1086Monday, May 27, 2002
- May 28 4:56 PMThe Highlights
Monday, May 27, 2002
Editor: Jerry Katz
The Story of an Alien - "WHO AM I?"
today is the day when I got rid of my story.
This is the second list today that I am posting it.
At last this day has come and I could free myself
totally from it.
I am so happy that I can share this at last with other
Thank you for being here , thank you for helping me in
this is a partial private story about the way I was
abruptly and suddenly
drawn to Ramana Maharshi's teachings from the middle of
a common atheistic
nonspiritual life ; I posted this on my lists some time
today I feel I can take the story even outer and post it
love Ramana ,
It took me a long time until I felt I could consider
take my story out of its privacy and share it. I used to
run away from anybody better than saying any word about
it. It could be that actually this story is in itself
an attachement that should be dropped away and this is
why it crossed my mind I have to tear it off and talk
I am willing to share my story with this list , I feel
I am not able of more of it and I want to ask the
members of this group not to forward it or make it
public on other lists or other media.
I trust .
For a long time I was alone with my story and needed to
share it with friends. I shared it privately here and
there with some of Ramana's devotees.
Life circumstances were not always so favorable to me.
I was born in Romania, 1959 , in a Christian family ; My
religious background is not and was not important as I
could never believe in God and I thought that what
actually existed was nothing. So I rejected everything.
I got married in 1987 to the one who chose me and wanted
me as I was , my friend and one of my work mates in
Romania , Jew by origin. My husband and his family came
to Israel first, I was supposed to come later because of
birocracy matters ; I got an one way ticket to Israel to
join my husband and on March 9th 1988 I landed on Ben
Gurion airport ,Tel Aviv, where my husband and his
brother waited for me and in the next couple of hours I
My new home and the only home I have .
Unfortunately both our egos at work didn't do a very
good job and about six years ago we separated.
A friend of mine , to whom I've been complaining of too
many things I believe, told me I should see somebody
whom she knew, a healer using nonconventional
nonwesterner therapy methods;
I didn't like the idea of therapy at all , I don't like
healers and therapists too much as I always considered
they made a lot of money on account of people's
suffering and that is unfair ; but when she said that
this therapist - I'll call him X - spent several years
in Tibet in his youth , then I accepted to know him and
to talk with him about myself.
Tibet was the trigger keyword that drawn me to this man
and I accepted to open myself to him as there were a
few unusual events in my life that happened to me that I
had no answer for and hoped that this man had an answer
for me. I classified those events as "those things"
that a normal man in a normal life can't understand and
I almost gave up understanding them.
And suddenly when hearing of X , I thought to myself ,
"Who knows ?! maybe he can help me understand."
So I accepted to start seeing him and allow him practice
his nonconventional methods on me according to my
insights and revelations that I began to take them out
from my stomach and tell him about.
I began telling him problems , deceptions ,
I began to recollect forgotten events of my childhood
and I began to change.
I don't remember exactly when I told him about something
strange that happened to me when I was 22, he told me
he never heard of something like this and I should not
speak with other people about it. Because of this I
decided not to tell him what happened to me when I was
ten years old .
In November 1999 when I saw him one more time there was
something worrying me very much about myself and my
state and I was very glad he came and I could share
with him my worries.
For a couple of months I couldn't look in a mirror , I
was scared by myself , I seemed to myself like a
monster, I couldn't endure to see myself , there was a
stranger there that wasn't me and scared me. I lived
permanently in this state and I was worried something
was very wrong with me and with my mental sanity.
I told him about that , and than I told him that that
reminded me what happened to me when I was ten - an
event I could never talk about with anybody around.
That was the first time in my life after almost 30 years
when I could take out and tell to somebody what
I was alone at home in the living room , doing my
homeworks. I went up to go the toilet and as I entered
the toilet and I was turning towards the door to close
it , my body suddenly froze. I was unable to move , body
frozen , mind frozen ;
I was standing there , a statue , without being able to
move , like paralysed, It all started suddenly as if
someone pushed a bell .
And I felt I was where I was and I was above the
building and then I was about the whole neighbourhood.
