My Kids Should Always Obey Me!
- KEYWORDS: Fathers, anger, kids, stress, work, parents, work,
home, calm, children
SUMMARY: Fathers may have irrational thoughts that help trigger
angry outbursts with their children. Here are ten things fathers
can do to limit their anger with their kids. Please consider
this article for your website or ezine. Permission to reprint if
byline stays intact and links are activated if on the web.
Courtesy notification appreciated.
TITLE: My Kids Should Always Obey Me!
AUTHOR: Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
WORD COUNT: 707
"My kids should always obey me!"
It's the perfect irrational statement for fathers to create more
problems in their families.
For many men, this kind of thinking takes them further and
further from their kids, and it creates a cycle of anger and
frustration that's hard to break. But those who'd like to learn
to manage their anger can do so, especially if they follow these
1. Take responsibility for your own anger
The only person in the world who causes you to get angry is you!
Commit to stop blaming others for your angry outbursts and start
devising strategies to have it improve.
2. Use calming statements to yourself
Saying things like, "take it easy," or, "stay calm, it's not
about you," can help men buy time and model self- control for
their children. These need to be practiced consistently for them
to be effective.
3. Leave the area immediately
You can't say or do anything that you'd regret when you're not
there! Leaving the area as soon as you're aware of your growing
anger can allow you the time to respond to the situation, rather
than reacting from knee-jerk emotions. It usually takes at least
twenty minutes for most men to totally calm down after an
emotionally upsetting event.
4. Become familiar with the warning signs of impending anger
Whether you experience racing thoughts, an accelerated heart
rate, or sweaty palms, come to know the signs that you are about
to explode. Stay aware of your body when an upsetting event is
looming. This awareness will allow you to put your calming
strategies into place. No awareness--no calmness.
5. Proclaim your commitment to fewer angry outbursts to someone
in your family, or to your whole family.
This will put some teeth into the commitment and force you to
walk the talk. Now you have accountability built into your
commitment. Your family will help you evolve into a calmer,
6. Explore your personal issues around anger
What are the particular issues that create such anger in you?
What are your irrational thoughts? They can be things like, "I
should be in control," or, My kids should always obey me." These
thoughts are sure to cause anger problems! Learn alternatives to
these thoughts, and prepare for situations which provoke
7. Count to Ten
This is what your grandparents may have done, but it is still an
effective way to get past the worst of the anger and allow
yourself to calm down a bit. This may also be done while leaving
8. Do something to reduce stress every day
Whether it's exercise, meditating, or reading, try to do at
least one thing each day that allows you to feel more centered
and relaxed. Most angry outbursts happen when we're stressed
out, and when we have other things on our mind. Create some kind
of daily ritual that lets you clear away this excess baggage and
allows you to enjoy your home life to the fullest.
9. Use deep breathing
When you feel the signs of anger coming your way, begin to
breathe through your nostrils slowly and make sure your abdomen
and stomach are expanding. When we get angry we tend to use
shallow chest breathing. Using slow, controlled stomach
breathing will allow you to avoid emotional reactions and
respond in a more rational way. One of the advantages of deep
breathing is that it can be used for a variety of situations.
10. Practice a smooth transition from work to home life
Many of our angry outbursts can be traced to excess stress from
work. We sometimes bring this stress home with us and more
easily become annoyed or angry. Use a calming technique of some
sort on your drive home-a relaxing CD, or diaphragmatic
breathing. This will get you out of work mode and into a more
nurturing home mode, so you're ready to be a part of the family
again when you arrive.
Anger will happen in families. It will impact some more than
others. Unfortunately, it impacts our children the most.
If you struggle with anger, show your family you care, and
practice an anger plan.
Your training opportunities are happening every day.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches parents by phone to balance
their life and improve their family relationships. He is an
Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents (www.acpi.biz),
and the author of the "Ten Steps to Manage Anger" for Men
Visit his resources at www.markbrandenburg.com.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]