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"English is Tough Stuff"

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  • dianne.chidester@kctcs.net
    I mentioned this at the meetings. Enjoy! - Dianne _____ Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters near Paris found English
    Message 1 of 2 , Apr 9, 2001
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      FW: [ANTHRO-L] Fulbright opportunities in Anthropology and Archaeology
      I mentioned this at the meetings.  Enjoy!  -  Dianne
       

      Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language... until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

      ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF

      Dearest creature in creation,
      Study English pronunciation.
      I will teach you in my verse
      Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
      I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
      Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
      Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
      So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

      Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
      Dies and diet, lord and word,
      Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
      (Mind the latter, how it's written.)
      Now I surely will not plague you
      With such words as plaque and ague.
      But be careful how you speak:
      Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
      Cloven, oven, how and low,
      Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

      Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
      Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
      Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
      Exiles, similes, and reviles;
      Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
      Solar, mica, war and far;
      One, anemone, Balmoral,
      Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
      Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
      Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

      Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
      Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
      Blood and flood are not like food,
      Nor is mould like should and would.
      Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
      Toward, to forward, to reward.
      And your pronunciation's OK
      When you correctly say croquet,
      Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
      Friend and fiend, alive and live.

      Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
      And enamour rhyme with hammer.
      River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
      Doll and roll and some and home.
      Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
      Neither does devour with clangour.
      Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
      Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
      Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
      And then singer, ginger, linger,
      Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
      Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

      Query does not rhyme with very,
      Nor does fury sound like bury.
      Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
      Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
      Though the differences seem little,
      We say actual but victual.
      Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
      Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
      Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
      Dull, bull, and George ate late.
      Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
      Science, conscience, scientific.

      Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
      Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
      We say hallowed, but allowed,
      People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
      Mark the differences, moreover,
      Between mover, cover, clover;
      Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
      Chalice, but police and lice;
      Camel, constable, unstable,
      Principle, disciple, label.

      Petal, panel, and canal,
      Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
      Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
      Senator, spectator, mayor.
      Tour, but our and succour, four.
      Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
      Sea, idea, Korea, area,
      Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
      Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
      Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

      Compare alien with Italian,
      Dandelion and battalion.
      Sally with ally, yea, ye,
      Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
      Say aver, but ever, fever,
      Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
      Heron, granary, canary.
      Crevice and device and aerie.

      Face, but preface, not efface.
      Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
      Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
      Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
      Ear, but earn and wear and tear
      Do not rhyme with here but ere.
      Seven is right, but so is even,
      Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
      Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
      Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

      Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
      Is a paling stout and spikey?
      Won't it make you lose your wits,
      Writing groats and saying grits?
      It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
      Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
      Islington and Isle of Wight,
      Housewife, verdict and indict.

      Finally, which rhymes with enough --
      Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
      Hiccough has the sound of cup.
      My advice is to give up!!!

      Author Unknown

    • Dianne.Chidester@kctcs.edu
      I think I had mentioned this poem to several folks a while back. Hope you enjoy it. -- Dianne English is Tough Stuff We ve all cursed written English as
      Message 2 of 2 , Apr 1, 2003
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        I think I had mentioned this poem to several folks a while back.   Hope you enjoy it. -- Dianne

         

        English is Tough Stuff

        We've all cursed written English as capricious and sentenced American Pronunciation Rules as but half-truths at best. Examples and practice always seem better than studying worn and obsolete phonetic guides.

        Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language ... until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

        (Read aloud, with a friend!)
        (After all, laughter is the true universal language!)

        The Chaos

        Dearest creature in creation,
        Study English pronunciation.
        I will teach you in my verse
        Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
        I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
        Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
        Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
        So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

        Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
        Dies and diet, lord and word,
        Sword and sward, retain and
        Britain.
        (Mind the latter, how it's written.)
        Now I surely will not plague you
        With such words as plaque and ague.
        But be careful how you speak:
        Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
        Cloven, oven, how and low,
        Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

        Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
        Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
        Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
        Exiles, similes, and reviles;
        Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
        Solar, mica, war and far;
        One, anemone, Balmoral,
        Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
        Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
        Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

        Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
        Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
        Blood and flood are not like food,
        Nor is mould like should and would.
        Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
        Toward, to forward, to reward.
        And your pronunciation's OK
        When you correctly say croquet,
        Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
        Friend and fiend, alive and live.

        Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
        And enamour rhyme with hammer.
        River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
        Doll and roll and some and home.
        Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
        Neither does devour with clangour.
        Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
        Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
        Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
        And then singer, ginger, linger,
        Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
        Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

        Query does not rhyme with very,
        Nor does fury sound like bury.
        Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
        Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
        Though the differences seem little,
        We say actual but victual.
        Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
        Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
        Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
        Dull, bull, and George ate late.
        Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
        Science, conscience, scientific.

        Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
        Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
        We say hallowed, but allowed,
        People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
        Mark the differences, moreover,
        Between mover, cover, clover;
        Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
        Chalice, but police and lice;
        Camel, constable, unstable,
        Principle, disciple, label.

        Petal, panel, and canal,
        Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
        Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
        Senator, spectator, mayor.
        Tour, but our and succour, four.
        Gas, alas, and
        Arkansas.
        Sea, idea,
        Korea, area,
        Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
        Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
        Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

        Compare alien with Italian,
        Dandelion and battalion.
        Sally with ally, yea, ye,
        Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
        Say aver, but ever, fever,
        Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
        Heron, granary, canary.
        Crevice and device and aerie.

        Face, but preface, not efface.
        Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
        Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
        Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
        Ear, but earn and wear and tear
        Do not rhyme with here but ere.
        Seven is right, but so is even,
        Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
        Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
        Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

        Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
        Is a paling stout and spikey?
        Won't it make you lose your wits,
        Writing groats and saying grits?
        It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
        Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
        Islington and Isle of Wight,
        Housewife, verdict and indict.

        Finally, which rhymes with enough --
        Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
        Hiccough has the sound of cup.
        My advice is to give up!!!


        Written by Dr. Gerald Nolst Trenite (1870-1946), a Dutch observer of English.

         

         

        Dianne Lynn Chidester, M.A., Assistant Professor

        Social & Behavioral Sciences

        Jefferson Community College SW

        1000 Community College Drive

        Louisville, KY  40272

         

        (502) 213-7354

         

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