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NDS highlights for Saturday, July 1

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  • Melody
    Offerings from a very quiet Saturday...... MICHAEL: Let me see if I can get this straight: I (Michael) don t exist and never have. Life is just a dream dreamt
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 2, 2000
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      Offerings from a very quiet Saturday......


      Let me see if I can get this straight:

      I (Michael) don't exist and never have.

      Life is just a dream dreamt by THAT, which I really am.

      It is by grace that I understand all this.

      I don't have to do anything to realize it.

      Any effort I make takes me further away from it.

      No wonder this is difficult to get...certainly not the american way
      of working hard and achieving goals and .....................then you die.



      This morning I was awakened by a thunderstorm
      followed by a gentle rain..

      This morning the lawn is lush and green
      even while newly opened blossom petals lay
      ripped and strewn atop it.

      Raindrops fell.

      Nothing personal;

      without intention;

      yet life is changed.

      Or is it?



      I am not here to convince you. I am
      talking. I don't want to argue or even prove a point.
      I just have stuff I am looking at and like to talk about.
      If it doesn't fit how you see things and you think it is
      full of crap, find someone else to talk to.


      NULL ONE:

      ........ take a good
      look. a bunch of personalities, a bunch of preferences, dislikes and
      allegiances. we get personally involved, we piss around our bush and get

      if you take 'it' seriously (yes in a fun way, but seriously), then you get
      indignant when somebody neglects it, or craps on it, or makes its attainment
      more difficult for 'others' by any means, because it is a precious thing.
      you have felt its value.

      I've sat with what you say here, Null One, and have
      to admit that even though a response has bubbled up twice,
      I have refused it....until now.

      [It is a challenge all in itself to look to the source of
      such reticence....much less participate further in this
      discussion. But I will continue.]

      I have no answers.....no real complaints....I'm not even
      motivated to 'change' anything. You have inspired me,
      however, to share some of what stirs thru me as I read
      these posts....

      The absence of conflict these past few months has been
      quite apparent here on this list. (I'm aware that some may
      note that *my* absence, along with a few others these past
      few months, may well account for the change in tone here.)

      To me, the list has felt kind of 'gooey sweet' ....and as one
      who is often accused of being 'too sweet' herself, I have
      found myself feeling repulsed by it. Sometimes I would even
      wince when I would read some posts.

      It has been a challenge to me to simply remain
      witness to this reaction, rather than try to change
      anything....a challenge to say 'yes' to what feels
      like drinking refined sugar water.

      At the same time I'm also aware of the sense of
      caution I have about becoming part of a 'community'
      .....part of a clique....even a nondual one. The sense
      is that alliances (aka 'friendships') cost more than I
      am willing to pay right. Heaven knows I'm aware how
      harsh....and maybe even jaded..... that may sound, but I know
      that 'social' relationships require a great deal of work, attention,
      even some smoozing now and again....

      sometimes requires flattery...even patience.....in general, a lot
      of energy I'm not willing to spend right now.

      I know how 'unloving' that may sound, and if I were
      a 'moral' woman, I might be inclined to feel guilty.

      But I don't. I realize as I write this that my only
      hesitation in sharing this is knowing that such a
      disclosure may generate anger and sarcasm in others,
      ....and anger and sarcasm frankly takes a lot more of
      energy to 'abide' right now than even the taste of
      sugar does.

      I'm not sure what kind of place this rather honest
      sharing has here anymore, but I offer it nonetheless.

      In noticing my reaction I am left with wondering why I
      would react so. Why does this list feel so unnatural....even
      synthetic to me now? Obviously in asking such a question, the first
      instinct is to look within and ask, "where is the unnaturalness in me,
      the 'false' in me, that feels so repulsive?"

      In asking myself that again now, I hear my self say, "Until I can
      be around people and genuinely....naturally....heartfully...
      enjoy their company, I'd rather not be around them at all."



      Sometimes nonduality is very
      beautifully pointed toward,
      which is all that words can
      do in that regard. Most of
      the time, the words appear
      too mundane to be of such an
      exalted llk, but that is a
      mere appearance. Look more
      deeply, with all the clarity
      you can muster. Drop your
      assumptions about what
      "should" be happening and
      kick them aside -- you might
      notice that the nondual does
      not preclude the mundane,
      but rather effortlessly
      and exquisitely encompasses
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