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My Kids Should Always Obey Me!

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  • Mark Brandenburg
    KEYWORDS: Fathers, anger, kids, stress, work, parents, work, home, calm, children SUMMARY: Fathers may have irrational thoughts that help trigger angry
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 1, 2006
      KEYWORDS: Fathers, anger, kids, stress, work, parents, work,
      home, calm, children

      SUMMARY: Fathers may have irrational thoughts that help trigger
      angry outbursts with their children. Here are ten things fathers
      can do to limit their anger with their kids. Please consider
      this article for your website or ezine. Permission to reprint if
      byline stays intact and links are activated if on the web.
      Courtesy notification appreciated.

      TITLE: My Kids Should Always Obey Me!
      AUTHOR: Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
      WORD COUNT: 707
      URL: http://www.markbrandenburg.com
      Mailto: mark@...
      Photo available:
      http://www.markbrandenburg.com/images/mark.jpg

      "My kids should always obey me!"

      It's the perfect irrational statement for fathers to create more
      problems in their families.

      For many men, this kind of thinking takes them further and
      further from their kids, and it creates a cycle of anger and
      frustration that's hard to break. But those who'd like to learn
      to manage their anger can do so, especially if they follow these
      ten steps:

      1. Take responsibility for your own anger
      The only person in the world who causes you to get angry is you!
      Commit to stop blaming others for your angry outbursts and start
      devising strategies to have it improve.

      2. Use calming statements to yourself
      Saying things like, "take it easy," or, "stay calm, it's not
      about you," can help men buy time and model self- control for
      their children. These need to be practiced consistently for them
      to be effective.

      3. Leave the area immediately
      You can't say or do anything that you'd regret when you're not
      there! Leaving the area as soon as you're aware of your growing
      anger can allow you the time to respond to the situation, rather
      than reacting from knee-jerk emotions. It usually takes at least
      twenty minutes for most men to totally calm down after an
      emotionally upsetting event.

      4. Become familiar with the warning signs of impending anger
      Whether you experience racing thoughts, an accelerated heart
      rate, or sweaty palms, come to know the signs that you are about
      to explode. Stay aware of your body when an upsetting event is
      looming. This awareness will allow you to put your calming
      strategies into place. No awareness--no calmness.

      5. Proclaim your commitment to fewer angry outbursts to someone
      in your family, or to your whole family.
      This will put some teeth into the commitment and force you to
      walk the talk. Now you have accountability built into your
      commitment. Your family will help you evolve into a calmer,
      gentler guy.

      6. Explore your personal issues around anger
      What are the particular issues that create such anger in you?
      What are your irrational thoughts? They can be things like, "I
      should be in control," or, My kids should always obey me." These
      thoughts are sure to cause anger problems! Learn alternatives to
      these thoughts, and prepare for situations which provoke
      irrational thoughts.

      7. Count to Ten
      This is what your grandparents may have done, but it is still an
      effective way to get past the worst of the anger and allow
      yourself to calm down a bit. This may also be done while leaving
      the area.

      8. Do something to reduce stress every day
      Whether it's exercise, meditating, or reading, try to do at
      least one thing each day that allows you to feel more centered
      and relaxed. Most angry outbursts happen when we're stressed
      out, and when we have other things on our mind. Create some kind
      of daily ritual that lets you clear away this excess baggage and
      allows you to enjoy your home life to the fullest.

      9. Use deep breathing
      When you feel the signs of anger coming your way, begin to
      breathe through your nostrils slowly and make sure your abdomen
      and stomach are expanding. When we get angry we tend to use
      shallow chest breathing. Using slow, controlled stomach
      breathing will allow you to avoid emotional reactions and
      respond in a more rational way. One of the advantages of deep
      breathing is that it can be used for a variety of situations.

      10. Practice a smooth transition from work to home life
      Many of our angry outbursts can be traced to excess stress from
      work. We sometimes bring this stress home with us and more
      easily become annoyed or angry. Use a calming technique of some
      sort on your drive home-a relaxing CD, or diaphragmatic
      breathing. This will get you out of work mode and into a more
      nurturing home mode, so you're ready to be a part of the family
      again when you arrive.

      Anger will happen in families. It will impact some more than
      others. Unfortunately, it impacts our children the most.

      If you struggle with anger, show your family you care, and
      practice an anger plan.

      Your training opportunities are happening every day.

      Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches parents by phone to balance
      their life and improve their family relationships. He is an
      Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents (www.acpi.biz),
      and the author of the "Ten Steps to Manage Anger" for Men
      Ecourse http://www.markbrandenburg.com/angermanagement.htm
      Visit his resources at www.markbrandenburg.com.






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