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Instructions

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  • Darrell Kitchen
    Venerable Bikkhus, This is more a plea for ... I don t really know ... help, assistance, instructions? Please read with compassion and decide in what capacity
    Message 1 of 4 , Jun 1, 2003
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      Venerable Bikkhus,

      This is more a plea for ... I don't really know ... help, assistance, instructions? Please read with compassion and decide in what capacity and what I am seeking.

      I've been practicing Buddhadhamma since mid February of this year. Before that I was a physicist, but not as an occupation or profession, just learned.

      Just yesterday morning during my meditations, I decided to watch my mind to see where it went and it started examining the atom at a quantum level. During this examination, by all comprehension and cognization it [my mind] couldn't find anything inherent about the particle in which to call it matter. It displayed properties of being solid matter, but the further it examined it by moving into the particle itself, it discovered that nothing at all was there. Then my meditation gong sounded and I came, for lack of thought of a word to use, out of my meditation. On reflecting on this experience I came to the realization that all matter in all of existence is intrinsincly empty, and at that moment I became aware of my observation of reality as a mass of nothingness that exhibited karma.

      My problem is that I am now experiencing fear arising within me. I am afraid to continue meditating and I don't really understand this fear. When I do begin meditations, I become extremely distracted by the fear that arises. It's almost as if the fear itself is being generated in order to keep me from meditating.

      I don't have a teacher, guru, lama, or master in which to discuss these things. There is a Sangha of sorts where I live, and they were expecting a Geshe to arrive last month, but he has not arrived yet.

      I need someone to speak with in this regards because the fear is producing within my mental consciousness a thought that I could go beyond a point where I could, or might, loose touch with my own sanity.

      When I was a physicist, I viewed reality as an aggregation of atomic particles, rather than subject/object designation as far as recognizable desigations are concerned. And reasoning is telling me that this training is excellerating my perceptions on reality by the absorption of the Dhamma teachings that I have been reading these few months.

      I've already attained an awareness of Impermanence from the grief I experienced by the passing of a friend, and on this awareness became liberated from the grief and pain of attachment. Now I'm beginning to see Impermanence as empty itself.

      This just seems almost to too much for me to comprehend. Am I pushing myself to hard? I have no expectations of Enlightenment. Should I stop what I'm doing until I can seek a teacher or master for proper guidence?

      Please, do you have any advice. I humbly seek advice and instruction.


      With great loving-kindness and compassion,

      Darrell
    • Bhikkhu Pesala
      Darrell, It seems to me that your meditation on the nature of the atom is entirely theoretical. No wonder you are confused. The fundamental principle of
      Message 2 of 4 , Jun 2, 2003
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        Darrell,

        It seems to me that your meditation on the nature of the atom is
        entirely theoretical. No wonder you are confused. The fundamental
        principle of insight meditation is to focus on realities, not concepts.

        When you breathe in and breathe out, you know that the breath is
        coming and going, but how do you know it? If you concentrate on
        the point where the breath touches inside the nostril or on the
        upper lip you will feel some sensation. People experience the touch
        of the breath in different ways: maybe you feel hardness, or
        softness, pressure or pulsating, warm or cold. It doesn't matter, just
        observe these subtle realities manifesting due to the touch of the
        breath. If thoughts intrude, don't try to exclude them, but pay
        attention to them for a while until they subside - rather like paying
        attention to a child who comes to interrupt you when you are
        working. If you ignore them, they make more trouble, if you pay
        attention to them, they soon disappear.

        If you do this exercise for fifteen or twenty minutes twice a day, it
        will be enough to begin with. Outside of meditation times, also try to
        practice awareness, and keep the breath in mind when the mind
        begins to wander, worry, or day dream.

        To remove remorse and anxiety from the mind, take refuge in the
        Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha, and udertake to observe the five
        fundamental precepts: abstaining from killing, stealing, sexual
        misconduction, lying, and intoxicating drugs and drinks. Even
        without meditating, doing this much sincerely will eradicate a lot of
        fear and anxiety.

        With metta

        Bhikkhu Pesala
      • Darrell Kitchen
        Venerable One, Thank you for your words of comfort. I had become lax in my mindfulness in forgetting the basics of meditation on the in-/out-breath. And,
        Message 3 of 4 , Jun 2, 2003
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          Venerable One,

          Thank you for your words of comfort. I had become lax in my mindfulness in forgetting the basics of meditation on the in-/out-breath. And, while saying Refuge before meditation, I was again not being mindful of repeating refuge during meditation when fear arises.

