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Thursday, November 1

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  • jerry@nonduality.com
    JERRY I look around me And wonder Why Everyone Isn t in the forest meditating. JAN BARENDRECHT That depends on the location of the forest... Here, only
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 3, 2001

      I look around me

      And wonder



      Isn't in the forest meditating.


      That depends on the location of the forest... Here,
      only friendly, harmless animals, no poisonous
      plants either but the beer has to be brought along.
      When the mind is empty though, meditation is but
      that word..


      This mind is the self foresting meditation. No need
      to bother the real forest.



      Where is the border-line between compassionate
      acceptance and voluntarily exposing oneself to
      psychic abuse, to the point of psycho- somatic
      dis-ease, in the name of compassion ?

      I am reffering to man-woman relationship. She is
      chaotic in her vebal communication; she does not
      listen; she says one thing does another; she does
      not show much respect/noticing of the other,
      apparently due to her impulsive grasping at what
      she wants, which makes her unconscious to the fact,
      that she is not the only one in the universe.. no
      consideration for/presence to the other or the
      situation; after every blunder she says 'I will not
      do it again.. forget it and give us another
      chance'.. -and he does so,.. he resorts to
      understanding her mechanical limmitations..hundreds
      of times.. again and again. Though she has good
      intentions ("I'll try ..") he starts to feel like
      he is banging his head against a wall.. he feels
      that there is 'nobody home' to talk to. He is not
      heard. Finally he starts to get symptoms of
      psycho-somatic damage (head-shakes/tics, etc.).
      Example: he says "Please, do not open the door to
      my room when closed.. as that means that either I
      sit and 'meditate', or sleep or need some
      privacy".. during the last 5 years about 100-150
      times. But she does it.. 100-150 times .. and then
      says 'sorry' 100-150 times. Last time, she
      explained that the reason she did it, was because
      she felt "spontaneusly curious to see" what I am
      doing.. (quite a selection of innocent words..!?).
      She also 'gives' much.. what and how and when,_she_
      thinks it is best for me, in spite of my saying
      that I do not need/want it. Practical simple
      aggreements, she 'forgets'. If I ask whether we
      should buy a melon, she starts to talk about buying
      lemons!.. and this is not only figuratively
      speaking, but it did actually happen. Since he does
      have love for her, he kept on by accepting and
      being compassionate of her, though
      non-intentional.. but forceful intrusions/pushing
      and pulling, seeing her as being a slave to them.
      She seems to be so self-absorbed in her private and
      romantic/sentimental universe, that there is not
      much room left for sensitivity to the other,.. for
      seeing/perception of things-as-they- are.
      Presence/sharing in being, is an impossibility for
      her (though she disagrees.. as she does feel she
      can be herself in my company) perhaps due to her
      exclusive self-preoccupation and confusion.

      I have pointed out to her these and other (what I
      discern to be destructive to a healthy
      relationship) hundreds of times. But it seems to be
      a truism that, a partner cannot be the other's
      'therapist'. So I have given up.

      I will not burden the reader with more details
      about the various modes of energy/life-drainage, so
      I will return to my question .. There are those who
      escape from a relationship at the slightest
      discomfort or problem, and look for another, only
      to find more of the same problems. And there are
      those (perhaps like me) who do not believe in
      escaping.. who keep at it,.. trying to understand..
      on and on for years. And I wonder now, whether the
      latter is not a form of utter philosophical idiocy
      in the name of compassion... (?!)

      The paradox of all this, is that apparently she is
      very warm/sweet, giving, loving, caring .. but it
      seems to me that a 'deeper level' all these are
      expressions of grasping at happiness/security, via
      a self-created wishful reality, which she
      desperately tries to impose on the other, resulting
      in a rather subtle manipulation. Perhaps, I have
      allowed myself to be fooled.. for 5 years .. by
      sweet superficialities and acted according to -her-
      truths, instead of acting according to Seeing,..
      whose 'voice' I did hear, but which, for various
      reasons (?), I have overlooked and buried.

      If asked 'well then, have you finally let go of her
      ?'.. I would say, yes, .. 98 %.. it is the 2 % that
      causes the pain, and probably unwisely, makes me
      wish that the relationship would be resumed.

      I hope my mail, does not sound too much as a
      trivial "Dear Abby.. tell me what to do !" letter,
      but after quite many years of interest in
      spirituality, I do not think any longer that it is
      wise to overlook and not consider/enquire into, the
      so-called 'ussual mortal stuff' and chase after a
      Nirvanic state, instead.


      Hey JB,

      If you are truly wanting to continue this
      relationship for 98% compassionate motives, then
      the 98% will not look for results or payback from
      your compassionate approach. So is it the 2% that
      wants a change in her, that is asking this

      Your compassion might even be your spiritual
      practice. But compassion can be exercised with
      skill as well, and need not be practiced *only* in
      a romantic relationship. You can be compassionate
      in leaving the relationship, and in being open to
      friendly, supportive, perhaps platonic relationship
      as friends. Even if it is that you or she, or both,
      find other romantic relationships.

      So whether it's the 2% or the 98%, compassion never
      dictates you stay in a romantic relationship merely
      out of compassion. It allows space, and accepts all
      things, even the eventuality that you might not be
      able to leave....


      SHANKAR (from the I Am list)

      Long Live the Feet of the One (Sri Ramana) who
      grants the Wisdom that 'I am' is not the body which
      one loves. Long Live the Feet of the One (Sri
      Ramana) who sings that one must throw even the
      burden on Iswara (the Personal Lord)

      Translation of Lines 7 and 8 of the Five Jewels (in
      praise) of the Feet of Sri Ramana by Sri
      Sivaprakasam Pillai.

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