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Fw: Joke of the Day - Roman Holiday

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  • ggarrett
    ... From: Laugh of the Day To: Sent: Sunday, April 09, 2000 9:05 PM Subject: Joke of the Day - Roman
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 11, 2000
      ----- Original Message -----
      From: Laugh of the Day <equinox@...>
      To: <Laugh-of-the-Day@...>
      Sent: Sunday, April 09, 2000 9:05 PM
      Subject: Joke of the Day - Roman Holiday

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      > Caesar and his invasion army land on the southern shores of Britain and
      > immediately begin terrorising the natives, burning villages, wreaking
      > havoc and generally taking over. The local English chieftains, whilst
      > drinking tea, consider what to do.
      > "I think we should go down there and give these Roman chappies a damn
      > good thrashing" says one. The others agree and the tribes charge at the
      > invaders. Within hours the English are routed and lie bleeding and dying
      > on the battlefield, victims of the most advanced fighting force on the
      > planet.
      > This story is repeated as the Roman army pushes north. Local chieftains
      > and tribes are defeated by the hundred, few escape and the Romans are
      > beginning to enjoy themselves. Eventually the army crosses the Scottish
      > Border and camps beneath a mist enshrouded mountain. After an
      > uncomfortable night listening to strange bagpipe music drifting down
      > from the hills Caesar looks out of his tent and sees a lone unarmed
      > Scotsman, naked to the waist and wearing only a kilt standing on the
      > summit.
      > "Come on then!" taunts the lone Scot to the Roman army below.
      > Caesar commands six legionnaires to climb the hill and deal with the
      > native. The legionnaires shuffle off and ascend into the highland mist
      > which closes about them. The army below hears screams and groans. The
      > mist opens and the lone Scotsman comes dancing back to the summit - not
      > a mark on him - and taunts the army "Come on then, is that all you've
      > got?"
      > Caesar is now mightily displeased and orders two hundred legionnaires
      > and ten chariots up the hill. The mist closes and the army listens in
      > dread for the next two hours as the air is rent by the screams of dying
      > men and horses. The screams suddenly stop and a single chariot wheel
      > rolls to a stop by Caesar 's feet. The mist opens once more to reveal
      > the Scotsman, still unmarked, gesticulating to the Romans and displaying
      > a remarkably hairy backside as he raies his kilt in defiance.
      > Caesar is by now irate in the extreme and orders everyone to attack.
      > Three thousand legionnaires, four hundred chariots and sixteen cook
      > wagons thunder up the mountain and once more grey mist closes about
      > them.
      > For a day and a night the sounds of terrible battle echo amongst the
      > hills and glens. Caesar sitting on his horse on the plain below is a
      > veteran of many campaigns but he cannot remember hearing such sounds of
      > suffering, the crash of weapons is deafening, the dying screams and
      > gurgles of men and animals intolerable.
      > As he waits for news of the battle one badly maimed legionnaire returns
      > dragging his mangled body from tuft of grass to tuft of grass with the
      > only arm he has left. He stops below Caesar's horse and looks up with
      > his one good eye at his illustrious leader.....
      > "Caesar" he croaks "Caesar, don't go! It's a trap"
      > "There's two of them!"
      > Submitted by Arthur McEleney - arthurmce@...
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