically at
the dog and the guy, and the whole strange situation.
The second man then quickly explains that both he
and the dog work for the airline. "Don't mind Sniffer;"
he said, Sniffer is a sniffing dog.
He's the best there is. I'll show you once we get
airborne when I put him to work."
The plane takes off and when it levels out the
handler says to the guy,
"Watch this." Then he commands the dog, "Sniffer,
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, then
jumps up and sits next to a woman for a few seconds.
Sniffer then returns to his seat and puts
one paw on the handler's arm.
The handler says "Good boy, Sniffer!"
He then turns to the first man and says,
"That woman has marijuana in
her purse, so I'm making a note of this and her seat
number for the police who will apprehend her on arrival."
"Sweeeeet!" exclaimed the first man.
Once again Sniffer is dispatched to the aisle to
continue his search. The Lab sniffs about,
sits down beside a man for a
few seconds, then returns to his seat,
and places two paws on the handler's arm.
The handler says, "That man is carrying blow -- you
know, cocaine. So again I'm making a note of this and
the guy's seat number."
"Unbelievable!" says the first man.
For the third time Sniffer is sent on his mission.
Sniffer goes up and down the aisle and
after a while sits down next to
This time he comes racing back, jumps up onto his
seat, and poops all over the place.
The first man is really grossed out by this behavior
from an otherwise well trained sniffing dog and asks,
"What the heck is going on?"
The handler nervously replies, "He just found a bomb."
- The Nun story was good Dave
Here is a Retirement Home I would like to try.
AN ALTERNATIVE RETIREMENT HOME
There will be no nursing home in my future.........
When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a
Princess Cruise Ship.The average cost for a nursing
home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations
at Princess and I can get a long term discount and
seniordiscount price of $135 per day. That leaves
$65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can
waddle to the restaurant,or I can have room
service(which means I can have breakfast in bed every
of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a
workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free
soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a
patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the
entire staff scrambling to help you.
6.I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to
have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will
fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't
even have to ask forthem.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip
you are on Medicare.If you fall and break a hip on the
Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the
rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best!
Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal,
Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where
you want to go?
Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look
for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump
you over the side at
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Address AutoComplete - You start. We finish.
- THE NUN
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't
stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and
have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just
about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I
would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to
be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush,
but when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."