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Monday, May 27, 2002

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  • Jerry Katz
    The Highlights #1086 Monday, May 27, 2002 Editor: Jerry Katz _____________________________________________________________
    Message 1 of 1 , May 28, 2002
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      The Highlights
      Monday, May 27, 2002
      Editor: Jerry Katz

      from NDS

      The Story of an Alien - "WHO AM I?"

      dear friends,

      today is the day when I got rid of my story.

      This is the second list today that I am posting it.

      At last this day has come and I could free myself
      totally from it.

      I am so happy that I can share this at last with other
      people .

      Thank you for being here , thank you for helping me in

      this is a partial private story about the way I was
      abruptly and suddenly

      drawn to Ramana Maharshi's teachings from the middle of
      a common atheistic

      nonspiritual life ; I posted this on my lists some time

      today I feel I can take the story even outer and post it
      here too.

      love Ramana ,



      It took me a long time until I felt I could consider
      take my story out of its privacy and share it. I used to
      run away from  anybody better than saying any word about
      it. It could  be that actually this story is in itself
      an attachement  that should be dropped away and this is
      why it crossed  my mind I have to tear it off and talk
      about it.
      I am willing to share my story with this list ,  I feel
      I am not able of more of it and I want to ask the
      members of this  group not to forward it or make it
      public on other lists or other media.

      I trust .

      For a long time I was alone with my story and needed to
      share it with friends. I shared it privately here and
      there with some of Ramana's devotees.

      Life circumstances were not always so favorable to me.

      I was born in Romania, 1959 , in a Christian family ; My
      religious background is not and was not important as I
      could never believe in God and I thought that what
      actually existed was nothing. So I rejected everything.

      I got married in 1987 to the one who chose me and wanted
      me as I was , my friend and  one of my work mates in
      Romania , Jew by origin.  My husband and his family came
      to Israel first, I was supposed to come later because of
      birocracy matters ; I got an one way ticket to Israel to
      join my husband and  on March 9th 1988 I landed on Ben
      Gurion airport ,Tel Aviv, where my husband and his
      brother waited for me and in the next couple of hours I
      reached Jerusalem.

      My new home and the only home I have .

      Unfortunately both our egos at work didn't do a very
      good job and about six years ago  we separated.

      A friend of mine , to whom I've been complaining of too
      many things I believe, told me I should see somebody
      whom she knew, a healer using nonconventional
      nonwesterner therapy methods;

      I didn't like the idea of therapy at all , I don't like
      healers and therapists too much  as I always considered
      they made a lot of money on account of people's
      suffering and that is unfair ; but when she said that
      this therapist - I'll call him X - spent several years
      in Tibet in his youth , then I accepted to know him and
      to talk with him  about myself.

      Tibet was the trigger keyword that drawn me to this man
      and I accepted to open  myself to him as there were a
      few unusual events in my life that happened to me that I
      had no answer for and hoped that this man had an answer
      for me.  I classified those events as "those things"
      that a normal man in a normal life can't understand and
      I almost gave up understanding them.

      And suddenly when hearing of X , I thought to myself ,
      "Who knows ?! maybe he can help me understand."

      So I accepted to start seeing him and allow him practice
      his nonconventional  methods on me according to my
      insights and revelations that I began to take  them out
      from my stomach and tell him about.

      I began telling him problems , deceptions ,

      I began to recollect forgotten events of my childhood
      and I began to change.

      I don't remember exactly when I told him about something
      strange that happened to  me when I was 22, he told me
      he never heard of something like this and I should not
      speak with other people about it. Because of this I
      decided not to tell him what  happened to me when I was
      ten years old .

      In November 1999 when I saw him one more time there was
      something worrying  me very much about myself and my
      state and I was very glad he came  and I could share
      with him my worries.

      For a couple of months I couldn't look in a mirror , I
      was scared by myself , I seemed to  myself like a
      monster, I couldn't endure to see myself , there was a
      stranger there that wasn't me and scared me. I lived
      permanently in this state and I was worried something
      was very wrong with me and with my mental sanity.

      I told him about that , and than I told him that that
      reminded me what happened to me when I was ten - an
      event I could never talk about with anybody around.

      That was the first time in my life after almost 30 years
      when I could take out and tell  to somebody what

      I was alone at home in the living room , doing my
      homeworks. I went up to go the toilet and as I entered
      the toilet and I was turning towards the door to close
      it , my body suddenly froze. I was unable to move , body
      frozen , mind frozen ;

      I was standing there , a statue , without being able to
      move , like paralysed,  It all started suddenly as if
      someone pushed a bell .

