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Highlights Monday July 31

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  • andrew macnab
    To know that you are a prisoner of your own mind, that you live in an imaginary world of your own creation is the dawn of wisdom. Nisargadatta Maharaj
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 1, 2000
      "To know that you are a prisoner of your own mind, that you live in an
      imaginary world of your own creation is the dawn of wisdom."
      Nisargadatta Maharaj


      There is no this, no that; no not-this, no not-that. You
      are Standing Free. Light and Clear. There is no composing
      of these sentences. No one knows the words. You are Standing
      Free. There is no knowledge. Why are people squirming and
      jumping as though on a hot pan? There are no deep
      secrets. You do not know the mantra. You cannot utter it.
      You do not know the intoner of the mantra. You cannot bow
      to the Guru. You are the Guru, the mantra. How can music
      hear itself? You are Truth. You cannot hear, know or intone
      Truth. You are Standing Free. You write that you are
      existent and nonexistent; you write that you are the
      infinite and the eternal, the changeless, the All, the
      silence of Guru. You sit and write and cannot be found. Do
      not subscribe to anything; there is nothing to subscribe
      to. There is nothing manifest. There is nothing deep or
      wonderful. No purpose to anything. No secrets.
      No sevens. You are Standing Free, you are clear, light,
      untainted, neither deep nor thin, neither with nor without
      dimension; Standing Free has only been said to be like the
      silence of the Guru, the quiet core of the mantra; but all
      those are the mirage. You are Standing Free. You have never
      turned your head or bowed at the waist. The Guru never
      spoke. You are neither bound nor unbound nor free. You are
      Standing Free.



      Stories from childhood, Jerry, Michael, andrew:


      I've always been interested in awareness and consciousness
      stuff. This is something that happened at age two:

      It was 1952 and I was in Washington, D.C. with my parents.
      I was still two years old. They'd come to see the cherry
      trees alive with blossoms!

      There was darkness and then there was light, for suddenly I
      was sitting alongside a small fountain upon which shone
      blue and red lights. It was as though I'd been asleep and
      in an instant awakened to the colored water.

      Without having the words, I gained several levels of

      that I was having my first experience;
      that a memory was being formed;
      that the experience was the memory;
      that the experience was for all time.

      Thus began a fascination with awareness. I consider it an
      experience not of initiation, but of pre-initiation in
      which the nature of reality is revealed but the nature of
      the experiencer remains unknown. By initiation I mean an
      introduction to I Am. There are other kinds of initiations.

      There could be no initiation at that time for there was no
      one to be initiated. However, introductions or initiations
      to I Am occurred in later years.



      Here's one that I shared at the retreat.

      My childhood from about the age of six on was often hard. Before
      that age I percieved the world as light mostly. When my parents
      marriage fell aprt, my first strong memory is of them pounding
      the crap out of each other.

      My siblings and I were raised mostly by Mother. She was psychotic.
      Her mood swings were colossal. Without going into a lot of detail
      here, let's just say that life was unpredicatable at best. There
      may or may not be food on the table and we may or may not have our
      heads bashed against the refridgerator. We may be told we were
      loved or we may be told that we should have been drowned at birth!

      At the age of 15 I was granted a transformative experience. I stayed
      up late one night trying to figure things out. I started asking
      why my life was so fucked up. This 'presence' gently encouraged me
      to ask a bigger question. (This presence has been with me always. It
      is the Self - but that's one to the other story.) So, I asked why the
      world was the way is was. Again I was encouraged to ask a bigger
      question. Finally I was reduced to asking why. Just why does anything
      exist at all?

      This became like a mantra, even though I didn't know what a mantra
      was back then (36 years ago). I just kept focused on asking why, why
      why, why, why..... Around dawn an answer was sent.

      The sweetist trickle of music just flowed through me! And the sense of
      the answer was and still remains - 'for the joy and beauty of this.'

      Of course, I felt the deepest sense of relief and gratitude. And,
      of course, I went right ahead and did all the dumb-ass things that
      teenage boys do!


