BY Way of Introduction...(long)
- Good Morning All:
I have just joined the list, spent the past few days reading some of
the old posts and thought I might as well dive in and introduce
I go by the name Seeker and have been following a druid path the last
several years. I am 50 years old, living outside Washington DC,
happily married with four kids and have been feeling a little out-of-
sorts the last few months. Briefly, I have always been a very
spiritual person, formerly Roman Catholic, and five years ago, I
suffered a pretty major heart attack. (stress, smoking, family
history, etc). I had already drifted away from the Catholic Church by
that time and had been searching for something that would bring me
some peace I then discovered Druidry. Without going into any details,
it has filled a need in me that I feel has made me a better person.
But, to the present I have always had some fairly intense meditations
but, lately, some of them have been pretty extreme. Along with my
spirit guide, an Owl has occasionally accompanied me in my travels.
Well, about three four weeks ago, I had this one session where I
was walking in complete darkness the ground was dark, the rain was
dark, the sky was dark, hell even the wind felt dark. My spirit
guide, Owl and I came upon a large swirling hole (that's the best I
can describe it) which started to suck me in. I fought like hell to
not go in there the fact was I was scared. I looked to my spirit
guide who had disappeared! And Owl was frantically tugging at my
shirt TRYING to pull me in!
I kept resisting and resisting until I finally came out of the
session sweating like crazy and feeling my heart coming through my
After that, I kept having dreams about the "dark hole" and Owl and it
was really getting to me. I started reading everything I could about
journeying and shamanism trying to make some sense of what had
happened to me. I decided that the only way I could get over this was
to revisit the journey. So last week, I did.
This time, upon entering my sacred grove (that is where I begin my
meditations sessions), only Owl was there waiting. We started walking
walking walking until it grew dark again and there was the hole! Once
again, I felt the pull to go in and looked at Owl. He said "It is
time" and flew in. Man, I can't tell you how scared I was! But, I
closed my eyes and went in. It was strange-as if walking through a
thick, dark mist felt like I was in slow motion. But as soon as I
felt like I had walked in, I came out the other side. It was abrupt
and startled me. I was on a cliff and it seemed like it was dusk.
All of a sudden I felt thrown to the ground, immense pressure on all
my limbs but I couldn't see anyone. And then, the pressure started
building inside my chest and I thought, oh my gods, I'm having
another heart attack I'm dying! But it felt worse it was agony the
pressure kept building and building until I thought I was going to
burst. I was crying and screaming and then I watched in agony as my
chest started to open up in shreds just bursting apart as Owl was
clawing his way out of my body! He was bursting my chest open trying
to get out. I can't begin to tell you how awful the pain was
Next thing I knew, I woke up on the floor at my house sweating and
panting for breath. I slowly got myself up and quickly proceeded to
vomit all over the floor. It took me several days to feel anywhere
close to normal. Since then, I have not meditated and I have not had
any bad dreams. I just feel weird and strange. I don't know what
happened to me.
I don't feel crazy-and I can function as well as ever at work (well,
except maybe being a little preoccupied with this stuff in my head).
I just feel calm.
I wasn't sure who to talk to until I found you on the web. Thought
you might be able to make some sense out of it. Any help or advice is
Thanks again for listening.
- Hi Seeker and welcome,
Actually a vision of your own death and/or dismemberment is part of a
traditional Shamanic initiation vision. You can now journey the different
realms with which ever guide is available to you. While Owl is present now
look around and you will find others. For me, the guide best suited to the
task usually appears when needed. When visiting other realms like that, it
is best if you go when you have a specific purpose. Just going to explore
can be risky but if your guides say go, trust them. You should not have
anything that scary happen again. Not aimed at you personally anyway. :-D
Living one life at a time, my journey is always refreshing!
At 10:13 AM 7/6/2005, you wrote:
>Good Morning All:
>I have just joined the list, spent the past few days reading some of
>the old posts and thought I might as well dive in and introduce
>I go by the name Seeker