Things people have to believe to be Republican today
- 1. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when
Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business
with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"
2. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but
trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international
3. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation, especially so if they are paying women less than
5. Jesus is GOD (and all that implies, like omnipotent, omnscient,
and He Created Everything! He loves *You*...and shares your hatred
of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops
in flowery speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time
allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing
health care to all Americans is socialism.
10. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the
public at heart.
11. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.
12. A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable
A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die
is solid defense policy.
13. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the
14. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades,
but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
15. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless
you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need
our prayers for your recovery.
16. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John
Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the
right to adopt.
17. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national
interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant
**How Many Republicans are there in El Paso County????
We will see on Nov, 7