          Today my meditations were peaceful with this mindfulness, and your kind words.

          Again, thank you.

          With great respect,

          Darrell
        • Bhikkhu Bodhidhamma
          Dear Darrell When there is a perception of the insubstantiality of phenomenal existence, this rebounds on the concept of me . It undermines the solidity of
          Message 4 of 4 , Jun 2, 2003
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            Dear Darrell

            When there is a perception of the insubstantiality of phenomenal existence,
            this rebounds on the concept of 'me'. It undermines the 'solidity' of the
            self. The self reacts with fear. The fear of it's own insubstantiality, of
            death. (Tibetan Buddhism would call it emptiness.)

            When fear arises, a reaction sets in of fear. Fear of the fear. Hence panic.
            In your sitting meditation, when the fear arises, notice the fear of it.
            Keep doing this until you begin to feel 'comfortable' with fear. As you move
            inwardly towards the fear, centre more on the physical sensations, this will
            undermine your fear of it. That fear is as insubstantial as the atom you
            saw. It's not me, not mine. Eventually, the fear will expend itself and the
            insight you had with atoms will eventually transform the heart. Just as the
            insight transformed the way you see things, the end of fear will transform
            the way you experience the world at a feeling level. You will become more
            fearless.

            When we lose our fear of fear, what will frighten us?

            Yes, it is definitely better if you work with a teacher, for they will give
            you the confidence you need to face the fear.

            Metta
            Onward!

            Bodhidhamma

            Please use this email address: bodhidhamma@...

            Website: www.satipanya.org.uk

            My address : Gaia House West Ogwell Newton Abbot Devon TQ12 6EN
            To contact by phone please leave a message on Tel: 01626 333613

            ----- Original Message -----
            From: "Darrell Kitchen" <darrell@...>
            To: <SanghaOnline@yahoogroups.com>
            Sent: Monday, June 02, 2003 2:43 AM
            Subject: [SanghaOnline] Instructions


            > Venerable Bikkhus,
            >
            > This is more a plea for ... I don't really know ... help, assistance,
            instructions? Please read with compassion and decide in what capacity and
            what I am seeking.
            >
            > I've been practicing Buddhadhamma since mid February of this year. Before
            that I was a physicist, but not as an occupation or profession, just
            learned.
            >
            > Just yesterday morning during my meditations, I decided to watch my mind
            to see where it went and it started examining the atom at a quantum level.
            During this examination, by all comprehension and cognization it [my mind]
            couldn't find anything inherent about the particle in which to call it
            matter. It displayed properties of being solid matter, but the further it
            examined it by moving into the particle itself, it discovered that nothing
            at all was there. Then my meditation gong sounded and I came, for lack of
            thought of a word to use, out of my meditation. On reflecting on this
            experience I came to the realization that all matter in all of existence is
            intrinsincly empty, and at that moment I became aware of my observation of
            reality as a mass of nothingness that exhibited karma.
            >
            > My problem is that I am now experiencing fear arising within me. I am
            afraid to continue meditating and I don't really understand this fear. When
            I do begin meditations, I become extremely distracted by the fear that
            arises. It's almost as if the fear itself is being generated in order to
            keep me from meditating.
            >
            > I don't have a teacher, guru, lama, or master in which to discuss these
            things. There is a Sangha of sorts where I live, and they were expecting a
            Geshe to arrive last month, but he has not arrived yet.
            >
            > I need someone to speak with in this regards because the fear is producing
            within my mental consciousness a thought that I could go beyond a point
            where I could, or might, loose touch with my own sanity.
            >
            > When I was a physicist, I viewed reality as an aggregation of atomic
            particles, rather than subject/object designation as far as recognizable
            desigations are concerned. And reasoning is telling me that this training
            is excellerating my perceptions on reality by the absorption of the Dhamma
            teachings that I have been reading these few months.
            >
            > I've already attained an awareness of Impermanence from the grief I
            experienced by the passing of a friend, and on this awareness became
            liberated from the grief and pain of attachment. Now I'm beginning to see
            Impermanence as empty itself.
            >
            > This just seems almost to too much for me to comprehend. Am I pushing
            myself to hard? I have no expectations of Enlightenment. Should I stop
            what I'm doing until I can seek a teacher or master for proper guidence?
            >
            > Please, do you have any advice. I humbly seek advice and instruction.
            >
            >
            > With great loving-kindness and compassion,
            >
            > Darrell
            >
            > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
            > SanghaOnline-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
            >
            >
            >
            > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
            >
            >
            >
            >
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