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RE: [S-R] Family secrets

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  • Nancy Hayes
    Hi Caye, Your dad’s thinking is my mom’s kind of thinking. Like hitting a brick wall, but I guess when it’s bred into you that’s how you are and
    Message 1 of 37 , Apr 29, 2010
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      Hi Caye,



      Your dad’s thinking is my mom’s kind of thinking. Like hitting a brick wall, but I guess when it’s bred into you that’s how you are and can’t help it, but it sure makes life difficult for everyone else.



      The dyed hair story is very funny, but apparently your dad didn’t see it that way; too bad you had to spend all summer inside. I remember my dad using that men’s hair dye on the sides of his face, but he never said don’t tell anyone; mom told us not to though! Lol



      Dad was always much more open about everything than mom was; I can still remember asking him one day how much money he made being a milkman; he said $300 week (I don’t remember if that was gross or net); my mom just about went livid and was yelling at me don’t you tell anyone what your father makes; it’s none of their business! I told her, I won’t, but who would even care what he makes? lol



      Nancy



      From: SLOVAK-ROOTS@yahoogroups.com [mailto:SLOVAK-ROOTS@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Caye Caswick
      Sent: Thursday, April 29, 2010 10:27 AM
      To: SLOVAK-ROOTS@yahoogroups.com
      Subject: RE: [S-R] Family secrets






      I know, as if you can actually CONTROL what someone else might think, lol, silly!

      You should have seen me when we were filling out financial paperwork for the Business School I attended -- they wanted to know his salary, his most recent IRS filings, etc. -- he FLATLY put his foot down and said, NO ONE, period, will EVER know my personal financial information.

      I said, c'mon, Dad, I'm TRYING TO GET INTO SCHOOL HERE -- and your pride is getting in the way.

      I ultimately had to find my own financing and when it came to co-signing, I had to tell the bank no can do, cause here's why (told them the dad story) -- and swore up and down I'd pay the loan back by myself -- which I did, but jesus, that was almost as fun as staying in the house an entire summer for leaking he colored his hair (it was fairly obvious, so in my mind, WHAT SECRET?).



      Caye

      --- On Thu, 4/29/10, Nancy Hayes <viewcards@... <mailto:viewcards%40charter.net> > wrote:

      From: Nancy Hayes <viewcards@... <mailto:viewcards%40charter.net> >
      Subject: RE: [S-R] Family secrets
      To: SLOVAK-ROOTS@yahoogroups.com <mailto:SLOVAK-ROOTS%40yahoogroups.com>
      Date: Thursday, April 29, 2010, 10:03 AM



      Hi Caye! That saying your father said, that’s the exact same one my mom would always tell us kids; dad was always more lenient and couldn’t see what the problem was, but mom was always worried about what others would think.

      Nancy

      From: SLOVAK-ROOTS@ yahoogroups. com [mailto:SLOVAK-ROOTS@ yahoogroups. com] On Behalf Of Caye Caswick
      Sent: Thursday, April 29, 2010 9:35 AM
      To: SLOVAK-ROOTS@ yahoogroups. com
      Subject: Re: [S-R] Family secrets

      My father had a saying -- and I'm sure he didn't invent it, it had to be passed onto him ...

      "What goes on in this house STAYS in this house."

      One time I got grounded for an ENTIRE summer for telling one of my best girlfriends that he colored his hair.

      W/o these family skeletons/secrets, our research would be pretty boring -- and let's face it, up till about 40 years ago, things just weren't spoken of, weren't there to be discovered (computer research) -- if you wanted to dig, you literally had to spend DAYS in the library going over microfiche -- very few people had or have that kind of time, so now in the Information Age, we can pull secrets out of our databases and on-line historical news searches. We can figure out that Old Aunt Sally delivered cousin Bobby BEFORE the marriage certificate, zokies! We can figure out that Old Aunt Sally was married two or three times, but FUNNY, can't find a divorce mention -- whoops!

      I guess it's good the secret keepers are gone, they likely are rolling in their graves at what we've discovered, but we can't hurt them with the knowledge any longer.

      Caye

      --- On Thu, 4/29/10, Bill Tarkulich <bill.tarkulich@ iabsi.com <mailto:bill. tarkulich% 40iabsi.com> > wrote:

      From: Bill Tarkulich <bill.tarkulich@ iabsi.com <mailto:bill. tarkulich% 40iabsi.com> >
      Subject: Re: [S-R] Family secrets
      To: SLOVAK-ROOTS@ yahoogroups. com <mailto:SLOVAK- ROOTS%40yahoogro ups.com>
      Date: Thursday, April 29, 2010, 9:26 AM

      I uncovered a skeleton in the (neighbor's) closet in the course of my
      family search, one in which the family still strives to forget.

      I always advocate learning about friends and neighbors, as many times they
      share links back to the homeland.

      Well, in once case, a nameless immigrant neighbor in the US, from the same
      village as my immigrant, lost his sanity and ended up committing a family
      murder. He was jailed for life. When I dug into the family history and
      contacted descendants, they stonewalled me. Nothing good to talk about
      the past. Forget about it. Goodbye.

