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Input welcome on this one

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  • Eala
    This one is rough yet but would like appreciate any feedback. It is as of yet untitled. Ask of the sun Could you wait On the setting Of a porcelain face
    Message 1 of 2 , Jan 3, 2006
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      This one is rough yet but would like appreciate any feedback.
      It is as of yet untitled.

      Ask of the sun
      Could you wait
      On the setting
      Of a porcelain face
      Leaving worry stretched out
      Like shadows cast
      Blushing behind
      Lost
      Alone
      The memory rhymes
      And reminds in sing song ways
      We are swept
      Vast as sails
      Fresh filled with questions
      New breath
      When morning
      Becomes the clear answer
    • Raven
      very good poem i liked it a lot Raven Eala wrote: This one is rough yet but would like appreciate any feedback. It is as of yet
      Message 2 of 2 , Jan 4, 2006
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        very good poem i liked it a lot Raven

        Eala <ladyealatheshy@...> wrote: This one is rough yet but would like appreciate any feedback.
        It is as of yet untitled.

        Ask of the sun
        Could you wait
        On the setting
        Of a porcelain face
        Leaving worry stretched out
        Like shadows cast
        Blushing behind
        Lost
        Alone
        The memory rhymes
        And reminds in sing song ways
        We are swept
        Vast as sails
        Fresh filled with questions
        New breath
        When morning
        Becomes the clear answer
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