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when my DADDY DIED (Torn Inside)poem

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  • kraftyrusl
    July 19 2004 Torn Inside Sheryl Russell I m feeling like A Giant hole. The feelings inside of me are eating thru my existence. I hurt do to
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 14, 2007
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      July 19 2004
      Torn Inside Sheryl Russell

      I'm feeling like A Giant hole. The feelings inside of me are eating
      thru my existence. I hurt do to the feeling that I am so overwhelmed
      with my pain, and feel deep sadness and fear. I am half of the person
      I was before, and felt emotionally complete. I sence I am drowning,
      or fighting to maintain my struggle. My being numbs my thoughts, and
      my daily battles. Fighting is mentally exhausting. There was a
      mysteriously fulfilling presence that God gave to fathers, and in
      turn, completed my being. I cannot put into words the feeling of loss
      I've experienced since he left. I feel abandoned and abused so deep
      there is no origin. I control the horrific scream that radiates my
      soul. I can feel the effects and the magnitude of my loss in
      everything I perform right down to eating lunch. I couldn't eat
      today; I felt my pain become nourishment, yet I know its poison. I
      can't imagine the effects of this dangerous event after expected
      years of battle. I want God's comfort, yet I'm overly numb to the
      possibilities of this ever being comfortableĀ…The complexity in which
      God manufactures our internal components baffles me. Why so complex?
      I wonder how he ever came up with this concoction. So fragile, yet
      deadly. No telling the cards you will be dealt to start the game. I
      am still amazed at the complexity of his vision. The joys and pains
      we experience. Huh.

      It's said he'll never give you anything you can't handle, yet
      by faith and relinquishment of the need to protect yourself.

      Then comes an ingenious player
      .It's almost a sick game when the devil gets his feet
      wet. Our moods weigh in heavily in the sight of possible
      destruction. It's like a child being given the reigns to a
      terrorist organizationĀ…

      It's totally beside me.
      I don't
      understand. I Love
      You. Take care you
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