I think I see what you are saying. (And I hope that you don't think that I am trying to ostracize you on this list, as nothing could be further from the truth.) Because you felt ostracized at school and not very happy with yourself for getting into that situation, you believed that this ostracism could not have happened to you voluntarily. You believed that you wouldn't freely be lonely and miserable; therefore, something must be forcing you into this undesirable condition. Thus, you arrived at determinism.
Two things could be said in response to that. If you feel bad about your situation, that is your choice. You could be indifferent to it, or you could regard your ostracism as a badge of honor, so do speak, for your exceptionalism. You could transmute your lonely ostracism into a sort of creative solitude, and take some satisfaction from it.
In the alternative, you could seek what Sartre described as a "nihilating rupture" with the past, make a complete break with your past and go off in some other direction altogether. You could resolve to became an agreeable, sociable, sports lovinig, tv addicted, shallow minded, anti-intellectual cretan, for example, or something in between.
The point of both responses is that you alone decide what you will do and which choice you will pursue. Although this seems difficult, it really is quite easy. I am reminded of the words of Kafka who said "His weariness is that of the gladiator after the combat; his work was whitewashing of a corner in a state official's office." Kafka also comfortingly observed that "There are questions which we could never get over if we were not delivered from them by the operation of nature." The simple moral is that things are usually not as difficult as we make them out to be and even if they are, we'll get through them by letting nature take its course, which is often no more than the passage of time.
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2001 11:40 PM
Subject: [Sartre] Re: Challenge Determinism/predeterminism
In response to: "Sartre, of course, gives us the answer. Through bad
faith a person seeks to escape the responsible freedom of Being-for-
itself.". I think this also has validity. Reason being is I would
sometimes get annoyed with myself for being ostrasized in school
because of being different and wanted something to vent my
frusteration of being "me" on. The only thing is that the way I came
up with this idea was in analyzing variables that made me, me, and
also evolution variables, because I was working on a computer
simulation in which I needed variables to THEORETICALLY develop
simple "entities" to A.I. In the process I realized that I came to
being because of these variables. Then I came up with the theory and
found it was related to determinism. By the way I was not successful
in the simulation because I am not a good enough programmer and my
uncle who I got to help who works as a programmer did not have enough
time to create whole new algoriths, so I had to download brain
algorithms to use that took up too much memory along with all my
other string up attachments once run and would freeze. I hstill wish
to persue this project when I get older like in college or something
with help of facilities, because better tech and more knowledge will