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Another Year

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  • lanaia74
    Hear the bells ring as they foretell of another new year? Out with the old, in with the new Another year I have to live with my heartache, to which I wish I
    Message 1 of 3 , Dec 30, 2006
      Hear the bells ring as they foretell of another new year?
      Out with the old, in with the new
      Another year I have to live with my heartache, to which I wish I
      could steer clear
      My perspectives now I must review.

      I am glad to be alive, but not thankful for all I had to go trough
      In the autumn of my life I should be happy and gay
      But the hand of fate dealt me a very bad hand, at times I am so sad
      and blue
      I must try and be strong, so I can face another day.

      My heartache and loss has made me very strong
      I guess some one else may have taken their own life
      But my strength helps me cope, the life to which I belong
      I do have my husband, the very love of my life.

      So another year is getting ready to show everyone it's brand new face
      Me praying this year will be better than all the rest
      Another year to face with strength, in this life, in this place
      Please be a good year, from heart ache and pain I need a rest.

      I look to you, my husband, my life, to help get me through another
      long year
      But as long as I have you, I can smile
      Being with you, my love, I wish to remain by your side for a long
      long while
      Another year, my strength will help me survive, but also your sweet
      sweet smile.
    • wolfsighs@aol.com
      Sorry for the delay on the feedback. I ve been busy. I would like to start out by saying that you ve written a really depressing poem. I m not sure that s
      Message 2 of 3 , Jan 7, 2007
        Sorry for the delay on the feedback. I've been busy. I would like to start out by saying that you've written a really depressing poem. I'm not sure that's your intent. If it isn't, you might want to take a look at the wording and rework it to read more positively. If you meant it to be dark, well you've succeeded.

        I have a sense that this is very personal poem, about something that actually happened. You know exactly what you're talking about, because you experienced it, but it isn't easy to understand because you don't tell the reader what happened. Playing games with readers can be fun, but it can also backfire and make them cranky.

        Hear the bells ring as they foretell of another new year? No, usually, I hear the sounds of the ball dropping in New York, or those goofy party horns or my neighbor shooting his gun. If she is doing some kind of ritual with ringing bells tell us that. Or tell us what bells you're talking about because I don't know.
        Out with the old, in with the new Okay, this is very cliched. If you're going to use it in a poem, I expect you do something fabulous with it, something very unexpected. If you want to talk about the deaths and births that happened after this line, I might buy it, but you need to make it spectacular.
        Another year I have to live with my heartache, to which I wish I
        could steer clear Simplify the language of this line. "A new year living with last year's heartache" would work. How can you steer clear of grief?
        My perspectives now I must review. Okay, this line is clunky. Does she have multiple perspectives? Do she look at life as a mother and as wife? I might buy that, but you need to give me more so I know what you're talking about. Without it, I look to the next line and when I read that she is "glad to be alive but not thankful I" I agree, she does need to change perspectives. If I knew what the loss was, I could empathize or even pray for her and understand the not thankful part. But because I don't know, instead of feeling sympathetic, I find myself thinking 'Oh yeah? Wanna hear about the crap that *I* had to endure?' And this is not the reaction the you want from your readers, or is it?

        I am glad to be alive, but not thankful for all I had to go trough
        In the autumn of my life I should be happy and gay Gay is totally not the word you want to use so please find one word that means happy without it being happy. Happy is bland. Happy is fluffy. Here would be good place to insert something meaningful about the loss, "I should be bouncing a grandchild on my knee" (but I can't because my daughter died). "I should be taking long walks" (but I don't because my dog died). Do you see what I mean? And Autumn is the time of death. That can be a happy time, but you have to have a good relationship with Death and I don't see that in this poem.
        But the hand of fate dealt me a very bad hand, at times I am so sad
        and blue Sad and blue are flat descriptors. Give me something that bites my eyeballs.
        I must try and be strong, so I can face another day. Why?

