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***Thought & Humor*** May 2, 2005 Edition - Please Forward - H.B. Ben!!!

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  • Howdy Your-Friend
    Should Jennifer Wilbanks, the Runaway Bride, face charges in Georgia??? Vote your view on BLOG!!! Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper
    Message 1 of 1 , May 2, 2005
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      Should Jennifer Wilbanks, the Runaway Bride, face charges in Georgia???
      Vote your view on BLOG!!!

       
                              Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper
                                       featuring 'Thought & Humor'
                                                 by Howdy
                                              
       
      Double Click on Jogger For Latest Award Winning Issue 
      or go to this site on the web for great cyber humor, cartoons,
      cyber thought & riddles:         http://ilovehowdy.blogspot.com/
       
      Double click above link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
       
                                    (Keep your speaker on to hear some of Howdy's music)
       
      ===============
       
       
       
       
      This Week's Issue Is Packed With:
       
      1) Great Humor
      2) Thought
      3) Riddles
      4) Word Puzzles
      5) Letters                
      6) Trivia                 
      7) Much More      
       
       
       
      ===============
       
       
         
       
      Here's a way you can tell your
      friends/family about 'T & H' -
      just click on one of the envelopes
      at the end of a joke, cartoon,
      article that you like on the blog
      & wish to share & send it....        
       
                                                  
       
      ===============
       
       
       
       
      Don't Have Internet Access???
       
      Write Howdy to be placed on the once/wk list to receive
      portions of the Blog (similar format to last year's weekly
      e-mail issues) at no charge & FREE to YOUR e-mail address!!!
       
       
       
       
       
      ===============
       
       
       
      ***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***
      This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor
      or thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been
      warned. Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered.
      A unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination is just
      ahead for your divertissement!?! "UNSUBSCRIBE" communiqué
      located below.
        Even UNC Sophomores can do it...
       
       
       
       
       
       
      ===============
       
      Bookmark YOUR NEW Blog:
      http://ilovehowdy.blogspot.com/
      Updated frequently!!!
      Cartoons, humor &  thought daily.
      Please post at your school/work site.
       
       
      ===============
       
       
      'Thought & Humor' -  often polemical but
      never tasteless/unrefined/uncouth/ribald.
       
       
      ===============
       
       
       
      Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
      humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
      & Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
      of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
      of your choice from the list below:

      1) French university students
      2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
      3) Any accredited high school or middle school
      4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
      5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
      6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
      to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.
       
       
       
      ===============
       
                
       
      Howdy's address:       your-bestfriend4u@...
       
      ===============
       
       
       
      Board of Advisors for 'Thought & Humor':
       
      Did you know that 'Thought & Humor' has a distinguished Board of Advisors
      that are designed to be a cross section demographically of our readership as far
      as age, location, gender, marital status, education & occupation are concerned???
       
      Bill - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System, V.P. - Archives
      Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administor, Married
      Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, University Student
      Cindy - 40's - FL - Married, 501 (c) (3) Corp.
      Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married
      Ellen - 20's - NJ - University Student
      Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married
      Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country
      Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married
      Jim - 40's - NM - Businessman, Married
      John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married
      Judy - 60's - TX - Retired School Administrator
      Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student
      Laura - 30's - NY - English Teacher
      Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married
      Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician
      Mamie - 20's - GA - Elementary Teacher
      Milton - 19 - GA - College Student
      Phil - 50's WI - Handicapped
      Rob - 30's - NY - University Administor, Married
      Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry
      Sarah - 30's - NC - UNC Student, Married
      Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister
      Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country
       
      Advisory meetings are held weekly via the internet
      and none receive monetary/pecuniary compensation
      for their extensive/capacious/voluminous expertise.
       
       

      ===============
       
       

      The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
      is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
      was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
      & Humor' is one small  attempt to obey "The Great Com-
      mission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).                   
                            Soli Deo Gloria...                  
      ________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)"  _________
      References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
      Thomas S. Elworth, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,
      Kim Komando, Shagmail, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease,
      Crosswalk.com, CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral.
             
      Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.


      'Thought & Humor'
      respects your privacy and wishes to honor
      your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,
      and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
      to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
      e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
      unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
      humor)  The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.

      Notice: 'Thought & Humor' uses Norton Antivirus 2004
      for our readers' protection.
       
       
       
       
      ===============
       
       
       
       
      It is not surprising that in times of war some of the most impassioned
      prayers of the heart have been prayed. How they are prayed and by whom
      makes for a fascinating study, as history is replete with the prayers of
      generals on the eve of a great war.
       
