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Re: [Pagan Poets Society] Creatures of the Night feedback welcome

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  • wolfsighs@aol.com
    I agree with Paul. Try writing this poem without rhyme at all and see what elements demand to stay a part of the piece and what can be discarded. I like your
    Message 1 of 6 , Dec 4, 2006
      I agree with Paul. Try writing this poem without rhyme at all and see what elements demand to stay a part of the piece and what can be discarded. I like your ending and think if you rework this, it has potential.

      Melodie
      www.mcbolt.com
      "The well of Providence is deep. It's the buckets we bring to it that are small." -- Mary Webb
      --
      "It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
      -- Agnes Repplier





      -----Original Message-----
      From: pauldlawrence@...
      To: PaganPoetsSociety@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Sat, 2 Dec 2006 8:10 PM
      Subject: Re: [Pagan Poets Society] Creatures of the Night feedback welcome


      English is rhyme poor. It makes matters worse when normal word order is
      obviously twisted for the sake of rhyme. It is perhaps better not to
      rhyme. There are many, many possible forms.


      --- lanaia74 <lanaia74@...> wrote:

      > The wind seems to violently blow
      > As I see the shadows of the trees dancing in the moonlight
      > In the reflection of the pond the moon seems to glow
      > The illumination of the moon seems very bright.
      >
      > Listen! Quiet! You can hear them sing
      > The creatures of the night singing their hideous song
      > The silence of the night their voices sting
      > They sing their song in unison as if to a choir they belong.
      >
      > The song they sing you would think they are sad
      > But you must understand why they sing
      > Trying to say in their existence they are glad
      > Creatures of the night to your song forever cling.
      >
      > You make the darkness of the night seem alive
      > Each of you singing in your own different way
      > Oh, the song of the night of this please of me never deprive
      > It's like I understand everything they say.
      >
      > I love these sounds as they echo in the air
      > Listening to them I feel no fear or fright
      > My dear friends sound as if they haven't a care
      > For this I know because I too am a creature of the night.
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >
      >





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      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • Paul D. Lawrence
      I used to rhyme almost everything, e.g., iambic dimeter couplets [!], but now rhyme little. Lack of rhyme, however, ought not be an invitation of the horrors
      Message 2 of 6 , Dec 6, 2006
        I used to rhyme almost everything, e.g., iambic dimeter couplets [!], but
        now rhyme little. Lack of rhyme, however, ought not be an invitation of
        the horrors of free verse, which Frost likened to playing tennis with the
        net down. I could never master iambic pentameter but did for a while
        write unrhymed tetrameters. Now it is mainly the various forms of 7- and
        5-syllable lines used in Japanese verse.

        The point is: poetry has, or ought to have, form. For example, why does a
        line end and a new one begin? The whim of the poet, or a predetermined
        formal structure? The former is "free verse" [sic].

        However, one is free to make up a form--but then it needs to be repeated,
        another stanza of the same or many lines of the same. The possibilities
        are endless. I once wrote a poem that most people considered free verse
        because they failed to realize that the first line of the first stanza
        rhymed with and otherwise corresponded to the first line of the second
        stanza, and the same for the remaining three lines of the two stanzas.
        That poem by the way attacked Whitman for lack of form.

        I think it worth laboring for form tho my labor is generally light. Yet
        ultimately the poet is the judge: does it say what she wanted and how he
        wanted. While we're at it, any ideas for a nongendered third person
        singular pronoun that is graceful. "S/he" isn't, nor are "heshe" or
        "herhim."

        Peace and Ecstasy!
        White Rhino
        --- wolfsighs@... wrote:

        > I agree with Paul. Try writing this poem without rhyme at all and see
        > what elements demand to stay a part of the piece and what can be
        > discarded. I like your ending and think if you rework this, it has
        > potential.
        >
        > Melodie
        > www.mcbolt.com
        > "The well of Providence is deep. It's the buckets we bring to it that
        > are small." -- Mary Webb
        > --
        > "It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible
        > to find it elsewhere."
        > -- Agnes Repplier
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > -----Original Message-----
        > From: pauldlawrence@...
        > To: PaganPoetsSociety@yahoogroups.com
        > Sent: Sat, 2 Dec 2006 8:10 PM
        > Subject: Re: [Pagan Poets Society] Creatures of the Night feedback
        > welcome
        >
        >
        > English is rhyme poor. It makes matters worse when normal word order is
        > obviously twisted for the sake of rhyme. It is perhaps better not to
        > rhyme. There are many, many possible forms.
        >
        >
        > --- lanaia74 <lanaia74@...> wrote:
        >
        > > The wind seems to violently blow
        > > As I see the shadows of the trees dancing in the moonlight
        > > In the reflection of the pond the moon seems to glow
        > > The illumination of the moon seems very bright.
        > >
        > > Listen! Quiet! You can hear them sing
        > > The creatures of the night singing their hideous song
        > > The silence of the night their voices sting
        > > They sing their song in unison as if to a choir they belong.
        > >
        > > The song they sing you would think they are sad
        > > But you must understand why they sing
        > > Trying to say in their existence they are glad
        > > Creatures of the night to your song forever cling.
        > >
        > > You make the darkness of the night seem alive
        > > Each of you singing in your own different way
        > > Oh, the song of the night of this please of me never deprive
        > > It's like I understand everything they say.
        > >
        > > I love these sounds as they echo in the air
        > > Listening to them I feel no fear or fright
        > > My dear friends sound as if they haven't a care
        > > For this I know because I too am a creature of the night.
        > >
        > >
        > >
        > >
        > >
        > >
        > >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > Yahoo! Groups Links
        >
        >
        >
        > ________________________________________________________________________
        > Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
        > security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
        > across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
        >
        >
        > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        >
        >
      • Jim
        Some good ideas here, Paul. Thanks. One of my favourite essays Emerson s The Poet . http://phillaalit.blogspot.com/2006/12/emersons-poet.html I was
        Message 3 of 6 , Dec 8, 2006
          Some good ideas here, Paul. Thanks.

          One of my favourite essays Emerson's "The Poet". http://phillaalit.blogspot.com/2006/12/emersons-poet.html I was re-inspired by it a few years ago.

          Another good piece is by Dana Gioia called "Can Poetry Matter?"
          http://www.danagioia.net/essays/ecpm.htm


          Jim


          "Paul D. Lawrence" <pauldlawrence@...> wrote:
          I used to rhyme almost everything, e.g., iambic dimeter couplets [!], but
          now rhyme little. Lack of rhyme, however, ought not be an invitation of
          the horrors of free verse, which Frost likened to playing tennis with the
          net down. I could never master iambic pentameter but did for a while
          write unrhymed tetrameters. Now it is mainly the various forms of 7- and
          5-syllable lines used in Japanese verse.

          The point is: poetry has, or ought to have, form. For example, why does a
          line end and a new one begin? The whim of the poet, or a predetermined
          formal structure? The former is "free verse" [sic].

          However, one is free to make up a form--but then it needs to be repeated,
          another stanza of the same or many lines of the same. The possibilities
          are endless. I once wrote a poem that most people considered free verse
          because they failed to realize that the first line of the first stanza
          rhymed with and otherwise corresponded to the first line of the second
          stanza, and the same for the remaining three lines of the two stanzas.
          That poem by the way attacked Whitman for lack of form.

          I think it worth laboring for form tho my labor is generally light. Yet
          ultimately the poet is the judge: does it say what she wanted and how he
          wanted. While we're at it, any ideas for a nongendered third person
          singular pronoun that is graceful. "S/he" isn't, nor are "heshe" or
          "herhim."

          Peace and Ecstasy!
          White Rhino
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