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5523Re: [RI_Ancestors] RI adoption records opened to adoptees 25 & older

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  • Stacie Heyen
    Mar 2 10:19 AM
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      I realize that my grandmothers adoption happened years ago.
      Here is my feelings on it, if you are a mother giving up your child for
      adoption, and you do NOT want to be known or found, here is what you should
      do. Write a letter to that child, keeping it with a lawyer, or their
      records or whatever, to be opened when they are 18 or 21, or whatever you
      decide. Explain your reasons, add names, dates, any family health
      problems, etc. But if you don't want to be found, explain that, saying
      something like "I am sorry, but I need to get on with my life, what has
      happened was not a choice I wanted to make, but its the choice I have to
      make."
      I see this from all points of view, my grandmother was adopted, so I am
      searching for her family, I never could have children, so I adopted two
      girls and three boys. They all know who their birth parents are, I have
      never lied to them, or kept it from them, because its part of who they are.
      I think the letter idea is a good thing, because too many children, they
      often feel "well, I was never loved, never wanted, I wasnt good enough to
      be kept." If there is something, a letter, a statement, anything, then it
      gives that child at least some type of comfort.

      Somehow my grandmother was fortunate enough in 1942 (how she did it, I have
      no clue!) she got her adoption records and her original birth certificate.
      It gives her parents names, dates, etc, but I have a feeling that her
      mother either lied, or mislead on a couple of things. Having found her
      father (prior to the marriage and adoption) and his family, I know dates
      and names, and places were mispelled/misrepresented. Still do not know
      what happened to her parents after they gave her and her brother up, but Im
      searching!

      On Fri, Mar 2, 2012 at 12:00 PM, Alan Clarke <bozone@...> wrote:

      > **
      >
      >
      > On 3/2/12 12:27 PM, Stacie Heyen wrote:
      > > I too agree, my grandmother was adopted in 1926, and died 2008, and even
      > > NOW they are still telling us, they cant open anything until 100 years
      > > after the fact of the adoption, OY! Tho a few years ago, I was sent a
      > > letter saying, "If you can find your grandmothers birth mother and have
      > her
      > > give permission to open the records, we will do so."
      > > I think I see about 5 things wrong with that sentence!
      > > Stacie
      > Indeed.
      > How would you like to be the bureaucrat who published that for all to see?
      > And then... how would you like to be someone who doesn't see the folly
      > of it?
      >
      > But in the name of dialog, have we reached the tipping point where the
      > privacy of the birth mother is superseded by the curiosity of the child
      > to know from whence he or she came? I can see going forth, but what
      > happened to "grandfather rights" and past promises made? Not being
      > adopted, of course, I have no chips on this table. Just curious.
      >
      > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      >
      >
      >


      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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