March 8, 2013
Generally speaking I lead a very boring life, and that is a good thing. Boring = peaceful, at least it does for me. Of late, an exciting life usually means some sort of drama involving various family members of the next generation after me, my nieces, nephews, 2nd cousins and my children. Far too often the drama involves relationships or bad choices someone has made and costs me money, but mostly it's someone else's drama not mine. It gives friends and family something to talk about at the very least and at worst, keeps loved ones awake all night with worry.
Frankly I'm too old to be having much drama in my life, just hearing about other peoples drama is exhausting. When this happens I want to rush to the aggrieved ones side to offer advice and support but I'm learning to curb those tendencies. Help is not always wanted or needed, advice is very rarely followed, and sometimes the help and advice just makes things worse.
Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of drama in my own personal life, but that was 'back in the day' when I was younger and crazier than now. I did a lot of wild and crazy things. I was only following the admonition of the day that 'if it feels good, do it. So I did...'it' I mean. Yes, I mean that 'IT.' We truly believed in making love, not war and so we did...On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door, in the yard in the dark, on a hillside in the park.** But never, ever were any animals present...(no, not that, get your mind out of the gutter.) I mean if we were being conventional that day we made sure that pets were not in the bedroom.
I did lots of other crazy things that lots of other crazy people were doing, but it's the 'IT' part that is the subject of today's article.
My Zimbabwe News reported that a couple was at a secluded spot in an area the northern town of Kariba when the were surprised and attacked by a lion. The woman was mauled to death.
A friend of the couple stated that this wasn't the first time the couple had chosen an outdoor location for an amorous assignation but believed it was their first time at that particular location. (Boy, that must be some friend, to know all the particulars like that.) It was reported that the man jumped up and fled when the lion attacked from behind. The friend claims the man told him he ran to the road to seek help. Local police and armed rangers rushed to the area, but the woman had already been mauled to death but not eaten.
Authorities from the Zimbabwe Parks and Wildlife Management believe this may be the same lion that was responsible for the death of a local man who vanished as he walked home from a nightclub. His remains were found Monday just outside of the town and a hunt is on for the lion in question. Some believe that the same lion may be responsible for both attacks and may account for the woman's only being mauled. They believe the lion may have still been full after eating the man that weekend which could explain the intact (mostly) state of the woman.
Now I've done some wild and crazy things in my time but absolutely nothing as crazy as that. Okay, there was the hillside in the park thing but the only thing we were in danger of was getting caught by the park police.
When I think of my own amorous adventures they seem tame in comparison. Beach sand in the nether regions and the resulting irritation pales in comparison to being mauled by a lion. Mouthing off to a couple of outlaw bikers doesn't seem as dangerous, though it could have been if I didn't have a powerful guardian angel. Note to self; next time you mouth off to anyone, first make sure you have back-up.
So, dear readers, I am curious. Where is the craziest place you have ever gotten romantic? Ever happened across someone else getting busy in a strange place? Are you comfortable during a romantic interlude if Fido or Fluffy is in the room?
Let us know if you wish to remain anonymous in your reply.
**Thank you Sarah Silverman for the inspiration from your video, "I'm f***ing Matt Damon."
Three words you never want to hear while making love, "Honey, I'm home."
How do I know when I'm finished painting? How do you know when you're finished making love?
Fighting for peace is like balling for chastity.
Isn't it worth $1 a month to you to keep RGQ in your mailbox? Please click the link and direct your contribution to keep RGQ going.Today's Quotes
Journalism allows its readers to witness history; fiction gives its readers an opportunity to live it. - John Hersey
The first and final thing you have to do in this world is to last in it, and not be smashed by it. - Ernest Hemingway
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."
They were looking for actors - real actors - who could play instruments. There was a lot of improvisation and scene work involved in addition to the music. The auditions went on for a long time.
I'm now learning how to distinguish when I'm acting and when I'm not acting - offstage as well as onstage.
When I do my solo concerts, I'm used to being on the stage for two hours solid, singing 16 songs. And when I did 'Funny Thing,' I was on the stage the whole time. This is much more difficult. It's the difference between racing and sprinting. This is sprinting. And I have to learn to pace myself. - all from Micky Dolenz, American musician, singer, songwriter, actor (The Monkeys), born on this day in 1945
Subscribe to reallygoodquotes Powered by groups.yahoo.comImage'n That!
My Most Embarrassing Moment
My Scariest Moment15 Minutes Of Fame
Click here for guidelines on 15 Minutes submissions
Speak right up!
