Today’s yo uth are ma rrying fru strations
- Today’s youth are marrying
by George Abraham
The conscience of Kerala was rudely shaken by a gruesome murder last week. The life of a newly wed couple ended in tragedy. The husband cut the throat of his wife in a fit of rage only six days after their marriage in a church where he was administered the solemn oath ‘to feed her even if he is hungry and clothe her even if he has nothing to wear’. They had also taken a vow, in the presence of a large gathering, including bishops and priests ‘to live together till death do them part as god had united them in holy matrimony’. The marriage was conducted in Thiruvalla and the tragedy occurred in Bangalore, where they worked; he (Bejoy Samuel) in an IT firm and she (Rajani) in another multinational company.
The reason for the murder was apparently trivial, but it is a malaise that runs deep through the entire spectrum of Kerala life. After lavish weddings where lakhs are spent or change hands in the form of dowry, especially among Christians, it takes little time for discordant notes to erupt in the couples’ lives. All the emotions they had suppressed, all the personality disorders they had developed in their growing years in a changing sociological milieu overtake them, resulting in painful consequences, including family discords, divorces, murders and suicides. Deep in their minds, it seems today’s youth are virtually marrying frustrations and tensions they have accumulated, and not real persons in flesh and blood.
It was a personality clash that led to the murder of Rajani. She was said to be drawing three times the salary of Bejoy, which annoyed him. And she did not feel the need to give him the due regard that he expected. Both belonged to well-off families and so there was no compromise, adjustment, care or love involved, the feelings essential for two individuals to live together. Bereft of tender emotions, like a successful professional, he finished her off with a knife after an argument in the flat where they had come to settle down from Kerala.
The divorce rate is growing in the state, but it is nowhere as fast as in the prosperous Syrian Christian community to which the families of the couple belong. This is admitted by the religious heads themselves, but it is doubtful whether they have attempted to look within and analyse the reasons. The spiritual heads are not setting the right examples to their followers. It is not spiritual welfare but material growth that they are working for. They build up enormous assets in the form of real estate, mansions and church buildings. Service to the poor and the suffering is only a token. And the youth find only masks of hypocrisy in religious places and they turn to other means: drugs, liquor and the forbidden fruit.
They are born into a highly competitive world where success at any cost is the motto of parents who promote selfishness, unrestricted freedom and indulgences of all kinds. Western culture and money from the Middle East too impact their lifestyles. It was only a few months ago that a Syrian Christian emigrant family in the US was wiped out by a relative over an argument about the design of the new house. The youth are driven by a thirst for success and fame without caring a bit for their cultural values and traditions. The fate of persons like Bejoy Samuel, who has landed in a Bangalore lock-up, should be a telling reminder of the dangers we are facing if we do not mend our ways.
- Dear Friends,
Interesting that the true lifestyle of Syrian Christian bishops (at least few) appears in a report such as this! Hope they have the time to read these reports!!!!!! Remember the mallu proverb "yadha raja, thadha praja". So there is no astonishment from many quarters about such an incident happening in Kerala, while it was unthinkable before two decades!! Changes should come from top to the bottom.
As the Holy Synod of the Holy Jacobite Church is in session within a week, hope the Holy Synod will look into this subject, if it is applicable in our Holy Church!!
Issac K Joseph
--- In SOCM-FORUM@yahoogroups.com, SOCM News Bureau wrote:
> Today's youth are marrying
> by George Abraham
> The divorce rate is growing in the state, but it is nowhere as fast as in the prosperous Syrian Christian community to which the families of the couple belong. This is admitted by the religious heads themselves, but it is doubtful whether they have attempted to look within and analyse the reasons. THE SPIRITUAL HEADS ARE NOT SETTING THE RIGHT EXAMPLES TO THEIR FOLLOWERS. IT IS NOT SPIRITUAL WELFARE BUT MATERIAL GROWTH THAT THEY ARE WORKING FOR. THEY BUILD UP ENORMOUS ASSETS IN THE FORM OF REAL ESTATE, MANSIONS AND CHURCH BUILDINGS. SERVICE TO THE POOR AND THE SUFFERING IS ONLY A TOKEN. AND THE YOUTH FIND ONLY MASKS OF HYPOCRISY IN RELIGIOUS PLACES AND THEY TURN TO OTHER MEANS: DRUGS, LIQUOR AND THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT.
> Source: http://expressbuzz.com/opinion/op-ed/today%E2%80%99s-youth-are-marrying-frustrations/170752.html
- Dear Issac,
Your assertion of the "true lifestyle of Syrian Christian bishops in Kerala" as mentioned in the report, is really alarming!! Evenif the posh lifestyle is spread in all "Syrian Christian" descendent/variation Churches, do you think any of them will discuss such an issue in their Holy Synodal meetings????