      Peace - that's a story and I'm sticking to it - Michael


      The summer I was 8 or 9 years old my father was summer replacement pastor at the
      Anglican church at a place in northern Ontario called Whitefish Falls on Manitoulin
      Island. It is the perfect summer of my life. I became best friends with an Ojibwe boy
      named Sam, he was the youngest of about 15 kids, we ran wild in the woods, swam,
      played at hunting with bows one of his brothers made us, he showed me different
      berries and plants, my first experience of the extraordinary astringency of
      chokecherries. That summer I suddenly became unable to tell left from right, suddenly
      I didn't know the difference between a printed 'd' and 'b' or which way the tail went
      on an 'L'. To this day I use a trick I invented to tell left from right, which is to
      look at my hands, then physically, now just mentally, I know the difference between
      One hot afternoon I was walking through dappled shade along the path by the river
      heading for the store to buy a popsicle. I recall the smell of dust, the resinous
      smell of spruce trees in the heat. In one hand I had an empty quart pop bottle I was
      going to return to pay for my popsicle with the deposit. In the other hand I had a
      stone I was going to throw into the water. I threw the bottle not the stone. I stood
      there in shock and despair, watching the bottle on its side slowly fill, then bob
      upright then up and down once, twice, losing bubbles each time, then it was gone. A
      last bubble rose and I stood transfixed, the whole scene merged into a solid golden
      sunlight brightness, the background summer sounds of grasshoppers water birds distant
      outboard motor disappeared there was stillness, silence, time ceased, I dissolved.
      To this day I am still that boy, I still stand on that riverbank dissolved in the
      glowing silence.





      Ah, stories to collect.

      Yes, there
      are a lot of stories
      to be collected here.

      And it's just the same
      story: death and rebirth.

      Many masks, one story.

      The story of One Moment,
      no history.
      The story that is its
      own ending as Beginning.

      After you've collected it,
      let your story collection die ...
      After you've collected
      the story of your body,
      let it die...

      And be reborn ;-)

      -- D.

      I collect round stones.
      For a long time whenever I would find a rounder stone than the one in my collection I
      would discard the previous round stone and replace it with the new one. Thus the
      ongoing collection always only consisted of one stone. Then one day I found a stone
      which was exactly as round as the one already in my collection. Then there were two.
      It happened again and there were three. Now I keep them all, or give them away.



      Dave M. and Gene Poole:

      Dave: I spoke with a girl for an hour and a half yesterday
      morning, someone who was interested in consciousness and
      enlightenment. I travelled 120 Km. to talk to her. I
      explained what consciousness is. I explained that everyone
      sees things in a different way, and that previous
      experiences have a lot to do with how one sees and reacts
      to things, all the while the "actual reality" is there in
      front of our face and practically has nothing to do with
      our impression of it.

      She seemed to be following. I explained that consciousness
      is perception and for the normal person it is highly
      focused in "personal falsehoods". Mmm, I can see that she
      said. I said one must open their vision, try to look
      beyond their personal impressions. What IS the reality
      that is NOT colored by our personal feelings. On various
      ocasions I gave her little excercizes to help "defocus"
      her consciousness, to see things, through eyes of other or
      to imagine how reality is "actually".

      Finally after everything, we were saying good-byes and I
      said OK, now remember your excersizes. "What excersizes?",
      she said. "Looking at the world through different eyes,
      seeing reality", I said. "Oh yeah" she said, I'll try.

      Gene: I am (somewhat uncomfortably) familiar with what you describe here.

      It is hard to say this clearly, but, to advocate seeing the
      distortions as being vital information, is a high and good service.
      It is the personal reality which is the readout of the deeply held
      assumptions which form the template which moment to moment, distorts

      Most important, is what Buddha pointed to as being the actual cause
      of suffering, the "assumption of incompleteness" (Dukkha).

      It is the 'assumption of incompleteness' which Ramana alluded to in
      his admonitions to seekers. Specifically, he indicated that it is the
      assumption that one is not enlightened (or aware enough), which
      initiates the sadness and the search.

      So very many people carry unspoken, but otherwise expressed, the
      assumption that they are not 'good enough'. Striving and seeking are
      prime symptoms of the 'assumption of incompleteness', and are also
      socially virtuous in the reality of the world-dream.

      Seeing our own assumptions, may be difficult if we never say them in
      words; this is why the distortions in our personal-dream are of such
      high value. Our actions speak louder than our words; our enacted
      lives explain our conditioning better than our words possibly can.

      Passing this on is a good thing to do.

      And never underestimate the power of denial.

