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Fwd: "Alerts to Threats in 2011 Europe" by John Cleese

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  • Yosy
    *ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE* *By John Cleese The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their
    Message 1 of 6 , Jun 2 4:44 PM
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      *ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE*

      *By John Cleese

      The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya
      and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
      "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
      "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
      Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
      Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
      Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
      level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

      The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
      the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
      they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
      300 years.

      The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
      alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
      are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
      recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
      paralyzing the country's military capability.

      Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
      "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
      Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

      The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
      to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
      higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

      Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
      threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

      The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
      deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
      Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

      Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
      "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!
      I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie
      is canceled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final
      escalation level.

      -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person*





      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • r.m.w.
      Ha....! ... From: Yosy Subject: [Nasrudin] Fwd: Alerts to Threats in 2011 Europe by John Cleese To: Date: Thursday, June 2, 2011, 7:44
      Message 2 of 6 , Jun 2 5:03 PM
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        Ha....!



        --- On Thu, 6/2/11, Yosy <yosyflug@...> wrote:

        From: Yosy <yosyflug@...>
        Subject: [Nasrudin] Fwd: "Alerts to Threats in 2011 Europe" by John Cleese
        To:
        Date: Thursday, June 2, 2011, 7:44 PM
















         













        *ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE*



        *By John Cleese



        The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya

        and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to

        "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to

        "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit

        Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

        Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody

        Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning

        level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.



        The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get

        the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason

        they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last

        300 years.



        The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror

        alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France

        are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a

        recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively

        paralyzing the country's military capability.



        Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to

        "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective

        Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."



        The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"

        to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two

        higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."



        Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only

        threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.



        The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to

        deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new

        Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.



        Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to

        "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!

        I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie

        is canceled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final

        escalation level.



        -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person*



        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



























        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      • Barry Stock
        Probably...NOT...by John Cleese. However: true, and funny. -bs ... [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        Message 3 of 6 , Jun 2 5:56 PM
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          Probably...NOT...by John Cleese.

          However: true, and funny.

          -bs


          On Jun 2, 2011, at 7:44 PM, Yosy wrote:

          >
          >
          > *ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE*
          >
          > *By John Cleese
          >
          > The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya
          > and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
          > "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
          > "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
          > Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
          > Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
          > Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
          > level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
          >
          > The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
          > the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
          > they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
          > 300 years.
          >
          > The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
          > alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
          > are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
          > recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
          > paralyzing the country's military capability.
          >
          > Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
          > "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
          > Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
          >
          > The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
          > to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
          > higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
          >
          > Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
          > threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
          >
          > The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
          > deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
          > Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
          >
          > Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
          > "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!
          > I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie
          > is canceled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final
          > escalation level.
          >
          > -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person*
          >
          > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          >
          >



          [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        • Barry Stock
          Yes, no. Somebody else entirely: http://www.nlpconnections.com/chill-out-room/2318-security-alert-status.html -bs ... [Non-text portions of this message have
          Message 4 of 6 , Jun 2 5:58 PM
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            Yes, no. Somebody else entirely:

            http://www.nlpconnections.com/chill-out-room/2318-security-alert-status.html

            -bs


            On Jun 2, 2011, at 7:44 PM, Yosy wrote:

            >
            >
            > *ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE*
            >
            > *By John Cleese
            >
            > The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya
            > and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
            > "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
            > "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
            > Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
            > Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
            > Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
            > level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
            >
            > The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
            > the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
            > they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
            > 300 years.
            >
            > The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
            > alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
            > are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
            > recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
            > paralyzing the country's military capability.
            >
            > Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
            > "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
            > Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
            >
            > The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
            > to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
            > higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
            >
            > Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
            > threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
            >
            > The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
            > deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
            > Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
            >
            > Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
            > "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!
            > I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie
            > is canceled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final
            > escalation level.
            >
            > -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person*
            >
            > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            >
            >



            [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          • Yosy
            hehehe precisely... does not really matter. ************************* thank you, beloved the heart of all hearts, for providing the wonderful spirit of
            Message 5 of 6 , Jun 2 6:11 PM
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              hehehe precisely... does not really matter.

              *************************
              thank you, beloved
              the heart of all hearts,
              for providing
              the wonderful spirit of nasrudin
              which
              unhampered
              by space
              or by time
              or by any particular name
              manifests freely
              unrestrained by thoughts
              concepts and ideas
              equally joyful
              in a camel
              a king
              a beggar
              or an ant
              or in the most exalted
              and venerated saint…
              ************************

              BOOM!
              yosy


              On 6/3/2011 3:56 AM, Barry Stock wrote:
              > Probably...NOT...by John Cleese.
              >
              > However: true, and funny.
              >
              > -bs
              >
              >
              > On Jun 2, 2011, at 7:44 PM, Yosy wrote:
              >
              >>
              >> *ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE*
              >>
              >> *By John Cleese
              >>
              >> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya
              >> and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
              >> "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
              >> "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
              >> Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
              >> Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
              >> Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
              >> level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
              >>
              >> The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
              >> the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
              >> they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
              >> 300 years.
              >>
              >> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
              >> alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
              >> are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
              >> recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
              >> paralyzing the country's military capability.
              >>
              >> Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
              >> "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
              >> Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
              >>
              >> The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
              >> to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
              >> higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
              >>
              >> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
              >> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
              >>
              >> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
              >> deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
              >> Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
              >>
              >> Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
              >> "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!
              >> I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie
              >> is canceled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final
              >> escalation level.
              >>
              >> -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person*
            • zora
              thanks... z ________________________________ From: Yosy Sent: Fri, June 3, 2011 1:44:32 AM Subject: [Nasrudin] Fwd: Alerts to Threats
              Message 6 of 6 , Jun 4 4:26 PM
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                thanks...

                z




                ________________________________
                From: Yosy <yosyflug@...>
                Sent: Fri, June 3, 2011 1:44:32 AM
                Subject: [Nasrudin] Fwd: "Alerts to Threats in 2011 Europe" by John Cleese




                *ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE*

                *By John Cleese

                The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya
                and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
                "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
                "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
                Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
                Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
                Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
                level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

                The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
                the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
                they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
                300 years.

                The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
                alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
                are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
                recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
                paralyzing the country's military capability.

                Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
                "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
                Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

                The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
                to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
                higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

                Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
                threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

                The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
                deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
                Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

                Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
                "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!
                I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie
                is canceled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final
                escalation level.

                -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person*

                [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




                [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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