I pray that at least our Holy Synod will discuss the damaging news of CBI findings in the "IOC's new Saint" Malankara Varghese's murder case!!! Binu's murder by Malankara Varghese was forgotten by all, even our own people, eventhough SOCM forum raised this issue once in a while. Viswasasamrakshakan's new special issue highlighting the Binu's murder case is very very late, in my opinion!!! The public feels that our Church hadn't made any follow up in this case.
Issac, when you say "yadha raja, thadha praja", do you mean that the people will look to see role models in the 'anointed' group?? I don't think so, as the people are aware that now a days there is no role models in the society, leave alone the Churches!!! Churches are part of the whole society!! The materialistic view of the society is slowly creeping into the Churches as well. Truely I wonder where our society is heading to?????
A critical introspection into our Church affairs is very much required now. I hope the Holy synod will discuss such issues. Are we as a Church, is in the path of material world or are we, at any time, think about the world to come?? I think we as laity, should pray earnestly to the Almighty to keep our Church on its rail, if it is already de-railed!!!
Member Id # 1024
--- In SOCM-FORUM@yahoogroups.com, Issac K Joseph wrote:
> Dear Friends,
> Interesting that the true lifestyle of Syrian Christian bishops (at least few) appears in a report such as this! Hope they have the time to read these reports!!!!!! Remember the mallu proverb "yadha raja, thadha praja". So there is no astonishment from many quarters about such an incident happening in Kerala, while it was unthinkable before two decades!! Changes should come from top to the bottom.
> As the Holy Synod of the Holy Jacobite Church is in session within a week, hope the Holy Synod will look into this subject, if it is applicable in our Holy Church!!
> In Christ
> Issac K Joseph
> # 0917
- Dear All.
Me too surprised, once I heard the news of those young couples fate in Banglore. The boy was , software engr and the girl was HR head. It is sure that , in academics both were in the forefront . Then what was the reason made them provoke them for this tragic end...
In the current time, all are running to make their kids to be a doctor or engineer or....................... by pushing them from behind since KG class onwards. Parents ,including me, slowly forgot the fact that "how much they enjoyed in their school days " How much they learned from nature"" how much mark they scored in school days " " How much..........................." Current parents conveniently forgetting all these, and pushing the child to be a professional . Miserably failed to teach them how to live in this world with Christian values with spiritual stimulation. Are we ready to live as per the plan and project of God ? See Jesus Christ before crucification , he made himself ready to accomplish the will of God . Are we ready to do this... ..See the Lords pray .. Our father......, we are praying that we are ready for this..but in practical we are not and following our own will.
Parents , looking in to the society and slowly slipping in to the clutches of the society. Also shy to sweat... thinking that what others think abt him..this is the reasons mallu's are good outside and bad in home. If the neighbor is having 2 floor, then we all look for ½ inch bigger to compete . Try to forget the basic requirement of his family or the financial source . Same as that , we need to push the kids in to a height somehow , so that we believe that the society would give a TICK mark to us. Parents , never try to teach what is life to the kids, they give always the best, they never make them understand the pain /problems in the life. At last , the new generation become a frustrated generation because, they never faced problems, they never learned to show any patience, they will not be able to control the angriness. At last, all may , end up with tragedies... they never learned the values
What is the solution...
Look at St Stephen.. He prayed to those who stoned him. Look at Our lord Jesus Christ , Prayed to those who un knowingly crucified him, taught us that GOD in heaven is the Father and taught us what is kingdom of God and how to follow him ( need to nullify ourselves by taking cross - (that is our worldly lusts to be crucified)) later became a sacrificing goat to cleanse the sin of those who lived , those who are living and to those yet to live.
What is our pray and routines in our life and daily church visit.
Pray for our own needs ( called selfishness ), to discuss world news, to be a powerful person there and never nullify ourselves by crucifying our worldly lusts. We look for leader/leaders in order to follow and end up with another mishap. ( Forgetting the verses in Psalms 118 ; 8 - It is better to trust in God that trusting in man ) .Who is our leader , looking in to Holy Bible and it is only JESUS CHRIST. As per bible, if we are in Christ , you and your family will be salvated. Anyone who is in Christ, will be a New person. What else we want in our life. Sorry to say , gospels have not been vividly explaining in our churches, this is really required to defend our new generation in the current modern life where human values diminish day by day. Also, in my view , Gospels in our churches are very limited (spending very short time ). If there is no proper delivery of gospel in the churches, people pursue in believing in a life style by attending the church and live as they wish.
- I found the article on 'Today's youth are marrying frustrations' quite
interesting but there are also some things which are not covered in the
article. Here is a write up on the incident
This looks at the topic from a different angle.
Fr. Jerry Kurian
I.D. no. 4500