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## Re: [Black SciFi Horror Fantasy Club] What Happens When Engineers Think Too Much About Christmas

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• aharlib@earthlink.net ROTFL! Passing this on! Yuletide Cheer! Amy
Message 1 of 2 , Dec 23, 2006
aharlib@...
ROTFL! Passing this on!
Yuletide Cheer!
Amy

> What Happens When Engineers think too much about Christmas...
>
> 1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species
> of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are
> insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer,
> which only Santa has seen.
>
> 2. There are 2 billion children (under 18) in the world. But since
> Santa doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, and Jewish
> children, that reduces the work load to 15% of the total - 378
> million
> or so. At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8
> million
> homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
>
> 3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with thanks to time zones
> and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This
> works
> out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian
> household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park,
> hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings,
> distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat the snacks, get
> back up the chimney, get back in the sleigh, and move on to the next
> house.
> Assuming that each of these 91.8 million homes are distributed evenly
> (which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we
> will accept) we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total
> trip of 75 1/2 million miles, not counting bathroom stops. This means
> that
> Santa's sleigh is traveling at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the
> speed of
> sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses
> space
> probe moves at a poky 27.4 MPS; the average reindeer runs at 15 MPH.
>
> 4. The sleighs payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that
> each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (2 pounds),
> the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons not counting Santa, who is
> inexorably described as very overweight. On land, confessional
> reindeer can
> pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer"
> (see
> point one) could pull TEN TIMES the usual amount, we can not do the
> job
> with 8 or even 9, we need 214,000 reindeer. This increases the weight,
> not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again for comparison
> this is 4 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2.
>
> 5. Also, 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates
> enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same
> manner as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead
> pair of reindeer will absorb 14.2 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per
> second. Each. In short, they will burst
> into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of
> reindeer, and
> creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be
> vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will
> be
> subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times the force of
> gravity. A 300
> pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015
> pounds
> of force.
>
> 6. Conclusion: There was a Santa, but he's dead now.
>
> **********************************************************************
> ********
>
> "You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
>
> Mark Twain
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
• Happy Holidays, Amy! Amy Harlib wrote: aharlib@earthlink.net ROTFL! Passing this on! Yuletide Cheer! Amy ... La V is always
Message 2 of 2 , Dec 29, 2006
Happy Holidays, Amy!

Amy Harlib <aharlib@...> wrote:
aharlib@...
ROTFL! Passing this on!
Yuletide Cheer!
Amy

> What Happens When Engineers think too much about Christmas...
>
> 1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species
> of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are
> insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer,
> which only Santa has seen.
>
> 2. There are 2 billion children (under 18) in the world. But since
> Santa doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, and Jewish
> children, that reduces the work load to 15% of the total - 378
> million
> or so. At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8
> million
> homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
>
> 3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with thanks to time zones
> and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This
> works
> out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian
> household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park,
> hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings,
> distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat the snacks, get
> back up the chimney, get back in the sleigh, and move on to the next
> house.
> Assuming that each of these 91.8 million homes are distributed evenly
> (which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we
> will accept) we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total
> trip of 75 1/2 million miles, not counting bathroom stops. This means
> that
> Santa's sleigh is traveling at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the
> speed of
> sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses
> space
> probe moves at a poky 27.4 MPS; the average reindeer runs at 15 MPH.
>
> 4. The sleighs payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that
> each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (2 pounds),
> the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons not counting Santa, who is
> inexorably described as very overweight. On land, confessional
> reindeer can
> pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer"
> (see
> point one) could pull TEN TIMES the usual amount, we can not do the
> job
> with 8 or even 9, we need 214,000 reindeer. This increases the weight,
> not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again for comparison
> this is 4 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2.
>
> 5. Also, 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates
> enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same
> manner as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead
> pair of reindeer will absorb 14.2 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per
> second. Each. In short, they will burst
> into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of
> reindeer, and
> creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be
> vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will
> be
> subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times the force of
> gravity. A 300
> pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015
> pounds
> of force.
>
> 6. Conclusion: There was a Santa, but he's dead now.
>
> **********************************************************************
> ********
>
> "You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
>
> Mark Twain
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>

"La'V' is always watching...Be careful who you talk to." - The Side Street Chonicles by C.W. Badie
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