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Frog Prince's Ode

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  • Richard
    OK, I ve never ever laimed that I have the most reliable or normal of muses inspiring me. I m still working on my project of taking folk tales and putting them
    Message 1 of 12 , Mar 5, 2009
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      OK, I've never ever laimed that I have the most reliable or normal of muses inspiring me. I'm still working on my project of taking folk tales and putting them in lyrical form, currently working on my version of The Selkie. Alas, that's going slowly indeed with a line here or there coming just frequently enough to make me decide it's not hopeless. But then in one of my frustrated moments at work while I was trying to work on it once again and failing, all of a sudden this other song started flowing out of me, a quasi-filk I call the Frog Prince's Ode. Now I call it a quasi-filk because I don't have it filked to an ENTIRE song, only the first part of one. Specifically The Closing of the Year which some people may remember from the movie Toys. Basically I use the first slow portion of it before it goes all hiphoppy.

      The Frog Prince's Ode
      By: Lord Brian Ambrose O'Driscoll
      Sung to: The first part of The Closing of the Year.

      I was sitting, in the garden.
      When she came like a ray of light
      A beauty that's so perfect
      I lost my heart at the sight.
      She had flowing hair so golden
      The sun paled when you did compare
      Lips as red as the roses,
      Or the velvet she did wear

      So I sat and watched and wondered
      Did she even know that I exist?
      Or was I just part of the garden
      Never to be kissed?
      I yearned to cry out to her
      To tell to her my tale
      But with only a frog's body
      I knew that I would surely fail.

      But then the wind did catch her bauble
      As she held it up to the light
      Down through the pond's green waters
      It sank down out of sight
      At the edge of the pond she knelt down
      And there she began to weep
      Into the pond's green waters,
      I lept and dove down deep.

      It didn't take long for me to find it
      Or for me to then return
      In my mouth was the treasure
      For which return she did yearn.
      So she took it from me quickly,
      With a squeel of delight
      joyful for my rescue
      A kiss on me she did alight

      And so in that fateful moment,
      she my curse did finally break
      Shedding my froggy appearance,
      My true form I did take.
      For a prince under enchantment
      was who I really am.
      Grateful to my Princess,
      I asked her father for her hand.

      A Princess no longer,
      For now she is my Queen
      And in all the lands ever traveled,
      A greater beauty's never seen.
      And so that is my story
      Happily ever after does it end
      I'm happy that I can tell it
      And that you listened, thank you friend.
    • Justin Crouch
      I like this a lot. Nice flow, I only wish I had the tune, for alas I don t even know the first part... Leonardus the gleeman ... muses inspiring me. I m still
      Message 2 of 12 , Mar 5, 2009
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        I like this a lot. Nice flow, I only wish I had the tune, for alas I
        don't even know the first part...

        Leonardus the gleeman


        Richard wrote:


        > OK, I've never ever laimed that I have the most reliable or normal of
        muses inspiring me. I'm still working on my project of taking folk
        tales and putting them in lyrical form, currently working on my version
        of The Selkie. Alas, that's going slowly indeed with a line here or
        there coming just frequently enough to make me decide it's not
        hopeless. But then in one of my frustrated moments at work while I was
        trying to work on it once again and failing, all of a sudden this other
        song started flowing out of me, a quasi-filk I call the Frog Prince's
        Ode. Now I call it a quasi-filk because I don't have it filked to an
        ENTIRE song, only the first part of one. Specifically The Closing of
        the Year which some people may remember from the movie Toys. Basically
        I use the first slow portion of it before it goes all hiphoppy.
        >
        >The Frog Prince's Ode
        >By: Lord Brian Ambrose O'Driscoll
        >Sung to: The first part of The Closing of the Year.
        >
        >I was sitting, in the garden.
        >When she came like a ray of light
        >A beauty that's so perfect
        >I lost my heart at the sight.
        >She had flowing hair so golden
        >The sun paled when you did compare
        >Lips as red as the roses,
        >Or the velvet she did wear
        >
        >So I sat and watched and wondered
        >Did she even know that I exist?
        >Or was I just part of the garden
        >Never to be kissed?
        >I yearned to cry out to her
        >To tell to her my tale
        >But with only a frog's body
        >I knew that I would surely fail.
        >
        >But then the wind did catch her bauble
        >As she held it up to the light
        >Down through the pond's green waters
        >It sank down out of sight
        >At the edge of the pond she knelt down
        >And there she began to weep
        >Into the pond's green waters,
        >I lept and dove down deep.
        >
        >It didn't take long for me to find it
        >Or for me to then return
        >In my mouth was the treasure
        >For which return she did yearn.
        >So she took it from me quickly,
        >With a squeel of delight
        >joyful for my rescue
        >A kiss on me she did alight
        >
        >And so in that fateful moment,
        >she my curse did finally break
        >Shedding my froggy appearance,
        >My true form I did take.
        >For a prince under enchantment
        >was who I really am.
        >Grateful to my Princess,
        >I asked her father for her hand.
        >
        >A Princess no longer,
        >For now she is my Queen
        >And in all the lands ever traveled,
        >A greater beauty's never seen.
        >And so that is my story
        >Happily ever after does it end
        >I'm happy that I can tell it
        >And that you listened, thank you friend.
        >
        >

