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Re: [Pagan Poets Society] High Tide and Green Grass

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  • Allyssum Wildercraft
    Dear Friend, Please take all the time that you need. I am truly thankful. Blessed Be, Lady Allyssum wolfsighs@aol.com wrote: I will be happy to give you
    Message 1 of 5 , Aug 31, 2007
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      Dear Friend,
      Please take all the time that you need. I am truly thankful.
      Blessed Be,
      Lady Allyssum


      wolfsighs@... wrote:
      I will be happy to give you feedback, but I need some time to process (and eat dinner).? You aren't trying to meet a deadline, are you?? Will sometime in the next few days be okay??

      Melodie

      http://www.myspace.com/melodiebolt
      www.mcbolt.com

      "The well of Providence is deep. It's the buckets we bring to it that are small." -- Mary Webb
      --
      "It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
      -- Agnes Repplier

      -----Original Message-----
      From: Allyssum Wildercraft <allyssum99@...>
      To: PaganPoetsSociety@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Fri, 31 Aug 2007 6:48 pm
      Subject: [Pagan Poets Society] High Tide and Green Grass

      Merry Meet Melodie,
      Would you consider looking at this poem and tell me what you think?
      I would very much appreciate your help.
      Lady Allyssum
      Thank You Dear!

      Over the river and through the woods in search of the Fey,
      I pass a Merry Prankster. happy on his way.
      Tomorrow is the Esbat and all will be there,
      The wolfchild and the shegoat, even the Lowely Hare.
      A trippin' and a dancin', a circle will be drawn,
      A halo of daisies, and clippings from the lawn.
      We'll brew it up accordingly, and cast a spell or two,
      we invite you for a round dance, to spin a web of dew.
      Colors all around us will delight the baserous sort,
      Pennywhistles,bluebells and Saint Johns Wort.
      Drink up ye merry gentleman and all ye ladies too,
      Tomorrow is the High Tide and time to pay your due.

      by Allyssum

      Yahoo! Groups Links

      __________________________________________________________
      Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! - http://mail.aol.com

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






      ---------------------------------
      Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! - their life, your story.
      Play Sims Stories at Yahoo! Games.

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    • JUDI GOULD
      I like it. Jude wolfsighs@aol.com wrote: I will be happy to give you feedback, but I need some time to process (and eat dinner).? You aren t trying to
      Message 2 of 5 , Sep 1, 2007
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        I like it. Jude

        wolfsighs@... wrote: I will be happy to give you feedback, but I need some time to process (and eat dinner).? You aren't trying to meet a deadline, are you?? Will sometime in the next few days be okay??

        Melodie

        http://www.myspace.com/melodiebolt
        www.mcbolt.com

        "The well of Providence is deep. It's the buckets we bring to it that are small." -- Mary Webb
        --
        "It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
        -- Agnes Repplier

        -----Original Message-----
        From: Allyssum Wildercraft <allyssum99@...>
        To: PaganPoetsSociety@yahoogroups.com
        Sent: Fri, 31 Aug 2007 6:48 pm
        Subject: [Pagan Poets Society] High Tide and Green Grass

        Merry Meet Melodie,
        Would you consider looking at this poem and tell me what you think?
        I would very much appreciate your help.
        Lady Allyssum
        Thank You Dear!

        Over the river and through the woods in search of the Fey,
        I pass a Merry Prankster. happy on his way.
        Tomorrow is the Esbat and all will be there,
        The wolfchild and the shegoat, even the Lowely Hare.
        A trippin' and a dancin', a circle will be drawn,
        A halo of daisies, and clippings from the lawn.
        We'll brew it up accordingly, and cast a spell or two,
        we invite you for a round dance, to spin a web of dew.
        Colors all around us will delight the baserous sort,
        Pennywhistles,bluebells and Saint Johns Wort.
        Drink up ye merry gentleman and all ye ladies too,
        Tomorrow is the High Tide and time to pay your due.

        by Allyssum

        Yahoo! Groups Links

        __________________________________________________________
        Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! - http://mail.aol.com

        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






        ---------------------------------
        Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha!
        Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Yahoo! Games.

