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AngMoh-ising S'pore men

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  • Sg_Review@yahoogroups.com
    18 March 2004 AngMoh-ising S pore men They need all the help as the women are shunning them ... like HDB s new 5-room flats By: Mr Brown news@newstoday.com.sg
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 21, 2004
      18 March 2004
      AngMoh-ising S'pore men

      They need all the help as the women are shunning them ... like HDB's
      new 5-room flats

      By: Mr Brown
      news@...

      IT seems that our local men and new HDB five-room and executive flats
      share the same problem. People do not want them.

      A letter writer to a local paper recently lamented that there is an
      alarming trend of local girls marrying Caucasians because these
      Western men usually have better careers, live in bigger condominiums and drive
      bigger cars. Everything also bigger.

      The writer also believes that local women are going with these Ang
      Mohs because they can get overseas citizenship easier and the girls think
      the Caucasians treat women with more respect than local men do.

      I must say I am alarmed. How can these local girls not see the
      tremendous appeal of local men, who are family-minded and obedient?
      According to the letter-writer's in-depth analysis, our women are
      going instead for these loose-living foreigners who are not interested in
      the 5Cs (although they have career, condominiums and car already, by sheer
      coincidence), who may not be interested in marriage and kids and are
      only good at being sophisticated, well-spoken and opinionated.

      It is time for the Government to step in here. Foreigners are not just
      taking our jobs, dammit, they are taking our women!

      The Government should consider making it against the law for local
      women to date foreign men, unless they have valid medical reasons. Because I
      think it is only under the compulsion of law, can the modern Singapore
      woman learn to appreciate the finer qualities of local men.

      Local men need all the help they can get. They have already lost two
      and a half years married to their military wife, the M16 rifle. In that
      space of time, our women get to taste the fruit of foreign men who do
      not need to serve NS. And our men are left fondling their gun.

      Hopes were further dashed when the Ministry of Defence declared that
      women are unlikely to serve NS with the boys any time soon, because
      they are not needed and anyway the military cannot afford to pay their
      salaries and house them. Many felt that if the women served NS, the
      local boys might have gotten a chance to socialise and mingle with
      them after a sweaty IPPT (Individual Physical Proficiency Test) session, or
      to share a joke or two over a night snack. But it doesn't look like
      that avenue is going to open for now.

      I think besides relying on the Government and their mothers, local men
      need to be pro-active too and try to make themselves more attractive
      to local women. Learn to dress better, like making sure your socks match
      your belt. No white socks unless you are playing badminton.

      Be more conversationally adept and try to talk about something else
      other than work and soccer. Touch on foreign celebrities, like Ali G,
      once in a while, to show that you are with "it".

      Get a Western name, like Jack or John. But avoid adding a "son" at the
      back of it. For some reason, Westerner-loving local girls do not think
      "Jackson" or "Johnson" are hip first names and associate them with Ah
      Bengs. Perhaps because they are also meant to be Western last names
      and Johnson means something rude in some Western countries.

      The HDB has a similar problem. People are shunning their new flats in
      places like Sengkang and Punggol 21. They will stop building five-room
      flats because there are about 10,000 unsold ones, left on the shelf
      (like Singapore men).

      People are shunning them because the estates are too ulu, or remote
      and backward (like Singapore men) and also because the downturn has made
      these larger flats too expensive (this part is not like Singapore men,
      because local men are cheap).

      Case in point, recently some people have complained that LRT stations
      in Sengkang are named badly. Some of the station names are Kangkar,
      Renjong and Thanggam. I can see how such heritage names lack the hip and
      Western touch (like Singapore men). No wonder people say the estates are ulu.
      So let's forget about trying to retain some history and heritage in our
      new estates.

      We should instead try to name our estates with culturally relevant
      names like Compassvale, Fernvale, Rivervale, Edgevale Plains, Edgefield
      Plains. It makes our HDB flats sound less like public housing and more
      like private estates. This is key to our men winning local women, who
      like foreign guys because they live in private condos.

      Besides, Singapore has many dales, vales and plains and we used to be
      a British colony. Come on, even our university is called Kent Ridge.
      Many of these street names are found in Punggol estate, where the many
      unsold flats are. I think it is a step in the right direction, because
      Western sounding street names will help sell flats.

      In fact, who was the genius who came up with Edgefield Plains and
      Edgedale Plains anyway? I would like to shake his hand. Who cares that
      people do not remember the middle syllables (they remember the Edge
      and the Plains, everything else in between is static). The important thing
      is that the names are Western-sounding and hip.

      Need more street names? Maybe we can try Edgedale Fields and Edgefield
      Dale.

      Now that I think about it, Edgefield is a great Western name for local
      men to adopt. Edgedale Lim and Edgefield Tan will be chick-magnet
      names, I tell you.

      It will get you into our future Sentosa casino, if it ever gets built.
      As Trade and Industry Minister George Yeo said: "We don't want the man
      going there after work or the housewife going there when she is free
      in the afternoon. So there must be controls on who can gain access to the
      casino."

      "And if you are not of a certain economic class, you should not even
      think of going there. You should confine yourself to 4D, Toto or horse
      racing," he said.

      In Singapore, not just hospitals, even casinos will have means
      testing.

      So if you Singapore men want to impress the girls with your Western
      name, Western apartment and casino lifestyle, get your economic class
      sorted out. Or you will be left with the housewife who buys 4D when
      she is free in the afternoon instead of the sassy young thing who plays
      Blackjack at Sentosa in her thong.

      mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been
      documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He
      lives in an estate called Lorong Ah Soo, which is why he never got the
      chicks when he was younger.
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