        ----------------------
        Leonardus de Bellewode
        Justin W. Crouch
      • Lisa Harmon
        tres cool
        Message 3 of 12 , Mar 5, 2009
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          tres cool

          --- On Thu, 3/5/09, Richard <wuuga@...> wrote:



        • corrie.bergeron
          Lord Brian, Thank you for sharing this. Please forgive me if I make so bold as to offer some constructive criticism, in the spirit of encouraging you to do
          Message 4 of 12 , Mar 5, 2009
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            Lord Brian,

            Thank you for sharing this. Please forgive me if I make so bold as to offer some constructive criticism, in the spirit of encouraging you to do even greater things.

            In much modern medieval-style verse and prose, much use is made of the construction, "/pronoun/ did /verb/" . E.g., "he did wait" "she did rise" "I did see." rather than "he waited" "she rose" "I saw." This lets the writer convert a present-tense verb into past-tense.

            There seem to be two main reasons to do this. One, to make it "sound
            more period" by avoiding irregular verbs that sound modern to our
            ears. (Actually, according to Greene's 1873 Grammar, "the tendency in
            modern English is constantly to diminish the number of irregular
            formations..." http://tinyurl.com/b5x3gv)

            The second reason is to improve the scansion by adding syllables and
            placing the metrical stress on syllables that "sound good."

            This construction often simplifies the difficult task of writing lyrics that scan and rhyme. But done too often, it makes the end
            product appear... amateurish.

            In the first stanza of your lyric, the imagery is lovely, but "did"
            occurs twice within three lines. It is jarring, especially on the
            heels of "that's." According to the Cambridge History of the English
            Language, contractions in poetry were not common prior to Shakespeare:
            http://tinyurl.com/b99k3e (This same source shows that Shakespeare
            and his contemporaries did use contractions to improve scansion.)

            So, again making very free, may I offer a revision of that first
            stanza? Not knowing the tune, I'm assuming the scansion based on the
            syllables. Other possible renderings if the line has a different
            syllable count are in parentheses.


            > I was sitting, in the garden.
            > When she came like a ray of light
            > A beauty clear, so perfect (from "a beauty that's so perfect" - easy substitution)
            > I lost my heart at the sight. ("My heart leaped at the sight" - a little pun for forshadowing)?
            > She had flowing hair so golden ("Her flowing hair, so golden" Assumes "She had" is rendered "She'd" on a single note of the tune)?

            Now it gets tricky. The original is:

            > The sun paled when you did compare
            > Lips as red as the roses,
            > Or the velvet she did wear

            So we have "-are" as the end-rhyme, and in both cases we've metered
            ourselves into the "did" form of the verbs. But the form of the poem
            doesn't require we use "-are" here. The easy out is to use the
            archaic stressed "-'ed" ending. Let's see how that works:

            > The sun paled when you compar'ed
            > Lips as red as the roses,
            > Or the velvet that she wear'ed

            (We have to insert "that" to keep the stresses in the right place.)

            So let's see how that works in the context of the whole stanza: (*
            means it's my revision of Lord Brian's original)


            * I was sitting, in the garden.
            * When she came like a ray of light
            * A beauty clear, so perfect
            * My heart leaped at the sight
            * Her flowing hair, so golden
            * The sun paled when you compar'ed
            * Lips as red as the roses,
            * Or the velvet that she wear'ed


            Not bad. But the last line, 8, feels a little odd. "Or the velvet..."
            Or *what*? Can we take out the Or? Line 8 has to rhyme with line 6
            ("the sun paled")

            Line six is ambiguous without the tune. Is it:
            > The SUN paled WHEN you DID compARE
            or
            > Thesun PALED whenyou DID comPARE

            Most of the lyric fits the latter, and I'm assuming it doesn't switch
            meters midstream.