      My family says the family just "disappeared" one day. Nothing known.

      Oops.

      It's funny how we go into this very innocently with altruistic goals, but
      somehow we manage to step into the manure.

      Bill

      On Thu, April 29, 2010 9:45 am, J.B. Bulharowski wrote:
      > John:
      >
      > Sounds like the reactions my husband always got when questioning family
      > members regarding his Polish information/ ancestry.
      > Unfortunately stories ARE lost and one has to piece things together as
      > best one can. Boy have we got mysteries... you would be surprised.
      >
      > JB
      >
      >
      >
      > ____________ _________ _________ __
      > From: jjmcbm <jjmcbm@yahoo. com>
      > To: SLOVAK-ROOTS@ yahoogroups. com
      > Sent: Wed, April 28, 2010 9:05:36 PM
      > Subject: [S-R] Family secrets
      >
      >
      > I don't know if it's just my family or, an ethnic thing. When me and my
      > sibs were kids, we would always ask about family history, how to speak the
      > language, etc. but, never got anywhere. My dad always said he didn't know
      > or, couldn't remember. Aunts and uncles were the same way. Cousins tell me
      > now their parent was the same. When we were kids, at family gatherings
      > people and my dad would speak the language and, five minutes later, if we
      > asked, he'd say, I don't know. Now that I've been researching for a few
      > years, I can tell my dad something I know and, he'll give back a little
      > but, I still have to pry a bit. I wonder sometimes, if when they were
      > kids, it was ground into them not to speak the language or, act a certain
      > way. Maybe by teachers in school or, family or, friends. Maybe there was a
      > fear or, embaresment about being an immigrant family in the 30's. Maybe
      > they were trying too hard to be American, I don't know. Has anyone else
      > had a similar
      > situation or know anything. My dad and 1 sister is all thats left and,
      > they're not talking. Don't know how much time they have left and, family
      > stories etc. will be lost.
      >
      > Thanks
      > John
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      >
      >
      >
      > ------------ --------- --------- ------
      >
      > To visit your group on the web, go to:
      > http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/SLOVAK- ROOTS/
      >
      > To unsubscribe from this group, go to
      > http://www.yahoogro ups.com/group/ SLOVAK-ROOTS -or- send blank email to
      > SLOVAK-ROOTS- unsubscribe@ yahoogroups. comYahoo! Groups Links
      >
      >
      >
      >

      --
      Bill Tarkulich
      http://www.iabsi. com

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    • Marge Friel
      I could be speaking out of line, but my experience for PA has been that I indicate within my request for a death cert that I am doing genealogy and the person
      Message 37 of 37 , Apr 30, 2010
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        I could be speaking out of line, but my experience for PA has been that I indicate within my request for a death cert that I am doing genealogy and the person is somehow related to me....but, I've never requested for uncle, aunt, cousin,etc. only for grandparents and great grandparents. 
        Marge 

        --- On Fri, 4/30/10, M Jenner <hawaiijenner@...> wrote:


        From: M Jenner <hawaiijenner@...>
        Subject: Re: [S-R] Re: Family secrets
        To: SLOVAK-ROOTS@yahoogroups.com
        Date: Friday, April 30, 2010, 12:31 PM


         



        My grandmother made my uncle lie in her obituary. She said, don't put in the paper that I was born in Czechoslovakia, they will think I am a communist. She really believed that. Now if anyone reads her obituary in years to come, they will never know she was born in Slovakia. I have a third cousin I communicate with in Slovakia and sometimes when I ask a question that maybe he doesn't think he wants to answer, he just ignores it and doesn't respond. They seem to be much more private people than we are as Americans but we haven't lived though what they lived through. His grandfather' s property was taken from him, his great-uncle refused to turn over his property and was thrown in prison. The great uncle son fled to the US to avoid being put in prison. There were stories the cousin had come back to see his parents and was taken by the Russians. They were so fearful. I solved that mystery for them. I found the cousins Social Security application and his
        Social Security Death notification. It turn out he was here the whole time. He died in Schenectady, NY. I contacted the library there but they couldn't find an obituary. I would really like to know what his profession was and if he had any family here, but don't have much to go on. I think he died in 1994. I don't know if I could get a copy of his death certificate since I am not a descendant. I was thinking maybe he went there to work for GE. It has been several years, but maybe I should write to the library and see if there are any city directories from the time he lived there that I could find out where he lived or worked. These Slovak people really knew how to hide their lives. I don't know if he didn't have any family to write an obituary or if he was still afraid someone would find him after all of those years. He came to New Jersey first according to his application in 1953. So he was here for forty years.

        ____________ _________ _________ __
        From: maxine <maxine96@cox. net>
        To: SLOVAK-ROOTS@ yahoogroups. com
        Sent: Fri, April 30, 2010 4:55:09 AM
        Subject: Re: [S-R] Re: Family secrets

        I read, in many places, that many of our people did NOT talk about the ole country because they were afraid. Should any info they stated went back to the ole country, their people might be in danger. Any thoughts on this? maxine sasala

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