As with a lot of things, when they appear, they seem to come in groups. Maybe it is a perception thing, or sensitivity, but one example is when you buy a new car. When you buy it, you never really noticed that others are driving a very similar vehicle until you are out in your new car and realize there are many others on the road just like yours.
No, this isn't about cars, or the title of the article would have been changed to protect the innocent. What it is about is how people expect things, often irrationally.
Most of this article will reflect my wife's work place. It just works out that way, but isn't limited to this particular company, or the people that work there.
My wife loves to bake. She has developed an affinity for cupcakes, and has come up with some that have become her signature items. She would bake some and take them to work for her coworkers. The nicer ones would thank her for her efforts. But, there have been issues arising from her generosity.
There are some night and evening workers who do not get any cupcakes as there are so many that work during the day, they disappear in no time. My wife made some for the night workers, even labeling the box so it was clear for whom they were intended. Apparently, someone felt they were more important or deserving and ate them. Not to be outdone, one fellow approached my wife and came just shy of demanding she make more cupcakes. Had he not been totally serious, she would have been amused, or even flattered.
Unrelated to cupcakes, but showing the similar vein, my wife's department has had considerable attrition. One coworker went from full-time to part-time. Now she works about 1/3rd of the hours she used to work. Another was fired, and another quit. This now leaves my wife and her supervisor as the only regular associates in the department. Of course, the store manager still expects the sales volume for this department to remain the same. As a "speciality department", it is often the male or break to the store's profitability for the day or week. They had come to expect sales to bolster the store's overall sales volume. But, it isn't as easy to produce a sales volume of 100% when you have only one quarter of the people still actively involved.
I guess I'm speaking to a wider attitude. People seem to expect the government to pass laws against the minutae of life they find unacceptable. They expect the right to speak about things that have little, if any, effect on their lives. They feel entitled to funds from public, and sometimes private, accounts when life changes for them and they might have to change their lifestyle.
Here's your quiz:
Are you seeing a "gimme" attitude growing around you?
Have you had a "but you let me borrow your (insert item here) before" request when it was inconvenient?
Do you feel courtesy and appreciation have changed?
Expectations - A Plus B Doesn't Always Equal C
Cliff (the High-Tech Redneck who doesn't rate a fancy 'signature pic')BJ's Ponderings
Two Ships That Passed in The Night
I cannot remember the year or day and that is not important. I remember the man and that is important. He pulled into the stop and go station where I was working part-time. I worked a second job now and then to earn money for Christmas. He came in and got a nice cigarette lighter and we visited. I recognized him for who he was but we talked about just things, stuff guys talk about. We spent about 30 minutes shooting the breeze. In a short time you get to know a person for who they really are. This guy was down to earth. I lived in a small suburb of Oklahoma City, he lived in Yukon. He was a World War II vet and I served during the Vietnam era conflict. He was a Tank commander in North Africa and was wounded by enemy fire. He recovered and served in Europe with the 322nd Combat Engineer Battalion and was wounded a second time. He won the Bronze star and Silver Star, the Purple Heart and the Cross of Lorraine from France. He did not talk up his war record. I knew him as Dale Robertson a B movie star who made 63 movies and several TV shows, mostly westerns.
I mention this because he passed away last week at the age of 89 after a bout with cancer. The write up in the paper talked about his movies, TV shows but mentioned he was generous, and had many friends. I believe that. He had that caring personality. Rest well and I wish I got you know you better.
BJ CassadyLucille's Lunacy
There are classes of crimes and criminals. The law recognizes that some crimes are worse than others. The severity of a given illegal act can depend on what is going on in the perp's mind, or at least a judge or jury's interpretation of what he must have been thinking.
State of mind is a basic reason that homicides can vary in gradation. If, for instance, death resulted because of the perp's carelessness, driving too fast or engaging in other dangerous activities which result in death to a third party, he will be charged with a lesser offense than one who "lies in wait" or pre-meditates a killing. The first gradation may net anything from probation to a few years in the Gray Bar Hilton while an intentional killing could result in a prolonged state paid vacation to a one way trip to the Celestial Barbecue Pit. Again, no matter what crime is at issue, the actual punishment can depend on several factors, including the law of the particular state, to the mood of the judge or jury who sit on the case.
Now, there is a new kind of budding criminal in our schools. This person hides his nefarious plans of daring do under a disguise that fools everyone. He can be found in blue jeans and T-shirts on most school days. On special occasions, he is likely to change his disguise to a nice shirt and slacks. The public is advised not to panic. If you see a short person baring a paper bag full of equipment, such as sandwiches and apples, run for cover and report your discovery to the authorities before he has a chance to rain terror on his teachers and to inspire evil in others in his class who are carrying dangerous edibles on their persons.