An expanding feeling of being everywhere. I was
everywhere and I was nothing that could be described. I
was very scared about it and I didn't let myself think
of the feeling , That feeling of being everywhere above
the neighbourhood scared me so that I wanted to forget
about it .
How could that be described in words ? Maybe poets can
do it better.
Meantime my mind was frozen too ,paralyzed too .
And then there was a thought , a crazy thought that
caught my mind like a pair of tongs and spinned round
and round in my mind about four-five-six times. I am not
able to recall how many times. The thought seemed alien
That thought was "Who Am I?" .
And then suddenly all stopped as if a hand freed the
pressed bell , as if a hand released the bell .The same
way it started , it just stopped. All of a sudden.
It started , it happened,it stopped.
I was very scared and thought that maybe one of the
adults' thoughts got lost in my mind by an accident of
Then I kept that as a secret , all my life I had this
People around me considered that a normal man knew who
he was , and I thought maybe this was a mad man's
question and I didn't want to tell tell anybody that
perhaps mad people's questions crossed my mind.
In the same time there was a comforting feeling
accompanying the worry, such as 'that can't be so
Eventually I began to think , half serious , half joke
that I might be an alien from another world.
In November 1999 I told X that story and my worries
about the fact that my face is a stranger's face scaring
me. I was really worried about things connected with
Same time I had an old curiosity that I lived with since
the age of ten : If human mind can think a thought that
is not its thought ,then why something that doesn't
exist in this world , why such a crazy thought ? Where
did this thought come from ? Where from ? Whose is that
thought ? Who planted it in my head ? Why ?
X didn't explain me anything . Later he said that we
should do five minutes of meditation and I obeyed
regarding those five minutes of meditation although I
didn't understand why he wanted this , I knew nothing
about meditation and I wasn't seeing him to teach me
He asked me to promise that I should do daily fifteen
minutes of meditation , I promised him although it
seemed to me a very strange request .
Well , I promised I'd do something I had no idea about .
I saw him again in January 2000 and I wasn't advanced at
all with my meditation since I didn't know what it was
about . But he didn't ask me anything about this and I
promised myself that I should read something to
understand what it is and why people meditate.
Asking questions about this subject , a friend of mine -
the same who recommended me X - gave me to read a book ,
the first book in my life that I have ever read about
It was Chogyam Trungpa - Meditation in Action , and I
was enjoying the reading very much. When I reach page
147 I read :
The first stage of gompa is to ask oneself "WHO AM I?".
And that suddenly turned my life into a science-fiction
film. On the spot my life was not real anymore.
That crazy question existed in this world , in my world,
and it was not a mad man's question !
That crazy question is not a mad man's question ! And I
was not an alien. Or perhaps I was. Or perhaps I am.
The world is not real anymore .
The way I reached Ramana Maharshi's teachings in the
next couple of months - is another story.
Thank you for sharing from your life!
It may not be obvious to anyone who does not personally
know me, but I can relate to your story very much. I
have experiences very much like what you describe above.
In my case, it was when I met a Canadian Jewish Shaman,
who had learned his ways in Israel and around the world
in various places, over years of time.
This man helped me very deeply, in ways similar to your
description. I was about 27 years old at that time; I am
I find it to be very unfortunate that our various
societies and cultures are so repressive and strict in
how they do not allow free and natural expression of
what we actually do experience; I am saddened that any
person is obliged to question his or her own sanity,
simply because of having an 'unconventional' experience.
I thank you sincerely and deeply for coming forward to
share your story!
I am sure that many people have had experiences which
are kept private; and I am pleased, delighted, that you
have found NDS a place where you feel safe, sharing from
yourself as you have done.
from a broadcast post
mulla nasrudin was seen one day pouring some yogurt into
a lake. "what are you doing?" asked curious onlookers.
"well, you know, friends, how yogurt when you put it in
milk turns it all into yogurt, no?" "but nasrudin, this
is lake of water, not milk!" "yes, i know, i know... but
suppose it catches?...."
:) who knows, friends, what if it works? imagine... lol
HONK IF YOU