321Re: [SanghaOnline] Instructions
- Jun 2, 2003Dear Darrell
When there is a perception of the insubstantiality of phenomenal existence,
this rebounds on the concept of 'me'. It undermines the 'solidity' of the
self. The self reacts with fear. The fear of it's own insubstantiality, of
death. (Tibetan Buddhism would call it emptiness.)
When fear arises, a reaction sets in of fear. Fear of the fear. Hence panic.
In your sitting meditation, when the fear arises, notice the fear of it.
Keep doing this until you begin to feel 'comfortable' with fear. As you move
inwardly towards the fear, centre more on the physical sensations, this will
undermine your fear of it. That fear is as insubstantial as the atom you
saw. It's not me, not mine. Eventually, the fear will expend itself and the
insight you had with atoms will eventually transform the heart. Just as the
insight transformed the way you see things, the end of fear will transform
the way you experience the world at a feeling level. You will become more
When we lose our fear of fear, what will frighten us?
Yes, it is definitely better if you work with a teacher, for they will give
you the confidence you need to face the fear.
Please use this email address: bodhidhamma@...
My address : Gaia House West Ogwell Newton Abbot Devon TQ12 6EN
To contact by phone please leave a message on Tel: 01626 333613
----- Original Message -----
From: "Darrell Kitchen" <darrell@...>
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2003 2:43 AM
Subject: [SanghaOnline] Instructions
> Venerable Bikkhus,
> This is more a plea for ... I don't really know ... help, assistance,
instructions? Please read with compassion and decide in what capacity and
what I am seeking.
> I've been practicing Buddhadhamma since mid February of this year. Before
that I was a physicist, but not as an occupation or profession, just
> Just yesterday morning during my meditations, I decided to watch my mind
to see where it went and it started examining the atom at a quantum level.
During this examination, by all comprehension and cognization it [my mind]
couldn't find anything inherent about the particle in which to call it
matter. It displayed properties of being solid matter, but the further it
examined it by moving into the particle itself, it discovered that nothing
at all was there. Then my meditation gong sounded and I came, for lack of
thought of a word to use, out of my meditation. On reflecting on this
experience I came to the realization that all matter in all of existence is
intrinsincly empty, and at that moment I became aware of my observation of
reality as a mass of nothingness that exhibited karma.
> My problem is that I am now experiencing fear arising within me. I am
afraid to continue meditating and I don't really understand this fear. When
I do begin meditations, I become extremely distracted by the fear that
arises. It's almost as if the fear itself is being generated in order to
keep me from meditating.
> I don't have a teacher, guru, lama, or master in which to discuss these
things. There is a Sangha of sorts where I live, and they were expecting a
Geshe to arrive last month, but he has not arrived yet.
> I need someone to speak with in this regards because the fear is producing
within my mental consciousness a thought that I could go beyond a point
where I could, or might, loose touch with my own sanity.
> When I was a physicist, I viewed reality as an aggregation of atomic
particles, rather than subject/object designation as far as recognizable
desigations are concerned. And reasoning is telling me that this training
is excellerating my perceptions on reality by the absorption of the Dhamma
teachings that I have been reading these few months.
> I've already attained an awareness of Impermanence from the grief I
experienced by the passing of a friend, and on this awareness became
liberated from the grief and pain of attachment. Now I'm beginning to see
Impermanence as empty itself.
> This just seems almost to too much for me to comprehend. Am I pushing
myself to hard? I have no expectations of Enlightenment. Should I stop
what I'm doing until I can seek a teacher or master for proper guidence?
> Please, do you have any advice. I humbly seek advice and instruction.
> With great loving-kindness and compassion,
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