        My heartache and loss has made me very strong The line above says you are trying to be strong. This lines says are strong. Which is it? I think it is both. She didn't know how strong she was until she lost someone precious. But she feels robbed of strength. Write about that. Write about the duality of feelings during grief.
        I guess some one else may have taken their own life She guesses? Did they or didn't they? Are you trying to mess with the readers' mind or does this woman really not know? Tell me why it should matter if she doesn't know.
        But my strength helps me cope, the life to which I belong You've talked about strength already. Why does her life help? What else does she live for (besides the husband)?
        I do have my husband, the very love of my life. Okay, so whoever died was important but not the number one person in her life. Since I don't know who died or what the relationship meant to her, I feel like I am playing Clue. Maybe is was Miss Scarlett with the candlestick, but maybe not. (See, there's that crankiness.)

        I look to you, my husband, my life, to help get me through another
        long year
        But as long as I have you, I can smile
        Being with you, my love, I wish to remain by your side for a long
        long while
        Another year, my strength will help me survive, but also your sweet
        sweet smile.

        I can't help but have this horrible feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to tell the woman in the poem that the strength to survive grief comes from within. What will she do when her husband dies? Does this woman really have nothing else in her life but him?

        I mean, I've had horrible things happen to me and, with the recent ones, my husband could not help me. He helped take my mind off of it. He comforted me. But in the end, I had to come to terms with the losses myself. I don't mean to sound harsh. I know we all respond to Death differently. As you rewrite this, think carefully about the emotions you are evoking in your readers and the messages you are conveying.

        One time I wrote a story about an alcoholic. I'm not one, but I thought I did a good job. The editor that read it was recovering. And she ripped me a new one, in the nicest way possible. She told me that it is better to 'write what you know', but if you choose to write about something you haven't experienced, you need to do your research.

        If you really have lost something or someone precious, write about in a way that your reader knows about the searing unendurable pain that you struggle with daily. If time has passed, write about those flare-ups that never let you forget what you've lost.

        My two cents,

        Artesia
        www.mcbolt.com
        "The well of Providence is deep. It's the buckets we bring to it that are small." -- Mary Webb
        --
        "It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
        -- Agnes Repplier





        -----Original Message-----
        From: lanaia74@...
        To: PaganPoetsSociety@yahoogroups.com
        Sent: Sat, 30 Dec 2006 10:42 AM
        Subject: [Pagan Poets Society] Another Year


        Hear the bells ring as they foretell of another new year?
        Out with the old, in with the new
        Another year I have to live with my heartache, to which I wish I
        could steer clear
        My perspectives now I must review.

        I am glad to be alive, but not thankful for all I had to go trough
        In the autumn of my life I should be happy and gay
        But the hand of fate dealt me a very bad hand, at times I am so sad
        and blue
        I must try and be strong, so I can face another day.

        My heartache and loss has made me very strong
        I guess some one else may have taken their own life
        But my strength helps me cope, the life to which I belong
        I do have my husband, the very love of my life.

        So another year is getting ready to show everyone it's brand new face
        Me praying this year will be better than all the rest
        Another year to face with strength, in this life, in this place
        Please be a good year, from heart ache and pain I need a rest.

        I look to you, my husband, my life, to help get me through another
        long year
        But as long as I have you, I can smile
        Being with you, my love, I wish to remain by your side for a long
        long while
        Another year, my strength will help me survive, but also your sweet
        sweet smile.









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      • lanaia74
        Hear the bells ring as they foretell of another new year? Out with the old, in with the new Another year I have to live with my heartache, to which I wish I
        Message 3 of 3 , Jan 1, 2008
          Hear the bells ring as they foretell of another new year?
          Out with the old, in with the new
          Another year I have to live with my heartache, to which I wish I
          could steer clear
          My perspectives now I must review.

          I am glad to be alive, but not thankful for all I had to go trough
          In the autumn of my life I should be happy and gay
          But the hand of fate dealt me a very bad hand, at times I am so sad
          and blue
          I must try and be strong, so I can face another day.

          My heartache and loss has made me very strong
          I guess some one else may have taken their own life
          But my strength helps me cope, the life to which I belong
          I do have my husband, the very love of my life.

          So another year is getting ready to show everyone it's brand new face
          Me praying this year will be better than all the rest
          Another year to face with strength, in this life, in this place
          Please be a good year, from heart ache and pain I need a rest.

          I look to you, my husband, my life, to help get me through another
          long year
          But as long as I have you, I can smile
          Being with you, my love, I wish to remain by your side for a long
          long while
          Another year, my strength will help me survive, but also your sweet
          sweet smile.





          Just my ranting muse! Lol!
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