      Dave: The problem is, that the stuff that we all talk about
      here, "is not real". Our problems are real, our feelings
      are real. We meditate, the idea is expand the boundaries,
      open consciusness, not focus in "me". Gene gave us the
      answer. go find that.

      We must believe that "all of this does not exist in the
      way we think it does".

      Gene: Again, the 'way we think it does' is not to be thrown out like
      yesterday's bathwater; rather, it can be savored like the finest of
      champagnes. It certainly is more expensive than champagne!

      Dave: There are techniques, yes, but the techniques are always
      pointing to how to get to reality. Use the techniques to
      see the reality that is NOT colored by your personal view.

      And that's my opinion, Dave

      Gene: Thanks, Dave.

      I advocate walking right into the inverter, now that I see that it is
      harmless, if not painless.

      ==Gene Poole==

      PS: It is the stand-up comic, who masters the art of turning piss into wine.


      This is Mine

      All that is seen
      Even in imagination
      Is Mine.

      The mighty do I set up
      The lowly as well
      Oh mind, put judgement aside
      These are Mine.

      Trials I give as love
      Rewards are but ashes
      All that is is Mine,
      There is no Other.

      Children and drunkards see me
      The vain do not.
      I hide my ever present Face
      And play the game of Seek.

      One flick of my finger
      The world is put Aright;
      The world in steeped in Darkness.
      Drink in the sun and laugh!

      No one escapes Me!
      Nothing moves without Me!

      Rare are those who drink my Wine!
      They are Me.

      Even those who seek me not
      Yeah, they are Me!

      Every scrap of dung
      I Transform
      This is Mine!
      Yeah, you are Me!

      Rejoice in Me;
      Though I place you in the Dung
      I hold you in My Hand!

      Om. Shallah. Tat.
      The secret tongue
      Is known by all
      I AM THAT ALL.

      I set the worlds afire!

      From the Awakening Heart - Mu


      There is one Person here,
      although many names have been
      given to that nameless One.

      If people would drop ideas
      about what a realized such-and-such
      is like, along with ideas about
      who they are and who they must be,
      if they could be empty
      of preconceptions, that One
      might be "re-membered".

      Of course, this "re-membering"
      would not necessarily be considered
      a "helpful" development by the
      "powers-that-be" in the world.
      (Just ask Jesus.) "The world"
      tends to maintain status
      quo based on the past,
      and this is seen East and
      West alike.

      Blessed be,


      I have no name.
      I am not the ideal,
      am simply "what is"
      as is.
      I am not "this one or
      that one" who came
      and went in the past,
      or who is born and
      dies today.

      If you reach to touch This,
      I remain ungraspable;
      As you strive to make This
      tangible, I am invisible.
      With no particular body, I can't
      be identified.

      The past doesn't touch Me,
      neither do your images.
      In your worshipful images,
      I see only the projection
      of your own imagined
      significance, your
      desire keep an
      existence embedded
      in feelings and concepts
      you carry.

      -- Dan


      Marcia and Mark's dialogue continues:

      Hi Mark,

      I appreciate talking with you.

      I am in a state of unknowing which actually is confusing
      but feels better than thinking I know it all. :-)

      Anyway, a few years ago I did some breathwork with Stan
      Grof. And also I had a shock where I realized or saw that
      I had been making it all about "me." I was doing all the
      things I was making "all about me" i.e. taking care of a dying
      mother and a feeble dad, running a small struggling bottling
      company, raising two then nine and ten year olds plus having
      a teenage son, dealing with a husband in a mid-life crisis <s>
      BUT I was making it all about "me." I would see a friend and
      I would tell them all the things I, I, I, I was dealing with. After
      all it was my mother who was dying and I was getting a real
      good salary for taking care of someone else's business and
      blah, blah, blah. I began to get a real feel for "my" story i.e.
      everything I, I, I, I do for everyone else and boy, oh boy, they
      had better appreciate Marcia cause if they didn't she was
      going to feel real sorry for herself.

      So I begin to say quietly to myself that this might not be
      about "me" after all. It was a freeing inner statement.

      Yesterday my daughter says..."You care more about that
      computer than you do about me." I watched myself want
      to make that "all about me." After all I was on the computer
      writing about her. I started to go through the looking glass
      (my new favorite saying) and down the rabbit hole when
      I just stopped. Yes, I said to myself, this may not be about
      "me." This is her perception of "me" and it may have some
      validity but I don't have to make it all about "me." I can
      respond to her.

