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#3198 - Sunday, June 15, 2008

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  • markwotter704
    Archived issues of the NDHighlights are available online: http://nonduality.com/hlhome.htm Nonduality Highlights: Issue #3198, Sunday, June 15, 2008 ... June
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 15 10:33 PM
      Archived issues of the NDHighlights are available online:

      Nonduality Highlights: Issue #3198, Sunday, June 15, 2008


      June 11, 2008

      The End

      I am no longer burdened with the concerns of the world that you are.
      I have no connection to that world. I see sights and hear sounds, and
      all kinds of stuff goes on, but I'm not emotionally attached to any
      of it. I walk around in your world, but it doesn't touch me.

      I still see a framework within which things operate - objects,
      bodies, actions, relationships - but what happens within that
      framework is unimportant to me. I have no interest in what happens.

      I just live. I get up, do a day's worth of stuff, and then it's time
      to go to bed. And the next day I do that again.

      And what I notice is: there is freedom itself, just being free. There
      is joy itself, just being joyous. There is life itself, just living.
      That's all. Not "me" being those things - those things being
      themselves. Nothing, being nothing.

      So how did this happen to me? How did I lose interest in the world?
      How did I step out of this picture? How do I see only joy, only

      Well, I stopped believing in the unreal. When I got a good look at
      the intricate fabrication called "me" that I had been taught to build
      and reinforce for many decades, and found it to be a fabrication, all
      of the emotional attachment to events and objects and people was
      rendered irrelevant.

      Now, if you think this emotional attachment is what makes us "human,"
      and you like that whole human experience of action and reaction,
      desire and satisfaction of desire, read no further. The rest of this
      essay will not interest you.

      If, on the other hand, you find "humanness" to be the equivalent of
      insanity, and seek the eternal peace and love that is promised by
      every holy man and woman that ever walked the Earth, then maybe you
      will be interested in what follows.

      If what you want is out of this game completely - out of the
      insanity, off the wheel of human suffering - then direct your
      attention to one thing only, and that is: Is this - the separate me
      that seems to be real - real? Am I real?

      I don't know what led me to this inquiry inward, to the question of
      the veracity of the sense of "me." Many things. Reading "I AM THAT"
      and meeting John Wheeler really began turning my thinking around, but
      it was just a bunch of coincidences that led me to those things. So
      who knows? But I do know that the focus was turned inward, to the
      question of "I" - not a psychological inquiry into what made me tick,
      or what my obstacles to "awakening" were, but to the question of
      whether there actually exists an "I" at all.

      Up to that point, my search had been a normal one. The first twenty-
      five years of it were focused outwards, on what could be gotten, by
      me, for me, to end my pain. I was looking in the wrong place. Looking
      outward only brings more of the same insanity. Something finally led
      me to discover the final question: Am I real?

      If it is found that "I" am not real, then all of the concerns I have
      been wanting to be free of apply to no one! This is a radical,
      drastic ending; it is not a palliative for the old mindset. This is
      done in private, not in public. This is done alone, not in a group,
      not even with a guru. This is really a solo flight.

      I never did desire enlightenment. I never wanted some kind of
      blissful state. I had enough "bliss" from all the bad habits I had
      cultivated to get me through the day. I didn't need another
      diversion. What I did need was to end the pain of feeling alienated
      from my own source. It was this pain of feeling cut off that led me
      on this journey. Millions - billions! - of people never face, feel,
      or even notice that pain, and are never called to make this drastic
      move. But when you feel it, it's got to be dealt with. There's no
      option. Eventually, the pain will be eradicated at the root.

      So what is the most noticeable thing about this, in my experience? No
      thought. There is registering of sensory information, and there is
      registering of some passing mental activity, but all of it is
      immediately let go of. Nothing lingers from one moment to the next.
      Nothing niggles at me, nothing needs to be planned or remembered. My
      mind is at peace.

      This is what I always wanted. I just wanted my mind to be at peace. I
      wanted to quit wanting. I wanted to quit feeling like more was
      needed. I wanted to stop. I wanted my mind to stop.

      Is this what enlightenment is? I don't know. I know that I'm not
      looking for anything anymore. I know that my day is filled with ease
      and flow, and I see softness in the hearts of all people, no matter
      what they project. I have no concerns and no worries. So whether this
      is enlightenment or not is of no interest to me.

      And in the three years that I've been writing about this experience,
      the sense of a solid, individual person has been lessening. Now,
      after three years, there is no more sense of a separate person at
      all. Learning I was a separate "me" took time; the unlearning of it
      also took time.

      I still function completely normally. You wouldn't know the
      difference. My closest friends probably notice that I'm not fearful
      anymore, and I don't try to control things. They probably notice that
      I rarely go anywhere, that I find pleasure in the simple things, and
      that my life has become very peaceful. Some of my habits have
      changed. But my life appears pretty much the same, from the outside.

      What now? Can I tell you how to find out that you are not real? At
      this moment, nothing like that is arising, but perhaps it will. I
      don't think it's possible to tell another person how to begin or
      conduct this inquiry. Yours is unique, it is intimate. It is your
      business. What you need will come to you when you need it.

      If I offer a pointer, it assumes that you are "ready" to hear it like
      I was when I met John Wheeler. Otherwise, you'll just continue the
      way you are going, and you'll distort my words into something that
      fits your existing mental view. But just in case you really are done
      with looking to your mind for solutions, this would be a solid

      Ask, Am I real? Look for no other information. Ask no other
      questions. Find out if you are real - that's all. If you are not
      real, then the boundary between you and the source of all life is not
      really there, is it? If the boundary between you and the source of
      all life is not really there, then you would notice yourself as the
      source of all life, wouldn't you?

      - Annette Nibley

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