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questions about wrong speech

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  • cwhitney28
    Dear Venerables, I have a few questions regarding wrong speech. Lately I ve been having trouble coming to terms with certain lies or misinformation that I ve
    Message 1 of 5 , May 15, 2007
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      Dear Venerables,
      I have a few questions regarding wrong speech.
      Lately I've been having trouble coming to terms with certain lies or
      misinformation that I've told in the past. I don't know if its
      completely necessary to contact the people that I've lied to or to let
      it go...though either is easier said than done.
      Most everyone that I remember lying to would be contactable if I tried
      hard enough but it would take up a lot of time and money and almost
      turn into an obsession. Though I can't recall lying to purposefully
      cause harm to anyone I still feel incredibly guilty for not letting
      the person know that I lied or gave them misinformation when I am able
      to contact them.
      A response would be sincerely appreciated.
      All the best,
      Chris
    • Sayadaw Nanda Siddhi
      Dear Chris, To be wrong speech one commits four kinds of verbal evil conducts: 1) Lying ( Musavada ) Four factors are involved to commit this evil conduct :
      Message 2 of 5 , May 18, 2007
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        Dear Chris,
        To be wrong speech one commits four kinds of verbal evil conducts:
        1) Lying ( Musavada )
        Four factors are involved to commit this evil conduct :
        i) the statement uttered being untrue;
        ii) the intention to lie;
        iii) effort to speak the untruth and
        iv) the listeners believe and understand what is being said.
        If we tell lies but people do not believe us, then the offence is not being
        committed. For example, in magic shows, we know that it is only a show and
        do not believe it, but if we believe it to be true, then the evil deed is
        considered to have been committed. In worldly life, lying is very common. In
        the texts, it is mentioned that if one dares to tell lies, there is no evil
        that he would not hesitate to commit because he will lie about his deed
        when asked about it, he would dare to do any kind of evil deed.
        In the Dhammapada, verse 176, the Buddha said:
        Ekam dhammam atitassa, musavadissa jantuno
        Vitinna peralokassa , nathi papam akariyam.
        �For a liar who has transgressed the one law of truthfulness, and
        who is indifferent to the hereafter, there is no evil that he cannot do.�

        2) Slandering ( Pisunavaca )
        This type of speech is very common among politicians. Slandering creates
        misunderstanding and thus spoils good relationship among friends. This type
        of verbal evil conduct can disturb their concentration.

        3) Rash speech / harsh speech ( Pharussa vaca )

        This includes vulgar speech. Refined people do not indulge in this type of
        speech. Nobody likes to listen to this type of speech as it brings
        unhappiness to listeners.

        4) Vain talk ( Samphapalapa vaca )

        Conversations which are not beneficial to oneself or others, like gossips.
        To laymen, it may not be harmful but to yogis, this type of talk during
        meditation can disturb their mindfulness.
        If we can refrain from these four kinds of verbal evil deeds, we are
        considered to have fulfilled the noble path of right speech (samma vacca).

        If you are cincere, no need to worry it is easy to getaway the misunderstand
        between each other. We could get clear comprehension by contact them.
        Explain them that misinformation to right information cincerely and
        apologize them. That is all. Then forget it . No need turn in to obsession.

        May you all be well and peaceful,

        nandasiddhi.



        >From: "cwhitney28" <cwhitney28@...>
        >Reply-To: SanghaOnline@yahoogroups.com
        >To: SanghaOnline@yahoogroups.com
        >Subject: [SanghaOnline] questions about wrong speech
        >Date: Wed, 16 May 2007 02:24:46 -0000
        >
        >Dear Venerables,
        >I have a few questions regarding wrong speech.
        >Lately I've been having trouble coming to terms with certain lies or
        >misinformation that I've told in the past. I don't know if its
        >completely necessary to contact the people that I've lied to or to let
        >it go...though either is easier said than done.
        >Most everyone that I remember lying to would be contactable if I tried
        >hard enough but it would take up a lot of time and money and almost
        >turn into an obsession. Though I can't recall lying to purposefully
        >cause harm to anyone I still feel incredibly guilty for not letting
        >the person know that I lied or gave them misinformation when I am able
        >to contact them.
        >A response would be sincerely appreciated.
        >All the best,
        >Chris
        >
        >

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      • eileen chua
        Dear Venerable, Im Eileen from Singapore. Can you explain to me about expectation? In Buddhism i know that we should not have any expectation on others.
        Message 3 of 5 , Jun 24, 2007
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          Dear Venerable,
          Im Eileen from Singapore. Can you explain to me about expectation? In Buddhism i know that we should not have any expectation on others. Example:
          My boyfriend is a divorcee so he wants me to accept his son and ok i accept that but now he said that im a bit sticky to him means ( where he want to go i also want to follow) but the problem is that he never tell me that he want to go out with his friends alone and he said i like to plan alot so he said i should not plan so much. My question is all this is it call he has alot of expectation? Can you define what is expectation toward this and Buddhism?