This wicked Second grader is so vicious that his teachers must do everything in their power to discourage his criminal propensities. If students like him are not stopped in their tracks, things could get really ugly. This time, he chewed a Pop Tart into the shape of a gun. Fortunately, no one was injured, but this is just a matter of luck. Next time, it will be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then our little miscreant may even go so far as to touch one of his innocent baloney eating class mates with sticky hands!
That isn't even half of it! He could chew the offending lunch into a nuclear bomb! He could threaten the whole school with a Skippy war. After all, choosy mothers really do choose Jiff. Yes, how can anyone of us feel that our children are safe as long as this child is free to chomp his school lunches into dangerous weapons. If he is left to his own devices, mothers in his home town of Baltimore may have to do something drastic, like an extra load of laundry.
I don't know about you, Gentle Reader, but I am really scared. Here our politicians are arguing over whether military grade weapons should be freely available to the public. They are focusing on the petty concerns of a few hundred people who were gunned down in cold blood by attention seeking mental cases. What a waste of resources! The school authorities in Baltimore know what is important, and their policies may be the saving of all of us if we learn from their sterling use of teaching resources.
Everyone knows that children need boundaries. If you don't stop a kid from using his lunch dessert to create weapons of mass destruction, we could next find ourselves drowning in a sea of chocolate milk and orange juice. None of us will be safe! There is no punishment severe enough for this flouting of morals and safety concerns!
This horrible little human being should be pelted with jelly beans until he screams for mercy, or begs you to throw Skittles instead. Only the sternest consequences to his cruel and dangerous behavior will do. In the end, we can only be successful if this young felon learns never again to try and chew a mountain out of a pastry!
Odds and Ends - Fun Facts - Did you know that: Two out of every five women in the US dye their hair. Balding men going to hair clinics have an average age of just over 24 years. There are 450 hairs on the average eyebrow. One human hair can support 6.5 pounds. Ingrown toenails are hereditary. The 2 most common surgeries are biopsies and Caesarean sections. The human tooth has about 55 miles of canals in it. The average talker sprays about 300 microscopic saliva drops per minute, about 2.5 droplets per word. Women suffer more tooth decay than men do. Our hair standing on end when we are frightened is a reaction meant to scare off our attacker by making us look taller. Humans are the only primates that do not have pigments in the palm of their hands. Fingernails grow 4 times faster than toenails. Your right lung takes in more air than your left lung. The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that is attached at only one end. (And here growing up I thought there were 2 such muscles!)
Thanks for the limericks - Try this next line..
Next Line - There once was a man from Ukraine...
Hints: Here's a great new rhyming/composition tool. http://www.writerhymes.com/
There's also a great rhyming dictionary at http://www.rhymezone.com/
Limerick rules. http://freespace.virgin.net/merrick.sheldon/limerickrules.htm
There was an old man from Peru.....
Who came down with a dose of the flu.....
He ached and he hurt.....
Too badly to flirt.....
With the good lookin' gal he met at the zoo.
There was an old man from Peru.....
Bored from nothing to do.....
He took his new date.....
To the rink for a skate.....
And fell on his fat patoo.
There was an old man from Peru
Whose lady he could not screw.
So she would tease him,
But would not please him.
His balls just ached and turned blue.
- Lou in Buckeye country---- Strange, Funny, or Dumb Laws in Massachusetts ----
Candy may not contain more than 1% of alcohol.
At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.
Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.Reader Comments
A society is known by the compassion which it shows to it's most helpless. I'm not saying that some people don't game the system, but my bet is that it's far less than many people think. I was single and unemployed for a time when my oldest son was small. I collected food stamps for several months, and I got the commodity boxes for a while. When you don't know how to game the system, the people in charge are really tight fisted with that help. They know how to make you feel like something they need to scrape of the bottom of their shoe. Make one little mistake on their forms, and you miss out on your "help" for that month. Your friend's real standing, is; IT IS HIS HOUSE! His son, and his son's girlfriend, whether or not they contribute anything to the household, have absolutely NO say in his decision to have HIS girlfriend there whenever he chooses. He needs to grow a pair and lay down the law! - herm
Damn straight I've had to use social services. There are times when we were unemployed or underemployed, had childrent to feed, just don't have enought to cover what we needed to get through a month. We are using food stamps right now--husband is getting ready to draw social security and I don't make enough to cover food and bills, let alone medicine. I've never used these when we made enough money, however tight it might be. It used to embarass me, until my stepfather reminded me that our taxes, and those of our families, were paid for just such a purpose. And it might as well be us using them! I have no problem with anyone using social services, as long as they don't abuse them. I've also had to put up with people questioning my right to use them, and had a hard time being civil while telling them it was none of their business what our situation was or why we qualified. I haven't been in the situation of contributing these services as part of a living arrangement, but I would. I would also expect to do my part to contribute any other way. The young woman you mentioned should be kicked out if she can't do anything but complain, especially since she doesn't contribute or pay bills. What a leech! And what was he thinking letting his son have someone like that around? Was he hoping she would give up and go away? - Ruth in WA
Maybe I am old fashioned, or just old, but when my kids graduated from high school, the rule was "You had the summer to get money to find a place to live because September 1st you are gone."