      And I felt I was where I was and I was above the
      building and then  I was about the whole neighbourhood.
      An expanding feeling of being everywhere.  I was
      everywhere and I was nothing that could be described.  I
      was very scared about it and I didn't let myself think
      of the feeling ,  That feeling of being everywhere above
      the neighbourhood scared me so  that I wanted to forget
      about it .

      How could that be described in words ? Maybe poets can
      do it better.

      Meantime my mind was frozen too ,paralyzed too .

      And then there was a thought , a crazy thought that
      caught my mind like a pair of tongs and spinned round
      and round in my mind about four-five-six times. I am not
      able to recall how many times. The thought seemed alien
      and crazy.

      That thought was "Who Am I?" .

      And then suddenly all stopped as if a hand freed the
      pressed bell ,  as if a hand released the bell .The same
      way it started ,  it just stopped. All of a sudden.

      It started , it happened,it stopped.

      I was very scared and thought that maybe one of the
      adults' thoughts got lost in my mind by an accident of

      Then I kept that as a secret , all my life I had this

      People around me considered that a normal man knew who
      he was , and I thought maybe this was a mad man's
      question and I didn't want to tell  tell anybody that
      perhaps mad people's questions crossed my mind.

      In the same time there was a comforting feeling
      accompanying the worry,  such as 'that can't be so

      Eventually I began to think , half serious , half joke
      that I might be an alien from another world.

      In November 1999 I told X that story and my worries
      about the fact that my face is a stranger's face scaring
      me. I was really worried about things connected with

      Same time I had an old curiosity that I lived with since
      the age of ten :  If human mind can think a thought that
      is not its thought ,then why something that doesn't
      exist in this world , why such a crazy thought ?  Where
      did this thought come from ? Where from ? Whose is that
      thought ?  Who planted it in my head ? Why ?

      X didn't explain me anything . Later he said that we
      should do five minutes of meditation and I obeyed
      regarding those five minutes of meditation although I
      didn't understand why he wanted this , I knew nothing
      about meditation and I wasn't seeing him to teach me

      He asked me to promise that I should do daily fifteen
      minutes of meditation , I promised him although it
      seemed to me a very strange request .

      Well , I promised I'd do something I had no idea about .

      I saw him again in January 2000 and I wasn't advanced at
      all with my meditation since  I didn't know what it was
      about . But he didn't ask me anything about this  and I
      promised myself that I should read something to
      understand what it is and why people meditate.

      Asking questions about this subject , a friend of mine -
      the same who recommended me X - gave me to read a book ,
      the first book in my life that I have ever read about

      It was Chogyam Trungpa - Meditation in Action , and I
      was enjoying the reading very much. When I reach page
      147 I read :

      The first stage of gompa is to ask oneself "WHO AM I?".

      And that suddenly turned my life into a science-fiction
      film. On the spot my life was not real anymore.

      That crazy question existed in this world , in my world,
      and it was not a mad man's question !

      That crazy question is not a mad man's question ! And I
      was not an alien. Or perhaps I was. Or perhaps I am.

      The world is not real anymore .

      The way I reached Ramana Maharshi's teachings in the
      next couple of months - is another story.



      Thank you for sharing from your life!

      It may not be obvious to anyone who does not personally
      know me, but I can relate to your story very much. I
      have experiences very much like what you describe above.

      In my case, it was when I met a Canadian Jewish Shaman,
      who had learned his ways in Israel and around the world
      in various places, over years of time.

      This man helped me very deeply, in ways similar to your
      description. I was about 27 years old at that time; I am
      now 53.

      I find it to be very unfortunate that our various
      societies and cultures are so repressive and strict in
      how they do not allow free and natural expression of
      what we actually do experience; I am saddened that any
      person is obliged to question his or her own sanity,
      simply because of having an 'unconventional' experience.

      I thank you sincerely and deeply for coming forward to
      share your story!

      I am sure that many people have had experiences which
      are kept private; and I am pleased, delighted, that you
      have found NDS a place where you feel safe, sharing from
      yourself as you have done.

      In gratitude,

      ==Gene Poole==


      from a broadcast post

      mulla nasrudin was seen one day pouring some yogurt into
      a lake. "what are you doing?" asked curious onlookers.
      "well, you know, friends, how yogurt when you put it in
      milk turns it all into yogurt, no?" "but nasrudin, this
      is lake of water, not milk!" "yes, i know, i know... but
      suppose it catches?...."

      :) who knows, friends, what if it works? imagine... lol




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