      Russian history tells of that pivotal turning point when Napoleon had
      surrounded Moscow and its spires were being torched. Aware of impending
      defeat, the czar was on his face before God in a church in Saint
      Petersburg, pleading for his nation. No, he was not a devout man with a
      propensity for prayer. This czar, in fact, had lived a dissolute life.
      Earlier he had appointed a vile man as archbishop in the hope of gaining an
      ally in his own wicked lifestyle. Yet God works even through the schemes of
      political demagogues, and after taking office the archbishop, in a
      surprising move, surrendered his life to Christ. As the nation tottered on
      the brink of defeat, the czar himself sought God in repentance and prayer.
      And God sent (if you will) a minor prophet—winter.  The rest is history.
       
      In the Philippines, in 1986, eight hundred soldiers were open targets
      before President Marcos’ air force. Nervously the soldiers stood, watching
      aircraft hover, knowing their attempt at a peaceful revolution could end in
      moments with their small army being blown apart. Certain of defeat, General
      Isleta (who personally told me this story when he was my student) led them
      in prayer and read to them from Psalm 91.  The aircraft overhead grew
      closer. Yet instead of decimating the army, one by one the pilots defected
      and landed. That story of the “Bloodless Revolution” is now history, too.
       
      In the Persian Gulf War, General Norman Schwarzkopf was at the helm of the
      greatest firepower ever brought under one man’s command.  He has said that
      even as the Stealth bombers were closing in on their targets, he was in prayer.
       
      Such situational prayers do not always have national import, but the
      underlying principle is this: From life’s more serious battles to the
      smaller conflicts we face, we pray in times of confrontation. As a
      frightened child runs to the comfort and guidance of his mother, many seek
      God’s face in times of trouble, and trust his wisdom for life’s outcomes.
      Psalm 91 verse 2 reads, “I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my
      fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’ ”  Is the wisdom and the refuge you are
      trusting in, trustworthy?  
      Ravi Zacharias
       
       
       
       
      ===============
      Please note: If you see a UNC student or a liberal reading 'Thought & Humor', please
      explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They always get it backwards.......
      ===============
       
       
       
       
       
      Two students were being held hostage
      in a third world country and both were
      going to be shot.

      One of them was a UNC student who
      was a country music lover and the other
      was a N.C. State student who enjoyed all
      kinds of music. Before they were shot
      they were asked for one last request before
      they died.  The UNC student said, "I would
      like to listen to 'Achy Breaky Heart' fifty
      times in a row."  The State student says,
      "Please, shoot me first."
       
       
       
       
      =============== 
       
       
       
       
      She married him because he was such a "strong man" She divorced him
      because he was such a "dominating male."

      He married her because she was so "fragile and petite." He divorced her
      because she was so "weak and helpless."

      She married him because "he knows how to provide a good living." She
      divorced him because "all he thinks about is business."

      He married her because "she reminds me of my mother." He divorced her
      because "she's getting more like her mother every day."

      She married him because he was "happy and romantic." She divorced him
      because he was "shiftless and fun-loving."

      He married her because she was "steady and sensible." He divorced her
      because she was "boring and dull."

      She married him because he was "the life of the party." She divorced h
      im
      because "he never wants to come home from a party."
       
       
       
       
      ===============
       
       
       
       
      A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert
      island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle
      lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.

      Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking
      hands withdrew the message.

      "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found
      it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
       
       
       
      =============== 
       
       
      Address Change
      Don't be without 'Thought & Humor' this Summer should
      your address (college students, military, rich people, etc.)
      change. Subscribe your new address at:
       
       
      It's hard to impress the opposite sex without 'Thought & Humor'
      combined with moonlight, candlelight dinners, ocean breezes, and Howdy...
       
       
       
      ===============

       
       
      Mom's Dictionary
      ------------------------------------

       
      DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

      FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper
      distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

      FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't
      appreciate the strained carrots.

      FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

      GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful
      even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

      HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

      INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they
      do everything we say.

      OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

      PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies
      wearing dry shoes into it.

      SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

      STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and
      to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

      TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

      VERBAL: able to whine in words

      WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house...
       
       
       
      ===============


      *Spoken by Jesus:  "...whoever wants to save his life will lose
      it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it."
          --Matthew 16
       
       
      ===============
       
       
       
      September, 1189
      Following the death of his father Henry II, Richard the Lionheart
      was crowned King of England at Westminster Abbey in London.  Before
      his coronation he knew little of England since he had spent most of his
      life in France.  Even while King of England he spent the vast majority
      of his ten-year reign abroad, devoting himself to the Crusades.

      More on King Richard and the Crusades:
      http://www.intranet.ca/~magicworks/knights/richard.html 
       
      {Double click on the web address above for additional information:} 
       
       
       
       
      ===============
       
       
      It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody
        was talking too much.
              
      --Yogi Berra
       
       
      ===============
       
       
       
       
       
      A man walks into a restaurant with his pet alligator under
      his arm. "Do you serve tax collectors?", he asks the barman.
      "Of course", says the barman.  "Well," replies the man,
      "I'll have a beer, and my alligator will have a tax collector."
       
       
       
      ===============
       
       
       
       
       
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      ===============
       
       
       
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      ===============
       

       



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