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New Threat Alert Levels

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  • Grauwolf
    Greetings all, I just had to pass this one on! Ya got to love John Cleese!!! From the BBC - by John Cleese. The English are feeling the pinch in relation to
    Message 1 of 2 , Apr 7, 2011
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      Greetings all,

      I just had to pass this one on! Ya got to love John Cleese!!!


      From the BBC - by John Cleese.

      The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

      Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross.." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

      The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

      The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."

      The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

      Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

      The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

      Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

      The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

      Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend", and "The barbie is cancelled."


      Keep It FUN!

      Dan G
    • Grauwolf
      Greetings All, For some reason a couple of Festus post have gone astray so I am re-posting them here. If anyone else is having difficulties please let me know
      Message 2 of 2 , Apr 10, 2011
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        Greetings All,

        For some reason a couple of Festus' post have gone astray so I am re-posting them here. If anyone else is having difficulties please let me know and we'll see if we can get things worked our.

        Keep It FUN!

        Dan G
        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

        still great, and in the version i´ve got there are our direct antipodes too ;-)

        >New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".

        actually i´d consider this pretty much perfect, sadly whoever wrote this added

        >Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of
        >spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats
        >in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
        >escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
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