            So, one more iteration:


            * I was sitting in the garden.
            * She came in like a ray of light
            * A beauty clear, so perfect
            * My heart leaped at the sight
            * Her flowing hair, so golden
            * The sun beside her pale'ed
            * Lips as red as roses,
            * A velvet cloak that trail'ed

            Ok, now we really pick a nit... The stanza ends on a trailing velvet
            cloak. It literally trails off, when in the middle we have golden hair
            that **outshines the sun!**. So let's rearrange...

            * I was sitting in the garden.
            * She came in like a ray of light
            * A beauty clear, so perfect
            * My heart leaped at the sight
            * Lips as red as roses,
            * A velvet cloak that trail'ed
            * Her flowing hair, so golden
            * The sun beside her pale'ed


            I don't know how that fits with the tune, but as a lyric I hope it's a
            little more authentic-feeling.


            Again, these comments are offered in the spirit of encouragement. As
            my friend Llywellyn says, take them like a watermelon: Swallow what
            you find useful and spit out the rest.


            In service,

            Brendan O Corraidhe


            --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, "Richard" <wuuga@...> wrote:
            >
            > OK, I've never ever laimed that I have the most reliable or normal of muses inspiring me. I'm still working on my project of taking folk tales and putting them in lyrical form, currently working on my version of The Selkie. Alas, that's going slowly indeed with a line here or there coming just frequently enough to make me decide it's not hopeless. But then in one of my frustrated moments at work while I was trying to work on it once again and failing, all of a sudden this other song started flowing out of me, a quasi-filk I call the Frog Prince's Ode. Now I call it a quasi-filk because I don't have it filked to an ENTIRE song, only the first part of one. Specifically The Closing of the Year which some people may remember from the movie Toys. Basically I use the first slow portion of it before it goes all hiphoppy.
            >
            > The Frog Prince's Ode
            > By: Lord Brian Ambrose O'Driscoll
            > Sung to: The first part of The Closing of the Year.
            >
            > I was sitting, in the garden.
            > When she came like a ray of light
            > A beauty that's so perfect
            > I lost my heart at the sight.
            > She had flowing hair so golden
            > The sun paled when you did compare
            > Lips as red as the roses,
            > Or the velvet she did wear
            >
            > So I sat and watched and wondered
            > Did she even know that I exist?
            > Or was I just part of the garden
            > Never to be kissed?
            > I yearned to cry out to her
            > To tell to her my tale
            > But with only a frog's body
            > I knew that I would surely fail.
            >
            > But then the wind did catch her bauble
            > As she held it up to the light
            > Down through the pond's green waters
            > It sank down out of sight
            > At the edge of the pond she knelt down
            > And there she began to weep
            > Into the pond's green waters,
            > I lept and dove down deep.
            >
            > It didn't take long for me to find it
            > Or for me to then return
            > In my mouth was the treasure
            > For which return she did yearn.
            > So she took it from me quickly,
            > With a squeel of delight
            > joyful for my rescue
            > A kiss on me she did alight
            >
            > And so in that fateful moment,
            > she my curse did finally break
            > Shedding my froggy appearance,
            > My true form I did take.
            > For a prince under enchantment
            > was who I really am.
            > Grateful to my Princess,
            > I asked her father for her hand.
            >
            > A Princess no longer,
            > For now she is my Queen
            > And in all the lands ever traveled,
            > A greater beauty's never seen.
            > And so that is my story
            > Happily ever after does it end
            > I'm happy that I can tell it
            > And that you listened, thank you friend.
            >
          • Richard
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9geCS0v7w8 I think you ll be able to tell for yourself what I mean about the song changeup and such. I use it before the repeat
            Message 5 of 12 , Mar 5, 2009
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              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9geCS0v7w8
              I think you'll be able to tell for yourself what I mean about the song'changeup and such. I use it before the repeat of "Let the bells ring out for Christmas at the closing of the year" and use that portion for each verse.

              Driscoll

              --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, Justin Crouch <jwc1686@...> wrote:
              >
              > I like this a lot. Nice flow, I only wish I had the tune, for alas I
              > don't even know the first part...
              >
              > Leonardus the gleeman
            • corrie.bergeron
              That s a very pretty melody.
              Message 6 of 12 , Mar 5, 2009
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                That's a very pretty melody.