      In another sense, it is all about "me." Keeping the focus
      on myself is one way of it being all about me but another
      way is to take responsibility for "me" and respond. Kind
      of like getting behind "me" with "me" in front and with"me"
      kicking and screaming just not paying too much attention
      to little ole me. :-) What cha think?


      Hi Marcia,

      You asked "What cha think?" I think it is about me, and it isn't about
      me, and that I have a choice about which to focus on, whenever I can
      retain awareness of this duality. (let's not get tangled in nonduality
      for a moment, I'm talking about personalities and what they do. There
      is enough freedom here to do that for a bit. Let the nondualists be
      empty for a bit.) When your daughter is complaining about you being
      more fond of the computer than her, she is doing two things. She's
      pointing out that in that particular space, you were talking about her,
      not to her, but to others. So if that is a message that you would
      benefit from, by hearing her expressed need for direct encounter, use
      it. She also was telling you that she is stuck worrying about "her".
      She interprets your personal time (you attending to you) as evidence
      about her worthlessness. Bleah. I think you are entitled to put
      yourself on the list of folks you care for. (but watch out for
      short-listing) It's a balance. So, by accusing you of playing a
      "me-script", she is playing a "me-script". Now, what do you do with

      If I may project all over the place, let me suggest how it might look
      from here if I were in your shoes. I would have some of my attention on
      a feeling of unfairness because she is stepping on my "me" script, and
      after all why does my "me" script exist? because the universe is always
      stepping on my me script. Jeez, I'm running it all the time, and it's
      always getting stepped on because all of humanity is busy being jerks
      running some sort of "me" scripts. Can't they see that by running me
      scripts, they are raining on my parade? (now, be clear, I am speaking
      of Mark's dilemma because I'm running my me script right now, so don't
      think that I am suggesting you do any of this. I don't care what you do
      I only care about Mark and Mark's problems -see? that's Mark's me
      script. No, not completely true. I care about you, but that is at least
      partly Mark's me script too - I'm a caring person after all. I choose
      that me script. It's still a script, so I hope the nondualists are
      still off in some empty space because I don't like being flamed.
      Hopefully they are in Samadhi, which is near Haiti, so they are swimming
      and.... oh never mind. Just Mark's cleverness script.)

      Hmmm... what else might pop up? Well, I might see my daughter's script
      and run over to hold her because I feel the pain of scriptedness. (I
      probably would because right now I am feeling the pain of the Mark
      script, and I need a hug. Now some folks also recognize a need for a
      hug and I am enough of a liar to convince them that I am hugging them,
      and they like it, so we get close and glow for awhile.) I like that and
      recommend it. I especially recommend it when it's true and I receive the
      hug. the danger of the lie that I use to get others to hug me is that I
      believe the lie, and I don't receive the hug I've been so clever to go
      give. Yes, this is helpful to say this. I think I will just accept hugs
      from now on because hugs have a wonderful way of being nondual. If both
      huggers receive, the hug works perfectly. I'm big fan of this one.
      But, it is quite possible that your daughter will be playing her script
      so skillfully that she will consider a hug to be a betrayal of the game
      that you two are playing. She could get really angry, and if she's
      successful with this gambit, you will turn your me script back on and
      get offended and everything will be alright again because you will have
      both maintained the me-scripts that you have slowly, over many years,
      made bargains to play. How to change this? Slowly and persistently, in
      a long series of slightly modified agreements, or radically, by
      completely breaking the agreement. Some choose the former, some choose
      the latter and bail on the game (offending the people in their lives by
      and large), most continue the bargains to death and then wonder what
      went wrong. You see, the scripts themselves are wonderfully two-way
      also. If you and I agree to defend ourselves from each other, we will
      have plenty of stuff to defend ourselves against. If we agree to not
      defend ourselves against each other, we will have lots of love to
      share. the problem is if we are running scripts, and we want to lower
      the defenses, who goes first?? Whoever does is gonna get blasted if
      there is any "script-behavior" left. Getting honest and open is scary
      shit. It's worth it though. I can see that even from here, where there
      is considerable play-acting still going on. (or so I think).

      I have a new quote about myself - makes me chuckle. "I rushed in where
      even fools fear to tread." Hee, hee.

