when my DADDY DIED (Torn Inside)poem
- July 19 2004
Torn Inside Sheryl Russell
I'm feeling like A Giant hole. The feelings inside of me are eating
thru my existence. I hurt do to the feeling that I am so overwhelmed
with my pain, and feel deep sadness and fear. I am half of the person
I was before, and felt emotionally complete. I sence I am drowning,
or fighting to maintain my struggle. My being numbs my thoughts, and
my daily battles. Fighting is mentally exhausting. There was a
mysteriously fulfilling presence that God gave to fathers, and in
turn, completed my being. I cannot put into words the feeling of loss
I've experienced since he left. I feel abandoned and abused so deep
there is no origin. I control the horrific scream that radiates my
soul. I can feel the effects and the magnitude of my loss in
everything I perform right down to eating lunch. I couldn't eat
today; I felt my pain become nourishment, yet I know its poison. I
can't imagine the effects of this dangerous event after expected
years of battle. I want God's comfort, yet I'm overly numb to the
possibilities of this ever being comfortable The complexity in which
God manufactures our internal components baffles me. Why so complex?
I wonder how he ever came up with this concoction. So fragile, yet
deadly. No telling the cards you will be dealt to start the game. I
am still amazed at the complexity of his vision. The joys and pains
we experience. Huh.
It's said he'll never give you anything you can't handle, yet
by faith and relinquishment of the need to protect yourself.
Then comes an ingenious player
.It's almost a sick game when the devil gets his feet
wet. Our moods weigh in heavily in the sight of possible
destruction. It's like a child being given the reigns to a
It's totally beside me.
understand. I Love
You. Take care you