                --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, "Richard" <wuuga@...> wrote:
                >
                > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9geCS0v7w8
                > I think you'll be able to tell for yourself what I mean about the song'changeup and such. I use it before the repeat of "Let the bells ring out for Christmas at the closing of the year" and use that portion for each verse.
                >
                > Driscoll
                >
                > --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, Justin Crouch <jwc1686@> wrote:
                > >
                > > I like this a lot. Nice flow, I only wish I had the tune, for alas I
                > > don't even know the first part...
                > >
                > > Leonardus the gleeman
                >
              • corrie.bergeron
                I forgot to add this caveat: I m not a Ph.D. in medieval literature, nor is it my intent to play one in the SCA (or on the internet). I expect that some folk
                Message 7 of 12 , Mar 5, 2009
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                  I forgot to add this caveat:

                  I'm not a Ph.D. in medieval literature, nor is it my intent to play one in the SCA (or on the internet). I expect that some folk here have done serious scholarship in this regard that overrules my amateur research. So if I'm wrong on the facts, please correct me. (Gently, if possible.) :-)

                  In Service,

                  Brendan

                  --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, "corrie.bergeron" <corrie.bergeron@...> wrote:
                  >
                  > Lord Brian,
                  >
                  > Thank you for sharing this. Please forgive me if I make so bold as to offer some constructive criticism, in the spirit of encouraging you to do even greater things.
                • Marcus Antaya
                  I think it works well, milord....and indeed a lovely tune. also, one of the best reasons to watch the movie Toys, with Robin Williams. Very nice, indeed. Lord
                  Message 8 of 12 , Mar 6, 2009
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                    I think it works well, milord....and indeed a lovely tune.

                    also, one of the best reasons to watch the movie Toys, with Robin Williams.

                    Very nice, indeed.

                    Lord Gyric of Otershaghe
                    Troubadour, Entertainer and generally all-around Chaotic Neutral guy
                    REMEMBER: Eagles may soar, but Weasels don't get sucked into jet engines....

                    --- On Fri, 3/6/09, corrie.bergeron <corrie.bergeron@...> wrote:
                    From: corrie.bergeron <corrie.bergeron@...>
                    Subject: [SCA_BARDS] Re: Frog Prince's Ode
                    To: SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com
                    Received: Friday, March 6, 2009, 1:48 AM

                    That's a very pretty melody.

                    --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogrou ps.com, "Richard" <wuuga@...> wrote:
                    >
                    > http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=R9geCS0v7w8
                    > I think you'll be able to tell for yourself what I mean about the song'changeup and such. I use it before the repeat of "Let the bells ring out for Christmas at the closing of the year" and use that portion for each verse.
                    >
                    > Driscoll
                    >
                    > --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogrou ps.com, Justin Crouch <jwc1686@> wrote:
                    > >
                    > > I like this a lot. Nice flow, I only wish I had the tune, for alas I
                    > > don't even know the first part...
                    > >
                    > > Leonardus the gleeman
                    >



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                  • Richard
                    Well constructive critisism is one of the reasons we re all on this list isn t it? So I certainly don t mind your speaking up. As a cavaet however, I really
                    Message 9 of 12 , Mar 6, 2009
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                      Well constructive critisism is one of the reasons we're all on this list isn't it? So I certainly don't mind your speaking up. As a cavaet however, I really don't stress myself too much with getting a period sound to my filks seeing as how one of my more requested is I Should Been a Viking with is as non-period sounding as you can get. ;-)

                      > > I was sitting, in the garden.
                      > > When she came like a ray of light
                      > > A beauty clear, so perfect (from "a beauty that's so perfect" - easy substitution)
                      > > I lost my heart at the sight. ("My heart leaped at the sight" - a little pun for forshadowing)?

                      Now these changes above I do like and think I'll make as an alteration.

                      > > She had flowing hair so golden ("Her flowing hair, so golden" Assumes "She had" is rendered "She'd" on a single note of the tune)?
                      >
                      This one I'm not quite sure about. She Had re two different notes with had slightly higher than She when singing it. However the notes can be shifted a bit moving the higher note to the first part of Flowing and it still works, so I have to contemplate this change a little more.

                      > Now it gets tricky. The original is:
                      > > The sun paled when you compar'ed
                      > > Lips as red as the roses,
                      > > Or the velvet that she wear'ed

                      Now I'm afraid these changes and the ones that follow I'm not going to make. I thinka you for your time and trouble, but they just don't sound right to my ear or my mind's eye in changing her velvet gown into a cloak and the rhymes come out of my voice sounding even more forced than my own originals when I go singing them, so I beleive I'll be leaving the rest of this verse as I originally had it.

                      Driscoll
                    • corrie.bergeron
                      Heh. A shire newsletter from my early days shows a character looking up at a guitar being flung overhead. He comments, Brendan must be singing Jethro Tull
                      Message 10 of 12 , Mar 6, 2009
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                        Heh. A shire newsletter from my early days shows a character looking up at a guitar being flung overhead. He comments, "Brendan must be singing Jethro Tull again." :-)

                        It's your song, milord, sing it as you please. If any of my suggestions were of use, I'm pleased.