      Well, I need to do some work on my job agreements, so that's all I will
      explore for now. thank you for engaging in this conversation. that's
      what the essentials of the game look like from here. how do they look

      LOve, Mark


      Marcia and Dan: (possibly Dan's longest post to NDS ever, except for another even
      longer one he sent today wich isn't included here only because the highlights are
      pretty long already today :))

      I am working at expressing something and not making
      it clear; perhaps because it is not clear to me.
      Let me try again. We have these stories that we are
      writing. A giant weaving cause stories blend together
      and come apart and so forth. Therapy fixes the story
      so that it works better. In some cases this has to
      happen otherwise the story will end or be very dysfunctional
      and disrupt the larger dreambody. But in no way can
      working from within the story ever get a person outside
      the story. That is like trying to pick up the board you are
      standing on. Therapy is like tuning up the car or changing
      the spark plugs but it will never tell you what direction to
      go or how to drive the car. You can't be whole by fixing
      the parts. You get out of the story and you are whole.


      You raise some worthwhile
      points here, Marcia.

      Reminds me of this:
      "Be in the world but not of the

      You won't get beyond the story
      by identifying with a story,
      which includes fixing a story.
      However, there can be catalyzing
      that appears "within" the story
      that opens to That which is
      beyond the story. Whether this
      involves therapy or not, who can
      say, as it doesn't necessarily
      occur in any fixed or predictable

      As you describe,
      therapy often tends to be
      about "fixing the story".
      Therapy itself has a story,
      and that story connects
      with counseling done
      prior to modern industrialized
      society in the context of religion,
      healing, or village "elders".

      Receiving wise counsel generally has
      the agenda of improving a situation,
      relieving stress, finding balance,
      enhancing effectiveness,
      promoting healing, etc., etc. And none
      of this necessarily is "being beyond any story".
      In Buddhism, this is referred to as using a raft,
      then leaving the raft behind.
      A raft involves story, leaving it behind is to
      to go beyond story.
      The Buddha went beyond anything to do with "Buddhism".
      A therapy client can go beyond anything to do with

      Reality indeed is beyond description,
      so description of the world needs
      to end for Reality to be *known*
      as one's Being.

      Therapy is focused on language,
      hence on description, and
      on a process judged by improving
      someone's situation. Reality isn't
      description, nor a process, and
      can't be formulated according
      to improvement in a situation.
      Reality is, therefore, far more
      than "therapeutic construction."

      I can say, from personal
      experience, that there
      are some therapists who don't subscribe
      to "therapy is about fixing the story."
      Therapy may be opening *from* the story
      rather than being about being fixed in the story.
      Therapy isn't necessarily "one thing",
      it depends on who's doing it,
      how, and awareness.

      It may be a catalyst, but *really*,
      however catalyzation occurs (whether it's
      therapy, Gurdjeiff, Krishnamurti, Ramana,
      Byron Katie, walking by the ocean, hearing a bird singing)
      it is You catalyzing You.

      It has been said, "to know
      Reality, one loses the world."

      And indeed, therapy tends to
      be about worldly effectiveness
      and success, not about "losing
      one's world." To "lose one's world" one
      moves beyond therapy's format and goals.

      Therapy depends on the assumption
      that a person "brings" a problem with
      them. Reality doesn't involve
      bringing anything. Reality is
      the end of "therapy", of role,
      and is the end of "knowledge and the past".

      Therapy can't make you into
      what you already are.
      Nothing can do that.

      Therapeutic work can occur
      from a place of being present,
      knowing Being as not story-dependent.

      Therapy can be a challenging
      of illusions taken as
      "true beliefs", questioning
      assumptions and presumptions, can be a
      dropping of the limited view of self
      based on the past.

      Therapy involves questioning
      the belief system and the projection
      of emotions and beliefs. It can
      be an opening of awareness.

      Not necessarily the construction of
      a new story, there can be opening
      to "the unknown" of oneself and one's being.
      How quickly will one decide to
      impose a new story line in place
      of the old one? Or will one
      be open, not putting
      anything new as a "fix" for
      the old that was dropped?
      This depends more on the
      individual than anything else.

