988Thursday, February 28, 2002
- Mar 2, 2002JAN BARENDRECHT
JAN GIVES AWAY A WON VACATION
"I have too much time on my hands." --Nina
Great! Then you could do me a favor: I did win a
holiday for an entire family to Magicoorlando due
to its 100th anniversary. And i would like to
donate it to a (poor) family with kids, living "
North", that needs both a break and some sunshine.
So find one, and i'll E-mail it the phone-number
and the confirmation number for the holiday.
"Jan, if you're serious and not just flurking
around with me, I'll do it. Would you prefer a
family in Austria, the Czech Republic, Germany,
France, Belgium or Spain? Uh - forget Spain - they
get enough sunshine." --Nina
Of course i'm serious - the interest in
mass-entertainment disappeared some 33 years ago. I
didn't sign up to win such a "luxury" holiday,
living in a kind of "holiday paradise" already.
Knowing that countries having been part of the
former Soviet Union still show the wounds of that,
it would be sensible to select a family from the
Here's another way to interpret Caio's words.
(Given that "my thoughts" at first coincided with
Caio seems to be pointing to the scenario in which
homosexuality (and any state of 'other') doesn't
exist as 'particular' until it is categorized by
someone who wishes to say 'that I am not'.
It is a scenario in which homosexuality exists as a
quality in everyone until someone cuts it out as a
'character flaw', defining it, making it easier to
label as 'bad' and to then to deny one's personal
access to those aspects and to defend oneself
against that which has been isolated as 'bad'.
So, perhaps what first sounds like ignorance is not
so ignorant afterall, just coming from a direction
that is difficult to reconcile with the current
politics of 'difference noting'.
P.S. I laughed when I re-read your question about
whether or not Caio knows anyone who is gay, as
Caio could very well be saying that we are all gay.
He's welcome to that opinion. There are those who
prefer same sex partners. They are called gay.
There are those who prefer either partner. They are
called bi. There are those who prefer opposite sex
partners. They are called hetero. While all these
are indeed labels, that doesn't mean they don't
exist, or have never existed as recognizable
categories. Throughout history there have been men
who have sought men to be with. While they weren't
always called "gay," they regardless existed as a
population of individuals who shared this trait.
Those who are gay have suffered much repression. In
order to combat that repression they've had to come
out of the closet. Being gay in the past simply
meant being secretly gay. Today one can be openly
gay. It doesn't matter what it's called. The
categories have been around as long as humans have.
Contending that the transgendered are
psychologically ill is gross ignorance. Caio is
talking right out of his ass.
How about those "gays" who "were" "hetero"? And
that TG described here, who turned into a "woman"
and then back into a man? Is that guy gay or
straight? And those men, not very common in the US,
where black is black and white is white, who are
not considered gay just because they're top? Or
ancient Greek philosophers, who considered it to be
morally acceptable for masters and pupils to have
sex, as soon as the masters were top and pupils
were bottom and only in that situation ). But
they'd still have sex with their wives. They'd
never think there's such a thing as a homosexual,
only same-gender sex relations within certain moral
And more: how could you classify this couple here
in São Paulo: the woman is lesbian and is dressed
like a man and the man is a travesti and they have
typical man and woman intercourses ( that is, the
travesti inserts his penis into her vagina! ). Are
they gay or not??
You see... these concepts, homo and
heterosexuality, don't make any sense. They don't
Some of my best friends are TG's. An ex-girlfriend
of mine had been a man, then several years before I
met her, became a woman. She's now a man again, and
he is one of my best friends.
I don't think of gender as a binary, F/M thing. I
think of it more as the colors of a rainbow. All,
Nina, your kindness blows me away sometimes... such
a sweet interpretation. Whether Caio meant it this
way or not, we should all give someone such benefit
of the doubt. (Now I'm re-thinking the whole "genes
are doing it all" point of view, it does have some
interesting merit to it, if it's just balanced with
the nurture from the environment side.)
Then I got to thinking about who I know that is
gay. While of course they are not just in NYC, West
Virginia is not so easy a place to be gay. Good old
Richard did something so incredibly generous, it's
really one of the nicest things anyone has ever
done for me.
When my 22 yr first marriage ended rather badly, I
was having a very tough time financially supporting
my 3 sons with no help from their Dad. So Richard
asked me if I'd mind helping him out with a pool
party he was giving, and I could pick up few extra
bucks. He said his friends were bringing food, but
he needed someone to set it all out and to tend the
bar. I told him right then I didn't know much about
mixing drinks, but he said no problem. I wondered
if his friends wouldn't find my presence awkward,
with me being the only woman there, again no
Well, I never had so much fun. Somehow having to
tell me how to mix their drink became hysterically
funny, everyone seemed to go out of their way to be
friendly and make conversation with me, to joke
around. Some of the younger guys who seemed a
little unsure of the scene hung out with "mom" just
talking about this and that. But they were also
stuffing dollars in a tip jar. No one did that at
any catered parties I ever went to, we assumed the
host was paying them. Richard just casually brushed
off my questioning, said they always did that.
After when we cleaned up the kitchen, Richard still
insisted on paying me, along with this wad of money
from tips. Back home, to my amazement, there were
tens and fives in those tips and I had ended up
with over $300 for a few hours of mostly laughing
and having a great time. Richard would never admit
to having put his friends up to this, shrugged it
off as normal event. I still get tears in my eyes,
10 years later. Yeah, I know some gay guys.
so we get into krispy kreme on van nuys boulevard
and there's a small line of people and a big line of doughnuts
being cooked in hot oil
receiving a shower of hot glaze
then meeting Jessica
She picks them up one at a time,
warm and so light and tender,
and hands each customer a free 'original glazed'.
So everyone's munching on these warm light things
while waiting for their donuts to be boxed.
But I tell you, Jessica didn't smile at all
and it was okay because she was so intent
on taking the finished donut
-- and it's a delicate donut --
with wax paper in her fingers
and handing it to the next customer that it took all her attention.
She was in-volved.
Not bored like the young folk at the A&W at Newark International Airport
where they gabbed while I stood there waiting to order a chili dog
and then complained about their lives.
The ocean breaks. The root beer splashes. The hot glaze ... glazes:
who and whatever 'she' or
anyone one of us is
Yeah, every now and then some of us need to
be reminded that we're actually alive. --Jody
.........lol, reminds me of the line in "Drugstore Cowboy", matt
dillon has just been beat up and shot, the ambulance is coming, and
you hear him thinking, "there's nothing like getting the shit kicked
out of you to make you feel like you're alive". ...matthew