                        Brendan

                        --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, "Richard" <wuuga@...> wrote:
                        >
                        > Well constructive critisism is one of the reasons we're all on this list isn't it? So I certainly don't mind your speaking up. As a cavaet however, I really don't stress myself too much with getting a period sound to my filks seeing as how one of my more requested is I Should Been a Viking with is as non-period sounding as you can get. ;-)
                        >
                        > > > I was sitting, in the garden.
                        > > > When she came like a ray of light
                        > > > A beauty clear, so perfect (from "a beauty that's so perfect" - easy substitution)
                        > > > I lost my heart at the sight. ("My heart leaped at the sight" - a little pun for forshadowing)?
                        >
                        > Now these changes above I do like and think I'll make as an alteration.
                        >
                        > > > She had flowing hair so golden ("Her flowing hair, so golden" Assumes "She had" is rendered "She'd" on a single note of the tune)?
                        > >
                        > This one I'm not quite sure about. She Had re two different notes with had slightly higher than She when singing it. However the notes can be shifted a bit moving the higher note to the first part of Flowing and it still works, so I have to contemplate this change a little more.
                        >
                        > > Now it gets tricky. The original is:
                        > > > The sun paled when you compar'ed
                        > > > Lips as red as the roses,
                        > > > Or the velvet that she wear'ed
                        >
                        > Now I'm afraid these changes and the ones that follow I'm not going to make. I thinka you for your time and trouble, but they just don't sound right to my ear or my mind's eye in changing her velvet gown into a cloak and the rhymes come out of my voice sounding even more forced than my own originals when I go singing them, so I beleive I'll be leaving the rest of this verse as I originally had it.
                        >
                        > Driscoll
                        >
                      • Sharon Vasquez
                        I m dieing to hear this, either way. What s the tune? Lady Gillian ________________________________ From: corrie.bergeron To:
                        Message 11 of 12 , Mar 7, 2009
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                          I'm dieing to hear this, either way.  What's the tune?
                          Lady Gillian


                          From: corrie.bergeron <corrie.bergeron@...>
                          To: SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com
                          Sent: Friday, March 6, 2009 11:32:12 PM
                          Subject: [SCA_BARDS] Re: Frog Prince's Ode - (hopefully) constructive comments

                          Heh. A shire newsletter from my early days shows a character looking up at a guitar being flung overhead. He comments, "Brendan must be singing Jethro Tull again." :-)

                          It's your song, milord, sing it as you please. If any of my suggestions were of use, I'm pleased.

                          Brendan

                          --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogrou ps.com, "Richard" <wuuga@...> wrote:
                          >
                          > Well constructive critisism is one of the reasons we're all on this list isn't it? So I certainly don't mind your speaking up. As a cavaet however, I really don't stress myself too much with getting a period sound to my filks seeing as how one of my more requested is I Should Been a Viking with is as non-period sounding as you can get. ;-)
                          >
                          > > > I was sitting, in the garden.
                          > > > When she came like a ray of light
                          > > > A beauty clear, so perfect (from "a beauty that's so perfect" - easy substitution)
                          > > > I lost my heart at the sight. ("My heart leaped at the sight" - a little pun for forshadowing) ?
                          >
                          > Now these changes above I do like and think I'll make as an alteration.
                          >
                          > > > She had flowing hair so golden ("Her flowing hair, so golden" Assumes "She had" is rendered "She'd" on a single note of the tune)?
                          > >
                          > This one I'm not quite sure about. She Had re two different notes with had slightly higher than She when singing it. However the notes can be shifted a bit moving the higher note to the first part of Flowing and it still works, so I have to contemplate this change a little more.
                          >
                          > > Now it gets tricky. The original is:
                          > > > The sun paled when you compar'ed
                          > > > Lips as red as the roses,
                          > > > Or the velvet that she wear'ed
                          >
                          > Now I'm afraid these changes and the ones that follow I'm not going to make. I thinka you for your time and trouble, but they just don't sound right to my ear or my mind's eye in changing her velvet gown into a cloak and the rhymes come out of my voice sounding even more forced than my own originals when I go singing them, so I beleive I'll be leaving the rest of this verse as I originally had it.
                          >
                          > Driscoll
                          >


                        • Richard
                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9geCS0v7w8 is the tune, or at least the virst part of it is before the music changeup. Driscoll
                          Message 12 of 12 , Mar 8, 2009
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                            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9geCS0v7w8 is the tune, or at least the virst part of it is before the music changeup.

                            Driscoll

                            --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, Sharon Vasquez <vasnut456@...> wrote:
                            >
                            > I'm dieing to hear this, either way. What's the tune?
                            > Lady Gillian
                            >
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