      Therapy involves "work" and much
      of the "work" is bringing
      energy and awareness to what
      previously was avoided,
      denied, or misperceived in ways
      that fit preconceptions.
      To call it "work" is to say it
      can involve discomfort,
      upsetting the apple cart,
      not sticking with what was
      "fixed and familiar".

      Such "work" can be impeded by
      a therapist's projected views and
      beliefs, a client's desire to
      stick with views and beliefs, or
      by generating a "quick fix" (which
      our society and HMO's today tend to promote).

      So, let therapy be a catalyst to
      awareness, not a substitute
      for awareness, and let awareness
      open beyond therapy.
      Awareness isn't a fix, a final
      word, or a process with a goal.

      Of course, most clients are happy
      when they're functioning
      better, enjoying themselves
      more, having better relationships,
      feeling better about who they are.
      And they may have glimpses of Wholeness
      through their therapeutic work, stated
      for example as "I realize I am free to be
      who I am," or "I'm really more o.k.
      than I thought I was," etc.

      Generally, clients aren't doing therapy to
      "see/be Reality" and "lose the world."
      But that's okay.
      Nothing is out of place,
      it's *all* always
      Awareness! ;-)



      Melody wrote:

      How clever....in that you've created
      a win, win situation for yourself :

      If a person gets happy being with you, it's
      because of what you did. But if they don't,
      it's because of their own limitations?

      that's just it. it IS. It's either a win win situation, a win lose
      situation, or a lose lose situation. those are the options. Pick the one
      you like. You can only choose your side of it though. the other player
      has the same freedom. Choose winning, and hunt for the winningness of
      each situation. Get good at it, and it will come naturally. Choose
      losing and hunt for the losingness of each situation. Get good at it,
      and lose everything in the process. Either way, when the game becomes
      just that - a game, you've really won. now have fun playing. We chose
      this sandbox, and here we are. there are proponents of both directions
      who will fight to the death to say their way is the only way. if it is
      the only way it has happened for them, then it is the only way...

      LOve, Mark

      You only think you're picking. What one denies....
      a person's unconscious....is what does the picking.

      The conscious mind is but a flea on a tail of a
      dog thinking it's wagging the dog.


      You may be perfectly correct about this statement of fact, but that's
      okay. I can still use my conscious mind to do what it does do, which is
      to make conscious decisions. If you have a tool, why not practice with
      it until you are comfortable using it? I was just chatting with my boss
      today about how much time we spent as kids practicing skills. (I used to
      play catch for hours on end to get the hang of how things move in
      Earth's gravitational field and how to use my body effectively. I never
      really got into using that skill for the obvious task of being a
      baseball player, but I sure enjoyed the catch game. And I sure enjoy
      being able to use my hands to catch things and throw things now. It's a
      great pleasure to catch an apple as it rolls off the table. I don't
      catch them all though. Should I not also practice using my mind? It's
      part of the gift. I'm more often seeing things from a clear perspective
      lately because I've been practicing it. I don't always catch the mental
      apple though either. Also, I've been having a lot of dreams lately that
      are consistent with my intent to play the game of life from a stance of
      love, not fear. So who is wagging whom? I dunno, but the wag is an
      expression of pleasure. THAT I know.

      LOve, Mark



      The text of "Self-Liberation Through Seeing with Naked Awareness" .. a Dzogchen text
      by Guru Padmasabhava is available at this site.


      A sample:

      As for this sparkling awareness which is called mind, even though one says that it
      exists, it does not actually exist.

      (On the other hand) as a source, it is the origin of the diversity of all the bliss
      of Nirvana and all of the sorrow of Samsara.

      And as for its being something desirable, it is cherished alike in the Eleven

      With respect to its having a name, the various names that are applied to it are
      inconceivable (in their numbers).

      Some call it the nature of the mind or mind itself.

      Some Tirthikas call it by the name Atman or the Self.

      The Sravakas call it the doctrine of Anatman or the absence of a self.

      The Chittamatrins call it by the name Chitta or the Mind.

      Some call it the Prajnaparamita or the Perfection of Wisdom.

      Some call it the name Tathagatagarbha or the embryo of Buddhahood.

      Some call it by the name Mahamudra or the Great Symbol.

      Some call it by by the name the Unique Sphere.

      Some call it by the name Dharmadhatu or the dimension of Reality.

      Some call it by the name Alaya or the basis of everything.

      And some simply call it by the name ordinary awareness.
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