AngMoh-ising S'pore men
- 18 March 2004
AngMoh-ising S'pore men
They need all the help as the women are shunning them ... like HDB's
new 5-room flats
By: Mr Brown
IT seems that our local men and new HDB five-room and executive flats
share the same problem. People do not want them.
A letter writer to a local paper recently lamented that there is an
alarming trend of local girls marrying Caucasians because these
Western men usually have better careers, live in bigger condominiums and drive
bigger cars. Everything also bigger.
The writer also believes that local women are going with these Ang
Mohs because they can get overseas citizenship easier and the girls think
the Caucasians treat women with more respect than local men do.
I must say I am alarmed. How can these local girls not see the
tremendous appeal of local men, who are family-minded and obedient?
According to the letter-writer's in-depth analysis, our women are
going instead for these loose-living foreigners who are not interested in
the 5Cs (although they have career, condominiums and car already, by sheer
coincidence), who may not be interested in marriage and kids and are
only good at being sophisticated, well-spoken and opinionated.
It is time for the Government to step in here. Foreigners are not just
taking our jobs, dammit, they are taking our women!
The Government should consider making it against the law for local
women to date foreign men, unless they have valid medical reasons. Because I
think it is only under the compulsion of law, can the modern Singapore
woman learn to appreciate the finer qualities of local men.
Local men need all the help they can get. They have already lost two
and a half years married to their military wife, the M16 rifle. In that
space of time, our women get to taste the fruit of foreign men who do
not need to serve NS. And our men are left fondling their gun.
Hopes were further dashed when the Ministry of Defence declared that
women are unlikely to serve NS with the boys any time soon, because
they are not needed and anyway the military cannot afford to pay their
salaries and house them. Many felt that if the women served NS, the
local boys might have gotten a chance to socialise and mingle with
them after a sweaty IPPT (Individual Physical Proficiency Test) session, or
to share a joke or two over a night snack. But it doesn't look like
that avenue is going to open for now.
I think besides relying on the Government and their mothers, local men
need to be pro-active too and try to make themselves more attractive
to local women. Learn to dress better, like making sure your socks match
your belt. No white socks unless you are playing badminton.
Be more conversationally adept and try to talk about something else
other than work and soccer. Touch on foreign celebrities, like Ali G,
once in a while, to show that you are with "it".
Get a Western name, like Jack or John. But avoid adding a "son" at the
back of it. For some reason, Westerner-loving local girls do not think
"Jackson" or "Johnson" are hip first names and associate them with Ah
Bengs. Perhaps because they are also meant to be Western last names
and Johnson means something rude in some Western countries.
The HDB has a similar problem. People are shunning their new flats in
places like Sengkang and Punggol 21. They will stop building five-room
flats because there are about 10,000 unsold ones, left on the shelf
(like Singapore men).
People are shunning them because the estates are too ulu, or remote
and backward (like Singapore men) and also because the downturn has made
these larger flats too expensive (this part is not like Singapore men,
because local men are cheap).
Case in point, recently some people have complained that LRT stations
in Sengkang are named badly. Some of the station names are Kangkar,
Renjong and Thanggam. I can see how such heritage names lack the hip and
Western touch (like Singapore men). No wonder people say the estates are ulu.
So let's forget about trying to retain some history and heritage in our
We should instead try to name our estates with culturally relevant
names like Compassvale, Fernvale, Rivervale, Edgevale Plains, Edgefield
Plains. It makes our HDB flats sound less like public housing and more
like private estates. This is key to our men winning local women, who
like foreign guys because they live in private condos.
Besides, Singapore has many dales, vales and plains and we used to be
a British colony. Come on, even our university is called Kent Ridge.
Many of these street names are found in Punggol estate, where the many
unsold flats are. I think it is a step in the right direction, because
Western sounding street names will help sell flats.
In fact, who was the genius who came up with Edgefield Plains and
Edgedale Plains anyway? I would like to shake his hand. Who cares that
people do not remember the middle syllables (they remember the Edge
and the Plains, everything else in between is static). The important thing
is that the names are Western-sounding and hip.
Need more street names? Maybe we can try Edgedale Fields and Edgefield
Now that I think about it, Edgefield is a great Western name for local
men to adopt. Edgedale Lim and Edgefield Tan will be chick-magnet
names, I tell you.
It will get you into our future Sentosa casino, if it ever gets built.
As Trade and Industry Minister George Yeo said: "We don't want the man
going there after work or the housewife going there when she is free
in the afternoon. So there must be controls on who can gain access to the
"And if you are not of a certain economic class, you should not even
think of going there. You should confine yourself to 4D, Toto or horse
racing," he said.
In Singapore, not just hospitals, even casinos will have means
So if you Singapore men want to impress the girls with your Western
name, Western apartment and casino lifestyle, get your economic class
sorted out. Or you will be left with the housewife who buys 4D when
she is free in the afternoon instead of the sassy young thing who plays
Blackjack at Sentosa in her thong.
mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been
documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He
lives in an estate called Lorong Ah Soo, which is why he never got the
chicks when he was younger.