          May you be well and Happy

          With Metta
          Eileen


          ---------------------------------

          Real people. Real questions. Real answers. Share what you know.

          [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        • Khammai Dhammasami
          There is nothing wrong with your expectation. It is normal for a person with family life. You just need to learn how to communicate with each other.
          Message 4 of 5 , Jun 26, 2007
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            There is nothing wrong with your expectation. It is normal for a person with
            family life. You just need to learn how to communicate with each other.
            Communication is a part of awareness practice in Buddhism. Communication
            will develop understanding . Pl. be patient and develop awareness of
            emotion, his and yours. Know them as they are, without adding more value to
            them.

            When there is expectation, just recognise it with awareness. Embrace it, do
            not supress it. If you are aware of your expectation, you will not be
            disappointed even if the expectations are not fulfiled. Expectation is an
            expression of the ambition that we have in life.

            Pl. read this peom by Rabindra Nath Tagore:
            "Love writes its name
            In a script made of flowers.
            They fall, but come back again.
            Ambition is engraved
            In harsh letters of stone.
            When they break, they do not return." (Sparks, No. 114)

            Awaness will sustain both love and ambition, or expectation.

            Good luck. May the blessings of the Buddha be upon both of you and with
            you...

            Sincerely in the dhamma,

            Ven. Dr. Dhammasami
            Oxford



            On 6/24/07, eileen chua <chuaeil@...> wrote:
            >
            >
            >
            > Dear Venerable,
            > Im Eileen from Singapore. Can you explain to me about expectation? In
            > Buddhism i know that we should not have any expectation on others. Example:
            > My boyfriend is a divorcee so he wants me to accept his son and ok i
            > accept that but now he said that im a bit sticky to him means ( where he
            > want to go i also want to follow) but the problem is that he never tell me
            > that he want to go out with his friends alone and he said i like to plan
            > alot so he said i should not plan so much. My question is all this is it
            > call he has alot of expectation? Can you define what is expectation toward
            > this and Buddhism?
            >
            > May you be well and Happy
            >
            > With Metta
            > Eileen
            >
            > ---------------------------------
            >
            > Real people. Real questions. Real answers. Share what you know.
            >
            > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            >
            >
            >


            [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          • eileen chua
            Dear Venerable, Thank you for the explaination. I got a better understanding. How to due with emtoinal when they arised cos i find it quite hard to control
            Message 5 of 5 , Jun 29, 2007
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              Dear Venerable,
              Thank you for the explaination. I got a better understanding. How to due with emtoinal when they arised cos i find it quite hard to control them and i will get upset with it. I do pratice meditation when my emotional arised but is very diffcult to aware them cos i got more upset.

              May you be well and happy always!!!

              With Metta
              Eileen

              Khammai Dhammasami <oxford.k.dhammasami@...> wrote:
              There is nothing wrong with your expectation. It is normal for a person with
              family life. You just need to learn how to communicate with each other.
              Communication is a part of awareness practice in Buddhism. Communication
              will develop understanding . Pl. be patient and develop awareness of
              emotion, his and yours. Know them as they are, without adding more value to
              them.

              When there is expectation, just recognise it with awareness. Embrace it, do
              not supress it. If you are aware of your expectation, you will not be
              disappointed even if the expectations are not fulfiled. Expectation is an
              expression of the ambition that we have in life.

              Pl. read this peom by Rabindra Nath Tagore:
              "Love writes its name
              In a script made of flowers.
              They fall, but come back again.
              Ambition is engraved
              In harsh letters of stone.
              When they break, they do not return." (Sparks, No. 114)

              Awaness will sustain both love and ambition, or expectation.

              Good luck. May the blessings of the Buddha be upon both of you and with
              you...

              Sincerely in the dhamma,

              Ven. Dr. Dhammasami
              Oxford

              On 6/24/07, eileen chua <chuaeil@...> wrote:
              >
              >
              >
              > Dear Venerable,
              > Im Eileen from Singapore. Can you explain to me about expectation? In
              > Buddhism i know that we should not have any expectation on others. Example:
              > My boyfriend is a divorcee so he wants me to accept his son and ok i
              > accept that but now he said that im a bit sticky to him means ( where he
              > want to go i also want to follow) but the problem is that he never tell me
              > that he want to go out with his friends alone and he said i like to plan
              > alot so he said i should not plan so much. My question is all this is it
              > call he has alot of expectation? Can you define what is expectation toward
              > this and Buddhism?
              >
              > May you be well and Happy
              >
              > With Metta
              > Eileen
              >
              > ---------------------------------
              >
              > Real people. Real questions. Real answers. Share what you know.
              >
              > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
              >
              >
              >

              [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






              ---------------------------------

              Real people. Real questions. Real answers. Share what you know.

              [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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