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RE: [SCA_BARDS] My latest, for critique

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  • KaziBrionSCA
    Hi there! It s pretty nice overall and I like the theme! The ending caught ... The song describes all those special-treat foods, such as marzipan and game
    Message 1 of 7 , Oct 19, 2007
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      Hi there!  It’s pretty nice overall and I like the theme!  The ending caught my eye, though:

       

      > Til then, I'll sit in this kitchen hell

      > And feed those who can stand the heat.

      The song describes all those special-treat foods, such as marzipan and game meat, strategically avoiding boiled turnips and cabbage, pickled meat and veggies, organ meats, or odd food combinations.  That is all fine and well, since you are trying to paint a picture of good food with which just anyone can identify, even the mac’n’cheese eaters.  The last two lines are at odds with this.

       

      1.  If you enjoy cooking, why is this kitchen a hell?

      2.  If the food is good, why must the diners be able to “stand the heat”?  This is a delectable feast, not Fear Factor.

       

      I like the two lines on their own, but I think they would be better placed in a song describing malfunctioning ovens, misinterpreted recipes and other SCA feast disasters. 

       

      How about

       

      “Till then I’ll keep this kitchen swell

      And feed those who like good food to eat”

       

      ?

       

      Just a suggestion,

       

      Kazi

      Aethelmearc

       

       

      > Here's my latest doggerel...to the tune of "Greensleeves. " Feel free

      > to critique,
      >
      > Jeffs/William
      > ============ ========= ========
      > Alas, my lord, you do me wrong
      > To treat this food discourteously
      > For I have labored for so long
      > To bring out this repast to thee.
      >
      > Chorus
      > Green leaves are all my joy
      > Cloves and nutmeg are my delight
      > Saffron is more rare than gold
      > And who can turn down marzipan?
      >
      > I've made thee quince tart and almond rice
      > And braised the venison in port wine
      > The date-stuffed goose would a monk entice
      > In spite of his vows most divine.
      >
      > Chorus
      >
      > You'd rather gulp down a fried up lump
      > Of ground and mixed nameless bits of steer
      > And onions boiled 'til they form a clump.
      > Washed down with the flour grinder's beer.
      >
      > Chorus
      >
      > You'll only eat meat that's bloody red
      > Or fat fried cutlets from birds that cluck.
      > You think that salads are for your head,
      > And won't try lamb, rabbit, or duck.
      >
      > Chorus
      >
      > It's orange cheese or plain white for you
      > Cut nicely down into little cubes
      > Or melted up in a smooth fondue
      > And poured onto cooked pasta tubes.
      >
      > Chorus
      >
      > Lack taste, I bid thee au revoir, farewell
      > God grant some day you will learn to eat
      > Til then, I'll sit in this kitchen hell
      > And feed those who can stand the heat.
      >
      > Chorus
      > ============ ========= ========
      > http://www.geocitie s.com/jeff_ suzuki/cookslame nt.htm
      >
      >

    • Jeff Suzuki
      ... heat ? ... placed ... and other ... Oddly enough, that s how the song began before it morphed into the present form... My original thought was kitchen
      Message 2 of 7 , Oct 20, 2007
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        --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, "KaziBrionSCA" <KaziBrionSCA@...> wrote:
        >

        > 1. If you enjoy cooking, why is this kitchen a hell?
        >
        > 2. If the food is good, why must the diners be able to "stand the
        heat"?
        >..
        > I like the two lines on their own, but I think they would be better
        placed
        > in a song describing malfunctioning ovens, misinterpreted recipes
        and other
        > SCA feast disasters.

        Oddly enough, that's how the song began before it morphed into the
        present form...

        My original thought was "kitchen hell" since it would be just that for
        someone who had to cook bland and uninspiring foods, but I see your
        point. How about:

        Lack Tongue, I bid thee farewell, adieu!
        God grant some day you will learn good taste
        Til then, I'll tend to my pot-au-feu
        And vol-au-vents won't go to waste!

        (which also brings back the "adieu" from the original, and changes
        away from "Lack taste", which sounds too close to "lactase")

        Jeffs/William
      • KaziBrionSCA
        Hi William, I like it. And, I am glad I wasn t imagining things. You know, we have plenty of songs describing feast disasters. It s nice that you came up
        Message 3 of 7 , Oct 21, 2007
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          Hi William,

           

          I like it.  And, I am glad I wasn’t imagining things.  You know, we have plenty of songs describing feast disasters.  It’s nice that you came up with a positive-minded ode to foods that some might find “unusual”.

           

          Kazi

           

          P.S. I am biased.  I grew up eating all kinds of stuff, and Brion is a mundane gourmet who keeps me entirely spoiled J

           


          <<Oddly enough, that's how the song began before it morphed into the
          present form...

          My original thought was "kitchen hell" since it would be just that for
          someone who had to cook bland and uninspiring foods, but I see your
          point. How about:

          Lack Tongue, I bid thee farewell, adieu!
          God grant some day you will learn good taste
          Til then, I'll tend to my pot-au-feu
          And vol-au-vents won't go to waste!

          (which also brings back the "adieu" from the original, and changes
          away from "Lack taste", which sounds too close to "lactase")

          Jeffs/William>>

        • Richard
          I liked the song a lot thought it took me a couple of tries until I figured out the right measure to be able to do the last verse. good job!
          Message 4 of 7 , Oct 23, 2007
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            I liked the song a lot thought it took me a couple of tries until I
            figured out the right measure to be able to do the last verse. good job!

            --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, "Jeff Suzuki" <jeff_suzuki@...> wrote:
            >
            > Here's my latest doggerel...to the tune of "Greensleeves." Feel free
            > to critique,
            >
            > Jeffs/William
          • Richard
            Well of course the author is the final authority on what he meant or intended for any lines, but how I intrepretted that bit was that working in the kitchen
            Message 5 of 7 , Oct 23, 2007
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              Well of course the author is the final authority on what he meant or
              intended for any lines, but how I intrepretted that bit was that
              working in the kitchen for closeminded people who didn't want to try
              anything out of the norm made that particular kitchen a Hell and he
              was going to continue with his scathing reorts to those who refuse to
              broaden their minds about food. And if they can't take it, there's
              KFC...

              --- In SCA_BARDS@yahoogroups.com, "KaziBrionSCA" <KaziBrionSCA@...>
              wrote:
              >
              > Hi there! It's pretty nice overall and I like the theme! The
              ending caught
              > my eye, though:
              >
              >
              >
              > > Til then, I'll sit in this kitchen hell
              > > And feed those who can stand the heat.
              >
              >
              >
              > The song describes all those special-treat foods, such as marzipan
              and game
              > meat, strategically avoiding boiled turnips and cabbage, pickled
              meat and
              > veggies, organ meats, or odd food combinations. That is all fine
              and well,
              > since you are trying to paint a picture of good food with which
              just anyone
              > can identify, even the mac'n'cheese eaters. The last two lines are
              at odds
              > with this.
              >
              >
              >
              > 1. If you enjoy cooking, why is this kitchen a hell?
              >
              > 2. If the food is good, why must the diners be able to "stand the
              heat"?
              > This is a delectable feast, not Fear Factor.
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