        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      • wolfsighs@aol.com
        Hi Allyssum, Here are my thoughts on your poem.? The first line reads like the song line, Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother s house we go. ?
        Message 3 of 5 , Sep 5, 2007
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          Hi Allyssum,

          Here are my thoughts on your poem.?

          The first line reads like the song line, "Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go."? Is this piece meant to be sung?? If so, keeping the?words similar to the original will help the reader know how to sing it and that's a good thing.? I could not keep myself singing the piece all the way through, I got caught up in the imagery (which only means that for me it worked better as a poem than an song).?

          You do need to?go back through and check your punctuation.? Make sure words are capitalized after?periods and that you don't use commas without cause.??That is all minor stuff that will be easy to fix.??

          Overall on?content, I really like this?piece.? I think it is very fun and?I like that your?rhymes?do?not feel forced to me.? The lines make sense and are very joyful.?

          I did trip on baserous.? I am at work and don't have a dictionary and when I did a search on-line, it did not recognize baserous as a word.? So, I am not sure what you meant.? For me, I?drew a tentative conclusion that you were talking about someone base.? So in the poem (in my head),?here?we are, in the meadow, having good clean fun, dancing and singing, except for that old lecher over?there who is kinda getting into the groove too.? I'm not sure if I am making sense here, but do you kinda get what I mean?? I didn't think the word really fit.? ??????????

          Also, I did not like the High Tide reference in the last line when you did such a great job of painting a woodland, meadow scene in my head with the woods, daisies, lawn clippings, flower references, animal references?etc.? I know the connection between Esbat and the High Tide, but the ocean reference seemed a little out of place.? But you have to decide if you think it really belongs, because this is your poem and?ultimately it has to work for you.?? ?

          Overall, this is a delightful piece,?full of fun and I really enjoyed reading it.? In fact, I thought it would make a wonderful poem for an Esbat invitation because I found myself really wanting to take part in the?promised celebration.? ?

          Blessings,?
          -Melodie ?

          Over the river and through the woods in search of the Fey,
          I pass a Merry Prankster. happy on his way.
          Tomorrow is the Esbat and all will be there,
          The wolfchild and the shegoat, even the Lowely Hare.
          A trippin' and a dancin', a circle will be drawn,
          A halo of daisies, and clippings from the lawn.
          We'll brew it up accordingly, and cast a spell or two,
          we invite you for a round dance, to spin a web of dew.
          Colors all around us will delight the baserous sort,
          Pennywhistles,bluebells and Saint Johns Wort.
          Drink up ye merry gentleman and all ye ladies too,
          Tomorrow is the High Tide and time to pay your due.

          by Allyssum





          Melodie

          http://www.myspace.com/melodiebolt
          www.mcbolt.com

          "The well of Providence is deep. It's the buckets we bring to it that are small." -- Mary Webb
          --
          "It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
          -- Agnes Repplier





          -----Original Message-----
          From: Allyssum Wildercraft <allyssum99@...>
          To: PaganPoetsSociety@yahoogroups.com
          Sent: Fri, 31 Aug 2007 6:48 pm
          Subject: [Pagan Poets Society] High Tide and Green Grass



          Merry Meet Melodie,
          Would you consider looking at this poem and tell me what you think?
          I would very much appreciate your help.
          Lady Allyssum
          Thank You Dear!





          Over the river and through the woods in search of the Fey,
          I pass a Merry Prankster. happy on his way.
          Tomorrow is the Esbat and all will be there,
          The wolfchild and the shegoat, even the Lowely Hare.
          A trippin' and a dancin', a circle will be drawn,
          A halo of daisies, and clippings from the lawn.
          We'll brew it up accordingly, and cast a spell or two,
          we invite you for a round dance, to spin a web of dew.
          Colors all around us will delight the baserous sort,
          Pennywhistles,bluebells and Saint Johns Wort.
          Drink up ye merry gentleman and all ye ladies too,
          Tomorrow is the High Tide and time to pay your due.

          by Allyssum






          Yahoo! Groups Links





          ________________________________________________________________________
          Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! - http://mail.aol.com


          [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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