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30302Re: [Slovak-World] Re: rabbit

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  • Michelle Burke
    Oct 1, 2010
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      LOL!  (forgot this scene)

      From: votrubam <votrubam@...>
      To: Slovak-World@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Thu, September 30, 2010 1:11:07 PM
      Subject: [Slovak-World] Re: rabbit

      > Everything I've read says that animals raised on family farms
      > -- cows, chickens, pigs, everything -- really do taste better
      > because they are raised in a fairly stress free environment.
      > We should all look for our food raised with love and affection

      Crossbreeding them to want to be made a meal of could improve things even more,
      it's been suggested (details below).


      x x x

      From Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe."

      The waiter approached. "Would you like to see the menu?" he said, "or would you
      like to meet the Dish of the Day?"

      "Huh?" said Ford.
      "Huh?" said Arthur.
      "Huh?" said Trillian.
      "That's cool," said Zaphod, "we'll meet the meat."

      A large dairy animal approached Zaphod's table, a large fat meaty quadruped of
      the bovine type with large watery eyes, small horns and what might almost have
      been an ingratiating smile on its lips.

      "Good evening," it lowed and sat back heavily on its haunches, "I am the main
      Dish of the Day. May I interest you in the parts of my body?"

      It harrumphed and gurgled a bit, wriggled its hind quarters in to a more
      comfortable position and gazed peacefully at them.

      Its gaze was met by looks of startled bewilderment from Arthur and Trillian, a
      resigned shrug from Ford and naked hunger from Zaphod.

      "Something off the shoulder perhaps?" suggested the animal, "Braised in a white
      wine sauce?"

      "Er, _your_ shoulder?" said Arthur in a horrified whisper.

      "But naturally my shoulder, sir," mooed the animal contentedly, "nobody else's
      is mine to offer."

      Zaphod leaped to his feet and started prodding and feeling the animal's shoulder

      "Or the rump is very good," murmured the animal. "I've been exercising it and
      eating plenty of grain, so there's a lot of good meat there."

      It gave a mellow grunt, gurgled again and started to chew the cud. It swallowed
      the cud again.

      "Or a casselore of me perhaps?" it added.

      "That's absolutely horrible," exclaimed Arthur, "the most revolting thing I've
      ever heard.'

      "What's the problem?" said Zaphod, now transferring his attention to the
      animal's enormous rump.

      "I just don't want to eat an animal that's standing there inviting me to," said
      Arthur, "It's heartless."

      "Better than eating an animal that doesn't want to be eaten," said Zaphod.

      "That's not the point," Arthur protested. Then he thought about it for a moment.
      "Alright," he said, "maybe it is the point. I don't care, I'm not going to think
      about it now. I'll just... er... I think I'll just have a green salad," he

      "May I urge you to consider my liver?" asked the animal, "it must be very rich
      and tender by now, I've been force-feeding myself for months."

      "A green salad," said Arthur emphatically.

      "A green salad?" said the animal, rolling his eyes disapprovingly at Arthur.

      "Are you going to tell me," said Arthur, "that I shouldn't have green salad?"

      "Well," said the animal, "I know many vegetables that are very clear on that
      point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole tangled
      problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of
      saying so clearly and distinctly. And here I am." It managed a very slight bow.

      "Glass of water please," said Arthur.

      "Look," said Zaphod, "we want to eat, we don't want to make a meal of the
      issues. Four rare steaks please, and hurry."

      The animal staggered to its feet. It gave a mellow gurgle. "A very wise choice,
      sir, if I may say so. Very good," it said, "I'll just nip off and shoot myself."

      He turned and gave a friendly wink to Arthur. "Don't worry, sir," he said, "I'll
      be very humane."

      It waddled unhurriedly off to the kitchen.

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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