They knew the rule and worked, saved money and were gone. No entitlements they worked. Now and then they had to come back for a short and specified time, no longer than 3 months.
Parents raise their children to be adults, then they move on and do their thing, if they fail, they fail. It is like when the early settlers came to America, if you do not work, you do not eat.
One of my friends parents were more harsh, as he graduated his suitcase was waiting for him when he received his diploma. Parents are entitled to their life to. - BJ
My husband was an EMT, I've had first aid training, and there are other medical professionals in our families. You don't do CPR on an otherwise breathing person, oxygen maybe. Was the person there even a nurse, or just a caretaker, not qualified to do anything? Sounds like someone typically blowing something out of proportion to make themselves more important. - Ruth in WA
Like you, Patti, I wondered why this became national news. The 911 operator was obviously not on the scene and if the woman was still breathing, how could one reasonably administer CPR?
Apparently there other legal issues underlying the administration of CPR in that state and that type of institution which are additional components of the health care provider's decision for her actions. It hardly seems as if the provider was behaving in a callous manner. In the end the woman died. She was 87.
(My mother was 87 and in a nursing home when she died in very similar circumstances. They did initiate life saving attempts, but were unsuccessful. ) - Carol T
In 2005 I followed the story of Terri Schiavo, a Florida woman who, in 1990 had a full cardiac arrest and ended up in a vegatative state. In 1998 her husband petitioned the court to have her feeding tube removed and let her die. Her parents fought that and as a result she was kept alive (likely against her will) until 2005 when her feeding tube was finally removed and she was allowed to die..
Wikipedia Terri Schaivo for the full story
Having watched as first my father, in 1979 and later my younger brother, in 2002 were placed in 'rehabilitation' and had very poor quality of their remaining life (in my opinion).
I did NOT want to go that way, and in December of 2005 had a tattoo "DO NOT RESUSCITATE" put on my chest over my heart to make my wishes clear. I much later learned that in California and other states that there is a procedure that can be followed to let medical personnel know officially of this desire and finally got the paperwork filed. In short I DO NOT want to rot in a vegatative state..
Take a look at www.wagewhore.com/DNR - Dan R
They need to face reality. Trying to enforce "no sins" is impossible. People line, cheat, steal, have sex outside of marriage, etc. However, they are not punished unless they are "caught". So, if she had been on birth control (which is also probably forbidden), she would not have been caught. And yes, it is hippocrital to hire her now husband. Seclective enforcement of rules, like always. - Pam
Betty asked if I'm still vaping.
Yup. Started May 1, 2010, so it's nearly 3 years since I smoked a cigarette (or wanted to). If you have specific questions I'd be happy to answer. - Bruce
Disclaimer- All quotes printed in this publication are believed to be accurately attributed, but no guarantees are made that some incorrectly attributed, or even outright false quotes won't get in here from time to time. I assure readers that I will do my best to weed out incorrect quotes, and will print a retraction as soon as I become aware of any errors.
Click here to see the archives of past issues, or go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/reallygoodquotes/messages. If you run across something really outstanding when perusing the archives, I'd appreciate it if you'd mail me at TheBestOfRGQ@... and point it out to me. I'm in the process of compiling an e-book called, not surprisingly, The Best of RGQ, and I'd like to hear from you which pieces impacted you the most.
Questions? Comments? Want to contribute a joke or a quote or an image? Feel free to e-mail at reallygoodquotes@.... We'd love to hear from you! We'll even publish your comments, if they make any sense!
We can't imagine why you'd want to, but if you choose to unsubscribe, please send a blank e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. Should you choose to unsubscribe, please e-mail us and tell us why. We listen to what people say, even if they're leaving us.
Yahoo! Inc., 701 First Avenue, Sunnyvale, CA 94089